Wedding guest - how to get it right

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 2:50pm #1

I have a winter wedding coming up at the end of the year.

Looking for opinions and ideas how to make my outfit work. Dress is in the link below. I'm thrilled with it.

Atm I'm thinking gold strap heels. Gold clutch and maybe a white long Jacket.

Thoughts please

[URL="https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-midi-dress-with-batwing-sleeve-and-wrap-waist-in-scatter-sequin/prd/12074317?clr=pale-gold&colourWayId=16386683&SearchQuery=&cid=8799[/URL]

18-11-2019 3:04pm

Is the bride wearing white?

Loveinapril · 18-11-2019 3:07pm

The dress is too light in colour for a wedding. Teaming it with a long white coat is also a terrible idea. It is all far too pale for a wedding and you will definitely draw the wrong type of attention.

Foweva Awone · 18-11-2019 3:15pm

Definitely too "white" for a wedding - any chance you could get it in another colour? Would be a lovely one for any Christmas parties you might have, although I'd be inclined to accessorise with silver rather than gold.

ncmc · 18-11-2019 3:20pm

It's a beautiful dress, but I have to agree with the others, it's way too pale and bridal looking. I wouldn't dream of wearing it to a wedding. I see it comes in a darker gold/chocolate colour, could you maybe swap it for that colour?

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-midi-dress-with-batwing-sleeve-and-wrap-waist-in-scatter-sequin/prd/12675241?clr=chocolate&colourWayId=16483280&SearchQuery=midi%20dress%20with%20batwing%20sleeves%20and%20wrap%20waist

18-11-2019 3:23pm

ncmc wrote: »

It's a beautiful dress, but I have to agree with the others, it's way too pale and bridal looking. I wouldn't dream of wearing it to a wedding. I see it comes in a darker gold/chocolate colour, could you maybe swap it for that colour?

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-midi-dress-with-batwing-sleeve-and-wrap-waist-in-scatter-sequin/prd/12675241?clr=chocolate&colourWayId=16483280&SearchQuery=midi%20dress%20with%20batwing%20sleeves%20and%20wrap%20waist

I also noticed it came in this colour - hopefully this is the one that the OP meant to link?

greentea is just wrong · 18-11-2019 3:47pm

I don't think this is too pale for a wedding, esp with the sparkles - but would not wear with a white coat, as that would look more weddingy.

Maybe team with a darker colour and darker shoes/bag to avoid ?

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 4:01pm

I won't be getting it in a different color as I have had to have it slightly altered.

I didn't expect people to say it's not a wedding type dress tbh, everyone iv shown thought it was fab.

I'm going with gold because I prefer it to silver, and I feel it gives more of a warmer tone.

I do have a pale baby pink jacket, long, but thought that would be too pale, as is a mint green fur collar jacket.

It's really tricky, I do think I need a strong, dark not too dark one.

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 4:04pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is the bride wearing white?

I presume so.

Loveinapril · 18-11-2019 4:08pm

It is a nice dress, lovely for a wedding if it was in a different colour, but it is too pale in that shade. It is likely to photograph very light and could look quite bridal. Most photos will be taken from the waist up. Do you know the bride well? Maybe run it past her but I would definitely wonder about someone's intentions if they showed up to my wedding wearing something as pale as that.

baby and crumble · 18-11-2019 4:08pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I do have a pale baby pink jacket, long, but thought that would be too pale, as is a mint green fur collar jacket.

The mint green sounds lovely, and better than the white you suggested in the OP.

TBH I think it's the white long coat that could cause you problems, not the dress. that dress in no way could be mistaken for a wedding dress but wrapped up in a white long coat for a winter wedding... I'd avoid that.

18-11-2019 4:08pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I presume so.

Then I would advise against wearing the dress unless the colour is significantly different in real life. I do understand that the website lists it as 'pale gold' and maybe it comes across this way in person? Do consider that you will surely be in photographs as well on the day though.

qxtasybe1nwfh2 · 18-11-2019 4:09pm

ncmc wrote: »

It's a beautiful dress, but I have to agree with the others, it's way too pale and bridal looking. I wouldn't dream of wearing it to a wedding. I see it comes in a darker gold/chocolate colour, could you maybe swap it for that colour?

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-midi-dress-with-batwing-sleeve-and-wrap-waist-in-scatter-sequin/prd/12675241?clr=chocolate&colourWayId=16483280&SearchQuery=midi%20dress%20with%20batwing%20sleeves%20and%20wrap%20waist

It also comes in a beautiful blue colour too. It's a beautiful dress but I agree with others, the colour is too pale.

Day Lewin · 18-11-2019 4:16pm

ncmc wrote: »

It's a beautiful dress, but I have to agree with the others, it's way too pale and bridal looking. I wouldn't dream of wearing it to a wedding. I see it comes in a darker gold/chocolate colour, could you maybe swap it for that colour?

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-midi-dress-with-batwing-sleeve-and-wrap-waist-in-scatter-sequin/prd/12675241?clr=chocolate&colourWayId=16483280&SearchQuery=midi%20dress%20with%20batwing%20sleeves%20and%20wrap%20waist

That chocolatey-winey colourway is totally rich and luscious in appearance: more winter-y, too, in this warmer colour.

The whites and pales can look sort of chilly in cold weather, as well as tactless to the bride.

No offense meant, just my tuppenceworth of personal opinion!

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 4:18pm

Lilyana Full Garage wrote: »

It also comes in a beautiful blue colour too. It's a beautiful dress but I agree with others, the colour is too pale.

I'm not too gone on the blue tbh.

Feck I'm bit bummed that so many think it's too pale.

It does look better when I have tan on. Didn't really think about photo's, like it look fine on the website site, ya there's lightning and that. I won't be in any family photos maybe one or 2, not overly close with the couple.

skallywag · 18-11-2019 4:20pm

I do not buy into the 'too pale' argument at all, I think it looks completely fine OP. It looks distinctively different from what would be a 'regular' wedding dress to me.

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 4:32pm

Day Lewin wrote: »

That chocolatey-winey colourway is totally rich and luscious in appearance: more winter-y, too, in this warmer colour.

The whites and pales can look sort of chilly in cold weather, as well as tactless to the bride.

No offense meant, just my tuppenceworth of personal opinion!

None taken!

I'm mid twenties, But I think brown is a bit aging looking.....?? More of an older lady color.

Loveinapril · 18-11-2019 4:35pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I'm not too gone on the blue tbh.

Feck I'm bit bummed that so many think it's too pale.

It does look better when I have tan on. Didn't really think about photo's, like it look fine on the website site, ya there's lightning and that. I won't be in any family photos maybe one or 2, not overly close with the couple.

If you are not overly close with the couple then you should really avoid standing out for the wrong reasons. I was at a wedding where a cousin of the bride wore a cream dress, not weddingy in style but she was the talk of the day in a "who does she think she is" sort of way. It doesn't matter that you won't be in the family pics, you will be there in a bright dress and usually the bride is in the lightest/ most pale dress in the room.

ncmc · 18-11-2019 4:37pm

skallywag wrote: »

I do not buy into the 'too pale' argument at all, I think it looks completely fine OP. It looks distinctively different from what would be a 'regular' wedding dress to me.

You might not buy into it, but a lot of people do! Just take the replies on this thread as a bench mark, probably 70/80% are saying its too pale. And if anything I think the sparkles make it even more bridal! I think there's a good chance there would be a few eyebrows raised at the wedding if it is as pale in reality as it looks on the website. The OP doesn't know the bride that well, so she doesn't know how she will take it. There are a lot of brides who would be very odd about someone wearing white to their wedding. I'm not saying that's right by the way, but it is just the way things are.

I would re-think it OP if at all possible, you don't want to spend the day worrying about it.

But, if it isn't as pale in reality and is more of a gold colour, then I think the green coat sounds lovely and the gold accessories might bring out the gold in the dress so would stick with that idea.

pwurple · 18-11-2019 4:38pm

The colour is fine, it is in no way bridal, don't worry at all. It looks like a party dress. Maybe on all of your screens it's white, but on mine it's a deeper colour, more of a gold / blush.

Can I ask why you want a jacket, is the wedding outdoors? You have long sleeves there.

I'd get a cape, wrap or shawl with that, in a rich contrast colour... rust, plum, or a deep teal.

Gold strappy sandals and your gold clutch would be fab. You could also go plum or magenta there on the accessories to give some colour. Big tassell earrings?

RiceCrispy · 18-11-2019 4:41pm

Lovely dress but I would take advice of others, wearing that dress to a wedding is a bad idea.

I wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of filthy looks from the bride her family and friends. Bride would most likely be offended by a guest arriving in a dress like that.

pwurple · 18-11-2019 4:44pm

Ah guys, she has had it tailored. Simply add colour with strong accessories?

Loveinapril · 18-11-2019 4:45pm

pwurple wrote: »

Maybe on all of your screens it's white, but on mine it's a deeper colour, more of a gold / blush.

It appears more silver on my phone, I am not seeing gold at all!

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 4:50pm

pwurple wrote: »

The colour is fine, it is in no way bridal, don't worry at all. It looks like a party dress. Maybe on all of your screens it's white, but on mine it's a deeper colour, more of a gold / blush.

Can I ask why you want a jacket, is the wedding outdoors? You have long sleeves there.

I'd get a cape, wrap or shawl with that, in a rich contrast colour... rust, plum, or a deep teal.

Gold strappy sandals and your gold clutch would be fab. You could also go plum or magenta there on the accessories to give some colour. Big tassell earrings?

I was going with a jacket because it's a winter wedding and just wanna be warm.

I actually despise wraps!! I find there's no shape to them and cheapen the outfit. Unless it's like a fur wrap that has some shape to it.

Actually a plum or teal fur wrap might do the job!

ncmc · 18-11-2019 4:52pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

It appears more silver on my phone, I am not seeing gold at all!

Same! Appears off white to me and I'm on a desktop. Though I notice the model is wearing gold shoes so I wonder if it is more gold in reality.

skallywag · 18-11-2019 4:55pm

It is nowhere near white.

Take a screengrab and then put it beside a 'white' dress it looks completely different.

I also agree that it has a 'party dress' look about it, and is very far removed from any wedding dress I at least have seen.

qxtasybe1nwfh2 · 18-11-2019 5:11pm

ncmc wrote: »

You might not buy into it, but a lot of people do! Just take the replies on this thread as a bench mark, probably 70/80% are saying its too pale. And if anything I think the sparkles make it even more bridal! I think there's a good chance there would be a few eyebrows raised at the wedding if it is as pale in reality as it looks on the website. The OP doesn't know the bride that well, so she doesn't know how she will take it. There are a lot of brides who would be very odd about someone wearing white to their wedding. I'm not saying that's right by the way, but it is just the way things are.

I would re-think it OP if at all possible, you don't want to spend the day worrying about it.

But, if it isn't as pale in reality and is more of a gold colour, then I think the green coat sounds lovely and the gold accessories might bring out the gold in the dress so would stick with that idea.

Also from past experience, clothes have generally been lighter in person than in the photos. Just because they are against a white background under bright lights so it will show up the colour. I can see this dress looking very pale in a dark church or against dark suits etc.

Asos has a good returns policy, I've never had an issue so maybe just order it and see.

pwurple · 18-11-2019 5:15pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I was going with a jacket because it's a winter wedding and just wanna be warm.

I actually despise wraps!! I find there's no shape to them and cheapen the outfit. Unless it's like a fur wrap that has some shape to it.

Actually a plum or teal fur wrap might do the job!

Ahem, excuse your cheek.

Cheapens a polyester asos sequin number is it?

I wouldn't think a cashmere pashmina would do that, but I guess it depends where you get it? I'm not saying head straight to pennys here.

Yes, I think a strong colour would be good with it.

If the wedding is indoors (as they usually are in winter), you tend to be roasted by a lovely fire and hot toddys rather than cold in my experience.

stop animal cruelty · 18-11-2019 5:18pm

It's hard for me to describe the color cause it looks the exact same on my phone like it does in person. It's not gold-ish. I think because it's a natural sequence it's hard to describe.

No one in person who saw it has told me it's not a wedding guest dress, and it never came into my head. They literally gushed about it.

The opinion with one lady, with a fairly good eye, who I feel always gets it right, was all for it.

I think I'll forget about a jacket a get a faux fur wrap.

Can anyone recommend a website or shop? Iv checked river island, ASOS, Amazon, Virgo boutique (was a nice red one but not the right shade) and Debahames. No luck so far!

ncmc · 18-11-2019 5:19pm

pwurple wrote: »

Can I ask why you want a jacket, is the wedding outdoors? You have long sleeves there.

I'd get a cape, wrap or shawl with that, in a rich contrast colour... rust, plum, or a deep teal.

I think capes, shrugs, wraps etc have had their day. I've been to a few winter weddings lately and most people have been wearing dressy coats/jackets. Especially now there is such a great selection of faux fur, teddy bear type coats, I think they're less diddly than wraps or shawls.

Rubberchikken · 18-11-2019 5:26pm

teddy bear type coat or faux fur would look lovely with it.
the dress is georgeous.

i personally dont get the 'bride with her nose out of joint' thing over a dress. havent these women better things to be doing on their wedding day than sulking over someone elses attire?

its a beautiful party style dress.

tiredblondie · 18-11-2019 5:38pm

I got married last month - if someone wore white, ivory and any other similar colour, it would not have bothered me in the slightest!!!
So long as they felt nice in what they were wearing then happy days!

So long as they didn't rock up in an actual wedding dress now haha!

Syndic · 18-11-2019 5:41pm

I think this is perfectly acceptable for a wedding. It's not white, ivory or cream which are obvious no-nos.

It's a gorgeous party dress. I would just avoid the white coat.

cee_jay · 18-11-2019 5:49pm

Zara have a faux fur stole on their website in burgundy:
https://www.zara.com/ie/en/faux-fur-stole-p03739237.html?v1=31869735&v2=1281619

baby and crumble · 18-11-2019 6:03pm

Rubberchikken wrote: »

i personally dont get the 'bride with her nose out of joint' thing over a dress. havent these women better things to be doing on their wedding day than sulking over someone elses attire?

Honestly 9/10 times it's not the actual bride, it's the brides mam or aunt or somebody else getting in a heap about it.

tiredblondie · 18-11-2019 6:18pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Honestly 9/10 times it's not the actual bride, it's the brides mam or aunt or somebody else getting in a heap about it.

I wouldn't have even noticed to be honest - too caught up in the day to notice what others where wearing!!

dee_mc · 19-11-2019 12:10am

I think it's a great dress for a wedding guest. It's fun and glamorous and looks quite comfortable, which is a bonus!
Re possible mothers and aunties of the bride having their noses out of joint at the audacity of a guest wearing a light colour, I say, let them. There's a certain type of person in this life who will always find fault. It won't spoil their day, it'll just give them something to bitch about, so in a way you're doing a public service by potentially saving someone else from their venom!
Re a coat or jacket, I'd suggest a belted cape jacket if you can find the like - firstly because they look so elegant and would suit the style of the dress, and secondly because you might struggle with the batwing sleeve under a regular jacket or coat (extra volume around the upper sleeve, so you could end up with creasing of the dress or a bit of discomfort).
Enjoy the wedding!

skallywag · 20-11-2019 7:58pm

All in all OP, I would advise you to completely ignore the 'Oh if she wore it to my wedding I would be questioning' brigade.

I have had the misfortune of sitting beside such people now and again at weddings. Some folk (without wanting to make it a gender issue, it does tend to be women more often than not ...) like nothing more that a good bitch all the way through the whole wedding. I'm guessing that this class of person is probably just the same outside of a wedding setting, so off with them.

Wear it and enjoy the day!

2xj3hplqgsbkym · 20-11-2019 10:54pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

It's hard for me to describe the color cause it looks the exact same on my phone like it does in person. It's not gold-ish. I think because it's a natural sequence it's hard to describe.

No one in person who saw it has told me it's not a wedding guest dress, and it never came into my head. They literally gushed about it.

The opinion with one lady, with a fairly good eye, who I feel always gets it right, was all for it.

I think I'll forget about a jacket a get a faux fur wrap.

Can anyone recommend a website or shop? Iv checked river island, ASOS, Amazon, Virgo boutique (was a nice red one but not the right shade) and Debahames. No luck so far!

Just to clarify- you do know that people are saying that it’s too pale means it could be mistaken for the wedding dress. It’s not because they think something pale won’t look nice.
You have paid over a hundred euro for it and paid to get it altered.
The bride has probably paid over €1000 for her dress and has been going to fittings for months, the idea of not wearing a white / off white dress is to not detract from the brides.
It shows respect to the bride and groom who have invited you to their special day.
Maybe the bride couldn’t care less what you wear, but maybe she will - does that bother you?
Maybe no other guests will notice your dress or think that it looks bridal, but most likely some will. Does that bother you?
Whenever I see someone wearing white or similar to a wedding I always think they are attention seekers or don’t like the bride.

stop animal cruelty · 20-11-2019 11:55pm

Micah Yummy Fries wrote: »

Just to clarify- you do know that people are saying that it’s too pale means it could be mistaken for the wedding dress. It’s not because they think something pale won’t look nice.
You have paid over a hundred euro for it and paid to get it altered.
The bride has probably paid over €1000 for her dress and has been going to fittings for months, the idea of not wearing a white / off white dress is to not detract from the brides.
It shows respect to the bride and groom who have invited you to their special day.
Maybe the bride couldn’t care less what you wear, but maybe she will - does that bother you?
Maybe no other guests will notice your dress or think that it looks bridal, but most likely some will. Does that bother you?
Whenever I see someone wearing white or similar to a wedding I always think they are attention seekers or don’t like the bride.

It comes across as if it bothers you....

This thread isn't about if my dress is too pale or too wedding dressy...... I'm looking for opinions to match a jacket with it.

The majority of people are on my side, I love the dress. I'm gonna wear it and can't wait to.

And I feel pretty strongly that my dress does not look like a wedding dress.

If people wanna think I'm looking for attention,I'm not gonna let it bother me cause the people that KNOW me, know I'm not. And I'm not gonna explain over the internet to strangers weather I am or not, or go into how disrespectful I'm being to the bride. I'm not being disrespectful to anyone.

baby and crumble · 21-11-2019 1:25am

If you’re still looking for a fur stole or wrap, don’t discount vintage shops. If you’re in Dublin there’s a take of places you could look for something vintage that could work.

SozBbz · 27-11-2019 12:59pm

FWIW OP, I don't think its bridal at all.

Yes, its a pale enough colour as it comes across on screen, but you've seen it in real life.

I'd just echo what others have said about avoiding a long white coat - thats where you could get yourself into trouble unnecessarily.

IMO there is no ban on women wearing any pale colours to weddings, which I think is nonsense.

Yes, white/off white should be avoided at all costs but I've heard posters on here on previous threads complain about every pastel colour on the basis that it *could* look lighter under a flash.

There are many components to a brides look special on the day. Most guests outfits wont have these aspects so IMO there is too much focus on colour.

I also think faux fur would be idea, and you could match it wiht a number of fur colours. If you can, maybe spend a bit on something decent that you'll wear again and again.

I got a lovely fur jacket in Avoca about 7/8 years ago now and I still wear it. I've others from Pied a Terre, DKNY, Asos.... the list goes on. I've probably got almost all shapes and sizes now so I'm confident I can always reach into my wardrobe and find something that will nicely set off any winter outfit, casual or dressy. I know some people think fur is OTT but in my experience I've found it very versatile.

https://www.asos.com/lipsy/lipsy-faux-fur-bambi-coat-in-grey/prd/13552779?clr=grey&colourWayId=16546414&SearchQuery=faux%20fur%20coat%20women

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-plush-faux-fur-maxi-coat-in-burgundy/prd/12655200?clr=burgundy&colourWayId=16479772&SearchQuery=faux%20fur%20coat%20women

https://www.zara.com/ie/en/faux-fur-coat-p01255205.html?v1=15874405&v2=1281657

Just some ideas - I wouldnt worry too much about being matchy matchy with your dress, get something that will go with your wardrobe and you'll wear again.

doughef · 27-11-2019 2:40pm

Hey OP

not sure how I stumbled across this thread. This isn’t normally my area of expertise ðŸ˜Ž

If you want a male perspective?
I think your dress looks amazing - you obviously have great taste , and I’ve no doubt you will look fabulous in it .

Can’t believe the catty comments your getting !!!

It’s a lucky guy who gets to go with you .

Have a lovely time

Sunny Dayz · 27-11-2019 5:10pm

I think it's a lovely dress - more of a party dress than a bridal dress.

A friend of mine wore a white maxi dress to my wedding with a floral pattern on it. She checked with me before the wedding - she described it to me but I didn't see it until the day - I told her I didn't care what she wore as long as she was there - and it was a lovely summery dress, not a bit bridal.

Depending on your colouring you might look a little washed out if you team it with silver sandals like the model in the pic, however you can see that her red lippy lifts it. Could you consider maybe wearing coloured shoes, bag, accessories etc to lift it? Gorgeous dress and long sleeves would be perfect for this time of year.

MinnieMinx · 02-12-2019 10:29am

Micah Yummy Fries wrote: »

Whenever I see someone wearing white or similar to a wedding I always think they are attention seekers or don’t like the bride.

Or maybe they’re unaware of this supposed wedding etiquette?

I’m an older Brit and had no idea that it was considered a faux pax to wear white or a pale colour to a wedding. Unless you’re wearing a big frothy white dress, you’re hardly going to be mistaken for the bride?

SozBbz · 02-12-2019 10:36am

MinnieMinx wrote: »

Or maybe they’re unaware of this supposed wedding etiquette?

I’m an older Brit and had no idea that it was considered a faux pas to wear white or a pale colour to a wedding. Unless you’re wearing a big frothy white dress, you’re hardly going to be mistaken for the bride?

Its only a faux pax to wear white or cream/ivory thats very close to white.

I don't buy this nonsense about all pale colours being verboten.

stop animal cruelty · 02-12-2019 12:35pm

Got a lot of compliments on the dress, inc the bride. No issues.

Thread can be closed now.

Wedding guest - how to get it right

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