Unicorn Hunters

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Would you want lots of people making automatic conclusions about your propensity to engage in unusual sex practices solely based on your gender identity? Would you like to be considered some sort fetish object based solely on your gender identity?

Ok everything below is me talking for me about me and only related to me. So hoping not to be offensive to anyone. Just interested to stimulate feedback on how they see it different in their own well being.

But to be honest the above is not something I think I - for one - would like or dislike. I am a straight man - so yes there are conclusions to be reached about what sexual practices I might be open to and not open to based on that fact. And if people with some sexual scenario on their agenda see me - and think I might fit into it based on their preconceptions - they are welcome to communicate that to me.

My girlfriends - aside from their sexual relationship with me and each other - identify as straight. A fact which triggers - well no one I can think of except 2 users of boards actually who were driven demented by the notion Other than each other however they have never before - or since - been sexually interested in their own gender.

On the rare occasions strangers on a night out cop their relationship however - since they are not in your face with the PDA most of the time but when they are, or by some other cues, guys sometimes cop it - it tends to affect what many guys feel is "ok" to proposition - or worse _how_ they can proposition. Some social and ethical norms get bypassed by some of them in pretty crappy ways.

And they do jump to mad conclusions too about it. The moment they consider the girls "Alternative" that automatically includes they are "up for it" or "game" or "hot to trot" as the characters of the sitcom Happy Days used to say hehe - and can be propositioned to do all sorts from putting on a sex show right there in the bar - to a threesome back in the apartment - or can be called at suddenly like they are no longer free range people - but caged zoo animals.

They like me neither like nor dislike such automatic conclusions. What matters to them - just as it matters to me - is what form the propositions take - and what form acceptance of rejection takes.

There is a continuum there from the most polite at one end - to the most scummy at the other - and where the propositioner lands on that is far more important to me and them then any conclusions or preconceptions they might have entered into the proposition holding.

But if someone with preconceptions propositions me or them based on preconceptions - but does it politely - and takes rejection like a mature normal grown adult would - then I myself would have to become an offence trigger junkie - totally on edge every day just waiting for the next "high" of getting to be offended - to be bothered by it all that much I feel. Again this is just me I am talking about - and the changes that would have to happen to me to get to that point.

Being treated as an object in a certain context is not automatically a bad thing either. Hell even _within_ my long term loving relationship there are modes and moments when we become objects to each other and we just wanna get down and use each other manically for our bodies. But then other times we want to "make love" and it is totally a connection of hearts and souls. But if someone has a fetish or fantasy and some relatively rare attribute I have makes them think I might be a fit - by all means approach me and ask! I love people - what they are into and why - their diversity - so come and tell me all about it. In the end I won't be able to help you most likely! But approach me all the same.

All that said however I can only guess at what it is like to be a woman in the larger context of being propositioned at all in the first place. Trans CIS or otherwise. Let alone a woman who is highly attractive. I see it sometimes with my GFs. They can often literally not walk from our table in the average pub - to the toilet and back or to the bar and back - on their own without being called at, propositioned, even grabbed by the hand arm or waist and pulled towards the interested guy physically - more than 2 or 3 times in a single trip. Often having some over rehearsed chat up one liner thrown loudly into their face with drunken spittle.

I even remember one night when the younger of my GFs went to the toilet and was gone for 45 minutes solely because in the busy bar she was accosted about 5 times there and 5 times back. When I went - took me 5 minutes for the entire round trip.

Once or twice - ok - but to basically be getting that daily for your entire life sometimes multiple times a day - just for being in a pub or sitting alone in the park reading a book or just walking down the street - if nothing else it must be absolutely exhausting. Like soul destroying levels of exhausting. Let alone all the other negatives like it often being intimidating and so forth. And I can imagine how many of us guys - who that does not happen to - not even considering there is a there there. And the worst of them getting offended when the girl is just too tired of it to respond anything but shortly - so they shout some offence at her about her frigidity or what not.

I am proud of my gender in a lot of ways - but some of us really do let the side down and embarrass us all. I like to think there is less of them than there is of us though! One hopes.