its not all festive and cheer

Kylta · 02-12-2020 9:30am #1

What does xmas mean to you?

Is it a time of happiness.
If you've children its great to see there little faces light up on xmas morning.

Is it a time of sadness.
Family members having passed on, or are maybe suffering from serious illnesses etc.

Is it a time of friction.
Some festive family get togethers are a recipe for disaster

So what does xmas mean for you?

Badly Drunk Boy · 02-12-2020 9:34am

For me, it's all festive and cheer.

02-12-2020 9:40am

Kylta wrote: »

What does xmas mean to you?

Is it a time of happiness.
If you've children its great to see there little faces light up on xmas morning.

Have children - but never do the Santa thing with them and the like.

Mostly for us it is a time for family and friends. The keyword being "time" where we take the opportunity to put everything else on hold and give that time entirely to those around us - and celebrate the achievement of making it through another year.

Given the year we just had - will be feeling like we have more to celebrate in that regard than usual.

02-12-2020 9:51am

I'm indifferent to it, will mean even less with the loss of a family member a few months ago. Those mawkish Christmas ads attempting to tug at the purse heart strings, and the 80s cheese (Wham and Shakin' Stevens) pumped out on loop in supermarkets and town squares. All of this forced jollity rankles, and it's difficult to avoid. 2021 cannot come soon enough, at least the days will be getting longer for a start. And the vaccine, now there's genuine cause for optimism.

Signed,

Bertie's Grinch

KaneToad · 02-12-2020 9:57am

I think it's for children. But unfortunately it's not a happy time for all children.

Too much debt, too much expectation, too much alcohol. I'd rather it was just a 2 day event with minimal gift giving. Two days off for people to meet friends/family would suffice.

SEPT 23 1989 · 02-12-2020 10:03am

A good rest for a few weeks

Omackeral · 02-12-2020 10:15am

Kylta wrote: »

What does xmas mean to you

Just another day in work.

alchemist33 · 02-12-2020 10:17am

It's all in the anticipation, and then a let-down from about 11am on Christmas Day.

eviltwin · 02-12-2020 11:36am

Not a fan. I try and make it nice for my own family but its a stark reminder of how estranged I am from my siblings and always makes me feel a bit sad. The effort to be in Christmas mode is exhausting but you can't be any other way when you have kids, I don't want them growing up feeling its anything other than magical. I'm working this Christmas which I think will be the best thing for me, it will keep my mind busy and give me space to be a grump.

02-12-2020 11:55am

eviltwin wrote: »

The effort to be in Christmas mode is exhausting but you can't be any other way when you have kids

As with many things in life I wonder if we convince ourselves we have to do more and be more than we actually do on things like that.

I know for example I got many gifts at xmas as a kid. There was trees. Presents. Santa Xmas morning. Big dinners. Crackers. Fires. Cakes and puddings. The lot.

The only thing of all that I actually remember with any clarity? The family from abroad who came home to visit.

I've skipped Santa entirely with my kids and mostly skipped presents and present giving with them too and much of the standard "exhausting Christmas mode" stuff. Making it much less exhausting for me than it was for my parents - but seemingly no less a wonderful time for my kids than it was for me.

eviltwin · 02-12-2020 12:01pm

Deleted User wrote: »

As with many things in life I wonder if we convince ourselves we have to do more and be more than we actually do on things like that.

I know for example I got many gifts at xmas as a kid. There was trees. Presents. Santa Xmas morning. Big dinners. Crackers. Fires. Cakes and puddings. The lot.

The only thing of all that I actually remember with any clarity? The family from abroad who came home to visit.

I've skipped Santa entirely with my kids and mostly skipped presents and present giving with them too and much of the standard "exhausting Christmas mode" stuff. Making it much less exhausting for me than it was for my parents - but seemingly no less a wonderful time for my kids than it was for me.

I actually don't do that much and we're past the Santa age now thankfully. Its more the exhaustion of having to be in good form. I don't want my kids looking back and remembering their Christmases in the way I do - bad moods and depression. I want them to have good memories of it.

ElJeffe · 02-12-2020 12:03pm

Fake happiness. We usually go away the last few years if we can to avoid it but this year its not an option unfortunately.

02-12-2020 12:41pm

alchemist33 wrote: »

It's all in the anticipation, and then a let-down from about 11am on Christmas Day.

I'm really glad my parents did not allow us to open presents until we were back from Christmas Mass. As a kid it felt like torture but looking back it really kept the buzz going much longer. Personally I love it up until after dinner when you have a full belly and roll over to the couch. Then it's a bit of an anti-climax although I then switch on to Sky Sports late at night to watch my annual dose of cricket from the southern hemisphere. I love the contrast between our dark, cold winter and the crackling summer sun from Australia or NZ.

oldtimeyfella · 02-12-2020 12:49pm

I don't have kids so i just find it to be a pain in the hole.

Everything closes for a week or so, people drink too much and act like complete ***** and the level of spending is just disgusting to someone like me who hates how money/stuff obssessed we have become as a society.

I head over to my parents for most of the day but i'd sooner stay at home. I'm only doing it for their sake.

nj27 · 02-12-2020 12:55pm

Started out loving it, went through a phase of cynicism, back to loving it again. I’m a summer person generally but Christmas is one of my favourite times of year.

ElJeffe · 02-12-2020 1:18pm

oldtimeyfella wrote: »

I don't have kids so i just find it to be a pain in the hole.

Everything closes for a week or so, people drink too much and act like complete ***** and the level of spending is just disgusting to someone like me who hates how money/stuff obssessed we have become as a society.

I head over to my parents for most of the day but i'd sooner stay at home. I'm only doing it for their sake.

The spending is outrageous tbh. Everyone virtue signals about saving the planet but is in a panic buying cheap tat plastic rubbish and other crap people don't need.

AllForIt · 03-12-2020 7:27pm

This year it's a time of happiness cuz it's not happening.

Zebra3 · 03-12-2020 8:50pm

Load of crap.

ELM327 · 03-12-2020 8:54pm

Sadness and depression. SAD combined with my usual anxiety disorders, familial breakup and aspergers make this a very difficult time of year as an adult.

Loved it as a child.

Spanish Eyes · 03-12-2020 9:05pm

Everyone approaches it differently. IMO

Those with kids vicariously enjoy it through them.

Most love the get togethers with family and friends, but maybe not so much this year.

I did it all. And am an official Grinch now lol. Cannot wait for it to be all over (and hopefully not another lockdown). We thoroughly enjoy it in our own way without all the kinda false jollity that can happen, but I know that’s not always the case.

Each to their own, and enjoy.

Will visit the old lady, the Da, and the young sisters grave next week. Those empty chairs are awful.

Sky King · 03-12-2020 9:08pm

Hopefully I'll get to spend some time at home, and around my home town. For a change like.

Church on Tuesday · 03-12-2020 9:11pm

Well, to put it into perspective I found the two lockdowns, personally, to be fine.

The next month? sheer hell.

_Brian · 03-12-2020 9:15pm

I’d say for most families it’s a rollercoaster.

Young kids are great to keep things fresh but it’s hard not to let thoughts drift to those that aren’t with us any more.

JasonStatham · 03-12-2020 9:27pm

There'll be a lockdown in January. I'd say enjoy Christmas even if ya hate it.

.anon. · 03-12-2020 9:42pm

For me, it's a nostalgic time of year. Lots of nice memories from my childhood - songs, films, adverts, etc, that bring me right back for a fleeting moment.

SineadSpears · 03-12-2020 10:38pm

I don't have much family so as kid after being spoiled rotten by Santa, I found the day to be horribly boring waiting for my friends to finish visiting their own families.
I loved Christmas & the lead up to it, but found the day itself to be very tedious.

I usually go to my mams for Christmas but this is the first year I'll be staying home & doing my own thing. I'm kinda looking forward to it actually.

Capt'n Midnight · 03-12-2020 10:54pm

Kylta wrote: »

What does xmas mean to you?

X , the unknown quantity of, mas.

It's the Higgs Bosun

buried · 03-12-2020 11:02pm

Go to a special spot nearby my place here for the sunrise morning of the 21st of December.

Then its a full two weeks off work for the reading books, listening to music and watching some films.

I don't buy into the hype noise of the thing. Never have since I was a kid. Its all about the two weeks off relaxing and its nice to take it as that.

ThewhiteJesus · 03-12-2020 11:03pm

This will be my 14th on my own, so yes not great

Spanish Eyes · 03-12-2020 11:05pm

buried wrote: »

Go to a special spot nearby my place here for the sunrise morning of the 21st of December.

Then its a full two weeks off work for the reading books, listening to music and watching some films.

I don't buy into the hype noise of the thing. Never have since I was a kid. Its all about the two weeks off relaxing and its nice to take it as that.

Sounds great. And each to their own. That's my view of life anyway as long as it's legal lol!

Far too much pressure to conform to the rituals of Christmas, no need... just do it your own way.

StevenToast · 03-12-2020 11:14pm

I come from a large family...i married into another large family...so its a huge social gathering at christmas...i put a brave face on it for the kids..

But deep down i have had enough of christmas...im early 40s and ive seen it all and done it all...its the same sh1t every year....

KungPao · 03-12-2020 11:14pm

It's a highlight of a long, dark, cold, miserable winter on this god-forsaken rock. Kind of tired of the presents and ****e, but I love the tree up and watching John McClane and Clark Griswold etc and their festive high jinks. A few drinks, a few laughs, some time off work, spending time with older relatives (who knows...may be their last).

I'd say it's terrible for people in dire straits though.

Alejandro68 · 03-12-2020 11:22pm

This Christmas will be hard to cope with. I wont be able to go home to my family to celebrate, and also knowing this will be the last Christmas a very dear friend will celebrate.

SineadSpears · 03-12-2020 11:27pm

StevenToast wrote: »

I come from a large family...i married into another large family...so its a huge social gathering at christmas...i put a brave face on it for the kids..

& yet that is something that I have always loved the idea of

In reality though I know I would be sitting in a corner thinking there are too many people around, its too noisy, & someone get those kids' paws away from the bloody food!

Oh & I don't drink either so if there were any champagne breakfasts I'd be watching the mood the whole day & planning my escape if anyone started getting a bit rowdy

03-12-2020 11:32pm

Usually I'm beside myself with excitement at this point but I haven't seen my family in well over a year and it's really getting to me because Christmas means family to me. My dad was ill and I couldn't go see him, which was absolutely crushing.

It's been a really tough year, but in many ways a really great year too and for that I'm grateful. This year we've a little one, health, jobs, home, and each other, and that's more than enough for me. This time next year things will be better and we'll talk about 2020 like we've lived through a war, fondly remembering wfh in our pj's and slippers, and how we discovered gardening or baking, or some other simple pleasure that brought us contentment. There have been lessons to learn in all this grim uncertainty, pearls in the mud as my grandfather used to say.

Leg End Reject · 03-12-2020 11:56pm

ThewhiteJesus wrote: »

This will be my 14th on my own, so yes not great

Sorry to hear that.

Candie, I hope your dad has recovered and that you get to meet in person soon. The enforced separation and isolation is wearying.

chrissb8 · 04-12-2020 1:13am

Love it. Love having free time, eating well and being able to not worry about anything. I don't really understand when people say the music/fake cheer/advertisements and in your face element ruin it. You can just block those things out, very easily.

I do feel for some who are roped into the big Xmas with extended family. Used to do this and it was just a pain the a*** having to go out and see extended family for a few hours making small talk.

Think this year I'll be doing a lot more socialising than usual, as I can't wait to finish up a course for Xmas and finally get to see friends together again.

Shout out to anyone who finds this time of year tough though. Circumstances can and will change with the event of 2021 looking like an opportunity for renewed optimism. If not, I hope you find your peace in some form this season.

Capt'n Midnight · 04-12-2020 2:01am

Christmas isn't Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from Nakatomi Plaza

cannotlogin · 04-12-2020 2:20am

Christmas is a strange time of year, fantastic or some but a difficult time for many. I think all anyone can do is make it the best possible for them, whatever that may be.

It's been a tough year for many but next year will be better. Vaccine is coming & once the most vulnerable get it, life will return to normal over time. The days will get brighter and weather warmer.

If anyone is struggling, please reach out to others or use any of the supports available. Hang on in there. There is a sticky at the top of the PI forum which might be useful.

IamtheWalrus · 04-12-2020 2:39am

Not looking forward to it as my mam died recently

Graces7 · 04-12-2020 6:47am

Out here in my solitary outpost in the wide atlantic. there is peace. I made peace with a long hard past many years ago and now enjoy the simplicity of a Jesus -centred festival. All else laid to rest.

For me that is the only meaning now; and that frees to enjoy some of the peripherals for the pleasures they are. Hopefully turkey and other tasty things... depending on the weather, and a bittersweet moment or more than one of memories.

But most of all, peace. At being where and who I am.

Carols from Kings.... the deep silence out here of wind and ocean.

I was planning a tree this year but that has been ….. prevented.... and I am glad of that now... . Just sweet simplicity. Lights at the window soon to cheer rare passers by. The Advent Wreath in its meaningful beauty.

Stay safe and warm out there, and enjoy what it is possible to enjoy... there is still so much beauty in it all....In my thoughts and yes prayers here.

Here less now and more on weblog hopefully....

zerosugarbuzz · 04-12-2020 7:04am

Deleted User wrote: »

Have children - but never do the Santa thing with them and the like.

Mostly for us it is a time for family and friends. The keyword being "time" where we take the opportunity to put everything else on hold and give that time entirely to those around us - and celebrate the achievement of making it through another year.

Given the year we just had - will be feeling like we have more to celebrate in that regard than usual.

What do your kids think of you not doing Santa? Do they not feel left out.

zerosugarbuzz · 04-12-2020 7:09am

buried wrote: »

Go to a special spot nearby my place here for the sunrise morning of the 21st of December.

Then its a full two weeks off work for the reading books, listening to music and watching some films.

I don't buy into the hype noise of the thing. Never have since I was a kid. Its all about the two weeks off relaxing and its nice to take it as that.

This is the attitude to have.

Your Face · 04-12-2020 7:19am

I'm very middle of the road about Christmas.
It has good and bad aspects and Ive had good and bad ones.

I'm not a boring Christmas cynic trying to score edge points but I'm also not an excited man-child about it.

That's the comfort of growing old - everything turns to grey.

04-12-2020 8:58am

zerosugarbuzz wrote: »

What do your kids think of you not doing Santa? Do they not feel left out.

It has never been an issue really. Like Religion it is just things "other" kids do.

We do so much other stuff that they would never feel left out. In fact in some ways they feel less left out. As many (not all) parents use Santa as a form of "Our work here is done".

As in the kids are expected to get their presents and do that for the day/holiday and leave the parents alone. I have seen parents get irate even when kids seek attention at Christmas. Sure they have new toys - what more do they want.

For us it is about the opposite. It is _all_ about investing that time and attention in each other and activities and experiences and so on.

Graces7 · 04-12-2020 8:58am

Your Face wrote: »

I'm very middle of the road about Christmas.
It has good and bad aspects and Ive had good and bad ones.

I'm not a boring Christmas cynic trying to score edge points but I'm also not an excited man-child about it.

That's the comfort of growing old - everything turns to grey.

Ah no; you have time to gaze at the rainbow. And to choose where you look.

Uptheduff · 04-12-2020 9:33am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It has never been an issue really. Like Religion it is just things "other" kids do.

I'm really interested in the idea of foregoing Santa. It's good to know there are people who just don't do it. The piles of presents and emphasis on what they're getting each year seems so crass to me. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Convincing kids a strange man sneaks into their house at night to anonymously leave gifts seems completely wrong to me. It flies in the face of everything else we teach kids about being safe. The fact the lie is perpetuated by our entire culture to the point that the news does a Santa watch and total strangers will ask what Santa's bringing feels so creepy to me. Then when kids naturally start to get skeptical and question the reality of Santa and the world doubles down to convince them "of course he's real!" It feels so unhealthy to me. Why start lieing to them in the first place?

Im no Grinch and I loved the magic of Christmas as a kid but my feeling is it can be done minus Santa. We mentioned not doing Santa for our baby to the grandparents and they were horrified. Then there's the dillema of when they start school will they be accused of ruining other kids christmas' by telling them it's not real? I don't want to feel forced into a charade I'm uncomfortable with because that's what everyone does but it almost feels inevitable.

Wanderer78 · 04-12-2020 9:35am

It can be a very painful time of the year for me, incredible loneliness and sadness

893bet · 04-12-2020 9:58am

Kylta wrote: »

What does xmas mean to you?

Is it a time of happiness.
If you've children its great to see there little faces light up on xmas morning.

Is it a time of sadness.
Family members having passed on, or are maybe suffering from serious illnesses etc.

Both.

Young child who will enjoy the lights and excitement. Father in law living with us who is 50-50 to make Xmas even. Covid visiting restrictions make everything very difficult.

Definately going to be a bitter sweet Xmas.

893bet · 04-12-2020 10:00am

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

Not looking forward to it as my mam died recently

Just a raise a glass and reflect on good times behind and realise there will be good times ahead.

04-12-2020 10:02am

Uptheduff wrote: »

We mentioned not doing Santa for our baby to the grandparents and they were horrified.

I have had that too. Usually only online though. Been accused of taking the magic out of children's lives - or destroying the "innocence" of childhood - to comical but rare outright accusations of child abuse.

On the occasions where I have engaged with such people it simply turned out each time they did not actually understand the terms they were using. They simply did not know what "magic" "innocence" and "abuse" means when it comes to children.

its not all festive and cheer

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