How do I leave the Church

guyfo · 27-11-2019 11:40am #1

So like many I was forced by my parents into being confirmed completely against my will, I managed to push it back a few years but was finally forced to when I was 16.

In my eyes baptising or even worse confirming a child is one of the lowest things you can do. It is basically saying I'm going to indoctrinate my child to this religion and then confirm them into the church before they have a chance to figure it out for themselves. I had it figured out from before I left primary school and made this clear but it didn't matter, I was forced into it, even though confirmation is supposed to be you personally confirming your faith and intention to join the church.

I've been trying to figure out how to leave but with Ireland being like it is the only church that matters is the Catholic one and when you search "how to leave church of Ireland" all of the results are about the RCC.

Can anyone help me here as to how I can formally leave the Church of Ireland?

nthclare · 27-11-2019 1:23pm

If paper and ink is your only attachment to the church, then walking away is your best option.

Wanderer78 · 27-11-2019 1:25pm

I think I'd be more concerned about the relationship with my parents if I was you, leaving the church shouldn't be all that hard, just say it

27-11-2019 1:28pm

i used to go to a local nightclub once a week.

im sure theyd have me on a mailing list somewhere as a member of some sort

stopped going.

dont care if they still have me down on that list.

you don't "leave" the church, or any other service.

you just stop going.

nthclare · 27-11-2019 2:26pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

i used to go to a local nightclub once a week.

im sure theyd have me on a mailing list somewhere as a member of some sort

stopped going.

dont care if they still have me down on that list.

you don't "leave" the church, or any other service.

you just stop going.

You're name's not down you're not coming in, not tonight your not on the list...

Kicks like a mule, the bouncer 1992

Mrs OBumble · 27-11-2019 3:00pm

Stand up, walk to the door, walk out, don't walk back in again. Simples.

smacl · 27-11-2019 6:48pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Stand up, walk to the door, walk out, don't walk back in again. Simples.

This. And don't put CoI on your next census form.

ChrisJ84 · 29-11-2019 12:51pm

guyfo wrote: »

So like many I was forced by my parents into being confirmed completely against my will, I managed to push it back a few years but was finally forced to when I was 16.

In my eyes baptising or even worse confirming a child is one of the lowest things you can do. It is basically saying I'm going to indoctrinate my child to this religion and then confirm them into the church before they have a chance to figure it out for themselves. I had it figured out from before I left primary school and made this clear but it didn't matter, I was forced into it, even though confirmation is supposed to be you personally confirming your faith and intention to join the church.

I've been trying to figure out how to leave but with Ireland being like it is the only church that matters is the Catholic one and when you search "how to leave church of Ireland" all of the results are about the RCC.

Can anyone help me here as to how I can formally leave the Church of Ireland?

Sorry to hear about your negative experience with this OP.

The Church of Ireland publishes a parish handbook to provide guidance, it has this to say about membership:

MEMBERSHIP OF THE CHURCH OF IRELAND
Traditionally, the meaning of a member was someone who was received into the Church of Ireland by the traditional rites of baptism and confirmation. Now it is commonly accepted to include anyone who identifies themselves as sharing the Church of Ireland faith within the Anglican Communion. When a person states that they are a member of the Church of Ireland, there is an implicit acceptance by them of the beliefs, rules and regulations of the church.

According to the General Directions for Public Worship in the Book of Common Prayer, members of the Church of Ireland should join in public worship, partake in Holy Communion and give generously towards the ministry and mission of the church and to works of charity.

Rose of Lima · 01-12-2019 10:21am

You aren't being imprisoned in the faith, you can leave the church by never returning.

However, I think the bigger issue is the relationship with your parents. You can leave COI anytime, but I doubt it will rid you of the anger. It is your parents you need to speak to.

looksee · 01-12-2019 5:33pm

If you were confirmed unwillingly then presumably it didn't 'take'! You have never been Confirmed - there may have been a ceremony but it was empty words. As has already been said, don't go and don't describe yourself as CofI on the census or when being admitted to hospital ( :rolleyes: ) or at any other time. That's it.

Your parents are a different matter, but maybe just forgive and forget in that case too, there are more important things in life.

homer911 · 02-12-2019 10:06am

Hi Op

As an evangelical Christian, I can honestly say that you never joined the church in the first place, therefore you have no church to leave. In a legalistic sense, I'm pretty sure "members" are struck off the register in the CoI after a year if they do not participate.

In the Presbyterian church you have to have contributed to church finances and attended at least 1 service of Communion in the year to be considered an active member

Markcheese · 02-12-2019 11:32am

Do you feel the need to formally "leave", to be struck off some list or other, many do.. Its the same as the symbolism of baptism and confirmation.. Just in reverse..
Maybe just contact who ever is in charge in what was your "original" parish, just get a mobile number and take it from there...
I've never felt the need to formally leave the R.C church, (more in a can't be bothered, Meh sort of way), but would if they were trying to speak on my behalf, or draw state money for my "membership" as in Spain,
And if you had to pay a church tax as in Germany the country would be full of avowed atheists...

pjdarcy · 02-12-2019 12:36pm

Hi OP. I left the catholic church in 2009 by writing to the bishop of the diocese in which I was baptised to request that the baptismal register be amended accordingly. He wrote back shortly after to say "no worries bud, come back any time" (I'm paraphrasing a little).

I'll send you a PM with the letter I sent and the "delaration of defection" I enclosed with the letter.

santana75 · 04-12-2019 7:05pm

guyfo wrote: »

So like many I was forced by my parents into being confirmed completely against my will, I managed to push it back a few years but was finally forced to when I was 16.

In my eyes baptising or even worse confirming a child is one of the lowest things you can do. It is basically saying I'm going to indoctrinate my child to this religion and then confirm them into the church before they have a chance to figure it out for themselves. I had it figured out from before I left primary school and made this clear but it didn't matter, I was forced into it, even though confirmation is supposed to be you personally confirming your faith and intention to join the church.

I've been trying to figure out how to leave but with Ireland being like it is the only church that matters is the Catholic one and when you search "how to leave church of Ireland" all of the results are about the RCC.

Can anyone help me here as to how I can formally leave the Church of Ireland?

Whatever way you feel about the organisation that is the church, I would urge you not to renounce your baptism or confirmation. Not until you have a complete understanding of what a sacrament such as Baptism really means for you. Trust me, baptism is a sacred thing and its for your protection and benefit it was done on your behalf. I used to be angry at my parents for "Forcing" baptism, communion and confirmation upon me, but now I can that they actually gave me a great gift. They had my best interests at heart. Maybe your parents were not trying to control you or indoctrinate you into some sort of cult, maybe they were trying to give you something that was ultimately for your benefit.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 15-12-2019 11:43am

I know with Catholicism, defecting was disallowed from about 2009 or 2010 onwards due to the numbers of catholics defecting thanks to CountMeOut.ie

Im unsure about COI, but if they're similar and there's no formal process, you could look at excommunication as an option?

santana75 wrote: »

Whatever way you feel about the organisation that is the church, I would urge you not to renounce your baptism or confirmation. Not until you have a complete understanding of what a sacrament such as Baptism really means for you. Trust me, baptism is a sacred thing and its for your protection and benefit it was done on your behalf. I used to be angry at my parents for "Forcing" baptism, communion and confirmation upon me, but now I can that they actually gave me a great gift. They had my best interests at heart. Maybe your parents were not trying to control you or indoctrinate you into some sort of cult, maybe they were trying to give you something that was ultimately for your benefit.

For an atheist, it doesn't offer any benefit or protection. It's forced membership to a club you never asked to join, and it's being used as a statistic when the churches lay claims to member numbers.

I'm absolutely delighted that I was able to defect before the Catholic Church took the option away. Literally never a shred or regret or a second thought.

10fathoms · 15-12-2019 11:54am

I threw my baptism certificate in the fire followed by the candle then wrote a letter to the local priest to tell him alter/erase whatever record he had to show I am no longer a Catholic and have renounced my faith (not that I ever had any)

antix80 · 15-12-2019 11:59am

From wapo:

Formal acts of defection were introduced in the 1983 Code of Canon Law to solve a regulatory issue in some Catholic marriages. Unintentionally, that allowed defection for any reason. Pope Benedict XVI closed the loophole in 2010.

Not an expert but i think the church makes a record of births/baptisms, marriages, deaths.. These aren't centralised. The vatican does not hold a database of hundreds of millions of members.

As quote above shows, defection used to be available. Defection would be noted, possibly on baptism cert. That option is no longer available.

So if you don't want to be a member, bin your baptism cert and stop going to church (if you haven't already) You should also repay any communion or confirmation you received in your capacity as a member of the church.

StupidLikeAFox · 15-12-2019 2:22pm

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I know with Catholicism, defecting was disallowed from about 2009 or 2010 onwards due to the numbers of catholics defecting thanks to CountMeOut.ie

I remember that palaver. People were leaving in droves until the church changed the rules. Like the hotel California, you can check out but never leave.

I know it's thrown about a lot these days but would GDPR change the game a bit? The church would be holding on to data that is no longer required and people have a right to request that be deleted as far as I know

the14thwarrior · 15-12-2019 2:36pm

]So like many I was forced by my parents into being confirmed completely against my will, I managed to push it back a few years but was finally forced to when I was 16.

In my eyes baptising or even worse confirming a child is one of the lowest things you can do. It is basically saying I'm going to indoctrinate my child to this religion and then confirm them into the church before they have a chance to figure it out for themselves. I had it figured out from before I left primary school and made this clear but it didn't matter,

You sound like you had it figured out before you left primary school and still haven't figured out how to leave?

Wow, i hope you get counselling for your torture..........
you can get laser for the tatatoos too..................
and pay for an ad in the national newspapers.

Rodin · 15-12-2019 2:37pm

Ghost them.

Jellybaby1 · 16-12-2019 1:00am

guyfo wrote: »

So like many I was forced by my parents into being confirmed completely against my will, I managed to push it back a few years but was finally forced to when I was 16.

In my eyes baptising or even worse confirming a child is one of the lowest things you can do. It is basically saying I'm going to indoctrinate my child to this religion and then confirm them into the church before they have a chance to figure it out for themselves. I had it figured out from before I left primary school and made this clear but it didn't matter, I was forced into it, even though confirmation is supposed to be you personally confirming your faith and intention to join the church.

I've been trying to figure out how to leave but with Ireland being like it is the only church that matters is the Catholic one and when you search "how to leave church of Ireland" all of the results are about the RCC.Can anyone help me here as to how I can formally leave the Church of Ireland?

I'm CoI. I don't know what to say to you to make you understand that parents don't think like that. My children were baptised, and confirmed. I felt I was doing the best I could for my children. Now in adulthood they don't want to be part of the church. Guess what, they are not in any pain because they were baptised and confirmed. It never enters their minds. It has not left any scars or bruises. They have just 'gone'. But the door is always open should they change their mind, and it's the same for you, just go if that is your wish. If you have any emotional scars or bruises of any kind then it is professional help you need, and you could start by speaking to your parents. The reason you didn't get any answer when searching the internet on how to leave the CoI is, that there is nothing stopping you from walking out. Plenty have done it. And plenty return too, I'm one of them.

harrylittle · 14-01-2020 1:15am

10fathoms wrote: »

I threw my baptism certificate in the fire followed by the candle then wrote a letter to the local priest to tell him alter/erase whatever record he had to show I am no longer a Catholic and have renounced my faith (not that I ever had any)

Beware that your not throwing your own soul into the fire .... rejecting God's salvation through his church is a dangerous thing to do .... Hell is real ... Rejecting Salvation is frankly ....nuts....:eek:

hopeso · 14-01-2020 1:27am

I’m almost certain it was the late Gerry Ryan that covered this on his radio show once. Needless to say, it’s a few years ago now, and I can’t remember the details, but I’m sure that there was an official process for leaving the church. If memory serves me right, it was a straightforward process.
I guess what I’m saying is that there is a way out, so keep seeking it.....

gormdubhgorm · 14-01-2020 1:45am

hopeso wrote: »

I’m almost certain it was the late Gerry Ryan that covered this on his radio show once. Needless to say, it’s a few years ago now, and I can’t remember the details, but I’m sure that there was an official process for leaving the church. If memory serves me right, it was a straightforward process.
I guess what I’m saying is that there is a way out, so keep seeking it.....

There was a process but it seems that they change canon law on it so a defection can no longer be recorded.

https://atheist.ie/campaigns/leaving-religion/

http://www.notme.ie/about/

I think if you can fill out this and give it to the priest where you were baptised.
It has no legal meaning in canon law and it seems like it will be just a gesture

http://www.notme.ie/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/DeclarationOfDefection.pdf

To me it seems like it is joining the IRA/Mafia or buying an Apple product once you are IN you can never leave.

I was wondering as a work around could you become a member of another church that is easier to defect from.
Because to become a member of another church you will have to renounce your first faith. Then you can denounce that one and you are home free. Job done.

Pherekydes · 14-01-2020 1:52am

harrylittle wrote: »

Beware that your not throwing your own soul into the fire .... rejecting God's salvation through his church is a dangerous thing to do .... Hell is real ... Rejecting Salvation is frankly ....nuts....:eek:

What church?

I presume it (just coincidentally) happens to be yours?

indy_man · 14-01-2020 10:22pm

Leaving the church means the peodos and their pedo masters have won. It means the freemasons who planned to destroy the church that Christ started have also won. Don't let them win, pray to the Lord for guidance.

hinault · 15-01-2020 4:08pm

harrylittle wrote: »

Beware that your not throwing your own soul into the fire .... rejecting God's salvation through his church is a dangerous thing to do .... Hell is real ... Rejecting Salvation is frankly ....nuts....:eek:

True.

Interesting that the poster also doesn't lay any blame at his/her legal guardians who (rightly) had him/her baptised.

Cabaal · 17-01-2020 8:10am

indy_man wrote: »

Leaving the church means the peodos and their pedo masters have won. It means the freemasons who planned to destroy the church that Christ started have also won. Don't let them win, pray to the Lord for guidance.

Honestly, I thought you were going to say lizard people. Freemason destroying the church, lol

The likes of the catholic church don't need another organisation trying to destroy it. The catholic church has done all the destroying on its own.

It protected abusers, it sold children, it hates women.

Wanderer78 · 17-01-2020 8:15am

Cabaal wrote:

Honestly, I thought you were going to say lizard people. Freemason destroying the church, lol

Lizards might make me interested in the church again, so.....

dvdman1 · 17-01-2020 8:17am

Why bother with a formal leaving pricess, there papers and documents are recognised by the church primarily rarely by any state institution.
Dont complicate your life..spend your energy on something constuctive or positive.
Forget the formal scoreboards.

uck51js9zml2yt · 17-01-2020 8:35am

harrylittle wrote: »

Beware that your not throwing your own soul into the fire .... rejecting God's salvation through his church is a dangerous thing to do .... Hell is real ... Rejecting Salvation is frankly ....nuts....:eek:

I always thought salvation was through Jesus Christ, not a church. That's the problem when you believe the church saves you. You get something totally ineffective and unable to change your life for the better.

Left the RCC 35 years ago. There was no palaver over it. I just stopped going to Mass.

How do I leave the Church

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