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07-12-2009, 10:28   #1
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18-06-2014, 02:55   #2
 
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Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

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As ye were!
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18-06-2014, 03:09   #3
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Lonely..so lonely
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18-06-2014, 03:33   #4
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It's the particular time of night where it hits hardest of all for some, I include myself there. Feel a bit weird on new thread too, irrational but that's true to form for me really..
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18-06-2014, 03:35   #5
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Yeah sorry to gatecrash there..
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18-06-2014, 03:38   #6
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Yeah sorry to gatecrash there..
Oh you're not gatecrashing at all. Welcome aboard - all welcome here.. What has you feeling lonely?.
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18-06-2014, 03:47   #7
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Oh just my whole life haha..I mean I know I'll get out of the many pickles I'm in, or at least the main ones - well maybe I'm kidding myself actually but yeah The main thing is the anxiety/depression issues which I'm sure are nowhere near as bad as others experience here - it arises from severe sleep deprivation which I'm finally getting to grips with now (I let it slide so much that I've not been able to actually THINK about what to do..I really didn't want medication clashing with my personality and making things worse and/or permanent in many ways). The anxiety is the worst because it's all consuming at the time but the depression is obviously very dulling..bringing out all fears very irrationally sigh.. I'm also lonely anyway because I've wasted so much of my life so far and only had one or two genuine friendships/relationships. Even then, I still feel lonely out of fear there's only so far I can go with them at this point until I have to sort myself out in so many ways..otherwise what works in our friendship now won't come automatically quite soon down the line. I'm just a very over the top person, yet have nothing to show for that mindset really..timing and mentioned illness has had most to do with it, but still....I want so much and I'm running out of time - I was it was 5, 10 or even 3 years ago. I want so many unconventional things yet the thing that has got me down the most so far in my life was the most conventional thing of them all..love..and with a very conventional person too. Suffice to say I messed up the relationship before it had even started and I'm a tiny dot in her memory now. Not sure where I'm going with this. That was a rambling mess. Sorry..kinda pointless
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18-06-2014, 04:04   #8
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This is exactly the right place to let that out though.. I also think that my head state has messed up a lot of friend and relationships along the way over the years. At the moment I seem to be physically functioning on autopilot, while my mind agonises over mistakes and what can possibly become of me.. As you said in different words it's kind of a state of paralysis after a while which is hard to break out of..
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18-06-2014, 04:13   #9
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Agreed, though I've realised that the reason my sleep issues and the associated more complicated issues have gone on for as long as they have (I feel really old at 25 now as opposed to 23 when they were starting) is because I was ridiculously immature for my age and clueless. I still am in so many ways, I really am an odd sort, but now I have an idea of how to really get to grips with it (though I know it'll be tough facing it head on, especially at first). What I'm trying to say, and don't think I've been at all successful in arriving at, is to not waste any time no matter how bad things are...I know that is so much more easily said than done, and I hope I don't come across as some preachy "Hey look at me I've seen the light now..come on everyone what's your hold up" type...but however we feel, that's the fact/s. Life isn't for or against us, it just is, all I can speak from is personal experience and admittedly as a bit of a hardheaded type who would have a "I'm going to tackle this hard and make it go down fighting" attitude, but now more than ever I feel one of the most important if not the most important thing in life is hope..if there is no hope, we just got to build something step by step no matter what it is, that taps into our self worth especially...if you can at all, please don't waste another second (not saying anyone intentionally does, at all, trust me I know the feeling and am still in the thick of it, but from today I really want to just live...even if none of my dreams never come true, I HAVE to find the good in today somehow...even if the possibility of being around people who kind of scare me (especially their culture/s) forever frightens me, there has to be good in today..no matter how patchy my memory is because of the sleep issues..got to find something in every day.

God I've always been rambly but this is a mess..apologies
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18-06-2014, 04:15   #10
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Ugh the medication stuff is a nightmare, I've finally found something that doesn't make feel like I'm missing something else if that makes sense.
I know about sleep deprivation, I haven't slept properly in 10 years. Been on a trip/holiday a week now, left at 6am after an hour of sleep and have averaged 3 hours night a sleep since then despite camping and drinking. People assume "still" being asleep at noon is just being lazy.

EDIT: Where I am it's an hour later than the time of this post. Going to sleep at a sensible time isn't my strong point.

Last edited by Buttonftw; 18-06-2014 at 04:21.
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18-06-2014, 04:19   #11
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Agreed, though I've realised that the reason my sleep issues and the associated more complicated issues have gone on for as long as they have (I feel really old at 25 now as opposed to 23 when they were starting) is because I was ridiculously immature for my age and clueless. I still am in so many ways, I really am an odd sort, but now I have an idea of how to really get to grips with it (though I know it'll be tough facing it head on, especially at first). What I'm trying to say, and don't think I've been at all successful in arriving at, is to not waste any time no matter how bad things are...I know that is so much more easily said than done, and I hope I don't come across as some preachy "Hey look at me I've seen the light now..come on everyone what's your hold up" type...but however we feel, that's the fact/s. Life isn't for or against us, it just is, all I can speak from is personal experience and admittedly as a bit of a hardheaded type who would have a "I'm going to tackle this hard and make it go down fighting" attitude, but now more than ever I feel one of the most important if not the most important thing in life is hope..if there is no hope, we just got to build something step by step no matter what it is, that taps into our self worth especially...if you can at all, please don't waste another second (not saying anyone intentionally does, at all, trust me I know the feeling and am still in the thick of it, but from today I really want to just live...even if none of my dreams never come true, I HAVE to find the good in today somehow...even if the possibility of being around people who kind of scare me (especially their culture/s) forever frightens me, there has to be good in today..no matter how patchy my memory is because of the sleep issues..got to find something in every day.

God I've always been rambly but this is a mess..apologies
Heh, just read your posts elsewhere, stupid amount of coincidence.
I'll be 26 soon, not worried about that but 4 months later I'll be in my late 20s.
All my friends have moved away. They're out of college a few years with rubbish degrees but in a perfect industry. They're all gone while I have a degree in an area that I'll eventually have to move away if I'm gonna go down that path.
What's your work situation? What do you mean about different "cultures" if you don't mind my asking?
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18-06-2014, 04:23   #12
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Ugh the medication stuff is a nightmare, I've finally found something that doesn't make feel like I'm missing something else if that makes sense.
I know about sleep deprivation, I haven't slept properly in 10 years. Been on a trip/holiday a week now, left at 6am after an hour of sleep and have averaged 3 hours night a sleep since then despite camping and drinking. People assume "still" being asleep at noon is just being lazy.
I know it's an annoying, perhaps patronising cliche, and I clearly don't know your situation which is completely unique to you but in general terms I do think the sleep thing can be solved in many more cases than happens..I mean most people with serious sleep issues eventually...eventually...get to a better place but never anywhere near perfect. What I've heard, and believe through 2 years solid experience, is that despite it being near impossible to implement (I'm gonna give it a go though! ), the 'stategy' with sleep (not including other permanent medical conditions that may have an impact, I'm not any use there sorry) is to join all the dots simultaniously, and consistently...there has to be a start to a sleep plan, it has to remain in place, and there can be no faulting (hence the near impossible bit). What I mean is you have to have exactly the same bedtime, wakeup time, no wakeups in between, the same amount each time, and the same gap between last time sleep and now sleeping. I'm hoping to roll these all into one shortly..somehow.
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18-06-2014, 04:28   #13
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I know it's an annoying, perhaps patronising cliche, and I clearly don't know your situation which is completely unique to you but in general terms I do think the sleep thing can be solved in many more cases than happens..I mean most people with serious sleep issues eventually...eventually...get to a better place but never anywhere near perfect. What I've heard, and believe through 2 years solid experience, is that despite it being near impossible to implement (I'm gonna give it a go though! ), the 'stategy' with sleep (not including other permanent medical conditions that may have an impact, I'm not any use there sorry) is to join all the dots simultaniously, and consistently...there has to be a start to a sleep plan, it has to remain in place, and there can be no faulting (hence the near impossible bit). What I mean is you have to have exactly the same bedtime, wakeup time, no wakeups in between, the same amount each time, and the same gap between last time sleep and now sleeping. I'm hoping to roll these all into one shortly..somehow.
Well on the sleep thing I can only give my perspective
I remember the Tour de France around 2001 when it went to ****. I was finishing primary school, staying up late in the summer and eating cereal til 4am Then started secondary school I was up most of the night but would sleep for an hour after it. Then started some drinking and so on and managed to fit my sleeping pattern around that Last few years I've spent a month as a zombie several times trying to get the sleeping pattern back. It's great til I drink or I have an event that I have to stay up late for, then it's back to square one.

Found sleeping tablets were good short term both in terms of the hours they worked and in terms of how long they should work for
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18-06-2014, 04:33   #14
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Heh, just read your posts elsewhere, stupid amount of coincidence.
I'll be 26 soon, not worried about that but 4 months later I'll be in my late 20s.
All my friends have moved away. They're out of college a few years with rubbish degrees but in a perfect industry. They're all gone while I have a degree in an area that I'll eventually have to move away if I'm gonna go down that path.
What's your work situation? What do you mean about different "cultures" if you don't mind my asking?
Ooh when? Are we of the same school year?
Hmm how does the 4 months later thing work? Is that definitely the cutoff point? I was definitely going with 26 as the end

Hugs to you. Congrats on the degree though - I think there are probably a lot more like us out there so confused even at our old age , it's just a case of finding them.

Ah I'm just different in my thoughts in many different ways, I feel. You wouldn't think it, looking at my life so far and education etc. I just feel I grew up way too late, and before that was just a mindless odd thing..drifting through life would be an understatement - I just never thought at all! Then the last couple of years I've done nothing but think, it's been a very exciting time and I've spoken to people like I never have before..had some really nice moments. But they have been blink and you miss them and on paper I'm a total waster. My only evidence of any hint of potential is a few interesting jobs in the media in my early 20s, and meeting some really cool people (some famous), a few of whom really had faith in me. But it was all bits and pieces and I've not had anything concrete in that career area (only so much people can do for you if you're not ready at this moment). Anywaay..what I'm trying to say is I think very much in my own way/s..I know I'm not alone in that...but I'm a real perfectionist..well in my mind when planning for the future anyway! And since turning 25 it's really hit me hard how much of a move on I need to make. I'm not like my family / people I grew up with at all really..even the best, 'nicest' ones are very hooked into the average way of life thing with not lots of independent thought..in a way I'd love to just go for a job that interests me and forget all this..maybe I will once I've totally nipped the sleep business in the bud..but mainly I'm thinking there really is no more time I really need to blossom like I feel I'm capable of. It terrifies me that this blip with sleep etc will stop me from even starting, just when I was finally ready to in life.

Wow bet you guys are really glad I found this thread eh..essay much
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18-06-2014, 04:37   #15
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Well on the sleep thing I can only give my perspective
I remember the Tour de France around 2001 when it went to ****. I was finishing primary school, staying up late in the summer and eating cereal til 4am Then started secondary school I was up most of the night but would sleep for an hour after it. Then started some drinking and so on and managed to fit my sleeping pattern around that Last few years I've spent a month as a zombie several times trying to get the sleeping pattern back. It's great til I drink or I have an event that I have to stay up late for, then it's back to square one.

Found sleeping tablets were good short term both in terms of the hours they worked and in terms of how long they should work for
Wow you're hardcore!! Again it's easier said than done but throwing yourself into something, distracting yourself from the sleep issues completely as well as making yourself physically tired, can't be bad. Not saying you don't of course, you probably do all the time, ah I don't know what I'm saying but yes don't sell yourself short due to this..it can destroy lives but I think many of us have 9 lives you know...! That's how I feel with this rollercoaster that seems to be coming to some kind of end now..I'm really surprised I've survived (on much the same hours as you sleep wise..to average it out it'd probably be about 6 hrs max for two years..which sounds bad but not too bad..however there have been so many all nighters and 2, 3, 4 hrs)
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