What's the etiquette here??

stefanovich · 01-05-2019 6:01am

Borderfox wrote: »

Priceless, beautiful use of the English language

He should be a writer for Viz.

ILoveYourVibes · 01-05-2019 6:56am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result.

Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:

I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

He did all this without so much as an introduction first? My God!

The protocol is clearly to say 'Good Morning Sir' , 'My name is -- Pleasure to meet you' then offer your hand under the stall for a handshake. Then talk about the weather as he does what nature commands.

partyguinness · 01-05-2019 2:36pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Oh dear, another amateur....lookit if it was a posh hotel it undoubtably had a kettle and one or two cups on a little table.

You use the cups to ‘decant ‘ the sludge or to corral the‘ barrack buster ‘which can be can then be released into what will definitely be there .....a wastebin with a plastic bag liner.

This can be disposed of later creatively

Now next thing is the cups, simply dispose out the window or if that’s not possible into a bag for disposal later.

Then down to brekkie, slip two coffee cups into the bag...back to the room..bang bang all sorted.

No kettle. An Nespresso machine thingy.

I wasn't in a position to leave the bathroom without drawing undue attention to my predicament which was my ultimate aim.

Brendan Bendar · 01-05-2019 2:49pm

partyguinness wrote: »

No kettle. An Nespresso machine thingy.

I wasn't in a position to leave the bathroom without drawing undue attention to my predicament which was my ultimate aim.

I never put the kettle into the problem Party.

The fcuking cups.... cups.... they were the players.

Decant the load into the bin, pull the bag out, hoy it over the wall, dispose of it creatively, horse it into an unattended bin in the corridor, get rid of the fcuker.

Getting a bit annoyed here....

partyguinness · 01-05-2019 3:02pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I never put the kettle into the problem Party.

The fcuking cups.... cups.... they were the players.

Decant the load into the bin, pull the bag out, hoy it over the wall, dispose of it creatively, horse it into an unattended bin in the corridor, get rid of the fcuker.

Getting a bit annoyed here....

There were a few of those teeny tiny espresso cups. Now if you think I am going to unleash into one of those...think again.

I couldn't even fit by balls into one cup let alone two days worth of arse juice. You don't have to think about it too long to know what a mess that would turn into.

Using the actual toilet is my preferred default option

Brendan Bendar · 01-05-2019 3:07pm

partyguinness wrote: »

There were a few of those teeny tiny espresso cups. Now if you think I am going to unleash into one of those...think again.

I couldn't even fit by balls into one cup let alone two days worth of arse juice. You don't have to think about it too long to know what a mess that would turn into.

Using the actual toilet is my preferred deferred option

Don’t go to that fcuking establishment again is all I can say.

Daithi101 · 01-05-2019 3:10pm

So if your an android phone user there is a function called "nearby". Basically interacts with apps on your phone.

Now some genius was obviously reading this thread as there is also an app called "TripToilet" which will show you all nearby toilet and also has them rated. Havent yet tested it for Irish facilities.

Could come in handy for some of ye lads, especially given the recent talk of "Lidl" bags etc.

At least you will be able to avail of some decent porcelain to drop a load inand not sh!tting in bags on the side of the road.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-05-2019 3:10pm

partyguinness wrote: »

There were a few of those teeny tiny espresso cups. Now if you think I am going to unleash into one of those...think again.

I couldn't even fit by balls into one cup let alone two days worth of arse juice. You don't have to think about it too long to know what a mess that would turn into.

Using the actual toilet is my preferred deferred option

Could you have gotten it into the shower? Then you could just “toe” it down the hole.

Brendan Bendar · 01-05-2019 3:14pm

Daithi101 wrote: »

So if your an android phone user there is a function called "nearby". Basically interacts with apps on your phone.

Now some genius was obviously reading this thread as there is also an app called "TripToilet" which will show you all nearby toilet and also has them rated. Havent yet tested it for Irish facilities.

Could come in handy for some of ye lads, especially given the recent talk of "Lidl" bags etc.

At least you will be able to avail of some decent porcelain to drop a load inand not sh!tting in bags on the side of the road.

Try that on the road between Rusape and Mutare...

Daithi101 · 01-05-2019 3:18pm

Brendan Bendar wrote:

Try that on the road between Rusape and Mutare...

Well I suppose exceptionally situations call for exceptionally circustances.

But I suppose it is always better to prepared then caught short.

RollieFingers · 01-05-2019 3:24pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Could you have gotten it into the shower? Then you could just “toe” it down the hole.

Jaysus Emmet, that's a bit of a nuclear option, don't know if I'd fancy 'toeing' it. Needs must though of course.

JohnnyFlash · 01-05-2019 3:35pm

Daithi101 wrote: »

Well I suppose exceptionally situations call for exceptionally circustances.

But I suppose it is always better to prepared then caught short.

Everyone gets caught short from time to time. It’s just a part of being human. You could set your pocket watch to my bowel movements most of the time, but other times you think you’ve emptied the chamber only to find yourself urgently trying to find a boombox to empty the shrapnel into.

A Lidl bag is far better than filling your slacks or jorts with thick gouts of hot and sour midden.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-05-2019 3:39pm

Daithi101 wrote: »

Now some genius was obviously reading this thread as there is also an app called "TripToilet" which will show you all nearby toilet and also has them rated. Havent yet tested it for Irish facilities.

Well, I, for one, will be giving every perfect facility a terrible review.

I certainly don’t want any of the animals you get in work shítting all over the seat and smearing used toilet paper on the walls. Then there’s the snot stickers, another clear “toilet foul”.

Utter Consternation · 01-05-2019 3:47pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Getting a bit annoyed here....

You sound a bit bound up there Brenner.

Relax 'bro.'

JohnnyFlash · 01-05-2019 3:51pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You sound a bit bound up there Brenner.

Relax 'bro.'

A diet of pork scratchings and microwaveable cheeseburgers will do that to a fella. He must have a serious dose of ‘Johnny Giles’ as well.

Brendan Bendar · 01-05-2019 3:59pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You sound a bit bound up there Brenner.

Relax 'bro.'

Fair point..... got a bit hot around the rim.

Soz lads....

Utter Consternation · 01-05-2019 4:07pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Fair point..... got a bit hot around the rim.

Soz lads....

Very easy get caught up in the moment. It is a very contentious issue after all.

A class act Brenner, no need for the show of humility.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-05-2019 4:44pm

Speaking of humility, I just had quite a humbling experience. Stepped out of the lift and into an adjoining corridor, no one around so I let out a real trumpeting fart.

Was a little too casual with the cut off, a bit more choke and she would have started, if you catch my drift.

I actually did a quick scuttle into the jacks and tested the area with some bog roll, just in case. All clear but it really did bring me down to earth.

Be carful out there lads, and lassies.

Utter Consternation · 01-05-2019 4:46pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Speaking of humility, I just had quite a humbling experience. Stepped out of the lift and into an adjoining corridor, no one around so I let out a real trumpeting fart.

Was a little to casual with the cut off, a bit more choke and she would have started, if you catch my drift.

I actually did a quick scuttle into the jacks and tested the area with some bog roll, just in case. All clear but it really did bring me down to earth.

Be carful out there lads, and lassies.

You played fart roulette and won. Some people are not so lucky.

JohnnyFlash · 01-05-2019 4:59pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You played fart roulette and won. Some people are not so lucky.

The gamble

EmmetSpiceland · 01-05-2019 5:11pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The gamble

You got to know when to hold ‘em.

Bobblehats · 01-05-2019 5:22pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You got to know when to hold ‘em.

But of paramount importance; and the reason we do so indulge is when to offload it.

My sweet release may well be overbearing for some and so I always test the waters with the gaseous odoùr which may or may not precede a sneaky peak

Pero_Bueno · 02-05-2019 12:18am

Speaking of fart roulette, I remember one night back in college we had been drinking since noon, and then went out for some fast food meal, the food probably tasted nice at the time, but adding in a gallon of carlsberg and a few guinness didn't add well to the mix.

I was on the dance floor busting some moves (well randomly moving to my own beat) when I was 100% confident of a dry fart coming, let it rip as it was back in the smoking days so no one would smell the thing - only for a hot gout of watery midden to exit my arsehole and roll down my legs.
Hot tailed it to the jax and did the best clean up job I could - left the place and had to walk home, I could hardly get a taxi home could I ?

I was living in Raheny at the time, it's about 1h45m walk from town to Raheny , I'd always get a bit nervous going through North Strand and Fairview, but once I'd be along Killester I'd be fine and enjoying the walk - mind you, I doubt any attackers would have come near me that night, the stench of rotten kippers would have knocked a troop of sewage workers out.

Hector Savage · 02-05-2019 9:57am

This thread is the gift that keeps giving, it's almost a competition at this stage on who the best Ross O Carrol Kelly/Viz/Irvine Welsh writer is !

partyguinness · 02-05-2019 10:22am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Could you have gotten it into the shower? Then you could just “toe” it down the hole.

Jesus man that's cold.

That will just open up a whole new dimension of horror. A blocked shower cubicle filling up with last nights dinner floating around your feet plus you are naked.

I have no interest in picking bits of pepper and carrot from between my toes.

The horror is endless.

partyguinness · 02-05-2019 10:48am

Out running last night on a 10k woodland trail with a new guy who joined us 2 weeks ago but he is anything but new. Late 50s, weathered tanned face that's a cross between Keith Richards and Iggy Pop- a veteran of over 90 marathons and already nicknamed the 'Warhorse'.

Running up a hill got some tell tale grumbles in the pit of the stomach. No interest playing fart roulette 5km from facilities in running shorts so I stopped to assess the situation while Warhorse ran on. Carefully let out a fart and caught up with him.

Me: 'Just a bit of trapped wind.'
Warhorse: 'So you farted.'
Me: 'Yes'

Warhorse and I will get on just fine. He knows the score.

Hector Savage · 02-05-2019 11:03am

partyguinness wrote: »

Out running last night on a 10k woodland trail with a new guy who joined us 2 weeks ago but he is anything but new. Late 50s, weathered tanned face that's a cross between Keith Richards and Iggy Pop- a veteran of over 90 marathons and already nicknamed the 'Warhorse'.

Running up a hill got some tell tale grumbles in the pit of the stomach. No interest playing fart roulette 5km from facilities in running shorts so I stopped to assess the situation while Warhorse ran on. Carefully let out a fart and caught up with him.

Me: 'Just a bit of trapped wind.'
Warhorse: 'So you farted.'
Me: 'Yes'

Warhorse and I will get on just fine. He knows the score.

I'd say the warhorse has some stories to tell if he's a seasoned runner, get him on this thread

!

Utter Consternation · 02-05-2019 11:16am

partyguinness wrote: »

Jesus man that's cold.

That will just open up a whole new dimension of horror. A blocked shower cubicle filling up with last nights dinner floating around your feet plus you are naked.

I have no interest in picking bits of pepper and carrot from between my toes.

The horror is endless.

The dead eyes of a psychopath, staring at the turd as he slowly pushes it down the plughole.

JohnnyFlash · 02-05-2019 11:36am

Had a proper feed of porter last night watching the Liverpool game last night, and also had a large portion of extra-hot chicken wings. Woke up this morning with an absolute belter of a headache, but had to go into the office regardless. Was driving past the McDonald's on East Wall Road and decided I'd head in for the breakfast - a double sausage and egg McMuffin, and a double bacon and sausage McMuffin. Two cups of coffee as well. I was only half way through the 2nd cup when I got a terrible cramp in my stomach , and a low and ominous rumbling sound. I had to get to a shítter - pronto. Bounded up the stairs 3 steps at a time, crashed through the door of the jacks, into the first cubicle, and released a huge load of liquid arse caramel. 'Shelved' most of it, and there was even specks of it right under the toilet seat. Had a little chuckle, then went to start the clean-up operation. Disaster! No TP for my bunghole! Not as much as a single solitary sheet.

Panicked for a few moments, but then started to put a plan into place - I'd trouser up, and see if the disabled toilets had more adequate supplies. I was as nervous as a taxi driver with 10 penalty points as I left the gents, and shuffled slowly and deliberately down the corridor to the disabled can. Be just the sort of time you'd bump into an old flame, or some gimp you play golf with wanting to have a chat about fundraising to redo the bunkers on the back 9. Thankfully the coast was clear, and the toilet had plenty of toilet paper. I'll admit there had been a small bit of 'spread' during my journey of survival, and a large amount of paperwork was required to bring the 'valley of death' back to 'Blue Flag' status. One of the things I do like about using the disabled toilets is those taps you can turn on with your elbow. There's also that bar beside the can that you could use for support if you are struggling to pass a bolus, but I've never had to rely on it.

Feel much better now, and will head to Punchstown this afternoon with an empty colon and a couple of hot tips I intend to lash the money on.

Voodoomelon · 02-05-2019 12:03pm

Question, how did you notice there was speckles of arse spray on the underside of the seat? Was it a case of lifting it in the hope you'd get a chuckle out of it? If so, kudos.

JohnnyFlash · 02-05-2019 12:10pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Question, how did you notice there was speckles of arse spray on the underside of the seat? Was it a case of lifting it in the hope you'd get a chuckle out of it? If so, kudos.

I lifted my arse cheeks slightly from the seat and took a very quick peek to see if things were as bad as I thought. They were and I could see that most of it was ‘walled’ with a very large ‘fallout zone’.

partyguinness · 02-05-2019 12:25pm

Stop...I am cracking up here.

Doctors room ghost · 02-05-2019 1:08pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I lifted my arse cheeks slightly from the seat and took a very quick peek to see if things were as bad as I thought. They were and I could see that most of it was ‘walled’ with a very large ‘fallout zone’.

It’s like blowing your nose johnny.its human nature to open the tissue to check the product before binning it.
It’s the same when you open the bomb doors and there’s a mass evacuation.its a built in human nature instinct to check on the outgoing goods to make sure there are no problems in the manufacturing department and that you are firing on all cylinders so to speak.

I remember one time I donated blood and the nurse said to take something for iron. The missus was pregnant at the time and she was on galfer so I spotted them and says they’ll do the job.i took two cos they were small and harmless looking.
Anyway fast forward and the following day I was in the old “post office” sending out my mail and when I stood up I instinctively checked the outgoing mail sitting pretty in the bowl.
Jet black she was.got the fright of my life.looked like something a coal miner would leave after him.
Had to get on the old dr google to see what was happening and ensure I wasn’t going to die from a rare form of blackus turdus.turns out galfer can in fact turn the bombers black.a known side effect.
Last time I double dropped a galfer.

Hector Savage · 02-05-2019 1:53pm

Art.

JF should receive a commission per post/thank on this thread

Brendan Bendar · 02-05-2019 5:05pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Question, how did you notice there was speckles of arse spray on the underside of the seat? Was it a case of lifting it in the hope you'd get a chuckle out of it? If so, kudos.

What the lad experienced there was,to use an aviation term ‘a microburst’ where a very strong ‘downdraught’ creates a very unstable situation close to the ground.

Before unloading in unstable profile it’s always best to assess this phenomenon as if the muzzle is close to ‘ground zero’ there can be severe ‘backdraught’ which can coat the extended units in a thin skein of sour scutter, that’s the ballbag and biffers ridge and possibly the knob and helmet.

Best to fire from ‘the shotgun’ in these forecast situations as the force will dissipate over the latrine furniture but leave the ‘launch pad area’ clear of contamination.

Hope that helps train folk to handle tricky manouvers such as this.

EmmetSpiceland · 02-05-2019 5:48pm

Ah you can see if you’ve splattered or speckled the upper rim with some blast discharge when you stand up and you know if it’s there then it’s probably under the seat itself.

I’ve had some poor luck in the toilets recently and that’s continued into today. Had a few pints last night and the first trip to the bog was very loud. The stool itself was soft and very dark.

The impact of the gassy farts meant it felt like my hole was coughing out black porridge. There was a lot of unwanted splashback whenever the expelled dump slapped the water.

That was the first of four or five trips in, the last one was squittsy. Not a lot of volume but a lot of heat and noise in sharp, short, bursts. Very uncomfortable.

I’m hoping a slight detox over the weekend will bring this rotten run to an end.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 02-05-2019 6:23pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Ah you can see if you’ve splattered or speckled the upper rim with some blast discharge when you stand up and you know if it’s there then it’s probably under the seat itself.

I’ve had some poor luck in the toilets recently and that’s continued into today. Had a few pints last night and the first trip to the bog was very loud. The stool itself was soft and very dark.

The impact of the gassy farts meant it felt like my hole was coughing out black porridge. There was a lot of unwanted splashback whenever the expelled dump slapped the water.

That was the first of four or five trips in, the last one was squittsy. Not a lot of volume but a lot of heat and noise in sharp, short, bursts. Very uncomfortable.

I’m hoping a slight detox over the weekend will bring this rotten run to an end.

Emmet, you were the one who advised covering the bowl with TP prior to splattering to prevent splashback. Did you not follow your own advice?

EmmetSpiceland · 02-05-2019 6:47pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Emmet, you were the one who advised covering the bowl with TP prior to splattering to prevent splashback. Did you not follow your own advice?

No. And I lived to regret it, P.

It wasn’t just the cheeks that got splashed, I took a cold jet right to the bulls(brown)eye. Caused me to jolt as it hit, nearly let out a shriek.

I’m just glad tomorrow is Friday. I know I spoke of a detox but I can’t help but feel that four pints of stout would settle things down.

Hotblack Desiato · 02-05-2019 10:24pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Stepped out of the lift and into an adjoining corridor, no one around so I let out a real trumpeting fart.

Missed opportunity there, you could have left the next lift passenger a little 'gift gas' as they used to call it in WWII

By the time they 'get it' the doors are closed, the lift is moving and it's too late to escape. :cool:

EmmetSpiceland · 02-05-2019 11:21pm

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Missed opportunity there, you could have left the next lift passenger a little 'gift gas' as they used to call it in WWII

By the time they 'get it' the doors are closed, the lift is moving and it's too late to escape. :cool:

Dirty pool, HD.

Utter Consternation · 03-05-2019 9:22am

I heard a story about an auld one that uses the jacks in Galway Train Station. She goes in, takes a massive sh1t, covers it in toilet paper and sets fire to it. Apparently it has set the fire alarm off on numerous occasions. So if you ever see them doing a fire drill down there, it's probably because some auld one has torched her turds in the can.

Anyone ever heard of this type of carry on? Is it a fetish or some old time method for getting rid of 'the evidence?'

Hector Savage · 03-05-2019 9:38am

Had a meeting there, usually I'm grand in the mornings and am quite carefull to have any "movements" sorted before a meeting.
This morning however I was a little careless and had a large coffee before the meeting.
We use Microsoft Teams as most of my colleagues are in different offices around Europe.
So normally if one needs to step out, it's barely noticed, of course just as I was about to excuse myself one lad over in the UK says "Hector can you give us an update on ...... "

F*ck me! just as the turtles head was poking out of the sheriffs badge too ..

Don't know how I composed myself, but managed to briefly speak and explain things for about 5 mins - of course then some other prick asks a question ..... finally finished up and casually skipped to the jacks, got the wranglers barely to the knees when there was a hot ejection of loose spluttery coffee coloured midden splattering on the freshly cleaned pewter.
The relief!!
Feels great afterwards, to get that toxic radioactive waste out of one's body.
clean hands, and have a nice new coffee in front of me!!!

Bliss..

Hector Savage · 03-05-2019 9:41am

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I heard a story about an auld one that uses the jacks in Galway Train Station. She goes in, takes a massive sh1t, covers it in toilet paper and sets fire to it. Apparently it has set the fire alarm off on numerous occasions. So if you ever see them doing a fire drill down there, it's probably because some auld one has torched her turds in the can.

Anyone ever heard of this type of carry on? Is it a fetish or some old time method for getting rid of 'the evidence?'

Too big to flush ?
it's a weird one allright, I wouldn't think shit would burn either.

JohnnyFlash · 03-05-2019 9:41am

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I heard a story about an auld one that uses the jacks in Galway Train Station. She goes in, takes a massive sh1t, covers it in toilet paper and sets fire to it. Apparently it has set the fire alarm off on numerous occasions. So if you ever see them doing a fire drill down there, it's probably because some auld one has torched her turds in the can.

Anyone ever heard of this type of carry on? Is it a fetish or some old time method for getting rid of 'the evidence?'

There’s a lot of oddballs and weirdos in Galway, Utter. Was she a Connie?

Utter Consternation · 03-05-2019 9:45am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

There’s a lot of oddballs and weirdos in Galway, Utter. Was she a Connie?

No, East Galway. One would think that someone with a predilection for that type of thing would come from the west side of the county. They're pure muck savages out there.

EmmetSpiceland · 03-05-2019 10:29am

That’s barbaric behaviour, UC. Barbaric.

Was just thinking there of a tip I once got for situations where you’ve left streaks or a bad smell in a work, or public, toilet.

Before you exit the cubicle lift up the seat, grab a bit of toilet paper, act like you’re blowing your nose and once the door is open throw the paper into the bowl to “cover your tracks”, as it were.

If any miscreant is breaching toilet etiquette by waiting for you to come out they’ll be thrown by the seat being up and the paper will disguise the mess you’ve left behind.

Nothing wrong with maintaining a little mystery.

JohnnyFlash · 03-05-2019 10:30am

Some advice needed. I’ve a long journey coming up this morning - driving to North Donegal. Now I’ve currently no great desire to visit a latrine. There’s something a baking down there, but I’d say I have another hour or two to spare. Do I visit the jacks now and try and squeeze it out - the old clutching your knees, grunting and grimacing, doing those deep breathing exercises like a woman about to give birth, maybe take a hold of the toilet paper dispenser for extra leverage? Or should I wait until I’m on the road to find a facility and just sluice it out? Please note I’ll be smoking heavily and drinking about a litre of coffee on the way up there, so I might not have the luxury of time to find a dunny. And I don’t want to have to hop a gate and have do dump al fresco.

Utter Consternation · 03-05-2019 10:31am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s barbaric behaviour, UC. Barbaric.

Was just thinking there of a tip I once got for situations where you’ve left streaks or a bad smell in a work, or public, toilet.

Before you exit the cubicle lift up the seat, grab a bit of toilet paper, act like you’re blowing your nose and once the door is open throw the paper into the bowl to “cover your tracks”, as it were.

If any miscreant is breaching toilet etiquette by waiting for you to come out they’ll be thrown by the seat being up and the paper will disguise the mess you’ve left behind.

Nothing wrong with maintaining a little mystery.

All smoke and mirrors. The David Blaine of taking sh1ts.

Hector Savage · 03-05-2019 10:39am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Some advice needed. I’ve a long journey coming up this morning - driving to North Donegal. Now I’ve currently no great desire to visit a latrine. There’s something a baking down there, but I’d say I have another hour or two to spare. Do I visit the jacks now and try and squeeze it out - the old clutching your knees, grunting and grimacing, doing those deep breathing exercises like a woman about to give birth, maybe take a hold of the toilet paper dispenser for extra leverage? Or should I wait until I’m on the road to find a facility and just sluice it out? Please note I’ll be smoking heavily and drinking about a litre of coffee on the way up there, so I might not have the luxury of time to find a dunny. And I don’t want to have to hop a gate and have do dump al fresco.

I'd go now JF, just dump whatever is in the hull at the moment, no need to bust a gut.

Otherwise (especially with the coffee) you could have a serious situation by 11.30

EmmetSpiceland · 03-05-2019 10:43am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Some advice needed. I’ve a long journey coming up this morning - driving to North Donegal. Now I’ve currently no great desire to visit a latrine. There’s something a baking down there, but I’d say I have another hour or two to spare. Do I visit the jacks now and try and squeeze it out - the old clutching your knees, grunting and grimacing, doing those deep breathing exercises like a woman about to give birth, maybe take a hold of the toilet paper dispenser for extra leverage? Or should I wait until I’m on the road to find a facility and just sluice it out? Please note I’ll be smoking heavily and drinking about a litre of coffee on the way up there, so I might not have the luxury of time to find a dunny. And I don’t want to have to hop a gate and have do dump al fresco.

Sorry, Johnny, when you say “north Donegal” are we talking Gweedore or the Moville north?

Either way, I’d hold off on dropping a stressful, forced, pre-travel dump. You don’t want to blow your arse inside out or suffer some sort of burst blood vessel in your head.

If you’re heading towards Moville I’d save it all up for a particularly nasty and vile evacuation in Portadown. If you think of it try down a jar of pickled gherkin juice and cod liver oil.

If it’s the Gweedore area I’d just tip the load at The Diamond in Monaghan town. Wouldn’t go seasoning the mess but still be sure to leave the good people with a smile and a nod as you go on your way.

Have a safe trip, chief.

What's the etiquette here??

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