Are working with or against you spouse/OH

Deleted User wrote: »

The way we do it ourselves is to work out the ratios of our earnings and divvie up our expenses in relation to that. So regardless of what we earn if something is costing me 20% of my salary to pay - then it is costing them 20% of theirs too.

If after all my expenses I have 25% of my salary left to save or spend - they both do too.

It does mean the person earning more pays more - but that has never bothered us - we just stick our relevant % into a joint expense account every month and all the bills and households come out of that.

Candie wrote: »

Incomes are combined and treated as household income, we earn similar salaries. I work from home a great deal and find myself doing much more in the house simply because I'm there and it's handier. I don't insist he pays more of the bills because I throw the vacuum around more often than he does.

Most people try to maximise the benefit of any situation to the couple, not the individual.

Deleted User wrote: »

Amazing though is it not that when asked _directly_ for some of that evidence all you can do is wave your hands and assure me there is loads of it. Yet some how - you got nuttin. Quelle Suprise.

So you got nothing but assumptions. Meanwhile in the real world there are many relationships not conforming to your imaginary template that are working out perfectly fine - as are their children and their finances and their household lives.

Navel gazing too deeply makes one miss the real world around you. Look up and out from time to time.

Deleted User wrote: »

Cop out excuses because you simply have not got any of the evidence you pretend there is loads of really I called it - live with it.

The old "I cant find evidence so I will try and make you find it yourself" trick has been tried and failed on boards so many times before. Doubt anyone falls for it. Your claim - your onus of proof. Generally boards etiquette is if you make the claim you back it up. No one will do it for you.

The bully for you here is that the deck is stacked against you. I am already well versed in much of the literature on the subject of relationship types and alternatives. I have likely read closely a hell of a lot more if it than you. I know there has been little or no back up for claims that one construct is the "ideal". And by some measures others - like lesbian parents for example - have proven superior in some studies.

The simple fact of the matter is - there are many relationships out there. With different combinations of personalities and genders and careers and hopes and dreams. And they run their relationships internally in many different ways - by many different criteria - and with varying divisions of labour and finances (you remember - that stuff the thread is actually about?) - Successfully.

So the idea there is some "template" they should be working by in order to be a success - is your fantasy only. When someone says how their own relationship functions and you declare from your pedestal built of assumption that "But relationships and families don’t work that way." - again this is your fantasy only - and the only thing "crystal clear" is that you have no evidence to the contrary to offer. "can't be bothered" is a phrase that is exactly two words too long really.

Actually from what I can see on the thread so far you are the only one extrapolating a broad argument out of a single idea. You appear to have one concept of one single way relationships tend to function. And they often do function that way. So there is nothing wrong with that per se.

But from this you think you have access to some "template" of the right way - or ideal way - or best way - or perhaps even the _only_ way relationships can or should function. And that is where you stray from perfectly coherent into perfectly nonsensical.

This is unfortunately a common error in the human species. They find one thing that works well for them - a relationship method - a parenting methodology - a fitness regime - a new diet - or whatever - and they act like they have hit on "the answer" to everything - like their way is the best way and everyone else could do as well as them if only they would do it that way too.

Such people tend to disappear so far into their own navel they simply forget to reality check with the world against them - and the like you simply miss the fact that there are innumerable counter examples of people doing it entirely different - but just as well and successfully. And when called on it - they quickly realise they can not back up their concepts - so they retreat behind "I cant be bothered" or "Go find the evidence yourself" types of cop outs because they know they themselves simply got nuttin.

Stateofyou wrote: »

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/02/06/children-raised-by-same-sex-couples-do-better-school-new-study-finds/

From the article:

"The researchers found that children raised by same-sex couples had higher test scores in elementary and secondary school and were about 7 percent more likely to graduate from high school than children raised by different-sex couples.

The study by economists Deni Mazrekaj, Kristof de Witte and Sofie Cabus of Belgian university KU Leuven used government data tracking all children born in the Netherlands since 1995. The Netherlands was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage in 2001 and has generally been one of the most supportive nations for same-sex couples.

The data from the Netherlands echo a 2014 study from Australia that found children of same-sex couples are generally happier and healthier than their peers, possibly because gay and lesbian couples share parenting and home work more equally."

Stateofyou wrote: »

I'm guessing you probably miss many things you refuse to see. :pac: