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29-12-2020, 10:32   #31
Caranica
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+1 from me.
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29-12-2020, 10:36   #32
iambeave
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Would love to see a Boards forum specifically for this. Ireland is still a tough place to admit you don't want to have kids in. I started a Meetup group this time last year for women who are childfree by choice. It was based on a survey of over 300 women in Ireland, many of whom wanted to meet and connect with other childfree by choice women.

As far as I'm aware, it's the only meetup group based in Ireland focusing on this topic. We have a monthly virtual get-together (unfortunately I started the group just a few months before lockdown so we had only around 4 in-person events).

https://www.meetup.com/Sisterhood-Ch...les-By-Choice/

We talk about a lot of the topics that were mentioned. There's definitely a need to have a lot more forums, discussion groups, etc on this topic.

Last edited by iambeave; 29-12-2020 at 10:52.
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29-12-2020, 10:46   #33
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What about poor Bert?

It's a +1 for me.
Maybe Bert has 4 legs?

+1 for me.
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29-12-2020, 11:25   #34
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I don't know if being childfree by choice would garner enough interest to merit its own forum. The absence of something isn't enough to generate traffic. I'm just struggling to see how it could sustain itself without going down a predictable path of complaining about children and their parents or comments from people.

A lot of the stuff mentioned regarding cars, holidays etc might suit other groups too but they wouldn't always be CFBC. For example, I have older kids, I certainly have an interest in child free holiday destinations but I'm not child free so would I be inclined to check out such a group or be welcome in it? Also if you choose to live a life without children, why would you want to talk about them so much??

So would a child free forum be better, one that caters to those who are CFBC or who have not reached that point in their lives yet or who have adult kids and therefore aren't quite in the Parenting forums either?

But look, there seems to be a lot of support for it anyway so would that be enough of a reason to go for it

+1

Last edited by eviltwin; 29-12-2020 at 13:52.
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29-12-2020, 11:42   #35
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At the risk of upsetting a load of apple carts, I would think that this:
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* To chat with like-minded people socially
is probably the strongest argument against creating such a forum. It's pretty much the very definition of a social media bubble, and contrary to the spirit of a broad-based discussion platform like boards.ie

I'll admit that I'm struggling to understand how anyone who has chosen the child-free life could find themselves so suffocated by children, children, everywhere that they need a safe space to talk about not having children? I am (involuntarily) leading a child-free life at the moment (they grew up and left! ) and I think my only boards.ie contribution in several months that's referred to them in any way was an oblique reference to citizenship application in the Brexit thread.

Other than that, surely it is overall more positive to have some contrary views on any particular query (child-free hotels, child-free trains, child-free restaurants, child-free festivals ... ) that help to guide one's decision-making? There's a question in the Entrepreneur forum today about the practicalities of adding a vegetarian café to an arts-and-crafts business. I would say that's a far better place to get balanced, realistic advice for that particular query than in Vegetarian forum.

And I'd agree with osarusan: putting childfree-by-choice discussions into the same category as can't-have-children conversations is seriously disturbed logic!
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29-12-2020, 12:00   #36
Faith
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Originally Posted by eviltwin View Post
I don't know if being childfree by choice would garner enough interest to merit its own forum. The absence of something isn't enough to generate traffic. I'm just struggling to see how it could sustain itself without going down a predictable path of complaining about children and their parents or comments from people.

A lot of the stuff mentioned regarding cars, holidays etc might suit other groups too but they wouldn't always be CFBC. For example, I have older kids, I certainly have an interest in child free holiday destinations but I'm not child free so would I be inclined to check out such a group or be welcome in it?

So would a child free forum be better, one that caters to those who are CFBC or who have not reached that point in their lives yet or who have adult kids and therefore aren't quite in the Parenting forums either?

But look, there seems to be a lot of support for it anyway so would that be enough of a reason to go for it

+1
Good questions. I personally wouldn't want it to be exclusionary in nature, so I reckon there's room for both. I'd be a bit surprised if there were many topics on cars and holidays, tbh, because as has been said, the absence of kids doesn't make it harder to buy a car!

Like most, it would probably involve a bit of trial-and-error to get the right balance. I think there's definitely a group of people who'll have had their kids quite young and are now at a phase in life where the kids are basically self-sufficient, but many of their friends will just now be having kids and that would probably feel a bit isolating as well. I suspect that cohort might enjoy a social space that is childfree at times as well. I also imagine there's lots of people who are on the fence about having kids who'd like to have space to explore both sides, who'd also be welcome.

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Originally Posted by CelticRambler View Post
Other than that, surely it is overall more positive to have some contrary views on any particular query (child-free hotels, child-free trains, child-free restaurants, child-free festivals ... ) that help to guide one's decision-making?
Again, it's missing the point to suggest that it would just be a forum for recommendations about child free XYZ, and I would respectfully suggest that interpretation stems from not recognising the complexities that can be associated with choosing not to have children - things like social pressures, social isolation, worries about the future, fears about regret, and a multitude of others.

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And I'd agree with osarusan: putting childfree-by-choice discussions into the same category as can't-have-children conversations is seriously disturbed logic!
If I've made such a suggestion, then I apologise for any hurt or offence it may cause. If I did, then it was borne from an attempt to be inclusionary rather than exclusionary, rather than suggesting they're one and the same idea.
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29-12-2020, 14:01   #37
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Again, it's missing the point to suggest that it would just be a forum for recommendations about child free XYZ, and I would respectfully suggest that interpretation stems from not recognising the complexities that can be associated with choosing not to have children - things like social pressures, social isolation, worries about the future, fears about regret, and a multitude of others.
This is precisely the part that, to me, seems particularly inappropriate to "wall off" in a childfree forum. Taking social isolation as an example, especially in (but not limited to) the current context - it's entirely possible to be struggle with social isolation even if one does have children: they might be stranded somewhere else, they might not care about you, they might be dead ...

and if social isolation is really that much of a problem, is it because you have no other friends or neighbours, you're working from home and don't meet work colleagues, you're struggling without your weekly round of pints ... ?

Even if a thread was kept to "social isolation affecting child-free people, you're still looking at young adults who haven't yet thought about having children, or the guy whose faithful bethrothed is be stuck on the far side of the world and he can't make them alone, or the career-oriented woman who child-free by choice.

For any given topic, chances are you can take the "child" bit out of the question, replace it with some other adjective and find a thread on it in Personal Issues or Work & Employment. On those threads, by and large the contributors will completely respect any poster who indicates that they don't have and don't (immediately/ever) want children, and the simple fact of having children doesn't make their advice irrelevant. This is why I'd ask: what is the advantage of hiding any such questions in an obscure corner of the site?
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29-12-2020, 14:20   #38
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+1 I think it would be a great idea.
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29-12-2020, 14:37   #39
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+1

As someone who has never wanted kids, it's been a struggle to keep some friendships alive when they have kids, so a social online space of like minded people is a great idea.
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29-12-2020, 17:18   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iambeave View Post
Would love to see a Boards forum specifically for this. Ireland is still a tough place to admit you don't want to have kids in. I started a Meetup group this time last year for women who are childfree by choice. It was based on a survey of over 300 women in Ireland, many of whom wanted to meet and connect with other childfree by choice women.

As far as I'm aware, it's the only meetup group based in Ireland focusing on this topic. We have a monthly virtual get-together (unfortunately I started the group just a few months before lockdown so we had only around 4 in-person events).

https://www.meetup.com/Sisterhood-Ch...les-By-Choice/

We talk about a lot of the topics that were mentioned. There's definitely a need to have a lot more forums, discussion groups, etc on this topic.

Could I ask, out of curiousity, why you'd restrict such a thing to women-only?


"Childfree by choice" seems to be an already small percentage of the population, many of whom struggle along and find it difficult to discuss - it seems backwards to me to introduce gender segregation from the word go..?
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29-12-2020, 17:25   #41
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+1

As someone who has never wanted kids, it's been a struggle to keep some friendships alive when they have kids, so a social online space of like minded people is a great idea.
If that's the purpose, well this idea is on a hiding to nothing. Notwithstanding the fact that this forum, if it comes into being will end up being a bitter old ghost town, defined by a negative, relationships in online forums through pseudonyms are never going to replace quality in-person friendships.
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29-12-2020, 17:27   #42
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If that's the purpose, well this idea is on a hiding to nothing. Notwithstanding the fact that this forum, if it comes into being will end up being a bitter old ghost town, defined by a negative, relationships in online forums through pseudonyms are never going to replace quality in-person friendships.
I think your -1 has been noted, no need to resort to being abusive. No-one will force you to post there, promise.
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29-12-2020, 17:33   #43
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29-12-2020, 17:40   #44
MrMusician18
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I think your -1 has been noted, no need to resort to being abusive. No-one will force you to post there, promise.
I didn't abuse anyone, thanks.

This site has so many sub-forums it's ended up that any conversation can now be categorized as more rightly belonging in some dead corner of the site. It's one of the reasons the site is dying. For example take tattoos and piercing forum, which in sure someone thought was a great idea, like this one. If I wanted advice on this topic I would have to go in that zombie forum, or would be moved there by a zealous mod (as you are not allowed to post for traffic), killing the discussion.

Normally for the creation of sub-forums there is consistent production of threads in another forum that could be considered to fall under that topic. Aside from this thread, I haven't seen any childless by choice threads, anywhere on the site, so there certainly isn't enough to fill a forum. Can you show us, as the proposer, say 10-15 threads created in the last six months that would've ended up moved to your new forum?

If the idea is to create a space for like minded people to gather to chat then perhaps a FB group is more appropriate. Oh wait, that exists and is dead...

Last edited by MrMusician18; 29-12-2020 at 18:27.
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29-12-2020, 20:33   #45
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I didn't abuse anyone, thanks.

This site has so many sub-forums it's ended up that any conversation can now be categorized as more rightly belonging in some dead corner of the site. It's one of the reasons the site is dying. For example take tattoos and piercing forum, which in sure someone thought was a great idea, like this one. If I wanted advice on this topic I would have to go in that zombie forum, or would be moved there by a zealous mod (as you are not allowed to post for traffic), killing the discussion.

Normally for the creation of sub-forums there is consistent production of threads in another forum that could be considered to fall under that topic. Aside from this thread, I haven't seen any childless by choice threads, anywhere on the site, so there certainly isn't enough to fill a forum. Can you show us, as the proposer, say 10-15 threads created in the last six months that would've ended up moved to your new forum?

If the idea is to create a space for like minded people to gather to chat then perhaps a FB group is more appropriate. Oh wait, that exists and is dead...

I don’t imagine the idea or purpose of the proposed forum is intended solely as a place where people who are interested or curious about a lifestyle can go to looking for advice as to how to go about that lifestyle. I would see it as intended as a place where people who live that lifestyle already can relate to each other on just that one single aspect of their lives, while being able to talk about other aspects of their lives or activities without feeling the constant looming of what is literally inevitable for anyone who doesn’t have children - “have you ever thought about having children?”, “you’ll change your mind!”, “I’m here to change your mind!”, etc. It’s frickin’ tedious and it’s not interesting to the person or people who have to explain or entertain or engage with people whom they know view people who don’t want children as having something wrong with them or needing to be “fixed”, or their lives are unfulfilled and they couldn’t possibly be happy until or unless they have children. To use your example - it’s like someone who has no interest in tattoos being constantly bombarded with questions and pressure from people who think tattoos are the bees knees and everyone should have at least one or they’re not normal.

Evidence of existing interest in a forum for like minded people who have no interest in having children is something of an impossibility given the nature of the idea of not having children, it’s almost unheard of as to be looked at as being completely unreasonable, unacceptable. That’s why you don’t see many, or indeed any threads discussing the idea being particularly popular - because often people aren’t comfortable with feeling like they have to justify themselves or their decisions to people whom they know just won’t get it, and have no interest in getting it, those people just want a “debate”, and that’s not the purpose of the forum as I understand it.

There are numerous, and I mean numerous threads debating the whole concept of “children - to have or not to have, or is it better not to have had at all?” kinda nonsense, frankly. Loads of threads across the site in various forums, and it’s only going to become more topical and current given there is a growing anti-natalist movement has attached itself to the concept of climate change to further their ideology. They’re a completely different breed altogether though (forgive the pun) from people who don’t have anything against people with children and don’t have any interest in discouraging people from having children. It’s those people would be directed to the more appropriate forum if they want to have that particular discussion (I’ll be banned from CA for suggesting it’s a more appropriate forum, but feck it ). It’s no different than directing anti-vegans or anti-theists to a more appropriate forum, as the forum isn’t intended nor appropriate for people who are anti-children, and in my experience people who don’t have any interest in having children doesn’t mean they are anti-children. In my experience it’s rather people who have children who are anti-children, though I’ve never entertained them long enough to figure out what that’s about tbh, because frankly it’s not a point of view I find particularly interesting enough to warrant further investigation.

The idea IS to create a space where like-minded people can chat and associate freely without fear of judgement or having to justify themselves to new posters who just wandered in and didn’t bother to read the charter or anything else, and in response to my earlier post, Faith touched on this when they said that it would be a live and let live forum, which is a good thing IMO, and I imagine any of the sort of “conflict creators” who are doing it just for the hell of a “debate”, wouldn’t be entertained, any more than they aren’t entertained in other forums and a stop is put to their behaviour rather quickly. It’s much easier to do that in a community of like-minded people in the format that Boards provides, than it is to do it on any other medium such as Facebook, Twitter or any of the many, many other mediums there are to choose from such as Reddit or blogs or community driven sites - Boards is somewhat unique in that it allows for a smaller, closer-knit community of like-minded people to participate in discussions and engage and enjoy sharing their opinions and their perspectives without being overwhelmed by trolls and figuring like many of the members of the dead Facebook group that it’s simply not worth it to try and use Facebooks platform as a means to meet other like-minded people and chat about everything without having to think about the children.
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