Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

bigar · 12-05-2021 10:19pm

When I was 27 I fell out with a friend I literally grew up with. After a few years I started to have some regrets that only became larger every year. It then became my largest regret and I told my mum it still bothered me. She suggested to give him a call, not a small feat as 19 years had by then passed. I gave him a call and we clicked straight away. We then met up and we quickly picked up were we left off. It really now seems as if the 19 years was of no consequence as we are very close again.

When someone now tells me they no longer want to be friends with someone they have known for a long time, I tell them my tale and about the regret I felt. I urge them to think again as true friends do not come along often.

2 fast · 13-05-2021 12:44am

Mainly drifted, only fell out with 2 ppl when I was in my early twenties but they were nuts and I was way to quiet n insecure but stood up for myself in the end which probably showed me in a bad light but they were nasty n bullies and one day it got to much and I exploxed. ..

I tend to leave ppl off and say nothing even when they deeply hurt me. My experience is that people rarely take responsibility for their actions and just push the blame back. Ppl are quite self involved or I just am surrounded by **** friends lol

boardlady · 13-05-2021 10:46am

Here's a question for you ... I am married into a very close-knit large family. They are all very close and very much in each other's pockets. Myself and OH are a little bit peripheral to this pocket-living. Partly, because we just don't want that, and also because we are occasionally blatantly left out of family business. I, in particular, find it incredibly hurtful, but I come from the school of thought that you just can't fall out with family - particularly your OH's family. So, every year or so, I spend a few months simmering away with unvented hurt and rage. Speaking my mind will only result in a big row and a subsequent freezing out for years to come (been there.. ) so now I say nothing until I literally get over it - though these hurts do mount up. Thoughts and insights anyone?

AllForIt · 13-05-2021 12:21pm

Yes I have. I ditched him for good. He was just doin my head in so I had to do it for my own sake. I don't regret it. I don't fall out for fun so if I do, it's serious.

pgj2015 · 13-05-2021 1:04pm

boardlady wrote: »

Here's a question for you ... I am married into a very close-knit large family. They are all very close and very much in each other's pockets. Myself and OH are a little bit peripheral to this pocket-living. Partly, because we just don't want that, and also because we are occasionally blatantly left out of family business. I, in particular, find it incredibly hurtful, but I come from the school of thought that you just can't fall out with family - particularly your OH's family. So, every year or so, I spend a few months simmering away with unvented hurt and rage. Speaking my mind will only result in a big row and a subsequent freezing out for years to come (been there.. ) so now I say nothing until I literally get over it - though these hurts do mount up. Thoughts and insights anyone?

I didn't talk to my brother for 10 years, we fell out over something small. I tried to make amends after about a year but he was too immature and wouldn't meet me half way. in the 10 years we didn't talk, I just got on with my life, I didn't let it bother me as I had tried to patch things up.
Then I thought it had been too long and it would be too awkward to ever talk to him again. Then after 10 years he just started talking to me again one day. we got on great before the fight and we just went back to the way it was.

You just have to make peace with the fact you aren't close and try not to let it bother you. You have made the effort so that is all you can do. They might let you into the circle some day out of the blue.

BrianBoru00 · 13-05-2021 1:37pm

Sadly had a row with best friend and zero contact between us for a few years. they texted out of the blue then " I hear you're back working in X ...do you want to meet for a pint" which we did and we returned to normal. Living in different counties, haven't spoken in 18 months. Both busy with different careers and interests . Apart from kids very little in common but I could text or call today or arrange to meet up with them and the other halfs+family and it'd be tickety boo and we could end up spending a few days together and then not be speaking for a few months. If they needed help I'd drop all and go.

13-05-2021 2:00pm

I remember a girl I was friends with years ago. It was a strange friendship at times.

She would fall out with me for reasons I couldn't tell you about today. Obviously aggrieved over something and then would cut me out. I'd be so upset, trying to make amends but not quite understanding things. We'd always make up though.

When we started secondary school she became distant and a bit mean. She was very popular and I wasn't. So there was a window of time where we weren't close and she would be hot and cold towards me. All of this was between the ages of 12 and 17. I was lonely and desperate for friendship so I didn't have the emotional capacity to tell her where to go when she became interested again.

Anyways from 18 on we were very close and it was as if those earlier years had never happened. We became less connected over the age of 25 but still very much in touch.

I'd call over to her house maybe once a month for a chat but nothing deep. She didn't share on that level with me and that was fine. She was my oldest friend and I enjoyed seeing her. I just didn't consider us to be as close as we were.

Then something happened. The poor girl lost her first baby. It's not accurate to say she miscarried because she was about 7 months pregnant. It was awful sad. Her and her husband had a wake in their home which I went to. I didn't go to the funeral the next day because of work.

I offered my support, reached out, called around. Was very much with the loneliness of grief. So in one of my texts to her I told her that I'm always about should she ever need anything, to not feel alone, how I know that loss can be isolating.

She became mad. Accused me of not being interested in her the night of the wake (?!) not caring enough to go to the funeral, how I know nothing of real loss as those people are still alive.

I apologised. Told her I meant no harm and that of course I don't know what she is going through. Offered to talk about what had just happened between us. No response. Got in touch a week later to see how she was. No response.

That was about 8 years ago. I saw her in a shop 5 years ago. Said hello and went on my way.

Funny thing is she caused a lot of hurt to me when we were young, she wasn't there for me when I was going through stuff. If she contacted me now I'd have no interest in having anything to do with her.

paw patrol · 13-05-2021 2:12pm

mcsean2163 wrote: »

Yes of course. Your opener is weird. What difference does it make if you're a guy?

freshpopcorn wrote: »

In my experience as a fella. Guys don't really fall out, have big burst ups with friends compared to women. I know I'm terrible.

honestly from other posts
I always thought the Op (freshpopcorn) was a lady so I feel more informed with that info.

sorry freshpopcorn for misgendering you

13-05-2021 4:06pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I remember a girl I was friends with years ago. It was a strange friendship at times.

She would fall out with me for reasons I couldn't tell you about today. Obviously aggrieved over something and then would cut me out. I'd be so upset, trying to make amends but not quite understanding things. We'd always make up though.

When we started secondary school she became distant and a bit mean. She was very popular and I wasn't. So there was a window of time where we weren't close and she would be hot and cold towards me. All of this was between the ages of 12 and 17. I was lonely and desperate for friendship so I didn't have the emotional capacity to tell her where to go when she became interested again.

Anyways from 18 on we were very close and it was as if those earlier years had never happened. We became less connected over the age of 25 but still very much in touch.

I'd call over to her house maybe once a month for a chat but nothing deep. She didn't share on that level with me and that was fine. She was my oldest friend and I enjoyed seeing her. I just didn't consider us to be as close as we were.

Then something happened. The poor girl lost her first baby. It's not accurate to say she miscarried because she was about 7 months pregnant. It was awful sad. Her and her husband had a wake in their home which I went to. I didn't go to the funeral the next day because of work.

I offered my support, reached out, called around. Was very much with the loneliness of grief. So in one of my texts to her I told her that I'm always about should she ever need anything, to not feel alone, how I know that loss can be isolating.

She became mad. Accused me of not being interested in her the night of the wake (?!) not caring enough to go to the funeral, how I know nothing of real loss as those people are still alive.

I apologised. Told her I meant no harm and that of course I don't know what she is going through. Offered to talk about what had just happened between us. No response. Got in touch a week later to see how she was. No response.

That was about 8 years ago. I saw her in a shop 5 years ago. Said hello and went on my way.

Funny thing is she caused a lot of hurt to me when we were young, she wasn't there for me when I was going through stuff. If she contacted me now I'd have no interest in having anything to do with her.

A high maintenance fair weather friend?

JustAThought · 13-05-2021 4:30pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A high maintenance fair weather friend?

People can be really hurt at the smallest and most unlikely of things over funerals. I have what I’d consider to be my best friend & their brother & then their mother died tragically. They had told me they HATED when people Q up to shake their hands at funerals so although I went to the funeral, I stayed at the back & didn’t do that. To this day they hold it against me & only I signed the death book in the church and spoke to two different mutual friends one in the church and the other in the graveyard they would still be denying I was ever there. TBH it really pains me but they had specifically said they hated when people do it. Turns out they expected more of me and I didn’t deliver. They think the less of me & I can’t recover that - no matter how I try. I hope time will ease their anger at me. I really don’t know how to fix it. We have a friendship that could go either way now even thou they talk of holidays & trips - something on their side is closed to me now and I can’t seem to fix it. I hope time will heal/forgive. I’d do anything to fix it. And talking & explaining hadn’t helped.

Ms. Newbie18 · 13-05-2021 4:33pm

boardlady wrote: »

Here's a question for you ... I am married into a very close-knit large family. They are all very close and very much in each other's pockets. Myself and OH are a little bit peripheral to this pocket-living. Partly, because we just don't want that, and also because we are occasionally blatantly left out of family business. I, in particular, find it incredibly hurtful, but I come from the school of thought that you just can't fall out with family - particularly your OH's family. So, every year or so, I spend a few months simmering away with unvented hurt and rage. Speaking my mind will only result in a big row and a subsequent freezing out for years to come (been there.. ) so now I say nothing until I literally get over it - though these hurts do mount up. Thoughts and insights anyone?

I'd ask the most approachable of the family why you and your OH are being left out. You can't be closenet and all about your family but leave certain members to the wayside..particularly if they are not problematic people. And when it's family, if their are problematic people, I will always try to workout the root of their issues with them.

jk23 · 13-05-2021 4:35pm

JustAThought wrote: »

People can be really hurt at the smallest and most unlikely of things over funerals. I have what I’d consider to be my best friend & their brother & then their mother died tragically. They had told me they HATED when people Q up to shake their hands at funerals so although I went to the funeral, I stayed at the back & didn’t do that. To this day they hold it against me & only I signed the death book in the church and spoke to two different mutual friends one in the church and the other in the graveyard they would still be denying I was ever there. TBH it really pains me but they had specifically said they hated when people do it. Turns out they expected more of me and I didn’t deliver. They think the less of me & I can’t recover that - no matter how I try. I hope time will ease their anger at me. I really don’t know how to fix it. We have a friendship that could go either way now even thou they talk of holidays & trips - something on their side is closed to me now and I can’t seem to fix it. I hope time will heal/forgive. I’d do anything to fix it. And talking & explaining hadn’t helped.

That sounds incredibly harsh on you. Its hard to know how to act at a funeral really. I know I wouldn't hold it against a friend if that happened. More important would be is how they are as a friend to you after the funeral i would think...

freshpopcorn · 13-05-2021 4:56pm

I know a man who fell out with an old lady because she put his wife’s name on the Christmas card before his!

sporina · 13-05-2021 5:07pm

Have drifted from some I had as a kid/teen - and thats grand.. normal as we change/develop as people etc..

My best friend disowned me during my late 20's... she broke my heart.. had a crisis in my life and was not dealing with it v well.. but she just walked away.. I know I was hard work at the time but man I had stood by her during her hard times.. so I didn't expect it.. i'm still not over it as I sometimes dream about her.. I really loved her.. we wer so close as teens/young adults.. such is life..

Have a v close friend who I love for most part but we have had savage rows over the years.. but we always reconnect and make up.. I actually really love him but man he can be hard work.. last year we had a serious row and I swore that was it - the end.. but then I got a bday card from him and i'm a bit of a softie so then sent him an xmas card etc.. we talk now all the time - not met as we live miles apart.. I would like to see him soon but we still have to resolve the row.. the pink elephant still looms.. but I think all will be fine - end of the day we obviously love one another (as mates)

Have another friend and I realised over time that she is the biggest free loader ever.. so now I keep her at arms length.. she's not a bad person - I don't think.. there are elements of her I really like - but she has a massive sense of self entitlement.. the way she treats men - OMG - anyway..

Era none as queer as folk (and I include myself in that)

PMBC · 13-05-2021 5:27pm

My very best friend died in 2008 and I still miss him. We didnt meet very often since about 1980 but when we did it was almost like old times. I even did some of his final year drawings for him and my wife also misses him. He would phone every Patricks Day and would be having a drink as we spoke in Irish in which he was fluent.
I have reconnected with another friend from school and we used to walk back to night-school study together in L.C. He moved away and i lost contact with him but now we enjoy talking about old times, sixties music, books and things that happened. He must be a hoarder as he has letters I wrote him when I went to London Summer of 68 - now they would be interesting (for me) to read.
Im friendly with a few lads form Uni but we only meet up every few years.
Family and friends, Ive discovered, is what its all about; nothing else really matters.
Remind me of the Paul Simon song - "old friends sat on the park bench like bookends"

17-05-2021 2:18pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A high maintenance fair weather friend?

I don't know if she was that way. I don't think so.
It's more likely that she took her anger over her huge loss out on me.

Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

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