Worried about going on a hen - overreacting?

pennydreadful wrote: »

Thanks, I think I actually know in the rational part of my brain that it is okay that I don't want to go but it is hard when faced with such resolute pressure

How does the rest of the hen gang feel about this?

Edit: where is this going to happen anyway?

pennydreadful wrote: »

To be honest they are okay with it. Like they acknowledge there is a risk but they are still going. I know everyone has to make decisions based on their own situations but it all seems unnecessarily high risk to me, I am surrounded by vulnerable people so will have to stay away from them for two weeks after all for one hen party.
It's in a house in Westmeath

I’ve highlighted what you said that rings most true to me
I’m trying to avoid anything unnecessary atm now til some form of formality resumes... whenever that may be.
I’d be staying at home if it was me to be honest op but I understand how hard it would be to tell that to the bride.
Just a sh1t time all round for everyone and some very uncertain weeks ahead

Fakediamond wrote: »

I’m kind of with gruffalox. I have a celebratory thing to go to in the same timeframe, taking place in a church. Social distancing rules to apply. I really don’t want to go as I’m anxious about the virus and in a high risk category. I played the long game, didn’t turn down the invite, but did ask questions about the layout, length of service etc.

Well guess what? It’s in one of the lockdown counties! I’m still saying nothing, but waiting for the next move, which I assume will be a cancellation of the event. It could also take place on zoom very easily, which I’m happy to attend

The approach is based on Wu Wei, a Taoist idea I find enormously useful. Do nothing and see what happens. Act naturally when the moment for acting actually arises - which in OP s case would likely be to follow her instinct of not going. Etc.
Doing nothing regularly, has saved me lifetimes of drama. Of course there are times when it means do something. Spontaneously.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wu_wei

Hi OP.

Youre not overreacting at all. You have vaild reasons to worry.

Personally, I've had no problems telling my friends I don't feel comfortable going to certain places or doing certain things. Yes, they've had an issue and they've pulled faces. People want to pull reasons from their bum because they can't accept that you're not comfortable, especially during this time. It's understandable.

As you're the maid of honor and they would expect more from you, they should also understand you're also human and have concerns. If your reasons were the opposite and it was a case you weren't in the humour then they have a right to be annoyed but at this time, no. They have no right.

If the rest of the party wants to risk and expose themselves, that's up to them. There's a reason why 3 counties are now on lockdown (and I've a niggling feeling more will follow suit).

OP, express your concerns. Over WhatsApp as I would presume there's a group chat? Say that you're worried and have concerns about the night away and also if the complex is even willing to go ahead and also, if there's people around, the chances are still high. If they all still agree and ignore the fact they are being a little bit selfish then you protect yourself. Go the whole hog. Wear a mask. Sanitize yourself. Make sure you don't use anyone else's belongings. Keep with the 2m rule. You're doing your part. Let the rest of them be silly.

If you weren't maid of hornor I say, don't go. Let the bride have a moment about it. She'll get over it. As a maid of honour... Do what you feel you need to do but make it clear that you've done all you can to express your concerns and you will protect yourself at all times.

If I was the bride I wouldn't even be going ahead with it in the first place. Call me boring but it seems like this is something the bride wants to do so she can say she had a hen party rather than be realistic here and think about the current situation that's going on. A few drinks and food in her home later on in the year won't make a huge difference to making people feel they have to surround themselves in another county where they don't know who's been in contact with who. My friend in work cancelled all plans towards her hens and wedding and changed everything to 2022 just so she doesn't have to put anyone at risk or feel they HAVE to go places and think of reasons why they shouldn't. The bride needs to have a bit of a talk with herself but you personally, think about yourself and follow what you need to do.

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Max indoors is meant to be 50 isn't it including hotel staff?

I know someone who's family member decided to go ahead with their wedding. Hotel said 50 people including staff so the bride ended up telling 2 out of 3 of her children they couldn't go and landed them with a relative she also told couldn't go. She basically wittled her list down to herself, husband, 1 child, her mother and father, his father and one friend who was bridesmaid and one of his friend that was groomsman and the rest was catering staff and photographer. I felt embarrassed for her to be honest. She didn't get deposit back for lack of people as she decided to go ahead. Hotel informed bride that the usual reciption that goes on the next day after the wedding can be a meal and drinks and that was it. There was no party.

Honestly I wouldn't of bothered myself. Took my losses and moved on but no it seems that some brides just want that "I have to get married moment". Which is fine. But jesus have some common sense. From what I know majority of her family aren't impressed and her friends aren't expecting an apology from her either.