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Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

13567…25

Comments

  • #102
    DUBACC
    Registered Users Posts: 486 ✭✭DUBACC


    Anyone remember that 30 min horror show thingy that used to be on Sky One in the late 80's. It was presented by a guy dressed as a vampire and his 'lovely assistant'. Said assistant had this red slinky dress cut so high you could see her knickers! :D


  • #103
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,761 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    I has this discussion with some friends a few years back. My one was that I used to pause Street Fighter II when Chun Li would be doing a high kick and her skirt would hitch all the way up to her fanny. That was enough for me back then.

    A friend of mine was jerking off to Ricki Lake, well a busty guest on the show he tells me, when a commercial break put a stop to it. He flicked through the channels and got to Sky News, a plane had crashed into a skyscraper in New York. He went back to Ricki Lake and finished up what he had started. He then went back to Sky News to see that another plane had hit an adjoining scraper. He will always What he was doing when the attacks happened.

    The worst one was a mate of mine, let's call him Peter. He was at home one day and going through a few leaflets that came through the letterbox. They were from the Health Board. One of them was an instructional leaflet for women on how to check their breasts for lumps. Peter found the pictures arousing and so he cracked one off fair play to him. What made this not only wrong but also kind of sad was that the pictures weren't photographic, they were sketches. Fair play to him.


  • #104
    Skerries
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,551 ✭✭✭✭Skerries


    Luxury! when I were a lad we used t'dream bout having t'**** but were too poor!

    for some reason discarded jizz mags in fields and alleys were more prevalent than they are today, probably because of the net
    Untitled Image




  • #105
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    Skerries wrote: »
    Luxury! when I were a lad we used t'dream bout having t'**** but were too poor!
    If you were that poor, you should have been **** 3 times a day, and swallowed the jissum, full of protein so it is..

    At least that what I tell the missus


  • #106
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    When i was really young i was fascinated with motorbikes, one saturday while in a newsagent with my mother i saw a motorbike magazine and begged her to buy it for me. Little did i know that those magazines were full of topless women. Yes folks my first w*ank mag was bought for me by my ma.


  • #107
    Mindkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭Mindkiller


    That music video with Jenifer Lopez stripping on the beach.

    I actually didn't fap to it. That didn't come natural to me at the time. Just thought it was great stuff altogether.


  • #108
    Our man in Havana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,473 ✭✭✭✭Our man in Havana


    1210m5g wrote: »
    When i was really young i was fascinated with motorbikes, one saturday while in a newsagent with my mother i saw a motorbike magazine and begged her to buy it for me. Little did i know that those magazines were full of topless women. Yes folks my first w*ank mag was bought for me by my ma.
    That is epic! Well done!


  • #109
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    wyndham wrote: »
    I found what did it for you op at 2.51 in the video: Have a nostalgia fap.
    Guill wrote: »
    How the hell did he fap to that?? :confused:
    cml387 wrote: »
    Fapping to Noel Edmonds in drag. Gentlemen, we have a winner.

    Eh...just to clarify I've never fapped to Noel Edmonds in drag. I'm not quite that bad :D. The video I fapped to was of the Spice Girls singing "2 become 1", possibly from another time they were on the show. I used to pause it on a shot of Mel B's sideboob. I'll have a look on youtube to see if I can find it....

    EDIT : Found it! Wow this brings back memories....2:26...that's the good stuff!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8Bz0-q4ei0



    Acacia wrote: »
    Also way up there in the sad stakes is sneaking downstairs late one night to watch a re-run of American Pie 2 for the lesbian scene which lasted all of two minutes! Also, why all the porn threads of late in AH? I should probably stop posting in them, I think I'm coming off as a bit of a pervert! :P

    Nah you're coming off as kinda cool. I love when girls tell stories of fapping.
    pappyodaniel wrote: »
    . My one was that I used to pause Street Fighter II when Chun Li would be doing a high kick and her skirt would hitch all the way up to her fanny.

    I used to do the same but with Cammy and her thong-back leotard :).

    Just remembered another one. I once jerked off to the cover of one of my sister's TLC singles.

    Edit: Found it, I imagined they were naked under the burlap sack:
    http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41USCp57O6L.jpg


  • #110
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    Honourable mention to the 'Lady Marmalade' video with Christina Aguilera, Lil Kim, etc!


  • #111
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Well I was in my awkward years before TG4 came along but RTE used to have a foreign flick on late every Thursday and you usually got an oul scene in one of them. It could be hit or miss though. What we did have in my day though before it was banned and later released was 'The Daily Sport'. That was some serious stuff. Used to bash off to that shít till we were dry. Before that the RTE Guide would have the odd picture of Bibi Baskin or Twink.


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  • #112
    enfant terrible
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,592 ✭✭✭enfant terrible


    Fizman wrote: »
    Actually Will Smiths two sexy cousins in Fresh Prince of Bel Air got a few shots at the title too.

    Carlton and ...?


  • #113
    cassElliot
    Registered Users Posts: 158 ✭✭cassElliot


    Paparazzo wrote: »
    Worst thing that could possibly happen to you back then:
    Film on channel 4 looks promising. Make at attempt at the early sex scene, then you think it's not that great, you'll wait for the next one. But that was the only sex scene in the movie. So you spent your entire saturday night watching a crap french arthouse movie with a floppy willy in your hand.



    greatest post I have ever read. :pac:


  • #114
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    cassElliot wrote: »
    greatest post I have ever read. :pac:

    Tis a rare thing these days.. a post where you actually laugh out loud..

    Though, more out of memory, truth be known.


  • #115
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    FHM or Loaded magazine.


  • #116
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Squ wrote: »
    Tis a rare thing these days.. a post where you actually laugh out loud..

    Though, more out of memory, truth be known.
    Fond memories. It was frustrating at the time but in fairness that post described my entire puberty.

    Although to be fair I shared a room with my older brother who left school after the Junior Cert. He bought a TV/video combi when I was about 11. The bloke in the local video shop had seriously NO morals and would rent me out all sorts of 18's movies. That was me sorted after the Daily Sport.


  • #117
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    The first thing I can remember spanking it to was... wait for it...

    She-Ra

    She'd still get it tbh, with that little skirt on... She know what she be doin'...


  • #118
    PK2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Fapping to this thread.....


  • #119
    BrianD3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,447 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    A friend of mine wanked to Teletext, specifically to a sex/dirty stories section that only came on air after midnight. The name of this section was After Hours :D

    It's true.
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380a-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380b-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380c-19930123-bg.jpg
    (Links are SFW in case anyone's worried)


  • #120
    Guill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Red shoe Diaries was another classic.


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  • #121
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    Ha ha the good old days when someone managed to rob a dodgy old vhs from their dad or older brother, finally the days comes that you get to bring it home and 4 o clock cant come quick enough. You would be almost running home from school with a semi, in fact one of my mate told me that he would often get so worked up about the though of this new video that he would be having a w*nk thinking about having a w*ank ha ha


  • #122
    cassElliot
    Registered Users Posts: 158 ✭✭cassElliot


    Squ wrote: »
    Tis a rare thing these days.. a post where you actually laugh out loud..

    Though, more out of memory, truth be known.

    i cried laughing, then carried my laptop about to show people.
    paparazzo is famous. in my house at least. for trying to **** to arty film four movies :pac:


  • #123
    --LOS--
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,028 ✭✭✭✭--LOS--


    BrianD3 wrote: »
    A friend of mine wanked to Teletext, specifically to a sex/dirty stories section that only came on air after midnight. The name of this section was After Hours :D

    It's true.
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380a-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380b-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380c-19930123-bg.jpg
    (Links are SFW in case anyone's worried)

    Literotica on teletext :<

    I don't care what people say about how easy we have it with the internet, a good movie sex scene would do it for me over porn and I can't clothes shop online without getting really turned on every time >.<


  • #124
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    1210m5g wrote: »
    that he would be having a w*nk thinking about having a w*ank ha ha

    18417465.jpg


  • #125
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    Squ wrote: »
    18417465.jpg

    ha ha cheers im going to send him that


  • #126
    ShadowHearth
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,929 ✭✭✭✭ShadowHearth


    Hmmm, I think I was quite lucky. I knew where did my parents were hiding 4 porn VHS full of recorded porn. So I was pretty much sorted.


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  • #127
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    ShadowHearth wrote: »
    Hmmm, I think I was quite lucky. I knew where did my parents were hiding 4 porn VHS full of recorded porn. So I was pretty much sorted.

    Dude, know the one thats one too many :D


  • #128
    mackg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Acacia wrote: »
    I was introduced to internet pron quite late on so probably used lame sh1t to fap to for longer than most! I defo used the home shopping catalogue thing (though being a girl I could actually pass it off as ''just looking at clothes" :P). I used to memorise the covers of Nuts/ Playboy for the '**** bank' cause I was too embarrassed the buy them. The Sun in general was, and continues to be, a great source of soft core pron with the half-nekkid celebs , Page 3 and what not. Again, that could be passed off as just reading the paper (yay!). Prob the lamest thing in relation to that were those old ads for 'sexy ' mobile phone pics. I actually tore out an ad and hid it in my room for weeks. The shame! Also way up there in the sad stakes is sneaking downstairs late one night to watch a re-run of American Pie 2 for the lesbian scene which lasted all of two minutes! Also, why all the porn threads of late in AH? I should probably stop posting in them, I think I'm coming off as a bit of a pervert! :P

    Surely it would be difficult to pass off as reading the paper since whoever saw you would more than likely have noticed you were fapping?:confused:
    --LOS-- wrote: »
    Literotica on teletext :<

    I don't care what people say about how easy we have it with the internet, a good movie sex scene would do it for me over porn and I can't clothes shop online without getting really turned on every time >.<

    Monsters ball is a great one

    mmmm... Halle Berry


  • #129
    St.Spodo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,027 ✭✭✭St.Spodo


    Paparazzo wrote: »
    Worst thing that could possibly happen to you back then:
    Film on channel 4 looks promising. Make at attempt at the early sex scene, then you think it's not that great, you'll wait for the next one. But that was the only sex scene in the movie. So you spent your entire saturday night watching a crap french arthouse movie with a floppy willy in your hand.

    Funniest post I've read here in a long while.

    For me, you couldn't go wrong with the aul' softcore dubbed porn on the satellite channels of a Saturday night. You used to have to sit through some bizarre fetish stuff to get anything decent, though.


  • #130
    abouttobebanned
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,943 ✭✭✭abouttobebanned


    German channel Sat 1.

    And the satellite jukebox. The song "hello hello" in particular.


  • #131
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    Remember in magazines and newspapers where you could text a code to the number to receive this tiny pixel art of boobs on your nokia 3310? Oh boy, some craic!


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  • #132
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    I was a bit late getting into fapping but around the time Ann Summers opened on O' Connell Street, up until then I used to read a lot of trashy Mills and Boon. Then I moved onto the much more classier Black Lace Erotica books- there were no pictures but your imagination filled in the gaps.
    As for actual porno mags, the closest I got was a few issues of Marquis that I liberated from Miss Fantasia. Bizarre Magazine was great for showing sexy Ultra Vixens but it's gotten very tame in recent years. Mostly tits and ass- like Nuts only with more tattoos and lizard men.


  • #133
    Akrasia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,597 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    Budget travel holiday brochure. A magnifying glass would reveal a hidden world of blurry topless sunbathers


  • #134
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    ah sunday nites 'where in the world' i love blondes,i used to empty the tank watching theresa lowe.


  • #135
    LH Pathe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭LH Pathe


    before shìt was done and documented to death we had to use something as lame and embarrassing as our imagination. Which I opted for ahead of topless bìtches on bikes, page 3 etc.. last of the holy innocents. but then came the internet and I see my 9yr old nephew fappin to xxx*. yeah; I'm hatin..

    *when it meant hardcore sex. But of course hardcore's not even perceived as softcore now, its just a nicety. and who would argue with that :/


  • #136
    AngryBollix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,536 ✭✭✭AngryBollix


    candycock wrote: »
    ah sunday nites 'where in the world' i love blondes,i used to empty the tank watching theresa lowe.

    Did you **** off to biddy as well?


  • #137
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    AngryBollix wrote: »
    Did you **** off to biddy as well?

    yeah biddy was a favourite to.......well holy god:D


  • #138
    shantolog
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭shantolog


    Already have:cool:
































    It's sh!t:pac:


  • #139
    AngryBollix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,536 ✭✭✭AngryBollix


    The mental image I had of my best friends sisters tits was always good for a big sweaty ****


  • #140
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    the lonely hearts section in 'irelands own' was great for the imagination just thinkin of those lonely rich aul ones LOL


  • #141
    Blondie919
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭Blondie919


    While listening to a Frank Zappa song called The Torture Never Stops. There's a girl whimpering and shrieking during the song. Not exactly lame, but definitely weird.


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  • #142
    Catmologen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 538 ✭✭✭Catmologen


    Channel 18 on the multichannel box or Sat 1 to give it its real name!


  • #143
    awec
    Administrators Posts: 54,090 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭awec


    ShadowHearth wrote: »
    Hmmm, I think I was quite lucky. I knew where did my parents were hiding 4 porn VHS full of recorded porn. So I was pretty much sorted.
    What.... the..... fcuk?


  • #144
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    pappyodaniel wrote: »
    The worst one was a mate of mine, let's call him pappyodaniel. He was at home one day and going through a few leaflets that came through the letterbox. They were from the Health Board. One of them was an instructional leaflet for women on how to check their breasts for lumps. pappyodaniel found the pictures arousing and so he cracked one off fair play to him. What made this not only wrong but also kind of sad was that the pictures weren't photographic, they were sketches. Fair play to me.
    FYP ;)


  • #145
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    It's a wonder it didn't fall off.
    SJPK wrote: »
    a friend... ahem... once said he fapped to one of those ah 'growing up' books... :o

    aw jesus...

    :pac:

    Guill wrote: »
    Emmanuel was always on Channel 4, along with Eurotrash and sometimes even the Word had good boobage. If you were lucky they would show somw late night Anime which was bound the show at least some side boob repeatidly.

    Emmanuel was awesome and always on.
    Akrasia wrote: »
    Budget travel holiday brochure. A magnifying glass would reveal a hidden world of blurry topless sunbathers

    I recall an a3 sized budget travel brouchure with an awesome busty lady on the cover.


  • #146
    latenia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,997 ✭✭✭latenia


    The Argos catalogue health and fitness and shower sections used to have t&a.

    The Golden Pages-look up cosmetic surgery, similarly the back pages of women's glossies.

    I recall one friend telling me he used an empty packet of tights-nice if you're a leg man.


  • #147
    cianisgood
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭cianisgood


    the section in the family encyclopaedia describing nudists had a crackin' picture of some girls tits


  • #148
    grizzly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    Margaret Thatcher.



    Oh what, so nobody finds power attractive?


  • #149
    silvine
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,132 ✭✭✭silvine


    Anyone remember the red light zone on Ch4 ?


  • #150
    nkay1985
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,975 ✭✭✭nkay1985


    My best friend managed to "smuggle" a pack of dirty playing cards home from Spain when we were about 12. He kept the fully nude pack for himself (they being more expensive and whatnot) and gave me the pack with the boobies. Best present ever!

    Not sure how long they managed to remain hidden in under my bed but I looked for them one afternoon and they'd disappeared. My mother never said a word and neither did I. A few years later, I was clearing out a blanket box in their room and found the cards hidden in it. I will admit to having a nostalgia ****. :D


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  • #151
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qTUacVlh4o


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