2021 Bride/Groom

Michellenman · 20-11-2020 2:46pm

Woodchuck I was the same as you up until last month and then we decided to book a back up date for reassurance and the relief has been immense. I would really recommend it. I went from barely sleeping with worry of the unknown to barely thinking about it! Our 2021 date in a Saturday in April and we started with our venue and reserved a Saturday in April 2022 with no issues. Then I sent an email to all our vendors asking them if they’re free on the 2022 date and if so can we reserve it. All of our vendors with the exception of our photographer were available for the second date. Our photographer gave us a recommendation for someone else and I rang him, explained the situation and the new photographer agreed to pencil us in & take our deposit but he will return the deposit if we go ahead in 2021. The 2021 photographer has said we can use the deposit we paid him towards an engagement or family photo shoot in the future.

All our suppliers agreed pencil us in for 2022, we paid each of them a second deposit to secure the date and if we go ahead with 2021 then we get the money back if they sell the date to another couple. If we postpone then all bar one (videographer) agreed to transfer our 2021 deposits to the balance due for 2022.

It’s really taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I won’t lie, contacting them all and starting the process and organising it all was a bit of a pain during the process but within about 10 days it was all done and I could sleep at night again soundly!

In February we will make the call to go ahead or postpone and that leaves plenty of time to get my dress altered and get trials done etc

woodchuck · 20-11-2020 6:37pm

Thanks Michellenman. I did feel a lot of relief the first time we pinned down a backup date, before deciding to postpone. I'm not sure how accommodating our suppliers will be if we want to do all that again though

They were very good the first time around provisionally holding the backup date as well as the original date, with no extra cost. When we decided to postpone, they all transferred our deposits to the new date.

So I wonder now are all suppliers insisting on a second deposit to hold two dates? It makes sense, but I wouldn't be super keen on that tbh. We'd probably need to do mid-week, so it's much less likely they'd be able to sell the date to another couple

qwerty13 · 21-11-2020 5:11am

I know it’s not as simple as ‘getting married’ versus ‘a party for getting married’. BUT! If you own assets together (a house), if you have kids together, or if there is likely to be any controversy about next if kin if you were ill, then get married, and do the celebrations when COVID is over.

I feel very strongly about that because I know of someone whose partner died unexpectedly. The party who died hadn’t spoken to their family in ten years or so. They weren’t married, and there was no Will. So anything he had has gone to his family. It’s a legal nightmare. Even if he’d had a Will, that still would have meant a large tax liability for his surviving long term partner, which she can’t afford.

I can’t claim to understand all of the ins and outs of their scenario. All I know is that she (my connection) has said how she hugely regrets their stance (which was ‘why do we need to be married, sure we’re committed to each other, we don’t need a bit of paper to prove that). She is involved in legal battles now, his parents who he was estranged from want their house to be sold, and they want ‘their share’ of his death benefit from his work. I don’t know whether they will succeed, but the point is that by their son not having a Will and not being married, they appear to have some sort of case. And she is devastated that their shared home is looking like it will have to be sold.

That story (and it is real) scared the hell out of me. To me it’s 1) if you share children or assets, at a minimum course of action, make a Will. And 2) if you don’t want your partner to suffer re inheritance tax, get married if you own any assets together.

I know that sounds terribly unromantic, but marriage is actually a legally binding contract that confers many rights. The celebration of the marriage is a separate thing. Great if they can happen on the same day, but I’ve seen the utter devastation that not being married can cause, if a partner dies. I don’t mean to be doom and gloom merchant - but I said it to a few friends at the time, and none of them had deeply considered the practicalities in the same way. I guess my point is that by pushing the marriage date out, that’s all very well providing nothing bad happens in the interim. If anything bad were to happen though, pushing the date out if you have any shared assets or pension scheme or death benefits is a really really short sightedly bad idea. Just do the marriage celebration later.

Weepsie · 28-11-2020 2:56pm

So we did it. 22 guests in the end as some had to pull out.

We had the ceremony in the fumbally stables and they were just incredible. Had the 2 rooms upstairs, and brought our own beers, wine and prosecco and paid corkage.

Photographer for the important bits. Their food is amazing too but we didn't stay beyond 7. Went for a private meal in vintage kitchen which is doing wedding sittings. Their chef/owner was genuinely happy to just have people there enjoying the food. We could've stayed in fumbally, and would definitely go to a wedding there.

People were just happy to be out and see peope for the first time in so long

It was stressful sure, but delighted we could do something with most of the very closest people there.

28-11-2020 3:03pm

Weepsie wrote: »

So we did it. 22 guests in the end as some had to pull out.

We had the ceremony in the fumbally stables and they were just incredible. Had the 2 rooms upstairs, and brought our own beers, wine and prosecco and paid corkage.

Photographer for the important bits. Their food is amazing too but we didn't stay beyond 7. Went for a private meal in vintage kitchen which is doing wedding sittings. Their chef/owner was genuinely happy to just have people there enjoying the food. We could've stayed in fumbally, and would definitely go to a wedding there.

People were just happy to be out and see peope for the first time in so long

It was stressful sure, but delighted we could do something with most of the very closest people there.

I'm genuinely delighted to read about your day, huge congratulations to you both!

Michellenman · 28-11-2020 10:07pm

Oh brilliant Weepsie! Congratulations!

Weepsie · 01-12-2020 12:22am

Cheers. I'd highly recommend the venue anyway. We got the entire upstairs space. Ceremony in one room, which could handily fit another 25 people or more standing in normal times. Drinks in the middle connecting/room and then lots of seating and food serviced in the third room, while the ceremony room is turned into a dance area.

Probably wouldn't have a band, but they've decent speakers, and another set of speakers for background music in the other room.

Also, their food is incredible. Best canape style food I've likely ever had.

Forgot to ad, we got some photos taken in the vicinity, around newmarket square/teelings etc. Helped we got a lovely day for it, but we got a lot of genuine congratulations and warmth from complete strangers as they passed by. Think it was a bit of a tonic to some in a miserable year.

woodchuck · 17-12-2020 11:15am

How are other 2021 couples feeling these days?

We have a ring appointment today, but honestly, I just can't get excited about anything anymore. My thoughts are all just negative and shrouded with uncertainty:
- Rings: Let's get them engraved! But not with the date, cause that could change again...
- Accommodation: The place we originally booked is closed for god knows how long.
- MUA: Booked pre-Covid with a minimal call out of 4 people, which I may no longer be able to meet. 2 people is much more likely atm. So may have to cancel and lose a substantial deposit, or pay twice as much for 2 people (which might get wrecked with masks anyway).
- Hair: Is/was to be done by my brothers girlfriend, but that's dependent on them being able to fly over from Canada.
- Dress: between pandemic weight gain and the expected Christmas weight gain, I'm not looking forward to trying to squeeze into it. Even if they can take it out, I know I won't be happy with my figure (I worked SO hard to get my weight down, but it's very difficult to maintain it long term).
- Meal tasting: May not be possible, depending on what level we're in.
- Ceremony: All our guests are expected to wear masks (we're paying a fortune for a good photographer and I really wanted to be able to capture reactions)
- Guestlist: Atm I'm not hopeful about any of my immediate family attending for the full day (maybe my parents for the ceremony). There's also general stress about whether or not we "uninvite" friends who live abroad, for the general safety of the guests living in Ireland. And if numbers stay at 25, we'll need to seriously concern whether we (a) invite close friends, but not their partners or (b) invite half the number of close friends and their partners.
- Hen party: I only ever wanted something low key, but I don't see anything happening at all now.
- Honeymoon: Yeah, like that's going to happen. We'd be very lucky if we could even have a staycation.

Sorry, I'm just looking to rant/vent really.

I'm also not feeling any sort of emotional support from my family. I had to stop talking to my family about it earlier in the year, because they were just making me even more stressed about the whole thing and they were really upsetting me with some of the things they were saying (why haven't we postponed, who'll want to come, that they might not come, that I could be killing our parents if we go ahead etc). So we don't really talk about it at all anymore. But I had started feeling more optimistic for a while with other people sharing their positive experiences etc, so I've brought it up in passing (e.g. buying the rings, looking for shoes), but pretty much got no reaction from them. So I'm guessing their feelings haven't changed, but I don't want to call them out and have another argument about it. I just would've thought at this stage if I mentioned something specific about the wedding that I'd be met with a little bit of interest/excitement from them, especially with some light at the end of the tunnel now with the vaccines. My sister actually told me recently that we should postpone again to make sure everyone is vaccinated for the wedding (don't even know if it's possible to postpone again without losing thousands in deposits).

My friends don't have much interest either. I just feel like I'm getting a bum deal overall. When other friends got married, there was always excitement about organising the hen etc, but there's literally none of that with me. Before the pandemic my MOH and I had explored some hen party ideas, but that has obviously fallen to the wayside during the pandemic. It would just be nice if someone would suggest SOMETHING workable, even if it was just a zoom thing. But I feel like nobody really cares anymore.

Neyite · 17-12-2020 12:35pm

That sounds pretty sh!tty woodchuck

I've lost motivation a bit as well. The only light on the horizon is that a lot of my guests would be in vulnerable groups therefore priority to get the vaccine, and a good chance they'd have theirs before the wedding so it makes me feel happier about putting on an event.

I'm ignoring the covid-stone as they call it. After Christmas I'll get into an exercise plan but I want to enjoy food at Christmas.

woodchuck · 17-12-2020 3:38pm

Thanks Neyite.

I don't think our relatives fall into any particularly vulnerable category, so they might not be vaccinated by the time the wedding comes around.

The diet and exercise regimes resumes in January!

We had our appointment for the rings at lunchtime, but left feeling a little disappointed. The OH's is too big, so will need to be resized, but they said to wait until closer to the wedding for that. And we need to wait until it's resized to get them engraved. So we've just left the rings with them for now and will go back again in a few months - just feels like we made no progress! It's kind of annoying, because we both used to work very close to the place, so would've been easy to pop in at lunchtime pre-Covid. Now it's nearly an hour drive away while we're wfh. God I miss working in town...

17-12-2020 6:14pm

Some people have been dismissive regarding weddings and see them as a frivolous thing in comparison to the overall covid situation. I don't share this view. Its a momentous occasion in a person's life and while the actual marriage part is the most important, there is a lot of symbolism in the rest of the day.

I decided early on that I wanted the whole shebang. Hair and makeup done, bridesmaids, music during the ceremony, etc. On the surface it seems shallow but for someone who never ever thought she would see the day, its means a lot.

In saying all that I think Covid means some expectations will have to be managed for our own sanity, especially if you have already cancelled or postponed. Woodchuck would you consider a different type of day entirely?

If you scale it right back and set the tone to match a small and intimate wedding it could be really beautiful. The website One Fab Day have loads of features on couples who had very small weddings and they are lovely. Now some of them had ginormous houses and gardens but sure lookit. I got ideas for our own wedding if what we hope for doesn't happen.

woodchuck · 17-12-2020 6:38pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In saying all that I think Covid means some expectations will have to be managed for our own sanity, especially if you have already cancelled or postponed. Woodchuck would you consider a different type of day entirely?

If you scale it right back and set the tone to match a small and intimate wedding it could be really beautiful. The website One Fab Day have loads of features on couples who had very small weddings and they are lovely. Now some of them had ginormous houses and gardens but sure lookit. I got ideas for our own wedding if what we hope for doesn't happen.

The thing is, we only ever wanted a small intimate wedding. We've booked a restaurant that specialises in small/medium weddings, does really good food and has a chilled vibe particularly for that reason. All I wanted was to have a low key kind of day with my nearest and dearest (but looking good while doing it :P). I never had any interest in any of the more extravagant venues like castles etc or having a big crowd or any of the bells and whistles like candycarts etc. We're not even having a band, just a DJ, and that's more for our guests than ourselves. I'm not sure how else to scale it down? 50 people would be perfect. It would be difficult to scale it down any more than that without cutting out close family or close friends that we really want there and/or their partners. If the restrictions mean we need to cut it down to 25 though, we'll do that (or postpone again if there are significant safety concerns).

It's always been really important to me to have our close family and friends there. So it's very hurtful that my immediate family aren't supportive and can't even confirm if they're going to attend.

I think if my parents had their way, they'd want just to have a meal just the two of us and the two sets of parents. But honestly, that's not a celebration to me. I've never ever been one to celebrate anything in my life (never had a 21st etc), but I damn well want something more than just a meal with 4 other people on my wedding day! I know it sounds dramatic, but I'd prefer to postpone indefinitely if that's the alternative. I don't want to look back on my wedding day with disappointment and be reminded of what a let down it was every time we go to another wedding. I know we all need to adjust our expectations, but if weddings of 50 people are allowed go ahead, then that's what I want.

I know I'm stressed about the logistics too (hair, makeup, transport etc), but that's just because I'm a planner and the lack of control is really getting to me. Not that those things are particularly important, I know. It's just that all the little things add up to a massive ball of stress.

Weepsie · 17-12-2020 9:01pm

I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.

woodchuck · 17-12-2020 9:15pm

Weepsie wrote: »

I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.

The problem is, I may not have any of my immediate family in that group of 25. They'd be invited of course, but I don't know if they'll actually come

I think part of my problem is that I feel that the decision is totally out of my hands. I don't want to go ahead without my immediate family, but they refuse to comment on whether or not they'll come until much closer to the time. So I have no idea if I should plough ahead with the planning or just call it all off.

Neyite · 18-12-2020 11:21am

It sounds like it's more of a family issue than a pandemic issue really. I suspect you are a bit like me, somehow got the label of being easy pleased or happy with no fuss and so when you are finally being assertive about what you want, they don't know what to do with it.

I've a similar dynamic with my parents and usually find that other people's wants and needs get prioritised over mine. That's fine, I'm easy going. But I did butt heads over my wedding. And I know that they are probably thinking it's a bridezilla element creeping in but honestly, it's not - it's just me prioritising what we want for our wedding day and not rolling over and doing what someone else wants for a change. For one example, a sibling invited her boyfriend and his kids to the wedding off her own bat, and plans on installing them at my mother's house. Didn't even mention it to me, I only found out in passing. That means that as the bride, I can't stay in the family home prior to the wedding. Now, I'm used to being the last in the queue - I'm usually the one on the air bed in the living room when everyone goes home but ffs, some casual boyfriends' kids that we've never met gets priority over the bride? I asked my mother if I was supposed to sleep in a tent outside and she went quiet - she just didn't consider me, as is usual but this time it kind of stung.

There were other smaller things where plans and arrangements were made and telling me was an afterthought only for them to be all shocked when I say "actually, that won't be possible, I've already planned X" and it's just because they aren't used to me making plans that center me (and OH) and not rearranging everything to suit them.

The wedding for quite a few in my family is more about a family get-together for them rather than celebrating me getting married. Luckily not all of my family are like that, but I do know that I'll have a few more clashes closer to the time with those select few.

woodchuck · 18-12-2020 1:54pm

Neyite wrote: »

It sounds like it's more of a family issue than a pandemic issue really. I suspect you are a bit like me, somehow got the label of being easy pleased or happy with no fuss and so when you are finally being assertive about what you want, they don't know what to do with it.

I've a similar dynamic with my parents and usually find that other people's wants and needs get prioritised over mine.

Yeah you're probably right. My needs have NEVER come first in my family. I guess getting married, I assumed that would change for this one occasion :rolleyes: Even before the pandemic, it somehow became all about my sister. Just as an example, my Dad offered to give my sister a lift home after the ceremony (social anxiety so didn't want to stay for the whole day). Nevermind the fact that I might want my Dad to stick around after the ceremony for photos etc.

The problem is, their health obviously IS more important than my wedding. I get that, I do. But I still need a straight answer as to whether or not they'll attend so I know whether or not to continue planning. Any time I talked to them about it before I just get answers like "We'll see what the numbers are closer to the time" or "Of course we'll be there... but we might not stay long" :rolleyes:

18-12-2020 9:11pm

When are you getting married Woodchuck?

woodchuck · 19-12-2020 12:32am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When are you getting married Woodchuck?

May. So we still have some to make a decision, but obviously not hopeful that all of our guests would be vaccinated by then.

JayRoc · 19-12-2020 1:42pm

Neyite wrote: »

a sibling invited her boyfriend and his kids to the wedding off her own bat, and plans on installing them at my mother's house. Didn't even mention it to me, I only found out in passing. .

I don't understand this bit. Did your sister not tell you that her fella's kids would be taking up space in the family home?

Or did she actually invite children to someone else's wedding without telling them? If it's the latter (and I know it's easy for a randomer on the internet to say this but) she needs to be told to uninvite them and cop herself on.

Edit: I've re-read your post and it definitely seems to say your sister invited people to your wedding without telling you or your other half. This is bonkers...where would they sit during the meal, when were you to have found out?

Were you not furious when you were told?

JayRoc · 19-12-2020 1:44pm

Weepsie wrote: »

I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.

The first and easiest way of cutting numbers is to not have plus ones for people. Close friends will understand. If they don't maybe they aren't really close friends tbh.

19-12-2020 2:08pm

woodchuck wrote: »

May. So we still have some to make a decision, but obviously not hopeful that all of our guests would be vaccinated by then.

Your posts show that you feel like your day isn't important to the people you love and that's very hurtful. I don't like the word 'triggered' but that's what might be happening with you. Covid has thrown all the issues in to the spotlight. If it wasn't a pandemic it may very well have been something else.

This isn't about your wedding its about how you feel towards your family and the dynamics that exist between you all.

This is what I would do; I'd concentrate on me and my fiancé doing what's right for us. I'd remind myself that the people I want at my wedding are also the people causing me stress. So if Dad wants to drop my sister home afterwards then grand. The happiness of my day won't be dependent on any of that. Instead it will be about how my fiancé and I feel.

There are times in our lives when we need to think about ourselves and I think Woodchuck yours has come

Neyite · 19-12-2020 6:36pm

JayRoc wrote: »

I don't understand this bit. Did your sister not tell you that her fella's kids would be taking up space in the family home?

Or did she actually invite children to someone else's wedding without telling them? If it's the latter (and I know it's easy for a randomer on the internet to say this but) she needs to be told to uninvite them and cop herself on.

Edit: I've re-read your post and it definitely seems to say your sister invited people to your wedding without telling you or your other half. This is bonkers...where would they sit during the meal, when were you to have found out?

Were you not furious when you were told?

Both, she invited extras to the wedding plus she said they would be staying at my mother's house - 2 adults and 5 teens.
There was no point in getting furious as it's very much an on- off relationship so was likely to be off at the time of the wedding, and I did postpone a year so I've loads of time to make it clear it's a family only wedding. Not my problem if she looks like a tit for inviting strangers

JayRoc · 19-12-2020 6:50pm

Neyite wrote: »

Both, she invited extras to the wedding plus she said they would be staying at my mother's house - 2 adults and 5 teens.
There was no point in getting furious as it's very much an on- off relationship so was likely to be off at the time of the wedding, and I did postpone a year so I've loads of time to make it clear it's a family only wedding. Not my problem if she looks like a tit for inviting strangers

Sorry. My mind is just blown that someone could have the effrontery to invite people to another person's wedding.

woodchuck · 22-12-2020 1:21pm

https://www.rte.ie/news/2020/1222/1185888-cabinet-covid-19/

It's looking like the number of wedding guest will be reduced to six from 2 January

28-12-2020 7:22pm

Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

nikpmup · 30-12-2020 8:23pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

We're booked for August 13th.... we have the feeling that we might be pushing it back to oct/Nov or even early 2022

Michellenman · 30-12-2020 9:51pm

We had option to postpone to November 2021 or April 2022.

We had chose 2022 because at that point there was no vaccine announcement but if there had been a vaccine announced i would feel confident in the latter half of 2021 personally.

31-12-2020 10:26pm

It's very difficult to call right now. I'm trying to be optimistic for at least 50 guests come summer and then 100 in Autumn. It's not just the numbers allowed though, its the quality of the day. I don't want my guests nervous and I'd rather not walk down the aisle wearing a mask.

If we wait until Spring to postpone then the likelihood of securing a Jan 2022 date will be unlikely. Many of us are in the same position. The uncertainty is hard.

woodchuck · 01-01-2021 1:17pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

Realistically I think there will be restrictions to some extent throughout 2021. You'd hope that they'd ease off later in the year though with more people getting vaccinated. You'd really need a crystal ball though, because who knows what curve balls this pandemic will throw up next.

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, but I don't have any interest in going ahead with a wedding atm. The fun has been totally sucked out of it. Even if we manage to have a small wedding, I'll be on tender hooks worrying about an outbreak for the whole day and 2 weeks afterwards. And I can't see hen parties and honeymoons being the norm again for some time.

I'm very tempted just to do the legal part in a pair of jeans, 2 random witnesses, no mushy stuff and just have it over and done with.

meercat · 03-01-2021 9:24pm

Just came across this thread and I want to encourage anyone with wedding plans to proceed if possible. My daughter got married on December 28th with 25 guests allowed. Despite all the ups and downs in the weeks and months preceding the event,it was the best day ever (I know I’m biased).the venue were brilliant and both bride and groom had time to spend with each guest. It made for an extra special day. I understand how much time and effort everyone is putting into your big day so can I wish you all the very best for your future lives together.

cazzer22 · 03-01-2021 9:29pm

meercat wrote: »

Just came across this thread and I want to encourage anyone with wedding plans to proceed if possible. My daughter got married on December 28th with 25 guests allowed. Despite all the ups and downs in the weeks and months preceding the event,it was the best day ever (I know I’m biased).the venue were brilliant and both bride and groom had time to spend with each guest. It made for an extra special day. I understand how much time and effort everyone is putting into your big day so can I wish you all the very best for your future lives together.[/quote

You're so sweet to post here and post your experience. Thank you and so glad your daughter had an amazing day. Thank you for the positivity ❤️

DulchieLaois · 03-01-2021 9:31pm

salad_man wrote: »

Getting Married March'21

Have Venue and Celebrant booked only but in hot pursuit of Photographer and Band

Any photographer recommendations appreciated

Greg Kociela, based in newbridge , travels anywhere , IG studio photography on Facebook

yourdeadwright · 04-01-2021 4:34pm

We have our Ceremony booked for the end of September but still afraid to book a venue for the dinner and afters ,
Its impossible to know what to be looking for a venues for 25 or 50 or 120 ?
No idea what we will be allowed and the number will dictate what venue we go for,

woodchuck · 04-01-2021 5:37pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

We have our Ceremony booked for the end of September but still afraid to book a venue for the dinner and afters ,
Its impossible to know what to be looking for a venues for 25 or 50 or 120 ?
No idea what we will be allowed and the number will dictate what venue we go for,

It's very difficult to predict, but it would still be worthwhile trying to find a venue if you're keen to go ahead in September. Look for venues that are flexible e.g. somewhere that can normally accommodation 100 guests or more, but would also be willing to go ahead with 25 or 50 guests if there are still restrictions in place.

yourdeadwright · 04-01-2021 5:48pm

woodchuck wrote: »

It's very difficult to predict, but it would still be worthwhile trying to find a venue if you're keen to go ahead in September. Look for venues that are flexible e.g. somewhere that can normally accommodation 100 guests or more, but would also be willing to go ahead with 25 or 50 guests if there are still restrictions in place.

My issues is some where that normally accommodates 100 guests just won't look the same with 25 people in it ,

Its tough call for everyone I guess,
We'd really like to go ahead and get married this year but at the same time you only plan to do it once so we want it to be exactly how we imagined , if that makes sense,

woodchuck · 04-01-2021 6:18pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

We'd really like to go ahead and get married this year but at the same time you only plan to do it once so we want it to be exactly how we imagined , if that makes sense,

I get you! To be honest, if you want it to be exactly how you imagined, then I don't know if 2021 will be the year for that

I still don't know what to do. The OH is more optimistic than me and wants to take a "wait and see" approach until mid-March (due to get married mid-May). But I keep telling him that I can't just wait and see - there's still a lot that needs to be done if we want to get married in May and I don't want to waste my time working on all that stuff if we only have a 50/50 shot of going ahead! In particular, I'd want to start making appointments for dress alterations and actively trying to lose weight again starting now. I don't want to kill myself staying indoors at lunchtime doing exercise classes, especially since in my mind we've already postponed again :rolleyes: And even aside from the wedding itself, I wouldn't be able to have a low key hen like I wanted (just dinner and karaoke, didn't think it was too much to hope for :rolleyes:) or have a proper honeymoon (we love to travel).

I'm in a couple of wedding groups on facebook and it's full of brides who have gotten married recently, talking about how wonderfully magical their day was and if anyone isn't sure about going ahead that they should just do it. But everyone's circumstances are different. I know myself if I go ahead, I won't have the support of my family. It's also very easy to say how amazing the day was in hindsight when nobody got sick from it - all it takes is one person to have it and it could spread like wildfire. I really don't want that on my conscience and I think it would be very selfish of me to ask my family and friends to put themselves in that position.

Neyite · 05-01-2021 12:36pm

I was already having a small number of guests so that didn't change my venue/ overall idea of the day, but many live in the UK, and most are 70+ years of age so either would not risk coming, or come at great risk to themselves.

The options I thought would work for us is - plan for our planned day for July 2021, but if there's still restrictions that will affect that then we'll just elope with witnesses and a priest. If we were planning on more guests then to avoid the head-wreck for the next year I'd plan it for 2022 altogether.

We got engaged years ago but money was way too tight for us for several years due to childcare costs to even put together a small wedding, so we put it off. And finally when we did have the means to do the small wedding we wanted Covid happens so part of me is annoyed that if I am going to have to get married in my jeans on a Wednesday lunchtime and go straight back home, I could have bloody well done that in 2013 you know?

Pink11 · 05-01-2021 1:23pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

We are August.
I had been very optimistic and maybe it's just the general doom and gloom at the moment but for the first time, we're now considering getting a back up date for next year.

AppleD · 05-01-2021 3:35pm

we are April, so so hard to know what to do. As long as we could have 50 we would go ahead but when do we call it. Its so hard to know.

salad_man · 05-01-2021 4:05pm

AppleD wrote: »

we are April, so so hard to know what to do. As long as we could have 50 we would go ahead but when do we call it. Its so hard to know.

We are last weekend in March and similarly would be happy with 50. Current circumstances certainly make you feel a bit less optimistic but i am hopeful by the time March/April come around we will be passed the worst of restrictions

AppleD · 05-01-2021 4:08pm

When will ye make a decision on it? We're thinking mid Feb we might have a better idea.
Our wedding is last weekend in April so yes hoping we can have 50 by then.. but most importantly be allowed even some music. Not having a band but just a dj. Think at 25 people, no music or dancing was allowed.

Lollipops23 · 05-01-2021 4:12pm

AppleD wrote: »

When will ye make a decision on it? We're thinking mid Feb we might have a better idea.
Our wedding is last weekend in April so yes hoping we can have 50 by then.. but most importantly be allowed even some music. Not having a band but just a dj. Think at 25 people, no music or dancing was allowed.

We're mid april, have decided not to make any hard and fast decisions for a few weeks yet.

I am getting more and more irate over the super slow rollout of the vaccine though- not just for the wedding but in general (I'm high risk).

AppleD · 05-01-2021 4:20pm

So great to talk to people in same position.

Nothing we can do, only hold tight for another while before deciding.

Sometimes I'm really calm but then I panic as loads left to do- no bridesmaid dresses or suits sorted. Was hoping to get appointments in Jan but will just have to find something online.

Have booked a hen for last weekend in March, 15 invited but I can not see that happening. So I better have a list of 6 ready to go. Then meet another 6 on a different night for a dinner out.

Lollipops23 · 05-01-2021 4:28pm

AppleD wrote: »

So great to talk to people in same position.

Nothing we can do, only hold tight for another while before deciding.

Sometimes I'm really calm but then I panic as loads left to do- no bridesmaid dresses or suits sorted. Was hoping to get appointments in Jan but will just have to find something online..

I've managed to sort most of the big stuff every time things have reopened- proper POUNCING when I can lol

Good news is that the bridesmaids dresses and suits were very straight forward and no messing about when we got them. I would jump on the dresses soon though- the lead in time for orders is such a pain in the arse.

AppleD · 05-01-2021 4:33pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I've managed to sort most of the big stuff every time things have reopened- proper POUNCING when I can lol

Good news is that the bridesmaids dresses and suits were very straight forward and no messing about when we got them. I would jump on the dresses soon though- the lead in time for orders is such a pain in the arse.

Thanks Lollipops, will do. Might end up going with Folkster as one bridesmaid tried on and liked a dress from there. But will get ordering more online for them to try.

woodchuck · 05-01-2021 4:57pm

Neyite wrote: »

We got engaged years ago but money was way too tight for us for several years due to childcare costs to even put together a small wedding, so we put it off. And finally when we did have the means to do the small wedding we wanted Covid happens so part of me is annoyed that if I am going to have to get married in my jeans on a Wednesday lunchtime and go straight back home, I could have bloody well done that in 2013 you know?

That's a pain alright

Tbh if you've waited this long already, I'd probably just hold out until things are back to normal and do it the way you'd planned for years.

AppleD wrote: »

When will ye make a decision on it? We're thinking mid Feb we might have a better idea.

Our date is mid-May. My partner is much more level headed about it than I am and thinks we should wait until mid-March to call it. At that point we'll either be sending out invitations or change the dates (again!). But do I start dieting and exercising now, or risk being a chubby bride and hope I can have the dress taken out :rolleyes:

I'm hoping we'll have a much better idea of things within the next month though. What I really want to see is a timetable for the vaccine rollout! That will obviously have a major impact on when things will start going back to normal. And although they haven't said it to me explicitly, I don't think my parents would be willing to stay after the ceremony unless they've been vaccinated. Tbh I'm not sure if I'd be happy going ahead with the day myself unless I was vaccinated. I know fatalities are very low for younger groups, but it's the "long Covid" that frightens me. I highly highly doubt I'll be getting a vaccine in the first half of this year or possibly even the second half :rolleyes:

It's very easy to be negative with the way things are atm. But if we think back to March/April, cases went way down after we had an extended lockdown. There's no reason to think that the full lockdown won't have the same affect this time around (especially if they close the schools again like they're talking about) and vaccines should continue to improve the situation on top of that.

Lollipops23 · 05-01-2021 5:09pm

woodchuck wrote: »

But do I start dieting and exercising now, or risk being a chubby bride and hope I can have the dress taken out :rolleyes:

My dress is already on the snug side, so I've started back on slimming world yesterday! I mean worst case scenario if we push the date is that they'll have to take in the dress, which wouldn't be awful!

Goose76 · 05-01-2021 5:16pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm in a couple of wedding groups on facebook and it's full of brides who have gotten married recently, talking about how wonderfully magical their day was and if anyone isn't sure about going ahead that they should just do it. But everyone's circumstances are different. I know myself if I go ahead, I won't have the support of my family. It's also very easy to say how amazing the day was in hindsight when nobody got sick from it - all it takes is one person to have it and it could spread like wildfire. I really don't want that on my conscience and I think it would be very selfish of me to ask my family and friends to put themselves in that position.

Side note, but I was on a very large national wedding group (perhaps the same one as you) on Facebook until last week and the best decision I've made with my wedding was to leave the group :pac:

I found the group great for some things, like I found a sale on a bridal shoe website I never would have known about otherwise, etc, but for the most part, it just made my anxiety go out of control with all the posts about restrictions.

Dozens of posts a day from brides to be saying 'how are [insert month] brides feeling?' and hundreds of comments with people either panicking or enforcing their own decision upon others. I'm sure 99% of the posters meant well, but jesus, it was a headwreck.

I'm just going to reiterate what I posted a few months back in this thread - try and make your own decision as best you can and consult with your partner and close family and friends only. They are all who really matter in this. What's right for someone on Facebook or Boards won't necessarily be right for you. At all.

There was one lad on said Facebook group who made a point of telling everyone to postpone as otherwise they would regret it and wouldn't have their ideal day. Fair enough and I'm sure he meant well. But some of us (i.e: me) don't have the luxury of postponing beyond 2021 (elderly and unwell parents). So again I'd just encourage everyone in this thread to try and make their own decisions as best as possible as some stranger on the internet may have very different circumstances and priorities to you.

woodchuck · 05-01-2021 5:24pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

My dress is already on the snug side, so I've started back on slimming world yesterday! I mean worst case scenario if we push the date is that they'll have to take in the dress, which wouldn't be awful!

Oh I'd have no issues if they need to take it IN... I'd be delighted! I was measured about a year ago when I was at my slimmest though and just haven't been able to maintain that with the year that's been in it :rolleyes: I could go on another chocolate detox and exercise binge for the next few months, but if we end up postponing again, all the effort just feels like a waste. Especially since I'll just end up having to do it all over again for the new date :rolleyes:

Goose76 wrote: »

Side note, but I was on a very large national wedding group (perhaps the same one as you) on Facebook until last week and the best decision I've made with my wedding was to leave the group :pac:

You're absolutely right

Lollipops23 · 05-01-2021 5:34pm

Goose76 wrote: »

Dozens of posts a day from brides to be saying 'how are [insert month] brides feeling?' and hundreds of comments with people either panicking or enforcing their own decision upon others. I'm sure 99% of the posters meant well, but jesus, it was a headwreck.

Not a bad idea- I muted them a while ago, I think I'll do the same again. Those posts have been doing my head in lately, all they do it stoke stress!!

2021 Bride/Groom

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