Requesting guest specific gift.

Lau2976 · 06-01-2015 1:18am #1

I was wondering how common it was to request a specific gift from a specific person.

I recieved a save the date which also informed me what gift they would like to recieve from me. Is that the norm now or is registry/gift still usual?

cactusgal · 06-01-2015 1:23am

Lau2976 wrote: »

I was wondering how common it was to request a specific gift from a specific person.

I recieved a save the date which also informed me what gift they would like to recieve from me. Is that the norm now or is registry/gift still usual?

Sounds pretty unusual to me. I've been to a lot of weddings, been invited to a lot more, and never come across that one.

Toto Wolfcastle · 06-01-2015 1:28am

Ah jaysus, some people really are unbelievable. That's so rude.

mrsbyrne · 06-01-2015 1:30am

Lau2976 wrote: »

I was wondering how common it was to request a specific gift from a specific person.

I recieved a save the date which also informed me what gift they would like to recieve from me. Is that the norm now or is registry/gift still usual?

Vulgar tacky crass bad mannered. Don't go.

clint_silver · 06-01-2015 4:55am

Different strokes for different folks here. I personally am way happier when I get an invite with a "we'd prefer gifts of x" with an invite. People know you're going to give a gift of some sort. It's just perfect logic to me to make sure the gift is something you actually need.
Head over to adverts under the wedding section for pages and pages of presents for sale that aren't needed.
Instead of it being crass on the invite Id see it as saving people money getting the wrong thing. Each to their own though.

DM addict · 06-01-2015 5:10am

I'd say its pretty unusual. Not something I've heard of before

Is it something that only you could get for them- like something you're known for making or can get easily through business contacts?

Or is it something generic/random?

biketard · 06-01-2015 7:08am

Is it a reasonable price, or more than you were thinking of paying?

kandr10 · 06-01-2015 8:51am

Out of interest how was it worded?

Teyla Emmagan · 06-01-2015 8:59am

Did it actually say "we would like you to buy us a Kenwood chef mixer and a Samsonite suitcase" or "please give cash"? Because although the latter is possibly common enough (though rude), the former is unheard of and wouldn't even warrant a response.

pwurple · 06-01-2015 10:08am

This really depends on the specifics.

I know an artist who has occasionally had it suggested that her own prints would be appreciated as wedding gifts. Same for a quilter, and a photographer. Is it something like that?

Sunny Dayz · 06-01-2015 10:54am

If you had a particular talent, hobby or craft it would be understandable, eg woodcraft, painter, photography etc.

If not, then that's terrible IMO. You don't know people's circumstances, they might not be able to afford what it is, assuming it is something expensive.

D3PO · 06-01-2015 10:59am

its rude and ignorant to expect a gift not to mind specify one.

Id be sending back the RSVP as no im not going to attend. Cant believe the ignorance of some people.

Lau2976 · 06-01-2015 11:07am

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

Sunny Dayz · 06-01-2015 11:14am

That's really bad form IMO. I wouldn't spend that on a mixer for myself, never mind asking someone else to spend that kind of money on one for me!! Do they know that you are going to do a portrait for them?

wuffly · 06-01-2015 11:17am

That's insane not to mention rude.... are you close to these people? if you still want to go to the wedding tell them you have already arranged and paid for a gift. Otherwise tell them you can't afford the gift and won't be attending....
I'm completely gobsmacked that any sane person thinks this is an ok thing to do?! 500e who can afford that?!! PS I think the portrait idea is lovely, not that these guys deserve it after than stunt!

biketard · 06-01-2015 11:23am

wuffly wrote: »

if you still want to go to the wedding tell them you have already arranged and paid for a gift.!

I think this is a really good solution.

Also, asking for a €500 gift is feckin ridiculous. Be strong and follow the advice given by wuffy. The couple doesn't deserve anything from you. They're lucky to get the portrait.

K_P · 06-01-2015 11:26am

That's outrageously rude and something I've never heard of before. Even worse is the fact that you're already doing a portrait of the couple for their wedding. Any sane person would consider that to be your gift to them.

Layinghen · 06-01-2015 11:31am

That is incredibly rude of them and the fact that they put in their request with the save the date card seems unbelievable.

pwurple · 06-01-2015 11:34am

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

Ok, yeah, that's very rude. Stand mixers are incredibly expensive. How was this worded? I'm desperately clinging to hope that this was a misunderstanding.

clint_silver · 06-01-2015 11:41am

pwurple wrote: »

Ok, yeah, that's very rude. Stand mixers are incredibly expensive. How was this worded? I'm desperately clinging to hope that this was a misunderstanding.

argos or arnotts 100 quid.

I'll add to my earlier comments, being asked to give cash as a preference or being asked to select from a given wedding list where there should be something for every budget is perfectly ok in my book. Being asked for a very specific gift is not. Now that is rude to me.

if youre doing a portrait anyway, doubly so. ask if they want the gift instead of the portrait. If they thought they were getting both then Id say well I cant afford to go if you want both, and if Im not going then I dont see the point in spending so much on a gift anyway so send them a nice card congratulating them on the miserly path theyve started out on in life, their wedding.

pooch90 · 06-01-2015 11:48am

OK, I asked my mam for a Kenwood chef as our wedding gift but she is my mam and wanted to get us something we really wanted, it was about €200.

That is bloody rude though, however, aldi and lidl have crappy ones during the year for €30 or so

pwurple · 06-01-2015 11:48am

clint_silver wrote: »

if youre doing a portrait anyway, doubly so. ask if they want the gift instead of the portrait. If they thought they were getting both then Id say well I cant afford to go if you want both, and if Im not going then I dont see the point in spending so much on a gift anyway so send them a nice card congratulating them on the miserly path theyve started out on in life, their wedding.

Some people place very little value in other people's time or effort. I know it can cost over 100 euro in materials for quilts or framed paintings for example, plus hours of time.. but people still think, hey, they made it themselves, it cost them nothing!

mrsbyrne · 06-01-2015 11:54am

pwurple wrote: »

Ok, yeah, that's very rude. Stand mixers are incredibly expensive. How was this worded? I'm desperately clinging to hope that this was a misunderstanding.

Wording? Should read:
If you don't buy us a Kenwood Chef then we won't let you Come and worship us on our wedding day

Muff Richardson · 06-01-2015 1:03pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

sorted, here ye are...

Stand Mixer

might be a bit hard to wrap but no more than they deserve.

Milly33 · 06-01-2015 1:52pm

mmm while tis good to say stuff if you need a specific thing I think asking for something like that is a bit much..

Oryx · 06-01-2015 1:57pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

If they can be that rude, I would have no problem sending back your rsvp saying you cant attend, and saying it is because you cannot afford to buy the requested gift.

And they would be waiting a loooong time for that portrait.

Buona Fortuna · 06-01-2015 1:58pm

Just a thing.

Boards is open to the whole www and Google. Anyone requesting specific gifts and getting their portrait painted could quite easily join the dots.:eek:

xalot · 06-01-2015 1:59pm

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Just a thing.

Boards is open to the whole www and Google. Anyone requesting specific gifts and getting their portrait painted could quite easily join the dots.:eek:

Frankly anybody being so rude as to request a specific present deserves to see how poorly their requests are being received. Selfish prats.

I would personally love a hand made portrait from a wedding guest, something that specific to the couple should be treasured.

MissFlitworth · 06-01-2015 2:02pm

Is there any chance they just really don't want a painted portrait of themselves and are trying to (very clumsily) head you off at the pass? It's something I'd, personally, not like to receive & wouldn't hang in my home and I'm not sure how I'd tell an artist that without hurting their feelings!

Buona Fortuna · 06-01-2015 2:03pm

xalot wrote: »

Frankly anybody being so rude as to request a specific present deserves to see how poorly their requests are being received. Selfish prats.

I would personally love a hand made portrait from a wedding guest, something that specific to the couple should be treasured.

That's OK then.

Toots · 06-01-2015 2:14pm

Oh wow, I thought I'd heard it all when it came to unreasonable gift requests, but this takes the cake (pun intended). Sending out the present list with the save the dates is unbelievable! I'd say they're talking about one of those Kitchen Aid machines like what they had on the Great British Bake Off.
They're fantastic but they cost about €500!! I often wonder at the mentality of people who put stuff like this on their invitations. Do they actually think it through beforehand and think it's a great idea?! Do they wonder if they'll piss off a huge chunk of their guests? Do you know anyone else going to the wedding so that you can see what they've been asked for

polydactyl · 06-01-2015 2:33pm

Avid Avid baker here and did with an Aldi/Lidl version for years for under 50 euro so check that out, also a kenwood chef is perfect for 200 if you do decide to splash out. No need for the Kitchen Aid ones. Also the whole thing is really really really really rude. You could just reply and say saw the request for the stand mixer I assume you dont want the portrit then as that was what my gift was going to be.... and see what they say.

Also if they do see this so what the OP has done nothing but ask a question.

messrs · 06-01-2015 2:41pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

so what happens if you don't go? will the send an invite to someone else so they can get their stand mixer?!

imo its very rude and presumptuous. How close are you to the couple? Are the family (sibling) or just a friend?

Neyite · 06-01-2015 2:52pm

Extremely rude, whatever their personal feelings may be about your choice of gift.

Buy an aldi mixer. Paint them ever so slightly unflattering, add extra chins and make them crosseyed or something. Then insist they put it over their mantelpiece.

Have you spoken to other guests about what gifts their save the date specified?

Lau2976 · 06-01-2015 4:02pm

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

messrs · 06-01-2015 4:07pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

so they want the expensive gift & the painting done aswell. That is unreal, I cant believe someone would have the cheek to do something like this. If its only semi close friend, I would politely decline the invite. Have you spoke to any other guests? what do they think of it all?

eh i dunno · 06-01-2015 4:08pm

A bike for their son? I've heard it all now. Send the invite back and never make contact with them again. Madness

Neyite · 06-01-2015 4:11pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

Hang on, she asked you for the portrait, then wants a €500 mixer off you into the bargain?? No way!!! Ok, now they need an extra chin. Maybe bingo wings too!

I could understand that generally people give a bigger gift to siblings so in that case the request of a mixer might go down better, but a friend, not even a bestie?

What is it with some people who think a wedding is some sort of event to fleece your nearest and dearest. Oh, you should all agree to get them a toaster, every one of you!

Sunny Dayz · 06-01-2015 4:11pm

The couple getting married - are they Irish??
It doesn't sound like an "Irish" thing to do with save the dates, I've only seen them done for guests from abroad or if the wedding was abroad.

As for specifying who should buy what - never heard of that being done anywhere. Guests should swap around their gift orders - the couple will get a shock when Auntie Mary gives the bike instead of Auntie Margaret!

Seriously though - are they actually talking the pi$$?

Sunny Dayz · 06-01-2015 4:12pm

Neyite wrote: »

Oh, you should all agree to get them a toaster, every one of you!

Love it!!

Del2005 · 06-01-2015 4:31pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

If you go you should buy a kids mixer and do a quick sketch on A5 paper then order the most expensive drink for the first toast. Specifically asking you for the portrait and then this shows how some people don't value skills or the time required for a hand made gift.

Any idea if they even considered can the people afford the items that they asked them for? Not that you can really tell how people are copping

Lau2976 · 06-01-2015 4:51pm

The other guests (that I've spoken to) were all very shocked as well. The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

I hope, for the sake of their wedding, that they realize what's acceptable! As far as I know a few people are declining because they can't afford the gift and are too embarrassed to say otherwise.

The man she's marrying is american and the weddings here so maybe they did it for the benefit of the American guests.

K_P · 06-01-2015 5:02pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

Aaaaand now I've heard it all. :eek:

Seriously, that is the most classless, clueless, horrible thing I've heard in a long time. Regardless of whether or not her husband is American, the wedding is here and that's just not done. Actually, I've been to a few weddings in America and even then, I've never heard of specific gifts being requested. Gift registries are certainly more common there than here, but I think they're absolutely fine as they always have gifts within a wide range of prices.

OP, the portrait is your gift. You're giving it your time, expertise, craftsmanship, creativity as well as all the materials. That is an incredibly generous gift, and quite possibly more than they deserve. Don't even think about getting the mixer.

pwurple · 06-01-2015 5:30pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

:eek: Ah now. Cakes cost hundreds as well. And bikes are not cheap either.

This is a wind-up surely.

Oryx · 06-01-2015 5:32pm

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

michellie · 06-01-2015 5:34pm

Oh dear God it's Giftgate.

Appalled, simply appalled!!!

Milly33 · 06-01-2015 5:52pm

OMG some people do have a bit of cheek. A bike for their kid feck that.. It is so horrible to presume that people have money for crap they want.. Hehe you should paint a picture of the mixer for them.. It sounds like they are taking the piss to be honest. Like that you said she liked your portraits and you have said you would do one for them, that should be your gift.

I would be nicely declining...

NewCorkLad · 06-01-2015 5:55pm

Buy them the gift for €500 and bill them for the painting for €500. Get the other friend to do the same thing regarding the cake and bike.

IvyTheTerrible · 06-01-2015 5:59pm

pwurple wrote: »

Some people place very little value in other people's time or effort. I know it can cost over 100 euro in materials for quilts or framed paintings for example, plus hours of time.. but people still think, hey, they made it themselves, it cost them nothing!

As someone who makes quilts, it's WELL over a hundred euro for materials for a double-bed sized quilt. They have some cheek asking for a personalised gift AND a mixer.

Toots · 06-01-2015 6:02pm

Oryx wrote: »

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

I had this exact thought!!

Seriously though, even if it is something coming from the American side, I've been to a few Irish/American weddings and I've never heard of this before. I know gift registries are still the done things over there, but there's usually a wide variety of gifts and prices to choose from, so people aren't forced to spend money they don't have.

Milly33 · 06-01-2015 6:08pm

Yep defo I know my sister had one for their own wedding. The wanted some new sounds system but they broke all the elements up so that people could pick like a speaker or cable or bits like that depending on what they can afford..

Oh I just remembering that wedding where they thought they would have to pay for dinner what happened at the end of that. It should be refreshed

Requesting guest specific gift.

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