Cats

branie2 · 23-07-2019 5:23pm

Miaow!

bnt · 19-09-2019 12:48pm

I've never seen Cats and only know the one song - no prizes for guessing which one - and so it took me a while to recognise the running Cats joke in Bojack Horseman, for example. I see there's a behind-the-scenes featurette up now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkF4OXSyqL0

James Corden wrote:

You're going to take a load of people, and they're going to pretend to be cats. If you just say it out loud, it's bonkers. But that's where the most fun happens, really.

:P

bnt · 19-11-2019 9:31pm

A new trailer has landed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNTDoOmc1OQ

Slydice · 19-11-2019 10:02pm

I .. eh.. this is the 'but We've got Idris Elba' trailer?

p to the e · 19-12-2019 10:51am

Well... the reviews are in. Ouch

el Fenomeno · 19-12-2019 11:49am

p to the e wrote: »

Well... the reviews are in. Ouch

They're such fun to read. My personal favourite that I saw on twitter:

"Watching CATS is like stumbling upon an unholy and heretofore unknown genre of porn. Every time these horny fur demons tongue a milk bowl and start moaning I was certain the FBI would raid the theater."

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 12:37pm

Bradshaw in the guardian loved it
Actually he thought it was sh1t
So wrote in rhyme but it didn't save time
For him or us
Cats is a perfectly awful load of puss.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/dec/19/cats-review-tom-hooper-judi-dench-idris-elba-taylor-swift

johnny_ultimate · 19-12-2019 1:22pm

It's a rare treat to see not just one good, mean pan... but seemingly every critic in every major publication coming together in harmony to crucify some awful piece of ****e.

super_furry · 19-12-2019 1:25pm

I get the feeling that 10, maybe 20 years from now this will be a cult favourite like The Room.

Kermit.de.frog · 19-12-2019 1:28pm

I heard this was going to be the horror event of the year.

WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!? :pac:

sabat · 19-12-2019 1:32pm

If they'd filmed James Corden's smug fat face reading all the reviews I'd pay money at a cinema to watch.

Kermit.de.frog · 19-12-2019 1:36pm

Human face and human hands?

Ah, i'm giving this one a miss. It looks creepy :pac:

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 1:39pm

It'll be the G cert Showgirls

p to the e · 19-12-2019 1:46pm

Someone collected the reviews on Reddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/eckx4x/cats_review_thread/

super_furry · 19-12-2019 1:49pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Human face and human hands?

Ah, i'm giving this one a miss. It looks creepy :pac:

Also human breasts without nipples and for some reason clothes for some but not for others and......... well the whole thing is just weird nightmare fuel.

brevity · 19-12-2019 1:53pm

This is going to be one of those once in a generation bad movies. A movie so bad and strange that it has to be watched.

I really wanna see it now.

Kermit.de.frog · 19-12-2019 1:54pm

My old cat never had breasts like that if I recall correctly what a cat looks like.

Died some time a go tho.

brevity · 19-12-2019 1:59pm

Also, I think the mice and cockroaches have human faces.

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 2:04pm

What's alarming is that a feline Taylor Swift is going to be fapping inspiration for a new generation. We'll pay for this in the long term. Lock up your moggies!

pixelburp · 19-12-2019 2:06pm

I never even knew the "plot" of Cats until this movie came to be, but it reads absolutely morbid; effectively being about a death cult, where every year the gang ritualistically sacrifices one of its own. But, you know, with songs.

Harry Palmr · 19-12-2019 2:11pm

One review draws a parallel with the Human Centipede!

super_furry · 19-12-2019 3:20pm

Harry Palmr wrote: »

One review draws a parallel with the Human Centipede!

Okay, now I'm on board...

Conall Cernach · 19-12-2019 3:39pm

It's a bit suss that none of the trailers I've seen for this musical have any singing in them.

johnny_ultimate · 19-12-2019 4:04pm

Conall Cernach wrote: »

It's a bit suss that none of the trailers I've seen for this musical have any singing in them.

To be fair to the cast, it’s very hard to sing while devouring the hopes and dreams of viewers.

ancapailldorcha · 19-12-2019 5:51pm

Who was the target audience for this? Who were the producers, writers and director thinking of when they were assembling this unholy abomination? I have a weakness for cats but I never expected to see the limit of my fondness for them until this.

cml387 · 19-12-2019 7:11pm

Harry Palmr wrote: »

Bradshaw in the guardian loved it
Actually he thought it was sh1t
So wrote in rhyme but it didn't save time
For him or us
Cats is a perfectly awful load of puss.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/dec/19/cats-review-tom-hooper-judi-dench-idris-elba-taylor-swift

I though that review was quite clever, so clever that I suspect it was written well in advance.
When a film gets a mention in a mainstream news programme (e.g. PM on Radio Four this evening) it's either very good or very bad.
But let's have a small cheer for bad films. There are such a lot of good films to see that it's reassuring that you can cross one off the list.

brevity · 19-12-2019 9:47pm

https://twitter.com/davidfarrier/status/1207450843844243456?s=20

CastorTroy · 20-12-2019 2:10am

brevity wrote: »

Also, I think the mice and cockroaches have human faces.

Think I read the only thing more horrifying than the cats' faces are the mice which have children's faces.

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

Hangdogroad · 20-12-2019 12:13pm

If he wasn't dead I'd have thought that they mispelt Tobe Hoppers name in the credits.

lertsnim · 20-12-2019 2:25pm

CastorTroy wrote: »

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

If it beats Star Wars I'll be amazed.

ScrubsfanChris · 20-12-2019 8:50pm

Mark admits he's seen it late so tried to go in finding the good, and well.....................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgEjQ6p4vY

Oafley Jones · 20-12-2019 9:02pm

CastorTroy wrote: »

Think I read the only thing more horrifying than the cats' faces are the mice which have children's faces.

Watch this be the number 1 film upon release due to Taylor Swift fans.

I’m stealing The top comment under Birthmoviesdeath.com’s review because I was also unaware of this horror until now and how can I not...

I feel like Cats is some sort of tome of eldritch lore. Every reviewer who talks about what they saw sounds like a gibbering lunatic broken by the enormity of the universe's true, utter chaos. This is a line from a review I read:

"Then Rebel Wilson unzipped herself and stepped out of her fursuit and proceeded to consume hundreds of tiny human/cockroach composites she trained to dance for her amusement."

I thought it was a joke. Some kind of weird reference I couldn't understand. And then I read similar words in another review. And another. And another. I am going to see this movie later today. I have to know. God help us. God help us all.

pixelburp · 20-12-2019 9:05pm

Wait wait, there are mice & cockroaches with human faces? WTF, how the all that is holy did this get greenlit?

That Mark Kermode review itself is very telling, cos in fairness to him he'll always do his level best to find some positives (with noteworthy exceptions mind); you can hear him really struggling to NOT segue into a rant.

Shelga · 20-12-2019 9:48pm

Ah I love Mark Kermode. I still watch his horrified, rage-filled Sex and the City 2 review occasionally, to give myself a guaranteed laugh. :pac: Definitely an exception to what pixelburp says about not allowing himself to slip into rant mode!

The children's faces on mice thing sounds like a whole other level of creepy for this movie. The trailer was bad enough! Doubt I'll go see it, but if I was going to go, it definitely sounds like a movie to go to with some mates after you've had three or four drinks...

mloc123 · 20-12-2019 10:53pm

Has anyone actually seen this?

CastorTroy · 22-12-2019 2:19am

Phew, it's ok. Movie has been saved

Universal Notifies Theaters 'Cats' Is Being Updated With "Improved Visual Effects"

Oafley Jones · 22-12-2019 9:27am

CastorTroy wrote: »

Phew, it's ok. Movie has been saved

Universal Notifies Theaters 'Cats' Is Being Updated With "Improved Visual Effects"

CATS v1.12321242

Finally the age of digital delivery is starting to align with video games. I'll look forward to half finished movies, with promises of a more complete experience coming after. Where will this end up? What would be the film equivalent of Loot Drops; you just know there's some enterprising executive brain storming it now.

brevity · 22-12-2019 10:20am

Oafley Jones wrote: »

CATS v1.12321242

Finally the age of digital delivery is starting to align with video games. I'll look forward to half finished movies, with promises of a more complete experience coming after. Where will this end up? What would be the film equivalent of Loot Drops; you just know there's some enterprising executive brain storming it now.

DLC movies.

CastorTroy · 22-12-2019 10:51am

Films that are left open for interpretation will now have DLC that gives the film a proper ending

johnny_ultimate · 22-12-2019 11:23am

Patch notes suggest they’re nerfing Mistoffelees and improving the frame rate in Blighttown.

pixelburp · 22-12-2019 11:34am

I did read one review that noted some of the background cats looked unfinished if not unrendered, so perhaps this fix is for a bunch of working FX that snuck in.

Harry Palmr · 22-12-2019 12:49pm

Oh dear - BOMJ estimates 8 million opening three days. I'll guess it's best markets will be UK and Australia
where this sort of WTF camp nonsense tends to find an audience. I suppose China could also come to it's rescue due to lack of cultural awareness about the stage show - nothing to make a comparison with.

p to the e · 23-12-2019 12:50pm

pixelburp wrote: »

Wait wait, there are mice & cockroaches with human faces? WTF, how the all that is holy did this get greenlit?

That Mark Kermode review itself is very telling, cos in fairness to him he'll always do his level best to find some positives (with noteworthy exceptions mind); you can hear him really struggling to NOT segue into a rant.

Very good review. He even mentions that there seems to be a competition between reviewers now to see who can say the meanest thing and he tries his best to give a level headed review. His final take that this film was so out there that it needed David Lynch or Cronenberg was inspiring.

Harry Palmr · 23-12-2019 12:53pm

The idea that the film is being tweaked to what could be a significant degree after it's wide release is a bad precedent - we could be in the situation where a large number of people pay to see a bad version of what might be turned into a better film. While the reviews (for what they are worth) will be mainly of the initial version.

Oafley Jones · 23-12-2019 12:54pm

p to the e wrote: »

Very good review. He even mentions that there seems to be a competition between reviewers now to see who can say the meanest thing and he tries his best to give a level headed review. His final take that this film was so out there that it needed David Lynch or Cronenberg was inspiring.

Didn't he say the very opposite

Man Vs ManUre · 23-12-2019 12:55pm

Is this film also a true story like the recent documentary ‘Don’t f*#k with Cats’??

johnny_ultimate · 23-12-2019 1:02pm

Harry Palmr wrote: »

The idea that the film is being tweaked to what could be a significant degree after it's wide release is a bad precedent - we could be in the situation where a large number of people pay to see a bad version of what might be turned into a better film. While the reviews (for what they are worth) will be mainly of the initial version.

While I too think it’s a bad precedent, I don’t believe it’s being tweaked to a ‘significant degree’. I’ve heard a few reviewers point to half-finished effects and even a possible rendering error, which are clearly the results of finishing the film with hours to spare. Another clip floating around Twitter shows Judi Dench’s ‘human hands’, wedding ring and all. So by all accounts the patch is to correct some of those rushed or missed effects.

I fundamentally don’t agree with the prospect of a film being so rushed into cinemas that they don’t have time to finish the effects and simply fix it with a patch after a few days. But I reckon this film’s fundamental wrong-headedness will remain present and correct, and the reviews will stand (the technical gripes in a handful of reviews aside).

p to the e · 03-01-2020 1:25pm

Oafley Jones wrote: »

Didn't he say the very opposite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgEjQ6p4vY&t=425

El Duda · 03-01-2020 1:45pm

Guys, if they didn't rush this into the cinemas before it was finished then it wouldn't have made all that Christmas money!

tunguska · 04-01-2020 11:08am

Has anyone actually watched this? I know the reviews are bad but Im curious to see if its as awful as all that. Sure look, I'll go see it tonight and report back.

Cats

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