Throwing away the chance that you had but didn't want...

08-11-2019 3:24am

cannotlogin wrote: »

How do you get to your 30s without being able to handle the situation better? Imagine if the situation was reversed, would it make to feel good.

The thing is that most men in their 30s have spent time with a woman in a bar, being interested, considerate, bought her a drink or two, etc, and then she heads off with another guy without any kind of apology or anything.

If we were talking about the woman's behavior in such a situation, excuses would be found. There are obvious double standards being shown in this thread.

OP. Doing a runner was a bit much. Just apologize the next time you see her, saying that you weren't feeling well. Then, firmly place her in the friends zone. She'll get the message, and either disappear or stay as friends.

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 4:46am

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing is that most men in their 30s have spent time with a woman in a bar, being interested, considerate, bought her a drink or two, etc, and then she heads off with another guy without any kind of apology or anything.

So ? My ex beat me....do i let that make me lower my standards of what i think i should offer in a relationship? Do i let it make me bitter and closed?

How do you think that would work out for me? Not good.

Do yourselves a favor accept the light or get lost in the dark.

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 4:49am

Deleted User wrote: »

OP. Doing a runner was a bit much. Just apologize the next time you see her, saying that you weren't feeling well. Then, firmly place her in the friends zone. She'll get the message, and either disappear or stay as friends.

He doesn't really owe her anything. If you see her again ...just be kind don't embarrass her. She probably already has the message.

Rejection isn't nice for anyone ..it probably wasn't nice for her either.

OP i am sure you don't want her to feel bad about herself etc.

08-11-2019 5:25am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

So ? My ex beat me....do i let that make me lower my standards of what i think i should offer in a relationship? Do i let it make me bitter and closed?

That's a really unreasonable comparison. We're talking about meeting someone in a bar. Nothing to do with an established relationship, or even worse yet, actual abuse being received or given out.

How do you think that would work out for me? Not good.

Do yourselves a favor accept the light or get lost in the dark.

To be fair, you already sound bitter. Dating brings complications and bad experiences. We've all had negative experiences at approaches, dating or relationships. Get over it and realize that people are individuals. The next person you meet will likely be different... If not, then the problem is with you, or with the kind of people you go for, and you should consider changing your behavior/personality/interests to attract nicer partners.

My first girlfriend cheated on me with multiple men, including a close friend. I don't assume that all women will behave the same way, nor do I assume that all friends will try to sleep with my girlfriend. I learned from it, and I haven't had a repeat experience like that. In fact, all my relationships since then have been really good.

He doesn't really owe her anything. If you see her again ...just be kind don't embarrass her. She probably already has the message

I didn't say he owed her anything. TBH, apologizing to her would be as much for himself as to do anything for her. He's obviously torn by what happened... apologizing would bring some degree of closure because he's finally taking responsibility for his action. It's also logical because they work in the same plant, and will likely remove any awkwardness in meeting later.

Putting her in the friends zone reduces the chance that she will try again, since she didn't receive an actual direct rejection, and might hold some hope it might work again at a later stage.

Rejection isn't nice for anyone ..it probably wasn't nice for her either.

OP i am sure you don't want her to feel bad about herself etc.

Or she didn't feel anything about it at all. The assumption is that she's a fragile flower who wilted because of his actions. She mightn't have cared in the slightest and just shrugged it off.

Elmer Blooker · 08-11-2019 11:18am

Rejection isn't nice for anyone ..it probably wasn't nice for her either.

OP i am sure you don't want her to feel bad about herself etc.

She'll be ok, a bruised ego and 'am I unattractive' but a visit to the hairdressers should sort things out. Maybe a pair of new shoes ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUH34iqK7cI

Boom_Bap · 08-11-2019 11:31am

Looks like you'll need to change jobs, i'd even suggest moving to a new country just to be sure you don't bump into her again.
Burning down the place of work is a given though.

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 08-11-2019 6:58pm

OP good thread. what would you have done if you did like here? Would you still run away?

20Wheel · 08-11-2019 8:29pm

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

that I was oblivious. When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

As soon as I saw this opportunity, I had already decided that I was going to deliberately **** it up, but to do it in a subtle way so as not cause offence. Do ye think that I convincingly acted like a clueless idiot? Or was it obvious that I was trying to get rid of her? Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

Should have gone with a dump.

Anyway I think you'll be fine. Very sensitive to rejection the ol female ego.
She won't try twice.

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 9:10pm

Sara Rotten Zeppelin wrote: »

OP good thread. what would you have done if you did like here? Would you still run away?

I actually don't know

Bobblehats · 08-11-2019 9:11pm

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing is that most men in their 30s have spent time with a woman in a bar, being interested, considerate, bought her a drink or two, etc, and then she heads off with another guy without any kind of apology or anything

This can also occur if we get our priorities wrong in trying to fend off what we perceive as a threat. Its a bit Like the lad who goes down under the feintest of challenges, instead retaining his focus and taking on the opportunity that was hand. And to make matters worse he didn’t even go down in the box

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 12:51am

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Looks like you'll need to change jobs, i'd even suggest moving to a new country just to be sure you don't bump into her again.
Burning down the place of work is a given though.

That'd probably have nothing to do with the situation...

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 12:52am

Bobblehats wrote: »

This can also occur if we get our priorities wrong in trying to fend off what we perceive as a threat. Its a bit Like the lad who goes down under the feintest of challenges, instead retaining his focus and taking on the opportunity that was hand. And to make matters worse he didn’t even go down in the box

Sorry, you're going to have to re-word that a bit, as I can't understand it...

bitofabind · 16-11-2019 1:35am

jesus talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Maybe she was interested or maybe she's one of those over-bearing types that has no sense of personal space. Either way she probably had five seconds of "where did that bloke feck off to" before moving on with her night.

christ you're like a 13 year old who's never conducted a conversation with less experienced a bit of attention from the opposite sex OP. Has a woman ever hit on you before or is this your first rodeo?

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 1:38am

bitofabind wrote: »

jesus talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Maybe she was interested or maybe she's one of those over-bearing types that has no sense of personal space. Either way she probably had five seconds of "where did that bloke feck off to" before moving on with her night.

christ you're like a 13 year old who's never conducted a conversation with less experienced a bit of attention from the opposite sex OP. Has a woman ever hit on you before or is this your first rodeo?

Yeh, people have hit on me before. Usually I'm not long telling them to fcuk off though.

The last time something similar happened was when some random girl said that she's taking me back to a house party with her. I just said to her "I know what that means". What I said after that I can't really remember but it was enough to make her actively avoid me for the rest of the night...

ILoveYourVibes · 16-11-2019 1:44am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Yeh, people have hit on me before. Usually I'm not long telling them to fcuk off though.

The last time something similar happened was when some random girl said that she's taking me back to a house party with her. I just said to her "I know what that means". What I said after that I can't really remember but it was enough to make her actively avoid me for the rest of the night...

it didn't mean what you think it meant

You realize men and women can be just friends right? that talking can be just that?

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 1:53am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

it didn't mean what you think it meant

Actually, it did, because one of her friends confronted me over it and asked me why would I verbally assault someone who wanted to bring me home for tang tang.

Another time (before that, so I got wise to it) I actually let someone come home with me who apparently wanted to listen to some LPs. I assumed that they wanted to do just that. But it wasn't the case. She disappeared for a few minutes and was then leaning up against a doorframe, bollock naked. I threw a half-full beer can at the wall and then ordered her to leave the house "right now" and don't even think of coming back here. I talked about this to a friend of mine (a girl, as it happens) the following day. The conversation went something like this:

- "Well, what did you think she meant?"
"I thought she meant just that. Listen to music".
-*dead silence & funny looks...

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 1:56am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

it didn't mean what you think it meant

You realize men and women can be just friends right? that talking can be just that?

Yes, I do know that. In fact most of my closest friends are girls...

italodisco · 16-11-2019 1:57am

You've no interest in her, grand. If she approaches you again in work just tell her you're up to your eyes, and use that excuse every time until she gets the hint

Or alternatively you get a room together and break the bed, break break it real good

ILoveYourVibes · 16-11-2019 1:58am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Yes, I do know that. In fact most of my closest friends are girls...

Are you a girl yourself?

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 1:59am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Are you a girl yourself?

No I'm a guy

italodisco · 16-11-2019 2:01am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

No I'm a guy

Ask a doctor to run a full male hormone blood panel, I've a feeling your testosterone is very low and estrogen very high

ILoveYourVibes · 16-11-2019 2:02am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

No I'm a guy

I find you highly lacking in credibility.

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 2:02am

italodisco wrote: »

You've no interest in her, grand. If she approaches you again in work just tell her you're up to your eyes, and use that excuse every time until she gets the hint

Or alternatively you get a room together and break the bed, break break it real good

Like I said, I don't dislike her per se, I just think it would be better for both of us if we interacted as little as possible. I try to avoid walking past her area in work from now on, but I won't be downright mean to her like I usually am with others who I encountered in similar situations...

btw good username, I love that kind of music

italodisco · 16-11-2019 2:03am

Seriously get your testosterone levels checked, I'm not being funny

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 2:05am

italodisco wrote: »

Seriously get your testosterone levels checked, I'm not being funny

Won't. And why?

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 2:06am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I find you highly lacking in credibility.

Nothing I can do about that. But I am a guy

italodisco · 16-11-2019 2:17am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Won't. And why?

You're clearly suffering from testosterone deficiency.
Look at what you've posted

FSO_Polonez · 16-11-2019 2:18am

italodisco wrote: »

You're clearly suffering from testosterone deficiency.
Look at what you've posted

In what way???

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 17-11-2019 6:44pm

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Yeh, people have hit on me before. Usually I'm not long telling them to fcuk off though.

The last time something similar happened was when some random girl said that she's taking me back to a house party with her. I just said to her "I know what that means". What I said after that I can't really remember but it was enough to make her actively avoid me for the rest of the night...

if you liiked them would youtell them f off? and would you call it hitting on. i knew someone who when she liked someone would say he chatted her up but if she didn't would say he was coming o0n to her

Shady Grady · 17-11-2019 7:26pm

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way???

So a woman was interested in you and instead of being upfront with her, you ran away out the back door like a b!tch?Come on man be real.

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 17-11-2019 7:28pm

Shady Grady wrote: »

So a woman was interested in you and instead of being upfront with her, you ran away out the back door like a b!tch?Come on man be real.

What is the point if he was not into her

Shady Grady · 17-11-2019 7:32pm

Sara Rotten Zeppelin wrote: »

What is the point if he was not into her

Point being he should of been upfront honest with her from the get-go and not do her in such a sh!tty way IMO.And I can't believe I had to explain that.

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 17-11-2019 7:37pm

Shady Grady wrote: »

Point being he should of been upfront honest with her from the get-go and not do her in such a sh!tty way IMO.And I can't believe I had to explain that.

have

Why would he have any obligation to her?

Shady Grady · 17-11-2019 7:40pm

Sara Rotten Zeppelin wrote: »

have

Why would he have any obligation to her?

Had because once it was explained, it became past tense.

And it's called having morals.

Anything else you want to nitpick about?

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 17-11-2019 7:42pm

Shady Grady wrote: »

Had because once it was explained, it became past tense.

And it's called having morals.

Anything else you want to nitpick about?

have had actually. your morals do not apply to everyone

Shady Grady · 17-11-2019 7:44pm

Sara Rotten Zeppelin wrote: »

have had actually. your morals do not apply to everyone

That's true enough, morals have steadily decayed as the years go by, I'll give you that Still just had.

Wibbs · 17-11-2019 9:42pm

Shady Grady wrote: »

Had because once it was explained, it became past tense.

I think they're referencing the "should of", it's "should have". I'm no grammar autist SG, but yeah tbh that one is a bit irritating alright.

FSO_Polonez · 17-11-2019 9:57pm

Sara Rotten Zeppelin wrote: »

if you liiked them would youtell them f off? and would you call it hitting on. i knew someone who when she liked someone would say he chatted her up but if she didn't would say he was coming o0n to her

I don't chat up women at all anymore. If I'm talking to a woman, usually the only reason is because she's a friend. The girl I mentioned in my OP, I didn't tell her to fcuk off. She was nice, in every sense of the word, but leggit was the only thing to do at the time that made sense...

StolenKrone · 18-11-2019 5:50pm

OP i wholeheartedly stand by your decision you made and find much of the responses to this situation quite the opposite to what I had expected to read. Nobody has an obligation to play along with someones desire just to be nice, I made this mistake 7 days ago.

FSO_Polonez · 21-11-2019 11:58pm

StolenKrone wrote: »

OP i wholeheartedly stand by your decision you made and find much of the responses to this situation quite the opposite to what I had expected to read. Nobody has an obligation to play along with someones desire just to be nice, I made this mistake 7 days ago.

I agree. I have met so many people who initially seem nice but actually aren't nice at all...

FSO_Polonez · 22-11-2019 12:00am

Okay, I met her in work a few days ago and she did ask me where I disappeared to. I told her that I got thrown out. She said that I didn't come across as being that drunk and then asked why I got thrown out. I just replied that the doorman was just being a pri1ck. I think she bought it...

wakka12 · 22-11-2019 1:33am

Thought it would be a mr fegelien thread by the title

FSO_Polonez · 22-11-2019 1:34am

wakka12 wrote: »

Thought it would be a mr fegelien thread by the title

Who's that?

wakka12 · 22-11-2019 1:38am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Who's that?

Just a poster who posts a lot of nonsense about his personal life but it's somehow kind of interesting or at least provocative

Shady Grady · 22-11-2019 1:38am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Okay, I met her in work a few days ago and she did ask me where I disappeared to. I told her that I got thrown out. She said that I didn't come across as being that drunk and then asked why I got thrown out. I just replied that the doorman was just being a pri1ck. I think she bought it...

Sorry but that is just sad to read. Why couldn't you just be upfront and honest with her? She didn't deserve that **** no matter how chicken**** you were.

FSO_Polonez · 22-11-2019 1:44am

Shady Grady wrote: »

Sorry but that is just sad to read. Why couldn't you just be upfront and honest with her? She didn't deserve that **** no matter how chicken**** you were.

I know. But what was I supposed to say? If that was with someone who I was probably never going to see again I would have been straight up at the minimum, possibly lost the plot. In this case, I work with the person so I have to tiptoe around the situation...

Shady Grady · 22-11-2019 1:50am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I know. But what was I supposed to say? If that was with someone who I was probably never going to see again I would have been straight up at the minimum, possibly lost the plot. In this case, I work with the person so I have to tiptoe around the situation...

No you don't have to tiptoe it.Just tell her your not wanting a relationship. Chances are she'd have more respect for you. I still don't get how this generation can function in everyday life by being too timid and scared to upset someone.

I might come across as an asshole I know. But back in my day we didn't do half the **** that's done today.

FSO_Polonez · 22-11-2019 1:54am

Shady Grady wrote: »

No you don't have to tiptoe it.Just tell her your not wanting a relationship. Chances are she'd have more respect for you. I still don't get how this generation can function in everyday life by being too timid and scared to upset someone.

Oh, believe me I an not scared of offending people. I've already mentioned the way I reacted towards random strangers who hit on me.

She wasn't confrontational with me the other day, and yes I do have some level of respect for her (if I didn't I would have just been upfront, i.e. harsh) but I can't have anything to do with her that isn't work-related.

con___manx1 · 22-11-2019 1:57am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I just freaked out a bit. If a guy said that to a female colleague I'd say the outrage would be justified...

I bet you are one of those millenniums people go on about.

FSO_Polonez · 22-11-2019 2:01am

con___manx1 wrote: »

I bet you are one of those millenniums people go on about.

I was born in the mid-80's

Throwing away the chance that you had but didn't want...

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