How judgmental are you?

lazygal · 08-02-2012 3:53pm #1

I like to think I'm quite open minded but a conversation recently made me realise how often I judge people. I'm not talking about judging on appearances more making a decision on someone based on a choice they've made or something like that. My mum, who is a working mum and always has been but on a part-time basis, and her sisters are quite judgmental of a sister in law who's really career focused and works mad hours, leaving her children with a full time nanny. I found myself judging her a bit too, and I hate myself for it because I'd never think that way about a man. How can you lighten up and not judge people for what they do or say? Do you judge people, even though you think you don't?

baby and crumble · 08-02-2012 4:13pm

Anyone who says "I don't judge people" is lying in my opinion. Everyone makes judgements about other people, and themselves- it's part of human nature. The problem comes when you treat people differently because of judgements you have made, or when you won't allow first hand experience to change your mind about someone.

I'll be honest, there is lots of behaviour I don't agree with, that people I know engage in- and I will "judge" them on that. But I realise that I'm judging them by my standards, which will differ from other peoples hugely- both negatively and positively. I try my best to see past those snap judgements I make, or at the very least be fair about them.

I don't always succeed, which is why I have been accused of being boring, arrogant and selfish- all judgements that other people have made about me. And that's cool.

Storminateacup · 08-02-2012 4:17pm

I'm very very judgemental! I judge everybody. It's a horrid trait, meh

candy-gal1 · 08-02-2012 4:19pm

if someone judges me or does something on me, in any way, i will judge them, thats just the way it is :pac:
other than that, live and let live to the rest

Stench Blossoms · 08-02-2012 4:21pm

I would be quite judgemental as well.

I don't generally voice my judgemental views that often because I'm aware that everyone has their own standards.

And I'm pretty sure plenty of people judge my lifestyle as well.

As long as your happy you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks of you.

theg81der · 08-02-2012 4:34pm

Definetely more than I`d like to be but I`m trying to be more aware of it. Now that I`m getting older the lines look more and more blurred, its more grey and black and white. Doesn`t stop me opening my big mouth sometimes!

Giselle · 08-02-2012 4:36pm

lazygal wrote: »

How can you lighten up and not judge people for what they do or say? Do you judge people, even though you think you don't?

This is human nature. Of course we'll judge others by their opinions and actions, its much better than judging them on the size of their wallets or their opinions.

What I think you might mean is that you don't like HOW you've judged them, which is fair enough if your opinion is only (for example) informed by generalisations or your own personal preferences and prejudices, but its still human nature.

You've judged her behaviour as its not how you'd behave yourself, and most of us believe our ways of doing things is the best, at least for ourselves.

Awareness of it is the main thing, and you already have that OP.

I judge people all the time, but most of the time its in a positive way.

lazygal · 08-02-2012 4:39pm

Giselle wrote: »

This is human nature. Of course we'll judge others by their opinions and actions, its much better than judging them on the size of their wallets or their opinions.

What I think you might mean is that you don't like HOW you've judged them, which is fair enough if your opinion is only (for example) informed by generalisations or your own personal preferences and prejudices, but its still human nature.

You've judged her behaviour as its not how you'd behave yourself, and most of us believe our ways of doing things is the best, at least for ourselves.

Awareness of it is the main thing, and you already have that OP.

I know, but I don't like how I am SO quick to judge. A one-off action or a comment the person might not have realised they even made will stay with me and make me judge them. Not sure if I can explain this!

SarahBeep! · 08-02-2012 4:45pm

Yes and it's one of the things I hate most about myself.

Honey-ec · 08-02-2012 4:56pm

Extremely. In fact, I'm judging all of you right now.

*narrows eyes*

Giselle · 08-02-2012 4:59pm

As another poster said, its one thing judging, but as long as you don't voice it, or be interferingly condemnatory, I don't see the problem.

I don't know if we can help but judge people, I think its probably part of how we relate to and categorise others.

Princess Peach · 08-02-2012 5:00pm

I used to be, very much so.

But I kinda learned in the past year to just let it go. Judging someone is just unnecessary negative thoughts on your part. I've just learned to be happy for everyone and get on with my own life. Much more fun that way.

Yes I may see a girl and think her outfit is awful or something, but I'll still give her a chance and try to be friends. I learned that just because someone doesn't have the same morals as me, does things I would never do, doesn't make them a bad person and doesn't affect my life so why have all these bad thoughts towards them if you get me?

Like I used to be so judgmental, it was more about me than it was the other person. Judgmental people just need to look more inwards and focus on being happy in their own life, and care less about what others choose to do with theirs.

Honey-ec · 08-02-2012 5:06pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

Like I used to be so judgmental, it was more about me than it was the other person. Judgmental people just need to look more inwards and focus on being happy in their own life, and care less about what others choose to do with theirs.

I don't know that I agree with the last part. I can judge someone's outfit and still know that it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a horrible person. It just means I think their clothes are rotten.

Princess Peach · 08-02-2012 5:11pm

Honey-ec wrote: »

I don't know that I agree with the last part. I can judge someone's outfit and still know that it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a horrible person. It just means I think their clothes are rotten.

I more so mean someone who sees a bad outfit, and then goes talking about it to her friends if you get me. Like making a huge deal out of something that you should just move on from. Same with judging people's behaviors and choices. You may not agree with them, but why bother bitching about things to others?

baby and crumble · 08-02-2012 5:23pm

TBH when the OP said "judgemental" I assumed it was more around morals or behaviours rather than relatively frivolous things like clothes choices...

Honey-ec · 08-02-2012 5:34pm

I just think it's 100% human nature to judge others based on pretty much everything - clothes, appearance, accent, morals, behaviour. We're hard-wired to do it. And, as B&C said, unless it actually stops you revising that judgement once you've had some dealings with the person, I don't really see why it's a big deal. I think people can do a bit too much soul-searching on the whole judgmental thing.

Storminateacup · 08-02-2012 5:56pm

I know this will sound dreadful -- but I automatically dislike someone who has a strong inner city accent. I used to work with girls who would talk like they wore pjs on their days off, and I felt dirty standing anywhere near them

mariebeth · 08-02-2012 6:02pm

I will say that Yes, I am judgemental. More so on things people do, but sometimes I will see someone wearing something & I will say to myself "really? Did they not have a mirror?" Although I would like to think that I'm not overly judgemental, and when I do catch myself thinking something, I try to challenge myself on it. I don't think that I'll ever be completely non-judgemental, but hopefully I'll continue to question myself and the judgements that I make.

I wouldn't say it's natural though, I mean babies aren't born with the ability to discern between what's acceptable and not acceptable, it's learned behaviour. And since I've been in college and studying sociology and child development as part of my course, I'm beginning to think that this whole judgement thing comes from a more natural human competitive streak, kind of like survival of the fittest. So what society as a whole deams as being appropriate, is seen as what's needed to be successful, so people judge more on what's seen as acceptable in order for themselves to succeed.

At least that's the way it seems to me at the moment!

IvyTheTerrible · 08-02-2012 6:04pm

I used to be very very judgemental, and not even realised it. But then something happened in my family which gave me a completely different perspective on other people and what happens to them/what they do. I'm still somewhat judgemental but a) much less so b) I voice it a lot less and c) I have much more empathy for other people's circumstances. I still need work though!

mariaalice · 08-02-2012 7:34pm

We don't have the thought police, so nobody really know what anyone else is thinking!.. of courses I have opinions about everything from the news papers people read to what they wear and how they speak BUT I would never dream of voicing my opinions.

There are other behaviors I make a conscious effort not to judge people on... ( even internally ) and I do think its important to question oneself about why we hold such opinions.

Princess Peach · 08-02-2012 8:43pm

I think I was confusing being judgmental with being bitchy. Of course you are going to have opinions of others, its just whether you let them affect your relationships with people.

I used to be a horrible bitch behind people's backs. But just kinda copped on over time. It wasn't achieving anything and I know for me it was a lot to do with my own low self esteem. Things weren't good in my life so I would talk down about others. Its just something I worked on in counselling before. No point being bitchy and holding grudges and such, you're just creating negative feelings in yourself that don't accomplish anything.

I think my long winded point is be judgmental but keep it to yourself!

Novella · 08-02-2012 11:27pm

I'm sure I do judge people but overall I wouldn't say I'm a very judgmental person. Mostly this is because I have done things I was brought up to believe were, I dunno, wrong. So having been in situations myself, situations which maybe others would look down on, and having gotten there myself, I guess I sort of understand that you can't judge a book by its cover.

mariaalice · 08-02-2012 11:37pm

Curiosity is one of the thing that stops you being judge mental because if you are curious about life and people in general, you are interested in hearing their stories.

beltzar · 14-02-2012 5:53am

I am so judgemental that I judged you even before I opened this thread.:). No really, unfortunately its true. And I too and trying to be more aware of it and knock it on the head.

When I have a few to many drinks in a nice restaurant I give my opinion on the whole establishment to the maitre D.
In Chapter One in Dublin, they were loving it so much that they showed me all round the restaurant (even the kitchen) asking my opinion.
The SHAME the next day when I woke up and remembered. :eek:

irishh_bob · 14-02-2012 2:43pm

the thing that irks me most about those who tend to engage in judging others alot is how they claim to be doing so for the other persons benefit , this is a lie , those who judge others do so because it makes them feel powerfull , in the main , its a trait which is borne out of self righteousness and overbearing dogmatism , not concern

Dolbert · 14-02-2012 2:47pm

A trait that really bugs me is snobbishness, or people who think they're better than others due to social class etc. So I guess I'm judgemental of the judgemental :pac:

Semele · 14-02-2012 2:49pm

Being non-judgemental doesn't mean not automatically forming opinions of what someone is like based on whatever factor it happens to be that gets you. No-one can help doing that- its the way our brains are built. Being non-judgemental means being aware of yourself doing that and being able to consciously separate your prejudices from the situation so that you don't express them or treat the person any differently for that. I can be terribly judgemental, but I don't feel bad about it because I recognise that its my issue, not theirs, and just pay more attention to whether its affecting my behaviour towards them.

How judgmental are you?

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