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Sexism is the stock in trade of the tabloid press

Since her pre-pubescence, Charlotte Church has been hounded by the tabloids. Her family have been intimidated, her privacy has been violated, her weight, shape and lifestyle choices have been mocked on the front pages from puberty through pregnancy and beyond – all in pursuit of a hateful little narrative about how a child star with the "voice of an angel" became a "fallen angel".

Church was not alone. We are used to seeing this sort of story about women in the tabloids, the familiar narrative of vapid idealisation, followed by shame and sexual humiliation. What we are not used to is seeing a real woman in a smart suit telling us how these stories affected her life. Now a collection of liberal feminist groups has come forward to say what everyone knew already: that any investigation into media ethics would be incomplete without an acknowledgement that the British tabloid press is oozing with the very worst sort of malicious, heavy-breathing misogyny.

Sexism is so consistent a feature of the culture of media in Britain that it has become easy to overlook, like the whine of an alarm that has sounded for so long you've learned to ignore it. Until a few years ago, it was the modern "problem with no name". However much it hurt to have to see slut-shaming, rape-apologism, victim-blaming and sexual objectification in the press every day over our cornflakes, women just had to ignore it, because challenging media misogyny in any way was next to impossible. It was just "the way things were".

In recent years, however, feminist groups can and have taken issue with select symptoms of this sickness, from campaigns against the digital airbrushing of already skeletal fashion models in aspirational advertising aimed at teenagers, to this week's attempt to get tabloid journalists to stop writing reports that place the blame for rape squarely on the victim's attitude, skirt length or Facebook profile.

It is important, however, to maintain a distinction between ethics and censorship. The groups that have come forward to make submissions about sexism to the Leveson inquiry, while they do a great deal of valuable work, do not represent every British women, or indeed every British feminist – not all of whom believe, for example, that public celebration of prostitution is the biggest problem facing women today. Care must be taken to ensure that the current modish rhetoric of combatting "sexualisation" is not elided with the asinine, sexually repressive agenda of Christian conservatism.

No one group or monolithic coalition, whatever its credentials, should be permitted to set the agenda for what does and does not count as respect for women. It is long past time, however, that someone made the official suggestion that reading a relentless welter of stories about why women who allege rape are liars might just have an effect on judges, juries and the hundreds of thousands of women who are victims of sexual assault.

Here's what you learn, if you're a woman and you grow up with British tabloid newspapers in the house: if you get raped or murdered, it's your fault; if you are old, overweight or just having a bad hair day, you are disgusting. You must work to appear as sexually attractive and submissive as possible, at which point you will be called a slag, a disgrace and a "loose-knickered lady lout", in the words of Quentin Letts. Women who have careers are miserable and pathetic. You were born to be a wife and mother, and succeeding at these things is the only thing that will fulfil you. Having a baby is the most valuable thing you can possibly do, unless you're poor, or unmarried, in which case you're society's scum. If you complain about discrimination or sexual violence, you're a shrill, jealous harpy.

It is vital that we understand that sexism is not just one more naughty thing that the tabloids do. Sexism is the dirty oil in the engine, the juice that makes the whole shuddering sleaze-machine run smoothly. The eyes that are drawn to the topless teenager on page three skim lightly over page two, where propagandists on the Murdoch dollar peddle torrid justifications for the waging of wars and the slashing of public sector jobs and call it news.

Sexism is the stock in trade of the tabloid press. Challenging it strikes at the very core of the business model, and that is what feminists and our allies must remain brave and clear-headed enough to do.

• This article was amended on January 1 2012 to remove reference to News International publishing a 'countdown clock' to Charlotte Church's age of consent, an allegation that NI denies