RTE Radio 1: The Ryan Tubridy Show

Cool the jets, he's going to expense it.

He actually mentioned Clooney, Roberts...and RTE luvvie Amy Huberman in the same sentence as the top-billing guests for tomorrow's LLS which he assures us is going to be "good fun".

So Tubs didn't go alone, it appears half of RTE were with him for this 10 minute interview.

It's great that RTE are so profitable and can easily afford this largesse.

Obligatory Beatles segment - a reissue he hasn't seen or heard yet is described as "beautiful".

I have to laugh at the way Tubs implied through the show it was only he who was granted an audience with Clooney and Roberts yesterday, when in actually facts these press interviews are done en masse and you have literally dozens of radio and tv people running in and out for their 10 minutes with the actual stars. He probably started off with "Hi, I'm Ryan Tubridy, you've probably hear of me".

I wonder did he mention this...............

Tubs will be devastated if "the Queen mum" kicks it tonight - she'll miss this year's Toy Show for one. 🙄

"And out there is where the peasants live........."

Another valuable contribution from the NK stable.

Hey Jim Aiken, where are my free "Gareth Bukes" VIP tickets?

It is with a deep sadness and a heavy heart that I broadcast today's show. She wasn't just Britain's Queen, she was our Queen. She gave so much hope to the ordinary British people by telling them "if you work hard and pay your taxes, my family and I can can continue to live in a life of unimaginable luxury and privilege". She'd call me occasionally to remind me of what an amazing host I was when she visited Ireland and even remarked not only was I the best host on any of her foreign trips, but also how much she loved my books, esp. "Patrick and the President". She suggested I write a similar novella about a young Irish girl who got to meet the Queen of England on her trip to Eire.....she even suggested I call it "Queenie and the Queen", I think I'll have to write that now as a tribute to her Majesty and not solely to use it as an excuse to write off even more tax. Anyway, enough about me....let's talk a little more about the Queen and what she thought of me. When I was in London earlier this week she sent me some flowers - she listens to the show everyday and knows I love them (especially when I don't pay for them myself) - and a handwritten note couriered directly from Balmoral. I'll read it to you now as I fight back the tears:

Dear Toyman,

I am nearing the end my good friend. I have barely enough energy to breathe but I have summoned the strength to write to you one final time. I just want you to know that you are the kindest and most delicious man I have ever encountered in my short 96 years on this earth. Without hearing your show every day (when you're not on holidays of course) and having the Toy Show to look forward to every December I would have shed my mortal coil many moons ago. Philip and I when travelling in a convoy of Range Rovers accompanied by a full SAS Battalion of Bodyguards would often stop and pull in on the side of the road to have a cry as you skillfully milked someone for their tale of woe. And I would always reassure those SAS soldiers that "the Toyman will make it right". They would inevitably say something to me like "but your Majesty, how can the Toyman be so kind" before remembering that you could break all of their legs in one second if they dared cross you. And that is your strength Toyman. There's a strength in your kindness.

I often wish you were my son, as you would be a far better King of England than Charles or that ghastly Andrew and his penchant for crass ladies - I know you'd never say anything sexist or creepy towards the fairer sex. And it would be such an easy transition for you into a royal role as you've also inherited fabulous wealth and riches for doing nothing of any substance your entire life. The fact that you cheered openly for the English Football Team last summer and recently praised Cromwell essentially means you're more British than Charles anyway.

Whatever happens to me in the coming days you must be strong Toyman - your people need you now, even more so than they did during the Covid Pandemic when you single-handedly saved the nation.

The Toyshow must go on! Long live The Toyman!

Yours in entitlement,

HRH Queen Elizabeth II

I think it sums up how ladylike she was that she thought of me and penned a delicious letter to me on her death bed. I think I'll have to get this framed - if there's any good framers out there who'd like to frame if for me for free I'll give them a plug on InstaTragedy.

And now we'll take a track from The Vengaboys.

Fake accent.

Tubs says he'll leave it there, then proceeds to do more Queen-talk. 🙄

Edit: typo

More stupid accents.

Saoirse Ronan!

Another brilliant and "lovely" movie starring Saoirse Ronan - does Saoirse Ronan every do anything that isn't simply the most amazing thing ever?