What's the etiquette here??

Was in Croker yesterday at the Club Finals. Wet and windy - just like my arse as I made my way to the shítter to get rid of last night's dinner.

Got lazy and decided to head into the facilities in section 328 - Lower Hogan, Midfield Line; where people congregate for pints before the throw in.

Only 5 cubicles available. Was starting to do the old "early house shuffle" when one of them became available.

Massive unit arrived out from the trap - 20 stone, Thomas's hat, Supermacs jacket, Levi jeans, Dunnes Stores brown boots. Reading the programme as he gripped the dregs of his plastic pint glass with his teeth.

In I went. Holy sweet Mother of Lourdes. Had made some attempt to flush, but most of the load was still sitting there. Had coated the pan with the follow through as well. The colour of a 70's bathroom suite.

Ended up having to do a stand back in the cubicle and hit the flush button with your shoe job before I could even contemplate approaching it. Even then it was a squat, hold the breath, and get the hell out of dodge scenario.

Did the best I could to make the scene presentable, but you can't do much with historical monuments.

At least when I opened the door it was a Nordie heading in after me.

Been a tumultuous couple of weeks. Weather and some poor life choices have played havoc with me deposits.

Today, you’ll all be happy to hear, has seen a change of fortune. Had a few pears yesterday, drank plenty of fluids and dropped off some Cuban cigars like they were teflon coated and dipped in WD40.

Bounced out of the ensuite like a new man.

Try Bepanthen instead of Sudocreme. The relief is instant. I found it a life saver after I had the worst ring ever following a weekend of strong Belgian beer in Brussels.

If you washed your bollox a bit more often you wouldn’t have jock itch.

Probably a coating of bag brie like a badly skimmed wall on the region.

Tip of the face cloth and the toothbrush around gutthers is the answer.

Debated about posting this but anyways...I'm blessed to be a fine healthy lad with a hefty enough member. I dunno is it age or what but recently while sitting to lay an egg at home, I've often had a touch of a half 'lazy one' on. Problem is it's deffo kissing the underside of the rim where none of us can see and further down than I would like in the pot.. Where in the etiquette stakes does this sit?

The helmet has frequently had blue loo on it..

Can pots with a wider diameter be bought?

I notice in the disabled toilets in work, they are a taller unit so dipping for oil isn't and issue there.

Look at Billy Fúcking Bigshot here with his 5-ply. Probably needs it after his dinner of a full roast duck stuffed with foie gras.

sure if it’s that big, haul it out and fling it over yer shoulder while you’re dropping the Crosbies off

Lynx, you can't beat that for a touch of class.

Seems to be fractured also (ah, no, wait, it's just a shadow)

I thought we had an unspoken convention here, no pics otherwise things could go downhill rather rapidly and the whole thing might be locked - don't give them any fuckin' excuse, it's hardly a [sheriff's] badge of honour that the most active thread on Boards is about shiteing.

Also this thread is about quality creative and descriptive writing.

I take your feedback. It was just the seat. I was in Croke Park a few weeks back and could have taken a photo of something so horrific it would have caused interpol to shut the place down.

Brendan, accept your apology. I know you’ve spoken before of a diet consisting almost exclusively of strong European lager, microwaveable cheeseburgers, hotdogs from a jar, and bags of cheap Bombay Mix. You must be very bound up. Iceland closing down must have devastated you as well.

Remember folks, people can be struggling out there.

Any significant event in your life that might be behind it, CJ?

A week at home drinking slightly out of date cans of stout, a visit to an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet, news that the mother in law is coming to stay for a week?

Or just one of those great mysteries of the universe?

Can't explain the produce of the last week either, a dreadful pasty consistency which was never completely either out nor in, if you get me. Consomme-style diarrhoea would have almost been preferable.

Finally obtained relief earlier today, a proper clear out followed by a good blast of the shower hose set to Japanese mode, a.k.a. hidden nugget destroyer. I'm a new man.

You've been married for more than a few years BD by the sound of things. It's not all bad, considering the modern dating scene - my jaysus. Trade her in for a newer model who spends her day doing fcuked up square eyebrows halfway up the back of her head - jaysus - there'd have to be some qware compensation for puttin' up with the likes of that and you need to factor your vs. her life expectancy into that.

Just wondering if any of our regular contributors were over in Midlands of the UK this weekend? Coming back through B'Ham airport Saturday night there were several sets of appalling golf trousers in the queue for the gate and the jax nearest to it was in ruins.