Suicide

Redneck Reject · 10-09-2019 9:05pm

I lost 7 of my platoon mates to suicide. At the start I even considered checking out. But now I have learned to deal with my demons and to honor them by living and sharing their stories to anyone who will listen.Semper Fi.

Webdoctor · 10-09-2019 10:48pm

1st cousin killed himself last week up the country and I haven't told anyone here, don't want to broadcast it to the kids

I know of a few lately and alcohol addiction is a major factor

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 5:00am

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Was speaking to a friend a while back who's brother had just killed himself, completely out of the blue, he was wondering how different things could have been if someone had just knocked on the door or rang his phone at that exact time. If a 2 minute interruption could have been the difference between him giving in and going on.

I don't know, i suppose it could be!

Yes; I did that once. emailed someone just in that time frame. Just something in her reply alerted me and I called a friend who lived close to go round. She admitted afterwards that she had been on the verge. .

Suicide is a very lonely place. If you are worried re someone, make that small contact. You feel as if the world has abandoned you. and that you have abandoned the world.

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 5:09am

Not sure. When we were young we had no "mental health supports" of any kind. Not even sure what people mean by that. We coped far better than people seem to now.suicide was very very rare.the only one I remember was a young man who had severe diabetes

But we did not do drugs etc. Drank little ... And we had more physically demanding and active lives. Fewer cars and more walking.

These are lifestyle issues?

banie01 wrote: »

I'd be even more certain the stats are misleading.
The reporting requirements needed for a coroner to rule a death as suicide are quite onerous.
The vast majority of such deaths are ruled as death by misadventure.

I posted a few years ago regarding HSE self harm figures from 2016 IIRC.
At the time the HSE reported that @80000 attended A+E for injuries arising from instances of self harm but the reported suicide rate that year was less than 500.

The reporting and classification of suicide has a dreadful impact upon the funding available IMO.

The usual comparator is road deaths, for budgets and campaign funding.
But those numbers can be teased out quite easily.
The truest reflection of actual suicide rates in Ireland would be to include Death By Misadventure in the numbers aswell as those ruled as suicide by coroner's IMO.

As for what's driving the current spate in Limerick, I have given an opinion on it in an earlier post.
Its certainly not that simple, but the outpouring of ah sure they were great and so on, certainly isn't helping.
I passed people during the week going to a removal service with photo t-shirts and slogans on

Combine that with poor mental health supports and services and it is a perfect storm.

Rubberchikken · 11-09-2019 5:27am

the shameful lack of decent proper professional support for people experiencing mental health issues in this country makes me very angry.

too many platitudes and promises are spouted by politicians and the HSE but nothing of substance ever emerges.

shame on them. they ignore people at their most
desperate and vulnerable time.

Wanderer78 · 11-09-2019 5:51am

Rubberchikken wrote:

the shameful lack of decent proper professional support for people experiencing mental health issues in this country makes me very angry.

Hearing people's stories of trying to negotiate our mental health services, are disturbing to say the least, I'm very grateful that my own mental health issues are generally on the milder scale of things in comparison

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 5:53am

Rubberchikken wrote: »

the shameful lack of decent proper professional support for people experiencing mental health issues in this country makes me very angry.

too many platitudes and promises are spouted by politicians and the HSE but nothing of substance ever emerges.

shame on them. they ignore people at their most
desperate and vulnerable time.

Wondering re community and family? And friends? My help in dark decades always came from this area. Simple humanity.

Wanderer78 · 11-09-2019 5:56am

Graces7 wrote:

Wondering re community and family? And friends? My help in dark decades always came from this area. Simple humanity.

Unfortunately some simply do not have these critical components for surviving such dark times, and do not know how to create them

ChikiChiki · 11-09-2019 7:24am

I've lose a father, uncle, and 2 friends to suicide and my local graveyard is full of countless others that I know. The area I live in is a great community with strong social structures and plenty of employment. I hear countless other stories every week.

In my experience part of the solution may be in preventative measures. An annual mental health check just to ask how are you would go a long way and provide guidance further action if needed. Mental health issues can be slow building.

I know in today's world of bean counters in the civil service that is highly impracticable but these are real lives and I see a crisis. Why can we be a world leader though.

kildare lad · 11-09-2019 8:01am

Ive known lot of people that've committed suicide. Some of them were a total shock , literally no one had a clue there was something wrong , others weren't as they were messed up on drink or drugs. 2 fellas I know killed themselves after their girlfriends broke up with them. I think alcohol and drugs play a big part in a lot of cases. Most of the lads I knew were aged between 18 and 30 . Such a waste of life

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 9:08am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Unfortunately some simply do not have these critical components for surviving such dark times, and do not know how to create them

I hear you. There were decades like that in my lifetoo; I leaned heavily on the Samaritans then, and was often connected with a good local church, nb this was England and the Anglican church / Also volunteering helped, reaching out t others

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 9:11am

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I've lose a father, uncle, and 2 friends to suicide and my local graveyard is full of countless others that I know. The area I live in is a great community with strong social structures and plenty of employment. I hear countless other stories every week.

In my experience part of the solution may be in preventative measures. An annual mental health check just to ask how are you would go a long way and provide guidance further action if needed. Mental health issues can be slow building.

I know in today's world of bean counters in the civil service that is highly impracticable but these are real lives and I see a crisis. Why can we be a world leader though.

Please may I ask very quietly what you expect from eg drs? I aslk as when I was so ill and in danger, the measures were drugs, inpatient care etc and did nothing to alleviate. What do you mean eg by "further action"? I did better when I lost touch with the medical world.

WB Yokes · 11-09-2019 9:11am

Lost my uncle last month to suicide.. had to make the arduous journey to Dover in UK for the funeral, first time ive been directly affected by a suicide. I havent been able to stop thinking about it since. There were no signs of mental illness or depression, he was a very outgoing man with a wife and two young kids.

I dont think ill ever get my head around it.

WB Yokes · 11-09-2019 9:16am

kildare lad wrote: »

Ive known lot of people that've committed suicide. Some of them were a total shock , literally no one had a clue there was something wrong , others weren't as they were messed up on drink or drugs. 2 fellas I know killed themselves after their girlfriends broke up with them. I think alcohol and drugs play a big part in a lot of cases. Most of the lads I knew were aged between 18 and 30 . Such a waste of life

It seems a lot of men dont cope as well with break ups as women do. I too have heard of a lot of men commiting suicide after a break up. What is it about men that makes us more likely to commit suicide after a break up?

Bigbagofcans · 11-09-2019 11:08am

ChikiChiki wrote: »

That is absolutely tragic. What is driving this?

Suicide is a national emergency in my opinion. I'm 99% certain the stats are producing only a fraction of the real numbers.

Social media is playing a detrimental part in young women's mental health. Instagram being the most harmful of them where women are comparing themselves against unrealistic versions of reality.

J Mysterio · 11-09-2019 11:27am

WB Yokes wrote: »

It seems a lot of men dont cope as well with break ups as women do. I too have heard of a lot of men commiting suicide after a break up. What is it about men that makes us more likely to commit suicide after a break up?

Just from what I have heard being commonly said, women mentally prepare themselves for some time prior to a break up, and once it occurs, they are almost 'over it'. With men, they might be more inclined to repress or otherwise ignore the issue/ their emotions until it really comes to a head in a break up, and then it is somewhat overwhelming.

I'm not saying I agree with this view, but i've heard it/ read it many times.

Deebles McBeebles · 11-09-2019 11:28am

J Mysterio wrote: »

Just from what I have heard being commonly said, women mentally prepare themselves for some time prior to a break up, and once it occurs, they are almost 'over it'. With men, they might be more inclined to repress or otherwise ignore the issue/ their emotions until it really comes to a head in a break up, and then it is somewhat overwhelming.

I'm not saying I agree with this view, but i've heard it/ read it many times.

I would second that. Seems to be very common.

J Mysterio · 11-09-2019 11:28am

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

Social media is playing a detrimental part in young women's mental health. Instagram being the most harmful of them where women are comparing themselves against unrealistic versions of reality.

Lots of young women seem to follow a lot of vloggers too, who represent some 'perfect life' ideal.

WB Yokes · 11-09-2019 11:32am

J Mysterio wrote: »

Just from what I have heard being commonly said, women mentally prepare themselves for some time prior to a break up, and once it occurs, they are almost 'over it'. With men, they might be more inclined to repress or otherwise ignore the issue/ their emotions until it really comes to a head in a break up, and then it is somewhat overwhelming.

I'm not saying I agree with this view, but i've heard it/ read it many times.

It makes a lot of sense.

Dramatik · 11-09-2019 12:03pm

The worst thing about suicide is that it affects our most sensitive people. If the most sensitive people keep taking their own lives, we will be left in a world where people lack sensitivity towards one and another.

Graces7 · 11-09-2019 12:14pm

Just seen a news item on breakingnews.ie; sorry cannot post the link, A coroner in West Cork dealing with five male suicides . And one a young father of two had made two previous attempts.

and on the same lead page another suicide; a young man in Co Meath

www.breakingnews.ie\

kildare lad · 11-09-2019 1:20pm

WB Yokes wrote: »

It seems a lot of men dont cope as well with break ups as women do. I too have heard of a lot of men commiting suicide after a break up. What is it about men that makes us more likely to commit suicide after a break up?

Well the two lads were pissed , drowning their sorrows , one jumped off a crane and the other blew his head off with a shotgun , alcohol makes people do dumb stuff at the best of times . I went through a messy enough break up , there was a kid involved, my head was wrecked for a few weeks not sleeping etc , but after a few weeks ya get over it, me and the child's mam are fine now . If ya can just fight it for a few weeks everything should come good .. as they say, times a good healer

kildare lad · 11-09-2019 1:25pm

Dramatik wrote: »

The worst thing about suicide is that it affects our most sensitive people. If the most sensitive people keep taking their own lives, we will be left in a world where people lack sensitivity towards one and another.

Most of the lads I knew where far from sensitive. Just normal lads . None were bullied although that's a big factor with others .

WB Yokes · 11-09-2019 1:35pm

kildare lad wrote: »

Most of the lads I knew where far from sensitive. Just normal lads . None were bullied although that's a big factor with others .

As J mysterio said there earlier and i think its true, men are never really prepared for the end of a relationship they ignore things, women are more prepared.

So it would come as a big shock to some men that the person they have been with for years lived with and seen every day is all of a sudden gone from their lives just like that.

That must be very very hard for anyone to deal with.

The Crazy Cat Lady · 11-09-2019 8:59pm

I've lost one person to suicide, came as a complete shock

I think of the person a lot and wonder 'what if I said x, a, y' etc

I've also thought doing it myself, a couple of years ago now though, thankfully I didn't

21-09-2019 9:10am

Jesus, Michael Harding does it again. I couldn't help but read this with his distinctive accent on each of his sentences, which for me is a rare experience when reading. He writes like a man who has been there, on that edge between life and death. He gets the role of music, and of ritual, in easing loss. And also its limitations, and our powerlessness, in the face of death.

‘Like many other victims of suicide, he simply fell through the net of care and love around him’

...But yet who can measure the terror that comes in the night when someone falls into depression. The fear that grows in the swamp land of the soul, when demons of negativity and despondency afflict a human being.

Like hundreds of others in rural Ireland every year, he was so frightened of the dark that in the end he could only think of surrendering to it. And like a frightened child he even told people about what he feared would happen. And then it happened.

He would have been 21 last Tuesday but they arranged the funeral for Monday, so that his mother wouldn’t be forced to bury him on his birthday.... People wonder why so many lovely boys lose the war with depression and why so many mothers are robbed of the joy that comes from small things; like birthday cakes and parties and warm tight hugs; things that this dead boy can never do again. But there is no adequate answer. And not even an entire church of mourners can compensate a mother for that loss.

21-09-2019 10:28am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Jesus, Michael Harding does it again. I couldn't help but read this with his distinctive accent on each of his sentences, which for me is a rare experience when reading. He writes like a man who has been there, on that edge between life and death. He gets the role of music, and of ritual, in easing loss. And also its limitations, and our powerlessness, in the face of death.

‘Like many other victims of suicide, he simply fell through the net of care and love around him’

A sensitive and eloquent reply, clearly informed by experience, to Patsy McGarry's uncharacteristic drivel in the same newspaper earlier in the week.

poisonated · 22-09-2019 12:59am

What helped me was eventually realizing take each day as it comes. I often used to say that I couldn’t live for a long period of time with such pain but I decided that if I could live another title while and then after that another little while etc

The truth is that suicide Is not selfish. People are born with varying levels of mental health. I truly believe that it is actually selfish calling such people who commit suicide “selfish”. You are expecting them to live an unhappy life just so you don’t feel the pain of losing them.

22-09-2019 11:14am

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

A sensitive and eloquent reply, clearly informed by experience, to Patsy McGarry's uncharacteristic drivel in the same newspaper earlier in the week.

I searched for that McGarry article but it seems to have been taken down, but the Letters' page intimate that McGarry accused people who take their own lives as being cowardly/thoughtless/selfish. Wow. Spite rather than drivel seems to be the most common theme in all McGarry's articles so I wouldn't be too surprised at anything he'd say. That little incident where he used a fake name "Thomas59" to launch numerous attacks on his "friend" John Waters nicely sums up his own cowardice, ironically enough.

Wanderer2010 · 22-09-2019 11:27am

Suicide is not a selfish act, its the act of someone in the throes of absolute despair, an internal hell they cannot even describe themselves never mind put words to so someone can help them. They just cannot tolerate the pain that envelopes them and consumes their world. I think the last 20 years has seen a sea change in how we live- technology has taken the equivalent of a thousand year jump in terms of evolution and human interaction hasn't caught up with it and despite being more connected than ever, loneliness is rife and social media, with its false foundation of a "perfect life" just fuels comparisons.

Nobody is talking to each other anymore, money is our God and human decency is an option not an essential. I do say to people who call suicide selfish, think how you would respond if it were your son, your wife, your father etc who came to you and said they were feeling so bad they wanted to take their own life. Put yourself in someone elses shoes and try to show a bit of compassion.

22-09-2019 11:29am

This shocking statistic was in yesterday's Irish Times. It reminds me of somebody on Morning Ireland
about 5 years ago who was talking in-depth about how serious a problem alcoholism is among doctors themselves.

Doctors twice as likely to die by suicide than members of general population

Graces7 · 22-09-2019 2:48pm

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Suicide is not a selfish act, its the act of someone in the throes of absolute despair, an internal hell they cannot even describe themselves never mind put words to so someone can help them. They just cannot tolerate the pain that envelopes them and consumes their world. I think the last 20 years has seen a sea change in how we live- technology has taken the equivalent of a thousand year jump in terms of evolution and human interaction hasn't caught up with it and despite being more connected than ever, loneliness is rife and social media, with its false foundation of a "perfect life" just fuels comparisons.

Nobody is talking to each other anymore, money is our God and human decency is an option not an essential. I do say to people who call suicide selfish, think how you would respond if it were your son, your wife, your father etc who came to you and said they were feeling so bad they wanted to take their own life. Put yourself in someone elses shoes and try to show a bit of compassion.

Compassion has many faces and many expressions.

Speaking as someone who has been there and fought back, or had others fight my way back.... We have a saying" This too shall pass"

You are thinking there is no healing? That this state will never pass? That is not true. We grow and change and things pass. If we hold on .

When someone has said to me or I have said to someone that they/I were feeling that bad? Assure them it will pass; get help for them and there is help out there in many forms as our excellent mods and admin folk here will aver

Wibbs · 22-09-2019 2:52pm

Deleted User wrote: »

That little incident where he used a fake name "Thomas59" to launch numerous attacks on his "friend" John Waters nicely sums up his own cowardice, ironically enough.

Savage burn served up by Sinead O'Connor there.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 22-09-2019 3:03pm

I am so fascinated by the research that says that in the majority of cases, suicide is crisis-based. Most people literally or metaphorically talked off the ledge never attempt suicide again. That kills me. So many lives lost that could have been saved.

Here’s a paper on the topic but other researchers have found similar:

http://seattlefriends.org/files/seiden_study.pdf

22-09-2019 3:07pm

cursai wrote: »

Ultimately they feel is better for themselves. They may feel people would be better off. But it is done to relieve themselves ultimately.

When it's broken down it is ultimately a selfish act to end their own torture.
Not selfish in the common definition. And not the type of selfish that should be begrudged either. In their eyes it's a nessecary selfish.

In the same way abortion is selfish you mean?

22-09-2019 3:15pm

www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/broken-relationships-are-at-the-heart-of-the-suicide-epidemic%3f_amp=true

For men at least, relationship problems seem to be a large part of the problem. So watch out for that male friend in a bad relationship or after a messy breakup.

Also would wonder if some people who say suicide is a selfish choice are people who have treated a man badly in a relationship who subsequently killed himself and are trying to make themselves feel better?

Gamer Bhoy 89 · 22-09-2019 3:28pm

My dad hung himself a few months ago.

I was due to fly over to him back home in Scotland to visit him for a few days in July. He told me he was booking days off work. That was the last thing he told me.

He was recently married to his partner of 19 years 2 months before he done it.

There was no note.
There was no hint.
There was no call for help.

He was alone in a hotel room in Gloucestershire when he done it.

His post mortem took 2 weeks.
There was no wake.

I flew over to wait at the house for the hearse to arrive.
I didn't get to say goodbye

He was cremated.

There is nowhere for me to visit.

If anyone thinks that what he (and other sufferers) did was a black-and-white selfish act, then they need to take a hard look at themselves.

No human wants to put their loved ones through that pain. They are not in the right mind. It is why depression is regarded as an illness. It is a mental illness that only the sufferer is aware of most of the time. Only the sufferer knows the weight of it. That's why people on the outside only think it's total and utter selfishness and they feel it in their right mind to be angry at them.

I know my own dad. I know he wouldn't have done what he did in a deliberate attempt to hurt any of us.

He was sick. He wasn't well. And that's all there was to it. I do not blame him.

The only thing I wish he would've done was seek help. But he was a typical Scottish working man. No time for that nonsense just get the work done and get on with it.

Unfortunately too many of us are too proud to admit when we are feeling low and think we will be regarded as weak if we do.

This mentality needs to be amended. We need to speak more. We need to seek help when we really need it.

Depression is one of the most complex illnesses in the world because of how deep it embeds itself into the sufferers frame of mind. And that's why we plead to those who do suffer to let us in. Let us help.

I'm too late to ask that of my dad, obviously. But I wish I knew.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 22-09-2019 4:31pm

Deleted User wrote: »

www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/broken-relationships-are-at-the-heart-of-the-suicide-epidemic%3f_amp=true

For men at least, relationship problems seem to be a large part of the problem. So watch out for that male friend in a bad relationship or after a messy breakup.

Also would wonder if some people who say suicide is a selfish choice are people who have treated a man badly in a relationship who subsequently killed himself and are trying to make themselves feel better?

Maybe sometimes but it’s a very widespread and common sentiment. I can’t imagine that it’s fuelled by guilt much of the time.

22-09-2019 4:39pm

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Suicide is not a selfish act, its the act of someone in the throes of absolute despair, an internal hell they cannot even describe themselves never mind put words to so someone can help them. They just cannot tolerate the pain that envelopes them and consumes their world. I think the last 20 years has seen a sea change in how we live- technology has taken the equivalent of a thousand year jump in terms of evolution and human interaction hasn't caught up with it and despite being more connected than ever, loneliness is rife and social media, with its false foundation of a "perfect life" just fuels comparisons.

Nobody is talking to each other anymore, money is our God and human decency is an option not an essential. I do say to people who call suicide selfish, think how you would respond if it were your son, your wife, your father etc who came to you and said they were feeling so bad they wanted to take their own life. Put yourself in someone elses shoes and try to show a bit of compassion.

Unlike many people, I'm blessed never to have been directly bereaved by suicide, but one of my closest friends lost his brother to suicide. There was no known history of depression; he closed his college textbook one night, went out to the garage after kissing his mum goodnight, and hanged himself. It fcuked up their lives for years and for a lot of that time, my friend would say "_____ was a selfish cnut". Sometimes I'd nod, and mean it.

That's grief though. People get irrationally angry with the dead, it's part of coping. What bothers me so much about McGarry's article is that it doesn't appear to be based on any personal grief, which might make it understandable. And what genuinely angers me is that stupid use of the word "thoughtless". How is suicide ever thoughtless? God I'm bored, shall I top myself? Wordscutter. What an idiot.

Michael Harding was so sensitive in how he handled it. Quite frankly, perhaps Patsy should stick to covering papal conclaves and stay away from the serious stuff.

Yer Da sells Avon · 23-09-2019 3:41am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I am so fascinated by the research that says that in the majority of cases, suicide is crisis-based. Most people literally or metaphorically talked off the ledge never attempt suicide again. That kills me. So many lives lost that could have been saved.

Here’s a paper on the topic but other researchers have found similar:

http://seattlefriends.org/files/seiden_study.pdf

This is something that scares the shit out of me. I've never lost anyone to suicide, but someone very close to me tried to take his own life a few years ago. I was the one who - by pure chance - interrupted him (I still don't know what made me seek him out, but something did), bandaged him up as well as I could and got him to hospital. There was no need to talk him off any metaphorical ledge - I think within a split second of cutting himself, the realisation of the sheer enormity of what he had done was enough, hopefully, to ensure that he never attempts it again.

He was so compliant as I did what I could to stem the bleeding. No resistance at all until I reached for a phone to call an ambulance and he went into full-blown panic, begging me not to. He didn't want the fuss, the drama, the spectacle of blue flashing lights. I think he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, rewind the clock ten minutes and go back to normal. Anyway, he needed medical attention, so I dragged him out to the car and brought him to the nearest emergency department as quickly as I could. The whole way in, all he could say was "sorry", over and over again. Oh, and an ironic "slow down, you'll get us killed" through a mixture of tears and inappropriate laughter, which infuriated me at the time. On reflection, an ambulance might have been less dramatic than flying through every red light on the Stillorgan Rd and skipping a queue of traffic on the wrong side of Nutley Lane.

The doctor said he could have died that night - had the wound been a few millimetres to the left or right. It could so easily have been a very different and tragic story, with so much mystery and so many unanswered questions. It wasn't a 'cry for help'. It wasn't 'selfish'. It wasn't 'anything', just a moment of wanting everything to stop.

Realt Dearg Sec · 23-09-2019 5:13am

A colleague of mine killed herself last week, on Sunday morning. We're a small University department and the people in it aren't just coworkers, they're friends and family for all of us, as a lot of us are loving here a long way from our homes, and we are one another's closest friends here. She was only 31, had a great job, doing what she loved, seemed to have everything. We were hired at the same time. There wasn't any hint of anything seriously wrong, she'd broken up with a long distance boyfriend but was very much focused on the future, had adopted a dog, was implementing plans within the department where she was director of writing instruction. The students loved her, we all did.

She visited another colleagues house for dinner Saturday, had a great time by all accounts. Then went up to the top of the building we work in early on Sunday morning, it's thirteen stories high and can be seen from all over the town. She jumped off and was killed immediately.

I read an account once off a guy who survived jumping off a bridge. He was asked what he thought while falling. His response was that as he feel he realised that every single thing he had been worried about, all of it, was totally solvable. Everything except this.

It's a remark that's haunted me all week. We work, and teach, in the building every day, had to go in and talk to the students about it on Tuesday. It was a surreal experience to have that talk and then try to get back to work (but get back to it we did). I walk by where she landed on the way into work each morning.

I wonder if she had that same thought process, that regret, that realisation. Maybe she didn't though. We can't know the darkness that was really in her soul, and understand how it existed alongside the light she brought into everyone else's lives.

We had a candle light vigil during the week, where students and faculty and staff takes for literally hours about their experiences of her. That wasn't really my scene so I didn't talk at it, but it was so very human and touching to witness all the same. I wonder if she'd known that level of feeling for her existed, would it have made a difference? As a department we're in discussions about how to memorialize and commemorate her. There's talk of a bench and a plaque, but we all agreed it can't be facing our building. We're thinking of having a circle of benches somewhere, as more of a collaborative learning space, which was kind of her thing, and it would be less solitary, more about community.

Suicide is some ****ing load of ****. Be good to each other.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 23-09-2019 11:46am

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

This is something that scares the shit out of me. I've never lost anyone to suicide, but someone very close to me tried to take his own life a few years ago. I was the one who - by pure chance - interrupted him (I still don't know what made me seek him out, but something did), bandaged him up as well as I could and got him to hospital. There was no need to talk him off any metaphorical ledge - I think within a split second of cutting himself, the realisation of the sheer enormity of what he had done was enough, hopefully, to ensure that he never attempts it again.

He was so compliant as I did what I could to stem the bleeding. No resistance at all until I reached for a phone to call an ambulance and he went into full-blown panic, begging me not to. He didn't want the fuss, the drama, the spectacle of blue flashing lights. I think he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, rewind the clock ten minutes and go back to normal. Anyway, he needed medical attention, so I dragged him out to the car and brought him to the nearest emergency department as quickly as I could. The whole way in, all he could say was "sorry", over and over again. Oh, and an ironic "slow down, you'll get us killed" through a mixture of tears and inappropriate laughter, which infuriated me at the time. On reflection, an ambulance might have been less dramatic than flying through every red light on the Stillorgan Rd and skipping a queue of traffic on the wrong side of Nutley Lane.

The doctor said he could have died that night - had the wound been a few millimetres to the left or right. It could so easily have been a very different and tragic story, with so much mystery and so many unanswered questions. It wasn't a 'cry for help'. It wasn't 'selfish'. It wasn't 'anything', just a moment of wanting everything to stop.

Yes, it’s interesting you say that. A few of the Golden Gate survivors said they regretted their decision as soon as they stepped off. They realised that nothing was unfixable.

Timberrrrrrrr · 23-09-2019 11:49am

Just got a nessage this morning that a very good friend of mine had died, lifelong sufferer of depression but was always there for everyone. Funeral wednesday and i won't be able to be there for him one last time, heads mashed.

skerry · 23-09-2019 2:31pm

Not 10 minutes after opening this thread yesterday I received a message telling me that a friend from years back had took his life over the weekend. Last time I met the same lad was a couple of years ago at the funeral of a best friend from my youth from the same group who had done the same thing. Most of the funerals of people around my age I've grown up with have been as a result of suicide. You really never know what some people are battling on the inside.

greenspurs · 23-09-2019 2:52pm

Always been a bugbear of mine - "Committed" suicide …. Its not illegal anymore.

I prefer "took their own life"...

We had a co worker take their own life. Was working with him on the Saturday, spoke to him..
he went home, went out with his mates, and hung himself that night. 34years old

He was found the next morning by his poor dad...……………….

All in work on Monday, carry on there lads.....

We are all sooo easily replacable at work, but not so easy for family.....

PostWoke · 23-09-2019 2:59pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Yes and no.

You're quite right, the majority who do it aren't in what you could call a "normal" frame of mind. But everybody knows the mess it leaves behind, it is ultimately a selfish act - whether you could blame them for doing it I don't know, I suppose each case is different, but blame or not it's usually selfish.

This is the kind of nonsense people need to be educated on so as not resort to 'yes... and no' squirming.

Instead of worrying about the mess after maybe you should've worried about the person's mess before.

Sunny Disposition · 23-09-2019 3:08pm

Suicide is terrible, ruins many more lives than just the victims'. Something in modern society has flipped, it is so common now.
One thing I'd warn is that drink can very often be a factor, anyone who has a tendency to get a bit depressed should watch that.

Mad_maxx · 23-09-2019 3:27pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Suicide is not a selfish act, its the act of someone in the throes of absolute despair, an internal hell they cannot even describe themselves never mind put words to so someone can help them. They just cannot tolerate the pain that envelopes them and consumes their world. I think the last 20 years has seen a sea change in how we live- technology has taken the equivalent of a thousand year jump in terms of evolution and human interaction hasn't caught up with it and despite being more connected than ever, loneliness is rife and social media, with its false foundation of a "perfect life" just fuels comparisons.

Nobody is talking to each other anymore, money is our God and human decency is an option not an essential. I do say to people who call suicide selfish, think how you would respond if it were your son, your wife, your father etc who came to you and said they were feeling so bad they wanted to take their own life. Put yourself in someone elses shoes and try to show a bit of compassion.

Unlike many people, I'm blessed never to have been directly bereaved by suicide, but one of my closest friends lost his brother to suicide. There was no known history of depression; he closed his college textbook one night, went out to the garage after kissing his mum goodnight, and hanged himself. It fcuked up their lives for years and for a lot of that time, my friend would say "_____ was a selfish cnut". Sometimes I'd nod, and mean it.

That's grief though. People get irrationally angry with the dead, it's part of coping. What bothers me so much about McGarry's article is that it doesn't appear to be based on any personal grief, which might make it understandable. And what genuinely angers me is that stupid use of the word "thoughtless". How is suicide ever thoughtless? God I'm bored, shall I top myself? Wordscutter. What an idiot.

Michael Harding was so sensitive in how he handled it. Quite frankly, perhaps Patsy should stick to covering papal conclaves and stay away from the serious stuff.

Haven't read the piece but patsy mcgarry is a wanker so it's like something he'd write

Mad_maxx · 23-09-2019 3:29pm

It's usually nice people who take their own lives, self absorbed assh0les who don't give a fcuk can get through anything

Tchaikovsky · 23-09-2019 3:48pm

Yes it's the sensitive ones that are inclined to take their own life, leaving behind a less sensitive world

Suicide

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