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Time off for Dad after the birth

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  • 23-04-2014 3:54pm
    #1
    contrary_mary
    Registered Users Posts: 334 ✭✭


    All going well we'll be welcoming our first baby in just over a month. At the moment I'm scheduled in for a c-section and it is looking more and more unlikely that this plan will change unfortunately.

    My OH plans to take 2-3 weeks off if possible - the majority of that will be unpaid leave. The section is scheduled for a Tuesday - obviously he will take that day off - but we're wondering if he should go back to work then for a couple of days and save the time off for when we're back at home? He feels weird about it, and I like the idea of him being around the hospital to keep me company, but I'm wondering if it's an awful waste of leave? A few people have said there's no point in him being off when I'm in hospital, but I'd love to hear some real life experiences?


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    #2
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    contrary_mary wrote: »
    All going well we'll be welcoming our first baby in just over a month. At the moment I'm scheduled in for a c-section and it is looking more and more unlikely that this plan will change unfortunately.

    My OH plans to take 2-3 weeks off if possible - the majority of that will be unpaid leave. The section is scheduled for a Tuesday - obviously he will take that day off - but we're wondering if he should go back to work then for a couple of days and save the time off for when we're back at home? He feels weird about it, and I like the idea of him being around the hospital to keep me company, but I'm wondering if it's an awful waste of leave? A few people have said there's no point in him being off when I'm in hospital, but I'd love to hear some real life experiences?

    You'll need him around the hospital to help you out, when you want to go for a shower or nap he can look after baby.


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    #3
    tazwaz
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭tazwaz


    contrary_mary wrote: »
    All going well we'll be welcoming our first baby in just over a month. At the moment I'm scheduled in for a c-section and it is looking more and more unlikely that this plan will change unfortunately.

    My OH plans to take 2-3 weeks off if possible - the majority of that will be unpaid leave. The section is scheduled for a Tuesday - obviously he will take that day off - but we're wondering if he should go back to work then for a couple of days and save the time off for when we're back at home? He feels weird about it, and I like the idea of him being around the hospital to keep me company, but I'm wondering if it's an awful waste of leave? A few people have said there's no point in him being off when I'm in hospital, but I'd love to hear some real life experiences?

    we had our first baby a year and a half ago and from our experience I can say my partner practically lived at my bedside doting on his child, really getting a chance to bond with him. and also I was able to go for a shower/snooze without worrying about the baby needing a feed etc so I would say it's not a waste of time off. it's his baby too and the men need the chance to bond with him/her as well :-)


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    #4
    ted1
    Registered Users Posts: 23,309 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    If your breastfeeding there's not much work for the dad to do.

    Baby sleeps, baby feds, baby poops, and back to sleep.

    in my opinion if everthing goes smoothly and your mobile after your section then the Dad i s better off at work and can take time off to bind when the baby is older and the dad can take the baby away from the mother to give here a break.


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    #5
    Bosley1421
    Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭Bosley1421


    Having my husband with me was essential. It can be such a support, especially if it's your first baby.


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    #6
    TimeToShine
    Registered Users Posts: 4,881 ✭✭✭TimeToShine


    Kinda OT but are fathers not allowed take any "maternity leave" so to speak even for a few days to see their newborn without it being unpaid?


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    #7
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    TimeToShine wrote: »
    Kinda OT but are fathers not allowed take any "maternity leave" so to speak even for a few days to see their newborn without it being unpaid?

    There is no entitlement to paternity leave in Ireland at the moment, some companies do offer it though, usually a week or two.


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    #8
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I think of you're breast feeding you still need your partner - you need to nap, shower, eat, baby needs to be changed and held. I had a section and my husband took time off to be with me in hospital because I'm still immediately post surgery.

    But three weeks later you're not immediately post surgery.

    And baby wants cuddles from daddy too!


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    #9
    addob
    Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭addob


    I think my husband did nothing but run around with a list of errands while i was in hospital after my C-section. I needed him especially when things weren't going as planned and I was really down. Even just being the one to provide updates to the family and to entertain my in-laws when then came to visit...


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    #10
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    ted1 wrote: »
    If your breastfeeding there's not much work for the dad to do.

    Baby sleeps, baby feds, baby poops, and back to sleep.

    in my opinion if everthing goes smoothly and your mobile after your section then the Dad i s better off at work and can take time off to bind when the baby is older and the dad can take the baby away from the mother to give here a break.

    God, I wish I had magic babies like that.


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    #11
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    My husband took time off when I got home. I called on the nurses for help after the sections and my mum came in during the day. I was grand after a day or so to mind baby. I needed himself at home more than in hospital.


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    #12
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Oh that's a really tough one! I needed my husband in the hospital with me. I would have gone demented only for him. He even had to do an underwear shop for me after the first for something that would come up over the scar lol :o

    I was in for 3 weeks and 2 weeks respectively after both sections, but that was due to bp issues so by the time I got home his leave was used up. After the first my mum moved in for a week...that didn't go too well :p But I can't remember what happened after the second.

    If you have another family member that you can count on to come in and help keep you sane while you shower/nap/eat, then taking the time after would really be best so he could help you at home. There are plenty of nurses and midwives around, but they are so busy I never liked asking them.


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    #13
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I had no problem asking them for assistance. That's their job. We're all busy in work.


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    #14
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/leave_and_holidays/paternity_leave.html


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    #15
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    ted1 wrote: »
    If your breastfeeding there's not much work for the dad to do.

    Baby sleeps, baby feds, baby poops, and back to sleep.

    in my opinion if everthing goes smoothly and your mobile after your section then the Dad i s better off at work and can take time off to bind when the baby is older and the dad can take the baby away from the mother to give here a break.

    I Agree with ted here. My husband was there for the day baby was born but tbh I didn't really need him the following days if I'm honest. This was the same for my first birth (17 months ago) and my most recent (4 weeks ago). He came to the hospital every day straight after work and stayed until around 9pm. Brought me everything I needed then and got to spend loads of time with baby and me then.

    If you need help showering etc the midwives and health care assistants are there to help. Now I must stress I had normal deliveries and not c-secs and I'm aware of the major impact these have for the first few weeks after delivery so perhaps my situation is completely different and you may need more care while ur in hospital. But I would've really thought the midwives and hcas could help you with this...

    It was invaluable for me to have my husband home for as long as possible after I arrived home when there was nobody else there to help me in those first few weeks. He ran all the errands, did the shopping and helped with night feeds even tho i was and still am breast feeding.For me, I personally would've thought if he had taken 3-5 days off while I was in hospital it would have been a total waste. And just remember if you are sectioned you will not be able to drive for a few weeks so having OH at home may be integral to your sanity if ye need or want to get out (if u both drive that is).


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    #16
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,303 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    I went back to work the day after Junior was born as I figured my time would be more valuable when Mrs came home rather than when she was in the hospital with all the support that they offer there.

    OT rant - Absolute scandal that there is no time off for Dads in this country. It is totally devalues the role of a father.


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    #17
    kandr10
    Registered Users Posts: 1,601 ✭✭✭kandr10


    You don't know what kind of baby you're going to have - how well they'll feed, sleep etc, how well you and your partner will adjust and heal after the section. For that reason I'd get him to stAy off work while you're in hospital. I found my husbands support invaluable over those few days.


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    #18
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    A few peole suggested I should keep up work the first few days while she was recovering in hospital. I tell ya, with all the back and forth from the hospital and home, grabbing stuff to be cleaned and bringing in cleaned stuff, ot was tiring enough. Wouldnt of had the time for work.

    You'll need him to be available for the simplest of things that never would occurr to either of ye until it comes up.


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    #19
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    My husband is getting 3 days paid parental leave, I would much rather he takes them when I get home but I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.


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    #20
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    When my 1st was born my husband took a day off , I did not really need him for anything .
    I think it depends on how generally useful he is to you , if he will cook , clean , change nappies etc then it will be great to have him at home esp after a c section when you will be sore .
    As for the hospital it depends if they do not have the staff there to help you and lift baby for feeds etc then you will need someone there with you to help you with everything , I have seen people literally able to do nothing after them .


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    #21
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    My wife did not cope well in the hospital after her C-section really. I was pretty much in the hospital with her from 9am till kicking out time as baba wasn't sleeping and would scream bloody murder if left on her own while my wife tried to pee or anything. Also moving around after a C-section isn't the easiest thing in the world, so being confined to a bed and trying to look after a baby (changing, cleaning up the inevitable poo explosions, etc), isn't the easiest.
    She hates hospitals anyway, so just being there at all annoyed her, which doesn't help.

    In hindsight we both recognise that she should have just pushed the call button all the time, but she felt like she didn't want to bother the midwives. Which meant that after the first night she felt like she'd been abandoned, but we realise now that in the hospital if you don't ask, you don't get, and you just need to press that damn button whenever you need help instead of trying to struggle through it on your own.

    From listening to some women in the hospital, attitudes vary. Some women find it a bit of a break and will hang in there for a week or more as a bit of a holiday while other people mind their other children and their husbands aren't fussing around. Other women have no desire to sit around in a hospital at all and can't wait to be discharged and go home.


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    #22
    sopretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    While you're in hospital, you have nurses/doctors/reassurance/expertise. When you go home, you have no-one except a new baby (it would be great if you had your husband for those few days). Tell him to save the days for when you're home. I say that as a single parent who asked to be kept in an extra night in hospital, rather than going home. My consultant had no problem.
    Your husband can come in to visit while you're in hospital. Him being there all day every day probably won't be tolerated anyway! 'Visitors' were ran, in my day (9 years ago) at Mammy's sleeping times.


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    #23
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    seamus wrote: »
    My wife did not cope well in the hospital after her C-section really. I was pretty much in the hospital with her from 9am till kicking out time as baba wasn't sleeping and would scream bloody murder if left on her own while my wife tried to pee or anything. Also moving around after a C-section isn't the easiest thing in the world, so being confined to a bed and trying to look after a baby (changing, cleaning up the inevitable poo explosions, etc), isn't the easiest.
    She hates hospitals anyway, so just being there at all annoyed her, which doesn't help.

    In hindsight we both recognise that she should have just pushed the call button all the time, but she felt like she didn't want to bother the midwives. Which meant that after the first night she felt like she'd been abandoned, but we realise now that in the hospital if you don't ask, you don't get, and you just need to press that damn button whenever you need help instead of trying to struggle through it on your own.

    From listening to some women in the hospital, attitudes vary. Some women find it a bit of a break and will hang in there for a week or more as a bit of a holiday while other people mind their other children and their husbands aren't fussing around. Other women have no desire to sit around in a hospital at all and can't wait to be discharged and go home.

    I remember the night after my c section (I still couldn't move, some women are up and about within hours, some are out of it for days, I do not remember any of the pictures taken or really the first two days after my c section as I was so hopped up on morphine), my little one was crying for a feed and I couldn't get out of bed to get her, I pressed the call button but it was a half hour before anyone came near me, in the meantime a lovely lady in the bed next to me got my baby for me. It was horrible.


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    #24
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    sopretty wrote: »
    While you're in hospital, you have nurses/doctors/reassurance/expertise. When you go home, you have no-one except a new baby (it would be great if you had your husband for those few days). Tell him to save the days for when you're home. I say that as a single parent who asked to be kept in an extra night in hospital, rather than going home. My consultant had no problem.
    Your husband can come in to visit while you're in hospital. Him being there all day every day probably won't be tolerated anyway! 'Visitors' were ran, in my day (9 years ago) at Mammy's sleeping times.

    In the Rotunda and Holles St (not sure about the hospitals outside Dublin) partners are welcome from 9.00am-9.00pm, in the Coombe, partners are asked to leave at meal times.

    Him being there all day is generally tolerated pretty well.


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    #25
    contrary_mary
    Registered Users Posts: 334 ✭✭contrary_mary


    Thanks for all the interesting perspectives; I'm not sure it's making the decision any easier though! I will talk to OH tonight and see what his preference is. He's in a contract role so unfortunately won't get any paternal leave but he has a few days of annual leave worked up and his current company seem pretty sound about him taking some extra days unpaid.

    I won't be having anyone else in the hospital with me, just the grandparents visiting in the evenings. I'd love to have him there with me, but the driving issue is going to feel like a massive deal afterwards so that's a consideration too.

    Any additional experiences welcome - they're giving me plenty to think about!


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    #26
    Daintydoll1
    Registered Users Posts: 34 ✭Daintydoll1


    I had a c-section 9 weeks ago. My partner took the day of the section & the following day off work & then went back to work. He took 5 days off when baby & I came home.
    In an ideal world he'd have been with us every day in the hospital but he was really under pressure to take as little time off as possible. I found it fine in the hospital, a bit lonely but was able to manage ok. Definitely needed him more when we got out...things like walking up the stairs can be tough so had him running around like a blue arsed fly! Three weeks is a good long time for your partner to be off so I'd say have him around while you're in hospital. However it's not the worse thing in the world if he's not in hospital all the time & is there for 3 weeks when you get out. I'd call that a good trade off!
    Best of luck with delivery! :-)


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    #27
    kandr10
    Registered Users Posts: 1,601 ✭✭✭kandr10


    I think there are so many variables. Why not as a compromise try to put aside for a few days in hospital just in case but try to see how you manage with himself going back to work the day after the baby's born until you get home?


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    #28
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    lazygal wrote: »
    I had no problem asking them for assistance. That's their job. We're all busy in work.

    Different strokes and all that


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    #29
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Of course you should ask for help - but even going private you have to wait.


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    #30
    ted1
    Registered Users Posts: 23,309 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    January wrote: »
    God, I wish I had magic babies like that.

    We were blessed with 2 sleepers. from Day 1, they slept from about 22:30 -07:30 and from day one we never tip toed around so they got use to sleeping through noises which meant we could have friends over etc and not worry about noise.

    I know how karma works and i'm not looking forward to them as teenage girls :)

    I'll have plenty of sleepless nights then.


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    #31
    sopretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    ted1 wrote: »
    We were blessed with 2 sleepers. from Day 1, they slept from about 22:30 -07:30 and from day one we never tip toed around so they got use to sleeping through noises which meant we could have friends over etc and not worry about noise.

    I know how karma works and i'm not looking forward to them as teenage girls :)

    I'll have plenty of sleepless nights then.

    I would second getting them used to noise!!! Also have been blessed with a brilliant sleeper!


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