What's the etiquette here??

IAMAMORON · 23-01-2021 11:43pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

Hubby made some homemade burgers earlier and I have been bunting out serious compost since. He said raw onions weren’t a great idea and I should have listened, very tangy and aromatic on both ends. Tart.

Do you drop silent Adrian or make any announcements before delivery?

AdrianBalboa · 23-01-2021 11:46pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Do you drop silent Adrian or make any announcements before delivery?

If the kids are awake I just nip off and attend to my business but if they’re asleep I make it very well known what I’m up to in there: maximum gruntage. Noises he wouldn’t have otherwise heard from me for years. I’m what they call a Type A personality.

IAMAMORON · 23-01-2021 11:50pm

Don't spoil him Adrian.

Let him down easy, remember you still love him.

Does he give you the elbow if you are sharing the couch, or simply leave the room fuming whilst calling you a dirty smelly chunt?

AdrianBalboa · 23-01-2021 11:57pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Don't spoil him Adrian.

Let him down easy, remember you still love him.

Does he give you the elbow if you are sharing the couch, or simply leave the room fuming whilst calling you a dirty smelly chunt?

I was asked not to discuss it in here before but my husband is a big fan of, shall we say, playing the trombone, and I’m no stranger to blowing a few notes at him back. So letting rip on the couch wouldn’t bother him too much.

IAMAMORON · 24-01-2021 12:02am

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I was asked not to discuss it in here before but my husband is a big fan of, shall we say, playing the trombone, and I’m no stranger to blowing a few notes at him back. So letting rip on the couch wouldn’t bother him too much.

Lovely, are you fond of nice rasping farts ... I mean I classify a rasper at anything over 3 seconds but under 7-8 seconds in duration. Decibels can vary over time of course?

I hate it when I am going for a rasper and I end up with a 2 toned eh eh, that sounds similar to the X delivered by the screen on Family Fortunes... always a disappointment.

AdrianBalboa · 24-01-2021 12:05am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Lovely, are you fond of nice rasping farts ... I mean I classify a rasper at anything over 3 seconds but under 7-8 seconds in duration. Decibels can vary over time of course?

I hate it when I am going for a rasper and I end up with a 2 toned eh eh, that sounds similar to the X delivered by the screen on Family Fortunes... always a disappointment.

I’m definitely a fan of the heavy, foghorn type, where you can feel the hairs on your arse being blown out of shape like they were facing a bomb test.

IAMAMORON · 24-01-2021 12:07am

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I’m definitely a fan of the heavy, foghorn type, where you can feel the hairs on your arse being blown out of shape like they were facing a bomb test.

Do you like farting in the bath?

Slideways · 24-01-2021 2:58am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Do you like farting in the bath?

Are you getting off on this conversation you philthy phucker?!?

That’s a married lady you’re talking to, keep it in your pants lothario

Bullocks · 24-01-2021 8:47am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Do you like farting in the bath?

Reminds me of a book I once read "Bubbles in the Bath " by "Wendy Bottoms "

IAMAMORON · 24-01-2021 12:11pm

Slideways wrote: »

Are you getting off on this conversation you philthy phucker?!?

That’s a married lady you’re talking to, keep it in your pants lothario

That is a blatant act of cockblocking right there?

I was being convivial.

Launching depth charges are a cherished past time of mine, since I was a young child playing with my rubber ducky.

EmmetSpiceland · 24-01-2021 12:54pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Launching depth charges are a cherished past time of mine, since I was a young child playing with my rubber ducky.

I fired out a “dirty” torpedo in the bath, when I was about 4. That brought an end to the shared baths with my siblings.

I just didn’t want to get the floor wet. If anything I cared too much. Alas, my “efforts” were in vain, no one was impressed.

IAMAMORON · 24-01-2021 12:58pm

These days I can barely fit into a bath Spice.

I wait until it starts getting cold and I start resting my legs on the far wall whilst submersing my head underneath to get my entire head wet. I launch then.

It is soothing on any wets ones as your ass gets instant cleansing. I douse in Talcum Powder after, usually Hugo Boss.

Brendan Bendar · 24-01-2021 2:27pm

Stick to the showers lads, blew out a fairly ‘scattered’ load in the ‘big bath’ after a bit of over relaxation.

She surged out rapidly and before I had time to contain, a significant other entered and saw what was said afterwards like a ‘mangrove swamp’.

I let the shïte ‘get ahead’ of me to use an aviation term.

Anyway, long story short, bath was not going to get full use again, wouldn’t go near it, was removed three weeks later and it was stand up wash and a slow closer shïte from then on.

Hector Savage · 25-01-2021 10:28pm

I laid some serious rope there yesterday, jaysus it seemed to go on forever, like growing a tail as Jimmy Carr would say.
Looked into the pan and it was like 2 Indian rock pythons coiled up side to side.

Such pride.

Was convinced it would block the jax, but one flush was enough to get rid of the phucker!

Slideways · 26-01-2021 4:32am

Mrs Slideways was less than impressed with me, said i left the throne looking like a blind blacksmiths thumb.

A few hours later and i was frog marching into the en-suite as i loosened the shorts. I assumed the position, got the phone out and let loose. Poseidon's kiss straight away. No harm I thought, I'll continue to browse the cricket forum here and she'll dry off.

About 10 minutes later I could def notice an odd odour and a burning sensation. There had been an abundance of bleach left soaking. Me hole was red phucking raw after that!!

DEFTLEFTHAND · 26-01-2021 5:49am

Woke up there with a push on.

I needed to offload last night before bed but put off the passage as I was exhausted.

What's after happening now is that I've a full cargo hold but she won't discharge in an easy manner.

I let off a round of farts on the jacks bowl and pinced out a short tack of rope. Heavy in texture with a deep brown colouring.

But the bulk of the coil is still resting in me arse. Im here drinking coffee and smoking pall malls to try and induce the cnut but it's not happening.

I've work in 3hrs time.

26-01-2021 11:10am

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Woke up there with a push on.

I needed to offload last night before bed but put off the passage as I was exhausted.

What's after happening now is that I've a full cargo hold but she won't discharge in an easy manner.

I let off a round of farts on the jacks bowl and pinced out a short tack of rope. Heavy in texture with a deep brown colouring.

But the bulk of the coil is still resting in me arse. Im here drinking coffee and smoking pall malls to try and induce the cnut but it's not happening.

I've work in 3hrs time.

Don't know how the hell a chap can turn off the runway lights with a jumbo circling the airport and running low on fuel.
Its going to come down whether a controlled landing, or smashing into the asphalt with a major clean up required of the mess.

A risky game.
Your entire runway is out of action now, poor traffic control.

GowlBagJohnson · 26-01-2021 2:29pm

So as a little lockdown project I bought a load of empty jam jars and I fart into one after my dinner everyday. The idea is the keep a kind of time capsule of what I was eating at this time. I'll be able to revisit a period in my life but having the farts of different foods I ate sealed in jars and avalable for a smell if I ever feel nostalgic. Had an unreal Chinese the other night and I can't wait to revisit it through smell when the mood strikes me.

Gregor Samsa · 26-01-2021 3:16pm

There's something seriously wrong with your digestive tract if a fart straight after eating smells like the food you just ate. Are you some kind of hollow tube with a vaporiser in the middle?

gerrybbadd · 26-01-2021 3:52pm

GowlBagJohnson wrote: »

So as a little lockdown project I bought a load of empty jam jars and I fart into one after my dinner everyday. The idea is the keep a kind of time capsule of what I was eating at this time. I'll be able to revisit a period in my life but having the farts of different foods I ate sealed in jars and avalable for a smell if I ever feel nostalgic. Had an unreal Chinese the other night and I can't wait to revisit it through smell when the mood strikes me.

Are you responsible for farting into the packets of ham as well? Filthy Kernt

Hector Savage · 26-01-2021 4:30pm

GowlBagJohnson wrote: »

So as a little lockdown project I bought a load of empty jam jars and I fart into one after my dinner everyday. The idea is the keep a kind of time capsule of what I was eating at this time. I'll be able to revisit a period in my life but having the farts of different foods I ate sealed in jars and avalable for a smell if I ever feel nostalgic. Had an unreal Chinese the other night and I can't wait to revisit it through smell when the mood strikes me.

JAysus, reminds me of an American friend of mine , he went to school with 2 kids that were expelled for saving up their shight's in jars and took them to school and dumped them on a stairwell ... for maximum effect with the downflow .... imagine having the willpower to save up your shight for weeks in large jars.

Last he heard one of the lads worked in chillis.

https://www.chilis.com

Aglomerado · 27-01-2021 10:30am

GowlBagJohnson wrote: »

So as a little lockdown project I bought a load of empty jam jars and I fart into one after my dinner everyday. The idea is the keep a kind of time capsule of what I was eating at this time. I'll be able to revisit a period in my life but having the farts of different foods I ate sealed in jars and avalable for a smell if I ever feel nostalgic. Had an unreal Chinese the other night and I can't wait to revisit it through smell when the mood strikes me.

You could give some as Christmas gifts too, nothing like that personal touch!

Brendan Bendar · 27-01-2021 10:48am

Aglomerado wrote: »

You could give some as Christmas gifts too, nothing like that personal touch!

Spray a bit of glitter on the log, couple of small candles and you’re good.

They have stuff now that ‘solidifies’ a soft object, comes in silver and gold colors.

Slip a couple of ‘King Edwards’ under the tree, stays solid for about a week, then all hell breaks loose.

Meant for dog-log outdoors for the squeamish.

You the man · 27-01-2021 3:38pm

Could have utilised a builders Trowel and line of bricks with my deposit earlier..

Woeful bang of rotting cabbage and turnips.
But everyone can just about tolerate their own.. Or can they?

Pintman Paddy Losty · 27-01-2021 5:10pm

Current picture of the late JohnnyFlash unloading his beastly cargo down in hell.

RIP

IAMAMORON · 27-01-2021 5:58pm

You the man wrote: »

Could have utilised a builders Trowel and line of bricks with my deposit earlier..

Woeful bang of rotting cabbage and turnips.
But everyone can just about tolerate their own.. Or can they?

I generally can. I have become adjusted to my fumes over time.

The only time I have ever gotten into difficulty was during hangovers. Like when you are head spinningly phucked and pouring semi liquid midden down the pan. I have projectiled across the bathroom floor the odd time... but in general I have put that down to an adverse alcohol reaction combined with the unholy woetious vile smell of my hole.

AdrianBalboa · 28-01-2021 5:18pm

A very stubborn movement earlier, I have to say. At one stage I was rocking back and forth trying to jiggle it out, luckily one last lurch forward and I bore fruit with another half gallon of mincemeat.

Alas my dainty manicured finger tore through the paper and pierced the walls of the catacomb. Luckily there wasn’t too much spillage but don’t be surprised to see a few sharks milling around the leafy suburbs of South Dublin in the next few days!

Samsgirl · 28-01-2021 9:09pm

Wandered into this thread at 3am. I will admit that at first I found it scary.
Have to say it's the wittiest thread I have ever read. Brings a whole new way to view bathroom visits.

Found myself narrating my own bathroom breaks today at work.

And given I am a civil servant, I was delighted to find out that I am worthy of far more bathroom breaks that I am currently allowing myself.

Will amend that slight immediately.

28-01-2021 9:46pm

Samsgirl wrote: »

Wandered into this thread at 3am. I will admit that at first I found it scary.
Have to say it's the wittiest thread I have ever read. Brings a whole new way to view bathroom visits.

Found myself narrating my own bathroom breaks today at work.

And given I am a civil servant, I was delighted to find out that I am worthy of far more bathroom breaks that I am currently allowing myself.

Will amend that slight immediately.

Is it true the higher grades have reserved traps and triple ply?

Samsgirl · 28-01-2021 9:49pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Is it true the higher grades have reserved traps and triple ply?

I'm a lowly CO so I haven't made it there yet.. Will endeavour to make enquiries though and report back.

What's the etiquette here??

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