Impressing the opposite sex - insider tips.

Rumpy Pumpy · 06-10-2016 11:20pm #1

I've been trying this online dating malarkey recently. This evening involved inviting a lady I've met for four dates over for dinner. I really couldn't fault the meal myself. Top class. Fish starter, classic French meat course for mains, a light dessert to finish. The music was the type of soulful indie that we both like. I'd bulked up the book shelf with some fairly obscure works of literature to show that I read important books.

We ended up watching an episode of Narcos. I made a passing remark that my belly was in danger of looking like Pablo's. Her Halo arrived and we said goodnight.

I'm now considering committing a grievous act of self-love upon myself. What went wrong though? A real shcmuck here.

Grayson · 06-10-2016 11:23pm

Impressing the opposite sex - insider tips.

Always ask before putting the tip inside her

feargale · 06-10-2016 11:23pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

I've been trying this online dating malarkey recently. This evening involved inviting a lady I've met for four dates over for dinner. I really couldn't fault the meal myself. Top class. Fish starter, classic French meat course for mains, a light dessert to finish. The music was the type of soulful indie that we both like. I'd bulked up the book shelf with some fairly obscure works of literature to show that I read important books.

We ended up watching an episode of Narcos. I made a passing remark that my belly was in danger of looking like Pablo's. Her Halo arrived and we said goodnight.

I'm now considering committing a grievous act of self-love upon myself. What went wrong though? A real shcmuck here.

You should have doctored one of your bank statements, like adding a few noughts on the credit side, and left it lying around as if inadvertently.

petrolcan · 06-10-2016 11:24pm

Just come straight out and ask her if she TIUTA, you might be pleasantly surprised.

BorneTobyWilde · 06-10-2016 11:24pm

Or ''not in side her'' tips in your case

riffmongous · 06-10-2016 11:25pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

I've been trying this online dating malarkey recently. This evening involved inviting a lady I've met for four dates over for dinner. I really couldn't fault the meal myself. Top class. Fish starter, classic French meat course for mains, a light dessert to finish. The music was the type of soulful indie that we both like. I'd bulked up the book shelf with some fairly obscure works of literature to show that I read important books.

We ended up watching an episode of Narcos. I made a passing remark that my belly was in danger of looking like Pablo's. Her Halo arrived and we said goodnight.

I'm now considering committing a grievous act of self-love upon myself. What went wrong though? A real shcmuck here.

Sometimes you just have to try to throw the gob on her and hope for the best

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000 · 06-10-2016 11:25pm

I came here for tips?
Did not get any.
I was told there would be tips.

Temptamperu · 06-10-2016 11:25pm

You impress her by explaining the star trek multiverse, woman love star trek.

The Moldy Gowl · 06-10-2016 11:26pm

Step 1. Be attractive.
Step 2. Don't be unattractive

ahnowbrowncow · 06-10-2016 11:26pm

Grayson wrote: »

Impressing the opposite sex - insider tips.

Always ask before putting the tip inside her

I don't even like cider.

Dave0301 · 06-10-2016 11:26pm

Rub one out and cry yourself to sleep.

It will all seem better in the morning...

...probably not :pac:

The Moldy Gowl · 06-10-2016 11:26pm

The Honey Monster wrote: »

I came here for tips?
Did not get any.
I was told there would be tips.

Hey bby. Want my tip?

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000 · 06-10-2016 11:27pm

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

Hey bby. Want my tip?

I know where it's been...

gctest50 · 06-10-2016 11:28pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

I've been trying this online dating malarkey recently. This evening involved inviting a lady I've met for four dates over for dinner. I really couldn't fault the meal myself. Top class. Fish starter, classic French meat course for mains, a light dessert to finish. The music was the type of soulful indie that we both like. I'd bulked up the book shelf with some fairly obscure works of literature to show that I read important books.

We ended up watching an episode of Narcos. I made a passing remark that my belly was in danger of looking like Pablo's. Her Halo arrived and we said goodnight.

I'm now considering committing a grievous act of self-love upon myself. What went wrong though? A real shcmuck here.

She thankfully copped that - made you look like a serial killer

The Moldy Gowl · 06-10-2016 11:28pm

The Honey Monster wrote: »

I know where it's been...

I'll treat you to a family box of chicken Hut.
We can look into each others souls as we commit our own chicken massacre.

Sure didn't Hitler meet Eva braun while massacring a box of chicken?

daRobot · 06-10-2016 11:29pm

You didn't twerk for her after Narcos? Works for me every time. Would recommend.

Rumpy Pumpy · 06-10-2016 11:34pm

Very little genuine advice so far. Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead did come up on the playlist. There was that silence where we both decided to retreat into our minds and chew over the moments that had left us in this place.

Specialun · 06-10-2016 11:36pm

Not a very apt username

riffmongous · 06-10-2016 11:43pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

Very little genuine advice so far. Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead did come up on the playlist. There was that silence where we both decided to retreat into our minds and chew over the moments that had left us in this place.

Go for Sting next time

skywanderer · 06-10-2016 11:44pm

Act like a complete asshole and a drunk, its what Irish women love.

moc moc a moc · 06-10-2016 11:50pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

Fish starter, classic French meat course for mains, a light dessert to finish.

Is that a euphemism? I'm out of touch with the slang you young whippersnappers use these days.

feargale · 06-10-2016 11:55pm

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

Very little genuine advice so far. Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead did come up on the playlist. There was that silence where we both decided to retreat into our minds and chew over the moments that had left us in this place.

I'd say you answered your own question in the OP. If you have to discuss anatomy keep it well above the belt until you see the halo slipping of its own accord.
Anyway why worry? There are other fish. Put it down to experience and move on. Regard the encounter as an instructive dummy run.

ardinn · 06-10-2016 11:55pm

ok

Date four im usually hoping I didnt get her pregnant 3 times allready - wtf is wrong with you - this is your fault!! Dont think otherwise - Have you kissed her yet?

andekwarhola · 07-10-2016 12:08am

Millennial mating disaster handbook:

- Spotify playlist malfunctions

- Dinner sequencing errors

- Malapropos grasp of topical box set references

- Wrong jeans width (to 4mm)

Benefits:

Reduced breeding potential

ThinkProgress · 07-10-2016 12:30am

So... you ate some food and watched a bit of tv...?

Maybe it's just me, but the whole detailed planning of a date seems a bit pointless - not to mention way ott - if all you're gonna do is eat some grub and slouch in front of the idiot box!?

Perhaps I'm missing the gravitas of the meal here... but tv ? As your main weapon of choice?

Try reading one of those obscure books... might make you more interesting!

Chijj · 07-10-2016 12:53am

She's probably thinking to herself why didn't you make the move.

NERD!!!!!!!

07-10-2016 12:55am

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

I'll treat you to a family box of chicken Hut.
We can look into each others souls as we commit our own chicken massacre.

Sure didn't Hitler meet Eva braun while massacring a box of chicken?

Sure didnt the lord himself pause for a box of chicken as he died on the cross?

Pat Mustard · 07-10-2016 12:59am

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

What went wrong though?

She came over for dinner.
You watched Narcos afterwards.
She went home.

Unless she brought an overnight bag of some description, she may well have planned on going home from the outset.

You may not have done anything wrong.

Tata ama Pablo.

JupiterKid · 07-10-2016 1:00am

Play some Nick Drake, Vangelis or Stina Nordenstam, Dido or Air's Moon Safari.

Women love that music. I think. But then I'm gay so what would I know?:pac:

I've played that music and had lady friends try to come on to me even though they were aware I played for the other team...:o I have to add that copious amounts of wine were involved.

07-10-2016 1:02am

No need to panic yet OP, she may be just making you wait that little bit longer before she jumps into the sack.

ThinkProgress · 07-10-2016 1:12am

He totally messed up... Should have whipped out the twister board.

It's literally impossible to play twister on a date and not end up naked at some stage! :P

worded · 07-10-2016 1:26am

My fav way to be attracting the irish wimmins at closing
Time is by scent....

Not your expensive after shave,
Or lynx

Simply
Dab some vinegar around your neck and wait ...

They can't help themselves and often run towards you and don't under stand the attraction

It's simple, you smell like a bag of chips

Works every time

Surreptitious · 07-10-2016 1:26am

Did you even get a snog?

zzfh · 07-10-2016 1:29am

Are you actually posting about our date on here?? I can't believe you Anthony

ardinn · 07-10-2016 1:29am

PLEASE JESUS MAKE THAT BE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darkpagandeath · 07-10-2016 1:34am

Ask them if the rag smells like chloroform ?

BabyE · 07-10-2016 1:38am

Insider tip: be good looking

Hammer89 · 07-10-2016 1:39am

So, like, I'm just back from this date, with this guy, and he tried to seduce me with Narcos. I mean, seriously!? Why not just put on ****ing Hostel or Rambo for god sake. I wanted to take War and Peace of his book shelf and slap him with it. I could tell he wanted to, like, slap me with something too, but that so wasn't happening tonight, and probably won't happen in the fifth, sixth or seventh date either unless he treats me like a girl instead of one of his mates. I thought he was going to challenge me to a game of darts or ask me who should replace Roberto Di Matteo. I'll give him one more chance, because the food was fab and I haven't had French meat since that night with Pierre, but my patience is running thin.

Butters1979 · 07-10-2016 1:46am

Be really good looking.

Edit: beaten to it dammit

Junkyard Tom · 07-10-2016 1:55am

Make her a TDK mixtape of your favorite tunes for her JVC boombox.

smallorfaraway · 07-10-2016 2:03am

Made dinner and watched telly? Sure you could have done that with your granny.

Stigura · 07-10-2016 4:40am

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

Sure didn't Hitler meet Eva braun while massacring a box of chicken?

I wouldn't know about that. But, I do know that Heinrich Himmler was a f**king Chicken Farmer, before he got to be Reichsführer of the Schutzstaffel, and a complete chicken sh1t.

Come to think of it? Dropping nuggets like that into my conversation is probably why I always leave the pub alone

Outlaw Pete · 07-10-2016 5:30am

Never try to impress the opposite sex.

Just be.

They will either be impressed by who and what you are, or they won't.

VladamirP · 07-10-2016 6:38am

The last time I was online dating I was riding 4 a week, no dinner, breakfast or tea.

everlast75 · 07-10-2016 7:17am

VladamirP wrote: »

The last time I was online dating I was riding 4 a week, no dinner, breakfast or tea.

Bears don't count.

Anyhoo OP- she might be waiting for you to go after her. She's probably out in the hall freezing as it's been a couple of days! Go check and bring a blanket!

Your Face · 07-10-2016 7:18am

Sad.

Teyla Emmagan · 07-10-2016 7:27am

That all sounds very impressive OP. I would have definitely at least pity shagged you for the effort.

Not sure about Narcos though. All those subtitles aren't that sexy.

gramar · 07-10-2016 7:34am

OP you schmuck...you made dinner and then you sat down to watch telly with some music to slash your wrists by on in the background.
She'll be oh so grateful for showing you how great life will be after you're 10 years married. Go out you spa...a restaurant...a comedy club...a bar..theatre...anyfcuking thing but don't cook her some wanky french meal and then sit at opposite ends of the sofa in your bedsit watching a fcuking tv series.
She'll be thinking that if this is what you do now how amazingly exciting will things be in years to come. NOT!!!!!

Jen44 · 07-10-2016 8:20am

sounds like a great date! Say she really enjoyed it! Who wouldnt want to watch Narco's! Less talk about the fat belly tho maybe, thats more been married for ten years stuff, you generally care what the other half looks like at the beginning!

CalamariFritti · 07-10-2016 8:48am

What if she asked what this or the other book was like? :eek:

Winterlong · 07-10-2016 8:58am

Swap the dinner and telly for Posh restaurant and coctails and you will be on the right path.
Were you trying to bore her in to bed?

Impressing the opposite sex - insider tips.

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