Tips

Take it · 22-05-1999 6:38pm #1

Anyone got any hot tips on this years leaving cert?

adra · 23-05-1999 2:43am

hun, what subjects are u doing?

WhiteWashMan · 24-05-1999 2:33pm

maths will come on 2 papers
part one and part two

Shinji · 24-05-1999 3:44pm

OK. Screw the subjects, it's the psychology you have to get right.

First thing to remember is that the examiners have to turn out the same number of A's, B's and C's etc every year. So, if you piss off everyone else in the room, you bump your own marks up slightly.

Noisy crisps are a good one. If you've got a particularly old and deaf-looking supervisor, try making a constant high pitched noise.

Your classmates will batter you afterwards. But it's probably worth 0.2% per exam.

Never eat museli the morning of the exam. They employ strange people on the door who will accompany you to the toilet as you attempt to divest yourself of said museli and ogle you as you go about your business. Very distracting. Altho cog-notes on the toilet roll isn't a bad idea. Rethink that museli maybe.

Make sure you don't eat any foods that make you fart. You'll find yourself spending more time in the exam hall trying to move your buttocks into a position where it won't make any noise, and glaring at other people around you so as to avert suspicion (while at the same time checking out their answers on the quiet) than you will answering questions. However, it will prevent the examiner from coming anywhere near you, so you can cog away in peace.

For subjects like Physics, which have a quarter of a million formulas to learn, make out loads of ingenious cogging solutions for them. Then discard them all. By the time you've worked out how to write it in letters half a millimeter high int your bellybutton and perfected that innocent-looking navel scratching maneouvre, you'll know the formula off by heart anyway.

Always boast about how easy the paper was afterwards. Especially if someone looks incredibly depressed about it. There's a good chance they'll kill themselves after a couple of exams, and then when the results come out in August you can claim to have been incredibly traumatised by the whole affair, which affected your grades adversely.

Don't slag the Catholic church or the Irish political system in your English essay. It's a little known fact that all leaving cert papers are actually corrected by an order of elderly nuns in a small convent on an island off the west coast of Ireland, all of whom vote for Fianna Fail and think Charlie Haughey is very sexy, because they haven't actually been allowed to see any other pictures of men in the last 47 years. Except Gay Byrne. But he's far too liberal for their liking.

Same goes for the Irish essay, since all the Irish papers are hand-corrected by Michael D Higgins. No, Grainne Ui Seoige doesn't even look at them.

Finally - and this is vitally important - remember that the aftermath is vitally important. All people doing the leaving cert MUST come out and get EXTREMELY drunk on the weekend of the 26th and 27th, no exceptions.

Good lads.

Mata ne!
Rob

[This message has been edited by Shinji (edited 24-05-99).]

Slosh · 24-05-1999 3:56pm

And dont knock Maud Gonne either... even though that biatch is the single most cause of dementia in LC students.

Shinji · 24-05-1999 5:54pm

But Yeats won't be up this year cos he was up last year. Thank god. He's a whining petulant little gyet who needs a good kick in the aras. Or did. He's dead now like. So it would be nasty to kick the poor bugger now when he can't fight back.

Mata ne!
Rob

Kali · 24-05-1999 8:24pm

do they still do Emily Dickinson?
man she kicks ass..
really depressing ass of course...
but she kicks it all the same

Toulouse · 24-05-1999 10:19pm

Ya know Shinj...just because Yeats was up last year doesn't mean that he won't sneak back in this year...all i'm saying is 'be prepared'

A friend of mine made the mistake of leaving out a poet that had come up the year before...needless to say, he came up again and she fu(ked up her english...

You have been warned!

LoLth · 25-05-1999 9:40am

Tip 1 : Don't panic

Tip 1 (b): Should you panic, make sure you throw a complete wobbly, you might get a few extra % on grounds of borderline insanity.

Tip 2: If Milton is on the course this year, learn it! They usually don't make you learn something huge like Paradise lost or Morte D'arthur without asking a question (Kavanagh is usually a good bet for the irish poets - If I hear that whiney bastard goin' on and on about the Stoney Monagahan countryside....). Try to learn something you didn't learn in class. Something you read into the story/poem/play yourself - EVERYONE is going to write what they find in the notebooks and class notes, you have to be different to get the marker's attention. That said, make sure it's good and not some crap like, 'I think Gabriel was God's right-hand man 'cos he was Gey!' you'll get kicked in the head for that one - don't forget, the markers usually think these things are the ultimate in literature.

Tip 3: Do NOT, uner any circumstance , try to slip a fiver intothe answer book with 'gimme an 'A'' written beside it. You won't get the A and the thieving bastard will keep the fiver. What can you do? He took my bribe and didn't come through!!!!

Tip 4: Never take Science or Tech. Drawing for the Leaving. hmmm, prolly a bit late for that one....

Tip 5: Cramming doesn't help! It confuses you and you only remember the little bit you cram before the exam, the rest gets muddled. Best bet is to write down a few quotes, formula pointers etc.. Not enough to make you have to concentrate but just enough to jog the memory. Like, the word 'Red' = Renaissance painting, used for blood, classical painting - eg. the death of Christ by... noted for the contrast ... the detail of guards faces, the lil' guy at the bottom left who looks like he's laughing the signif. of this is.... ****! I still remember these

BIGGEST TIP:

ENJOY THE EXAMS!! Sounds weird but I just laughed at the looks of panic about me, the peeps cramming like crazy running up going 'What was the significance of the Mushroom in Wuthering Heights????' Yeah, like if I tell you , you'll remember... I also ENJOYED writing the answers, a bit of humour (but not taking the piss out of the question) here and there, lets the marker see that you are relaxed and makes him/her think you are confident (note: no dirty jokes, maybe a bad pun or two - which you point out)

That's it.

J.

WhiteWashMan · 25-05-1999 3:55pm

try studying

Brit · 25-05-1999 4:20pm

Good luck to all those taking exams soon. On behalf of all those nasty people like me who went through this process many years ago, and who now gloat uncontrollably from the sidelines, best of luck.

After the ability to mortar someone in Tribes from 400+ metres away, your education is the most important thing in your life.

Remember this, and you'll be fine. And a damn fine mortar shot

--Brit--

Riker · 26-05-1999 12:17am

A few tips:

In maths 1/3 of the marks for each question are 'attempt' marks so you can bluff your way for those, that's an easy 33%.

In English Clarke is coming up this year, he's easy so just do it.

In accounting CVP and Budgeting is up for Section C.

In Business, it's the first year of the new course so tis easy to get an A1.

In German, listen to that German program on TV to prepare for the aural.

In physic, just go for every question in section A, I bluffed loads of these last year and got me a B1 so it's worth it.

Best of luck to all of yis and enjoy your summer!

SeP · 27-05-1999 10:09pm

i got baby exams that i get to fail woo
ill be the only person ever to repeat 3rd year
ahahaha, god i feel like ****
i need some drugs...or something
christ
i hate being depressed
ahh well at least doin the exams are fun!
bah....
se ^666^ p

Take it · 03-06-1999 12:10am

ta lads for the tips i think . But wwman your tip plz explane studying? i mean wtf is that when i go upstairs to the bed room look out the window for 2 hour and then take a break ;p

LoLth · 03-06-1999 11:09am

Haha, replace 'out the window' in that post with 'at the cloudboards', remove 'bed room' and you've got a perfect description of me at work!

edited by me 'cos it originally sounded a bit dodgy....

[This message has been edited by LoLth (edited 03-06-99).]

Kegser · 03-06-1999 4:07pm

Do what I did for my Junior Cert.

Get incredibly drunk BEFORE you take the exams, therefore forgetting every single bit of information you tried, unsuccessfully, to study.

Forget to eat anything before your first exam, because you just hauled your sore head out of bed with ten minutes to get dressed and into school.

At this point please remember to at least put on a pair of trousers and some sort of shirt or jumper.

Believe me, the Examiners do not like people staggering in, blinking and squinting at people, groaning and muttering about the evils of drink and studying.

Now at this point you can take out your cog notes. Of course there will be some problems to sort out.

For instance, you realise you've been sweating and the writing on the palms of your hands is unreadable. You may ask for tissues at this point, and smile meekly at the examiner while complaining about your 'broken' pen.

Once you have spent twenty minutes at your exam and can no longer write anything for fear of losing conciousness, lay your head on the desk and go to sleep. Make sure you've covered your answer sheet though, as someone might try to copy your dismal attempts at getting a grade above E.

This was no problem for me however, because when I shouted an unintelligable word at the Examiner he directed his two 'well 'ard' boys to drag me out of the hall and into the waiting van.

Here I was brutally beaten, and this would explain why I am now a young unemployed lad.

Thought I'd share that with all you lovely people.

Keg(no i'm not hallucinating)ser.

Shiminay · 05-06-1999 2:22am

Here are my tips for a good Leaving Cert...

1) Forget about it

2) Learn how to play guitar for the year

3) Spend more time in the other school in town than in your own

4) Apply to a course in the IT in your town to ensure that no matter how badly you did, you'd get a college place

5) Realise that allthough you'd never turned one on before, Computers was your thing and get top of the class after your first few exams

6) Get into third year in said college and realise that now you have to do some work

7) Fail miserably (well, that's a bit of a guess)

Make sure you have fun - no point otherwise @B^)

And that's it!!!

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
homepage.tinet.ie/~davitt

elexes · 14-06-1999 11:17am

well for the geography exam even though its in a cople of hours just do the field work . for the

bussiness learn the cha of a entrapenure
the 6 acts
the stuff with the graphs whats it called again cant rem but learn it . . the liquid ratio test ..
transnational companies .

then for my last exam social and si i am totaly f?@}{_ for it so cant help there need some though anyone ???

Hecate · 16-06-1999 4:13pm

well now that its almost over, what was the impression overall?.

we had this massive exam superintendant watching over us, I mean she was huge like, she waddled rather than walked. While im not one to slag obesity...it was useful cos it took her a good 10mins to get from her desk (which she didnt leave much) down to yours...ample time to scruch up your cheat notes into a little ball and swallow them

Take it · 19-06-1999 3:00pm

ah i found it alright except the irish was a b!tch but i have spanish on tues going to fail that too so 2 fails on the L.C looks like P.L.C here i come .
Also in accounts C.V.P didnt come up in ord level so there goes my A+

[This message has been edited by Take it (edited 19-06-99).]

Hecate · 21-06-1999 6:13pm

i just went into the room where i was studying for the last few months and pushed all the books, notes, folders sheets etc. out the door and into the garden, I was gonna set them all on fire but i couldnt find any matches.

Hey you can get money for these things

Graysonn · 23-06-1999 12:30am

Here's a hint.
After the exams go down to kerry (or whereever it is) and stomp on Peig Saors (Is she still on the leaving) grave. Silly Frigging cow. All her family died and she still didn't get the hint.
Some guys from my class went there. They ripped up her book and danced on her grave.They said it releived a lot of stress.
Oh yeah ....and use sunscreen

You know I didn't even do irish for the leaving and I really hate the wench

[This message has been edited by Graysonn (edited 22-06-99).]

Shiminay · 23-06-1999 3:12am

May Peig burn in the fires of Hell - the miserable, complaining aul kunt!

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
homepage.tinet.ie/~davitt

Shinji · 23-06-1999 3:35am

Sadly, Maidhc Danin O Shea, the annoying ******* whose boring life we have to study, is actually not dead, so we can't stomp on his grave.

Something will have to be done about this sorry state of affairs......

adra · 23-06-1999 7:30pm

hehh i studied him in me leaving all them years ago
god he really was a sh!head

Ex_hale · 27-06-1999 8:11am

well i did three subjects then crashed and burned; and im still burnin might i add

proly all those f)(k1n smelly chemicals in the lab...hmmmm theyd do nicely on all my notes and life supply of skool books in the cubbie]-add a bit of fire and wahey!, instant satisfaction...
but no;not yet, gotta control myself so cheers to next year and hope anyone else who did the leaving cert got what they wanted and deserved really i do...i wouldnt force this **** on anyone...ah well another year of fixin the teachers ****ty computers

u think theyd put that on my reference??!?
[one more year of experience in da bag]
arent i luckyyyyyyyyyy

WhiteWashMan · 27-06-1999 7:13pm

not really mate
youre still a smelly teenage student

Ex_hale · 29-06-1999 12:26am

dont i know it

at least im havin fun really i am i luuuuuuuuvv this

Tips

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