Tips

hun, what subjects are u doing?

OK. Screw the subjects, it's the psychology you have to get right.

First thing to remember is that the examiners have to turn out the same number of A's, B's and C's etc every year. So, if you piss off everyone else in the room, you bump your own marks up slightly.

Noisy crisps are a good one. If you've got a particularly old and deaf-looking supervisor, try making a constant high pitched noise.

Your classmates will batter you afterwards. But it's probably worth 0.2% per exam.

Never eat museli the morning of the exam. They employ strange people on the door who will accompany you to the toilet as you attempt to divest yourself of said museli and ogle you as you go about your business. Very distracting. Altho cog-notes on the toilet roll isn't a bad idea. Rethink that museli maybe.

Make sure you don't eat any foods that make you fart. You'll find yourself spending more time in the exam hall trying to move your buttocks into a position where it won't make any noise, and glaring at other people around you so as to avert suspicion (while at the same time checking out their answers on the quiet) than you will answering questions. However, it will prevent the examiner from coming anywhere near you, so you can cog away in peace.

For subjects like Physics, which have a quarter of a million formulas to learn, make out loads of ingenious cogging solutions for them. Then discard them all. By the time you've worked out how to write it in letters half a millimeter high int your bellybutton and perfected that innocent-looking navel scratching maneouvre, you'll know the formula off by heart anyway.

Always boast about how easy the paper was afterwards. Especially if someone looks incredibly depressed about it. There's a good chance they'll kill themselves after a couple of exams, and then when the results come out in August you can claim to have been incredibly traumatised by the whole affair, which affected your grades adversely.

Don't slag the Catholic church or the Irish political system in your English essay. It's a little known fact that all leaving cert papers are actually corrected by an order of elderly nuns in a small convent on an island off the west coast of Ireland, all of whom vote for Fianna Fail and think Charlie Haughey is very sexy, because they haven't actually been allowed to see any other pictures of men in the last 47 years. Except Gay Byrne. But he's far too liberal for their liking.

Same goes for the Irish essay, since all the Irish papers are hand-corrected by Michael D Higgins. No, Grainne Ui Seoige doesn't even look at them.

Finally - and this is vitally important - remember that the aftermath is vitally important. All people doing the leaving cert MUST come out and get EXTREMELY drunk on the weekend of the 26th and 27th, no exceptions.

Good lads.

Mata ne!
Rob

[This message has been edited by Shinji (edited 24-05-99).]

But Yeats won't be up this year cos he was up last year. Thank god. He's a whining petulant little gyet who needs a good kick in the aras. Or did. He's dead now like. So it would be nasty to kick the poor bugger now when he can't fight back.

Mata ne!
Rob

A few tips:

In maths 1/3 of the marks for each question are 'attempt' marks so you can bluff your way for those, that's an easy 33%.

In English Clarke is coming up this year, he's easy so just do it.

In accounting CVP and Budgeting is up for Section C.

In Business, it's the first year of the new course so tis easy to get an A1.

In German, listen to that German program on TV to prepare for the aural.

In physic, just go for every question in section A, I bluffed loads of these last year and got me a B1 so it's worth it.

Best of luck to all of yis and enjoy your summer!

Here's a hint.
After the exams go down to kerry (or whereever it is) and stomp on Peig Saors (Is she still on the leaving) grave. Silly Frigging cow. All her family died and she still didn't get the hint.
Some guys from my class went there. They ripped up her book and danced on her grave.They said it releived a lot of stress.
Oh yeah ....and use sunscreen

You know I didn't even do irish for the leaving and I really hate the wench

[This message has been edited by Graysonn (edited 22-06-99).]

Sadly, Maidhc Danin O Shea, the annoying ******* whose boring life we have to study, is actually not dead, so we can't stomp on his grave.

Something will have to be done about this sorry state of affairs......

well i did three subjects then crashed and burned; and im still burnin might i add proly all those f)(k1n smelly chemicals in the lab...hmmmm theyd do nicely on all my notes and life supply of skool books in the cubbie]-add a bit of fire and wahey!, instant satisfaction...
but no;not yet, gotta control myself so cheers to next year and hope anyone else who did the leaving cert got what they wanted and deserved really i do...i wouldnt force this **** on anyone...ah well another year of fixin the teachers ****ty computers
u think theyd put that on my reference??!?
[one more year of experience in da bag]
arent i luckyyyyyyyyyy

dont i know it at least im havin fun really i am i luuuuuuuuvv this