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Mail order brides

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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,807 ✭✭✭Custardpi


    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,934 ✭✭✭MarkAnthony


    Again while I don't support trafficking or people doing something against their will one has to look at this objectively. Many women (and perhaps some men) chose to 'marry-up'. We all overlook flaws in our partners because of other positive attributes. People really need to get this ridiculous idea of 'Hollywood love' out of their heads, it's the reason IMHO so many marriages fail.


  • Registered Users Posts: 773 ✭✭✭pillphil


    Again while I don't support trafficking or people doing something against their will one has to look at this objectively. Many women (and perhaps some men) chose to 'marry-up'. We all overlook flaws in our partners because of other positive attributes. People really need to get this ridiculous idea of 'Hollywood love' out of their heads, it's the reason IMHO so many marriages fail.

    I'll have you know I get my ridiculous notions of love from novels, not hollywood. :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,934 ✭✭✭MarkAnthony


    Anyone else now got an ad for Russian brides at the bottom of the screen? :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,934 ✭✭✭MarkAnthony


    Custardpi wrote: »
    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?

    Different needs in men and women for their mates. I doubt any of this has much to do with looks (beyond a basic level). It's generally men that can't find mates here for whatever reason.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,070 ✭✭✭ScouseMouse


    They will be fine until they start on the curried chips. Then they get rough and lazy like the irish birds


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Venus In Furs


    They will be fine until they start on the curried chips. Then they get rough and lazy like the irish birds
    Not true in my case.

    Taco-fries are my preference to curried chips.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 535 ✭✭✭Chloris


    Different needs in men and women for their mates. I doubt any of this has much to do with looks (beyond a basic level). It's generally men that can't find mates here for whatever reason.
    Well, also because women and men are physiologically different. If you paid for a husband, what is to say he wouldn't become violent and hurt you? I'm not saying it's impossible for a wife to be the violent one, just that it would be seen as less of a threat.

    As to the OP, I think mail order is incredibly sad. Enslaving someone for companionship, particularly a person from a different country? It's no better than prostitution, arguably worse. Marriage should be between willing participants who love each other and want to be together. I can't fathom why anyone would do something so shallow, disrespectful and pathetic.

    I didn't even know I had a opinion on this until just now, sorry about the vitriol!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Cedrus


    Custardpi wrote: »
    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?

    It seems to be mostly Turkish or West Indian Men for the older Irish or British Lady.

    I worked in the far east for a few years and have seen some of these "arrangements" become real relationships and others descend into abusive disasters (money, jealousy, exploitation - on both sides!).

    I was talking to one guy recently and he and his wife are very happy, but is planning to retire in his 50's, not because he can really afford to but because he's already paid for 8 nieces/nephews schooling and want's out before they expect him to pay for their college fees. It's tough on her as well being so far from her family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL




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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,622 ✭✭✭DebDynamite


    MadsL wrote: »

    So what happened in the end?


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    Mail order? Can you not do that on the internet now?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,221 ✭✭✭braddun


    can you try the item before you buy

    is there 30 day return policy



    if you don't have credit card how do you order one


    can you order 2 in case you don't like one


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    So what happened in the end?

    Search for Bubbles, it doesn't end well.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,428 ✭✭✭tritium


    Custardpi wrote: »
    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?

    There's actually a pretty big industry in this too except it usually involves the 50+ western woman going on holiday and falling for her 20 year old toy boy who promises to love her forever so that she'll bring him back to the UK or wherever.

    Strangely enough in the tabloids its the men who are portrayed as the exploiters in this case. Double standards no?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,092 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Well more and more people are meeting with online dating, so if you just add an international flavour... That said the economic differences are the issue when it comes to imbalance. It would depend on the cultural differences too I suppose. I would imagine there would be fewer with say a Russian and Irish pairing than a Thai and Irish pairing. The silly age differences are another major issue. And educational differences too.

    I'm sure such relationships can and do work out. I've known a few down the years and a couple did work out well. In those cases though, the people had less than a ten year age gap and were about the same level in looks and education. I recall reading somewhere that in the US at least these "mail order" relationships were less likely to divorce.

    I would depend on the women's background culture. EG in certain areas and demographics in Russia women outnumber the men and are better educated and early death and alcoholism is a major problem in the men(I gather Ukraine can be similar), so the pool of available local men of a similar background and stature is quite small and much smaller than in say Ireland. I could well understand a Russian woman looking farther afield for potential partners. It's less of an economic thing than a practical thing. Thailand would be very different on that score. So while you might find well educated "middle class" Russian women with careers signing up to local marriage agencies, well educated middle class Thai women sighing up would be far less likely as they would have much more choice locally.

    The problem then is the men who sign up for such agencies. Of the documentaries I've seen down the years and of the couples I've known locally, the men were, well, not to put too fine a point on it, a dead loss in the local dating scene(except for the two I knew were the marriages worked. Big shock). If you see any of the documentaries on this subject, the guys involved are either decrepit, major uggos, or social misfits to some degree, or all of the above. The pool of halfway decent looking, well sorted in life and socially aware 35 year old guys are very thin on the ground it seems.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    My wife - acquired in the normal way by flowers, chocs, meals out and a huge dick - is quite into genealogy.

    Looking way back to the Greats or Great Greats, it was quite common for the husband to die relatively young. Through war, accidents or poor health care.

    The women always remarried quite quickly and you had to wonder why. Then you realised that there was very little social welfare or widows pensions - they had very little choice :(. Its not like that could pick up the graphic design business where they left it 15 years ago.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Custardpi wrote: »
    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?

    you do get foreign men especially with tourist women. They often scam women but they do it in a way where they kind of con the woman with flattery and romance.

    I don't think women will go down the mail order route but often they go to certain destinations probably in search of a man.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,428 ✭✭✭tritium


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    you do get foreign men especially with tourist women. They often scam women but they do it in a way where they kind of con the woman with flattery and romance.

    I don't think women will go down the mail order route but often they go to certain destinations probably in search of a man.

    It certainly happens though I do wonder why these men are often perceived as scam artists while mail order brides are seen as victims. I can only assume old fashioned notion s of chivalry and the respective roles of men and women are the major factor. And yet in both cases there's a clear trade of affection for economic stability.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    tritium wrote: »
    It certainly happens though I do wonder why these men are often perceived as scam artists while mail order brides are seen as victims. I can only assume old fashioned notion s of chivalry and the respective roles of men and women are the major factor. And yet in both cases there's a clear trade of affection for economic stability.

    It could be that the men seem to be looking for submissive woman (not all of them but this can be about a control thing) and the woman are looking for confident men who sweep them off their feet.

    I have no doubt there are women in the mail order who are not submissive and in fact conning the men like the men con the women but that's what happens when you mix business with pleasure!

    I just think especially when it's an older person with a significantly younger one then it's almost like "a few more years and he'll be dead" kind of mentality.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,495 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    Custardpi wrote: »
    Does anyone wonder why there's no mail order husbands? Surely there's some drop dead gorgeous Thai/Ukrainian men who'd be prepared to marry a slightly creepy Western woman & escape a life of poverty. Why is it only women who seem to do this?

    Most western women in their 40/50/60's are okay with dating another man who's the same age. While a large amount of western men in this age group would not be happy to date women their age. That is why. Theres been many studies done on this on online dating sites, nearly all women want to date a man close to their age no matter what her age is, while nearly all men want to date a woman under 40 no matter what his age is.

    Also, Ive heard of older western gay men getting mail order husbands. Seems to be just a much more of a male thing.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,428 ✭✭✭tritium


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    It could be that the men seem to be looking for submissive woman (not all of them but this can be about a control thing) and the woman are looking for confident men who sweep them off their feet.

    I have no doubt there are women in the mail order who are not submissive and in fact conning the men like the men con the women but that's what happens when you mix business with pleasure!

    I just think especially when it's an older person with a significantly younger one then it's almost like "a few more years and he'll be dead" kind of mentality.

    Oh I'd agree with the last bit in many cases. I think in most of these scenarios there's a large element of both parties using the other. I'd be slow to call it a con though (not to say more blatant scams don't happen). At some level anyone availing of this must realise that its not the sparkling wit and enticing looks of the tubby middle to old aged man or woman that attracted the empoverished foreign lover. To that extent any con is self perpetrated, perhaps by a desire to still feel young and desirable.

    Equally once they transpose someone to their own country (which is what both parties want) you can't argue that the bulk of the power in the relationship potentially rests with the first world westerner so if it falls apart its a bit niaive of anyone to say they were duped and powerless.

    ultimately in these scenarios it often looks like a business transaction and like many business transactions if it goes awry previously savvy investors quickly complain they were duped and clueless


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,050 ✭✭✭nokia69






    louis Theroux made an interesting program about this a while back, thats all I could find of it on youtube, don't miss it if the BBC show it again


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,136 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    It could be that the men seem to be looking for submissive woman (not all of them but this can be about a control thing) and the woman are looking for confident men who sweep them off their feet.

    I have no doubt there are women in the mail order who are not submissive and in fact conning the men like the men con the women but that's what happens when you mix business with pleasure!

    I just think especially when it's an older person with a significantly younger one then it's almost like "a few more years and he'll be dead" kind of mentality.

    A German film maker made a documentary film about this a while back. It's a big business in Germany. Middle aged women go on a "safari" trip to east Africa. Really they're brought to a spot where there's all these east African lads who are pretty much prostitutes. Think Thailand but with the genders switched. They pick up a "boyfriend" for a week and then go home.

    Edit: It's a film not a documentary. It's a non scripted film which is why I got confused.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403214/
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradise:_Love


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,934 ✭✭✭MarkAnthony


    Grayson wrote: »
    A German film maker made a documentary film about this a while back. It's a big business in Germany. Middle aged women go on a "safari" trip to east Africa. Really they're brought to a spot where there's all these east African lads who are pretty much prostitutes. Think Thailand but with the genders switched. They pick up a "boyfriend" for a week and then go home.

    Edit: It's a film not a documentary. It's a non scripted film which is why I got confused.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403214/
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradise:_Love

    Having been out in Kenya you just walk up to the one you fancy on the beach. Realistically anything one might want from about 14 upwards male or female is openly available. Saw it going on frequently.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Having been out in Kenya you just walk up to the one you fancy on the beach. Realistically anything one might want from about 14 upwards male or female is openly available. Saw it going on frequently.

    Ugh!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Grayson wrote: »
    A German film maker made a documentary film about this a while back. It's a big business in Germany. Middle aged women go on a "safari" trip to east Africa. Really they're brought to a spot where there's all these east African lads who are pretty much prostitutes. Think Thailand but with the genders switched. They pick up a "boyfriend" for a week and then go home.

    Edit: It's a film not a documentary. It's a non scripted film which is why I got confused.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403214/
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradise:_Love

    Saw it about a year ago. Pretty sad stuff - certainly not a Chrissie fav :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Having been out in Kenya you just walk up to the one you fancy on the beach. Realistically anything one might want from about 14 upwards male or female is openly available. Saw it going on frequently.

    Ugh!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,780 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    My wife - acquired in the normal way by flowers, chocs, meals out and a huge dick - is quite into genealogy.

    Looking way back to the Greats or Great Greats, it was quite common for the husband to die relatively young. Through war, accidents or poor health care.

    The women always remarried quite quickly and you had to wonder why. Then you realised that there was very little social welfare or widows pensions - they had very little choice :(. Its not like that could pick up the graphic design business where they left it 15 years ago.

    Why did you marry a woman with a huge dick?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Why did you marry a woman with a huge dick?

    Lookat - it just takes all sorts :D


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