Things Scientists do that make you crap your pants

JC 2K3 wrote:

Inventing laxatives.

the Shades wrote:

I simply don't believe in science, saves me endless headaches.

"More from my old job. Things that no one should know. (I think all this is unclassified)

We considered a loss of 70% of the civilian population, and "terrian loss" percentage of up to 60% a "winning strategy" in my old job.

We were willing to go toe to toe, the Warsaw Pact and the NATO policy makers weren't. We were just sick of the threats and the bull****. I mean, if you want to dance, let's dance.

Western Europe and Britian were written off in nearly all scenarios. Between SRBM's, and "Wave Generator Hits", you guys were more or less ****ed. You'd get off your missiles, and be gone. Buh-bye!

Both sides aimed nuclear weapons at Australia for being mouthy. That's right, we planned on hitting Australia just for that "HA-HA! Nobody has a reason to nuke us, so go ahead, suckers!" comments Australia made. MAD means "Mutually Assured Destruction" and nobody got out alive. Plus, we were all dicks.

If you weren't targeted for a nuclear ICBM or SRBM, you were targeted for chemical. Enjoy painful death, suckass.

Prisons were routinely targeted to deny either side a conscripted military/workforce in the aftermath.

Days after what everyone would think were the final strikes, subs would surface and hidden complexes would go fully online, and we'd nuke the rubble. Just to be dicks.

At one time both sides found "enhanced jacketing" to be a funny thing to do. This would increase the time the area was uninhabitable for up to 1,000 more years.

Biological weapons were to be deployed as a final "**** YOU!" to anyone who survived. The fact that some of them were "food source delivery vectored" was funny. "Wow, this steak and corn sure is tas... AAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

We found it amusing that the American insistance that the Civil Defense programs had their funding cut and were mostly eliminated meant that most of the people would die who might have survived.

After we were done with our big guns, we intended on fighting in a conventional sense, mainly using "pole hopping" troops. This meant that after everything was bombed into bite sized chunks, troops would fight over whose bite sized chunks they were.

When we saw anti-nuclear war activists talking about 100 million megaton "continent busters" we'd always be jealous that we didn't have those. The largest weapon detonated was 54 megatons and was vastly wasteful in the amount of material used. Smaller, overlapping blast patterns caused more damage.

Over a dozen small towns in various states successfully sued the US government to aquire land they thought was unused. When the explosive charges blow those multi-ton steel covers off, some people will be surprised by that cover flying through their living room.

Early Soviet models of ICBM's forgot EMP shielding for the targeting and detonation systems. The mental image of all those missiles falling out of the sky and crashing into people's driveways was always good for a laugh.

The insistence by activists that the very air itself would become radioactive always made us laugh. That's not how radiation works.

According to rumor control after the fact, during the Russian Revolution, the order to fire one of the more remote missile grids went out by a supposed "rogue hard-liner general". For some reason it didn't happen, and rumor control stated it was the slipshod maintenance of the last 5 years of the Communist regime. Apparently the equipment was too old, too slopilly maintained, too cold, too brittle, and failed enmasse. Mostly, though, it was figured that the guy who got the order said: "Oh **** no. I'm not going down in history as the man who blew everyone to ****.", drank some vodka, and went back to his hooker.

Some cities/countries were slated for nuclear hits just to be assholes. Let's face it, there was no real reason to nuke Nigeria, but why should they miss out on all the fun.

If it wasn't nukes, highly persistant chemical agents were planned on being used on terrian in order to poison it for at least 5 years. Why? Because it was funny. "We made it through the nukes, let's hide in the swamp! MY SKIN IS MELTING! WHY, GOD, WHY?"

So called "TV experts" on NBC Warfare had no real clue. This was proven in the days leading up to both Gulf Wars. One CNN expert was tossed out of the military because he was too stupid to correctly compute overpressure blast wave mechanics and effects with the help of a computer.

Despite what the experts the activists trotted out claimed, doubling the amount of fissionable material does not double the radius of effect.

Black people will burst into flame before white people from the thermal pulse. Apparently nuclear weapons are racist.

It would only take 6 airbursts over the US to completely blanket it with a 450W EMP pulse. Theoritically, it would only take one, but why take chances? Eurasia would take only 3 at minimum, but was slated for 14.

The chemical weapons used in the Iran/Iraq War were Russian in manufacture. We got to see film footage of the use.

Three weeks after the blasts in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, plant growth was unbelievable. There was actually grass growing in the craters.

Some people considered nuclear summer to be the real threat, not nuclear winter.

Mt St. Helens detonated with 24 Megatons of force. Think about that for a second.

Most of us were alcoholics within a year and the suicide rate was unbelievable."

faceman wrote:

ehhhhh now that freaks me out!! Im not a physicist but that sounds like crazy talk! (said by them not by you my friend!) :eek: