Simple things you can't do/don't understand

Custardpi · 31-12-2015 2:48am

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You're not waiting until the pan is hot enough before you add the egg.

Honestly - that's the only way you can get it wrong.

Actually there's plenty of ways you can get it wrong. I've only recently mastered this art myself recently, after years of frying the things & putting up with the mediocre results. A good fried egg I've learnt involves using an egg that's not too cold (out of the fridge at least 20 mins beforehand!), a pan that's properly preheated - mine seem to take about 4 minutes or so, with not too much oil but not too little either. Don't use too high a setting on the hob - medium works best. Try not to break the yolk when cracking the egg in. Lastly, keep an eye on it till it's done i.e. don't wander off for 20 minutes & only recall what you were doing when you smell smoke

.

Personally my "simple thing" would be small talk/chit chat. If I have something to discuss with someone or an opinion to express I've no problem getting it out. But placed in a situation where there's no particular subject to be talked about but where one feels the need/social pressure to "make conversation" I'm absolutely stumped, particularly with strangers but also people I'd know reasonably well. "Nice/awful weather we're having" is about my limit.

TrueIt · 31-12-2015 3:04am

I can't lick my elbow with my tongue, everyone I know can do it! Am I the only one who cannot?

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 3:05am

I cannnt typppee or smellll proerally.

mudabi · 31-12-2015 3:05am

egg is easy

good pan get it good and hot with small bit of oil
crack egg in
turn down heat
turn it when its turnable
wait 30 secs and put on plate
eggy goodness

I cant work snapchat

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 3:07am

What have I started with my egg story?!!

All the Jamie Olivers and Gordon Ramsays are coming out of the woodwork!

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 3:10am

I usually put my eggs in the microwave. Works a treat, you should try it.

31-12-2015 3:21am

I am baffled by the switch in a car that has a squirmy line inside of pic of a car and you can change it to the swirly line that is half in and half out of the pic of a car.

I'm always driving when I think about it so can't stop and check the manual. When I've stopped, the thought has long gone out of my head.

What does it mean?

Ken. · 31-12-2015 3:24am

My first thought is the heating. The line inside the car means it's set to recirculate the air already in the car. The other line means air is coming from outside and being heated as it comes in.

anothernight · 31-12-2015 3:24am

The first proper conversation I ever had with my fiancé involved bonding over how to fry eggs...

My way: pour some oil into a small pan on the stove, crack the egg into it without preheating the pan, add black pepper and soy sauce. Cover the pan and leave at medium-high heat. That way the yolk is lovely and runny and the white is fully set. No juugly bits.

My simple thing that I can't do is also reversing in a straight line unless I go very slowly.

mudabi · 31-12-2015 3:24am

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

I am baffled by the switch in a car that has a squirmy line inside of pic of a car and you can change it to the swirly line that is half in and half out of the pic of a car.

I'm always driving when I think about it so can't stop and check the manual. When I've stopped, the thought has long gone out of my head.

What does it mean?

Fart extraction button - leave it half in/out

Corruptedmorals · 31-12-2015 3:28am

I can't whistle, wink, raise eyebrow or click fingers. I CAN cross my eyes though. Sums in the head take far too long.

I lose sense of direction when coming out of buildings or shops, often not noticing for a few minutes.

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 3:31am

anothernight wrote: »

My way: pour some oil into a small pan on the stove, crack the egg into it without preheating the pan, add black pepper and soy sauce. Cover the pan and leave at medium-high heat.

Soy sauce. Never heard of that before. Does it give much flavour? I'll definitely give your way a try.

31-12-2015 3:39am

Pour Guinness from a can. When I do it it looks entirely black like a cola - or it has a head on it like a German Hefe.

Mostly the latter. People occasionally seem 50:50 baffled and impressed with the former. Like it should not be possible.

31-12-2015 3:44am

I never learned how to ride a bike properly. When I was learning as a kid I had a fall and hurt my arm quite badly, which put me off it for life. It's embarrassing to think that if a friend ever suggested going for a bike ride somewhere I'd have to think up of some reason why I couldn't join in.

I can't do a simple forward roll/head-over-heels. Any time I attempted one I got paranoid that my neck would break and I just sort of rolled awkwardly onto my side instead.

Also I cannot use predictive text. Never was able to get my head around it and damned if I'm gonna waste any time trying to understand it now.

Hammer89 · 31-12-2015 3:59am

Ally Dick wrote: »

I don't understand people who suffer from premature ejac.........nevermind......

That's because they're probably talking funny. Or having a cigarette.

anothernight · 31-12-2015 4:06am

Ciderswigger wrote: »

Soy sauce. Never heard of that before. Does it give much flavour? I'll definitely give your way a try.

I use it instead of salt because it makes the yolk extra tasty! I use Kikkoman. Pearl River Bridge soy sauce works too because it's still salty enough. The likes of Blue Dragon and Amoy are way too sweet.

Deleted User wrote: »

I never learned how to ride a bike properly. When I was learning as a kid I had a fall and hurt my arm quite badly, which put me off it for life. It's embarrassing to think that if a friend ever suggested going for a bike ride somewhere I'd have to think up of some reason why I couldn't join in.

I can't cycle either for similar reasons.

People usually laugh when I tell them because they say you never forget how to ride a bike, but I've found out over the years that a few of my friends can't cycle either. You're not alone!

_Whimsical_ · 31-12-2015 4:41am

I cannot estimate length or distance at all. It's a complete mental block for me.

I have no natural sense of left and right. The only way I can orientate myself in that regard is to have a surreptitious glance down at my hands and check one which makes an L shape, know that's left, and work from there!

sheesh · 31-12-2015 4:44am

Ciderswigger wrote: »

^ Mine goes like this: stick your hands into the duvet searching for the corners furthest away from you. Then get ridiculously hot, have a mini panic attack about getting trapped in a duvet cover. Wonder what the headline will be when they find your dead body inside said cover at the foot of your bed. Wriggle around, come back out, take a deep breath and decide you don't need a cover after all.

just sleep in the duvet cover and put the duvet over it. problem solved!

user.name · 31-12-2015 4:49am

I never learnt how to skate. When I was a kid I had the roller skates and could not go on them. Several pairs of rollarblades and ice skating trips later still no progress made! Thats why I don't like ice skating coming up to Christmas, even if I do magically agree to get on the ice its me hanging onto the wall for dear life. The worst part is when you see a five year old fly past you :pac:

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 4:50am

I can roller blade but haven't tried ice skating. Is it the same? I have been to skating rinks but only ones without ice.

bb12 · 31-12-2015 5:03am

changing windscreen wipers defeats me every time.

can do a lot of mechanical stuff myself but always have to get someone else to put new wipers on for me.

Ally Dick · 31-12-2015 8:53am

I can't carry three pints of beer at the one time. My hands are too small for a bloke

Mr.Crinklewood · 31-12-2015 9:03am

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I cannot estimate length or distance at all. It's a complete mental block for me.

I have no natural sense of left and right. The only way I can orientate myself in that regard is to have a surreptitious glance down at my hands and check one which makes an L shape, know that's left, and work from there!

Are you left or right handed?

If you are right handed, remember that you "write with your right".

celligraphy · 31-12-2015 9:45am

I can't tell the time, digital no problem analog time I just never learned , have no concept of what hands are what. Quite embarrassing when I need to ask someone the time and they point at the nearest clock....

Timberrrrrrrr · 31-12-2015 9:50am

Fractions, Those little bastards have confused me since puberty

hairyslug · 31-12-2015 9:57am

For certain months I need to count them out on my fingers to see if they are 4th/5th/6th month etc

evolving_doors · 31-12-2015 10:13am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Pour Guinness from a can. When I do it it looks entirely black like a cola - or it has a head on it like a German Hefe.

Mostly the latter. People occasionally seem 50:50 baffled and impressed with the former. Like it should not be possible.

Make sure you get the 'draught' Guinness...

Also.. Hold glass in left hand. . Look into glass and keep pouring where you see your thumb.

TG1 · 31-12-2015 10:16am

Cut a slice from a loaf of bread. It looks so simple but I just end up with crumbs...

Ken. · 31-12-2015 10:28am

Ficheall wrote: »

Turn the cover inside out, stick your hands into the corners furthest away from you, grab two adjacent corners of the duvet and hold onto them while you wriggle the duvet cover down your arms and over the duvet. Magic.

I do this but hang the duvet over the banister on the landing. Once you get your hands in the cover and grab the corners of the duvet hang the whole thing over the stairs and shake like mad.

Then put back on the banister and go down the stairs and do up the buttons or whatever. Sometimes I need to turn it around so I'm now holding the side with the opening and give another shake. Whole job takes less than a minute.

Make sure to move along the landing till the whole hanging duvet won't be hitting the steps.

AnonoBoy · 31-12-2015 10:28am

Custardpi wrote: »

Actually there's plenty of ways you can get it wrong. I've only recently mastered this art myself recently, after years of frying the things & putting up with the mediocre results. A good fried egg I've learnt involves using an egg that's not too cold (out of the fridge at least 20 mins beforehand!), a pan that's properly preheated - mine seem to take about 4 minutes or so, with not too much oil but not too little either. Don't use too high a setting on the hob - medium works best. Try not to break the yolk when cracking the egg in. Lastly, keep an eye on it till it's done i.e. don't wander off for 20 minutes & only recall what you were doing when you smell smoke .

Ah well that's pretty much what I said (except for letting the egg warm up)

Not wandering off while you're cooking something applies to most cooking that doesn't involve slow simmers etc.

Boom_Bap · 31-12-2015 10:33am

I went Ice Skating the other day, I still can't do it.

Push forward and out to move forward. Sounds simple. But my brain doesn't work in that way. I'm always pushing back with the front of the blade with the brake bits.

Its the same with Pilates, when I tried it, I couldn't get used to what I saw as the opposite way of how I naturally breathe.

dr.fuzzenstein · 31-12-2015 10:55am

I can't whistle on my fingers. I do everything perfectly, taking position of teeth, lips and fingers into account, everything at the right angle, correct wind velocity, everything perfect and...pppfpfffffftttt!
I have asked friends, watched youtube videos, practiced for ages and after 45 years all I can do is pfffftttt. I can whistle normally, I am up to the level of builder whistling the top ten tunes played on the radio, but that very loud whistling on your fingers to get the dog's attention 300 meters away, not a chance.

pickarooney · 31-12-2015 11:26am

Skiing. Everyone keeps saying how simple it is and my six year old mastered it in about an hour but I can't stay upright or go straight or stop or any of those useful things.

Day Lewin · 31-12-2015 11:33am

I can't turn a television on or off. Or use any remote, come to think of it, never mind one with 42 buttons.

And I can't work the central heating, it's like the dashboard of the goddam Starship Enterprise.

AnonoBoy · 31-12-2015 12:31pm

katemarch wrote: »

I can't turn a television on or off.

You've never turned a television on or off?

I find that one hard to believe.

Sunnyisland · 31-12-2015 12:42pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Skiing. Everyone keeps saying how simple it is and my six year old mastered it in about an hour but I can't stay upright or go straight or stop or any of those useful things.

Same with me, and roller skating and skate boards, come to thing of it I find it hard to stand up :-)

dr.fuzzenstein · 31-12-2015 12:53pm

katemarch wrote: »

I can't turn a television on or off. Or use any remote, come to think of it, never mind one with 42 buttons.

And I can't work the central heating, it's like the dashboard of the goddam Starship Enterprise.

The TV thing is easily fixed:

http://i2.wp.com/www.sycmu.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/24305_472055286189640_852717025_n.jpg?resize=500%2C521

Mister Vain · 31-12-2015 1:06pm

Pissing in urinals - There's something not right about standing next to another man while holding your mickey.

Jeans - I could never walk right in the fecking things.

fima · 31-12-2015 1:08pm

I can't do GHD curls in my hair myself. All my friends can do it and have tried to teach me endlessly. My OH bought me a thingy that grabs your hair and twists it up, curling it automatically for Christmas. I can't use that either.

Day Lewin · 31-12-2015 1:41pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You've never turned a television on or off?

I find that one hard to believe.

Oh yes: back in the day when they had a simple On/Off button.
Actually, one of the remotes has several buttons that DO cause a spark of life in the TV: but it's just flickering lines and a hissing noise. Not much variety.
YouTube is SO much simpler!

Medusa22 · 31-12-2015 1:45pm

fima wrote: »

I can't do GHD curls in my hair myself. All my friends can do it and have tried to teach me endlessly. My OH bought me a thingy that grabs your hair and twists it up, curling it automatically for Christmas. I can't use that either.

Oh the babyliss curl? I have that too! I can't use it on myself either but luckily my OH is a girl and I can persuade her to curl my hair for me every once in a while

I can't for the life of me do GHD curls or use a wand or anything like that, my only hope was the curler that does it for you and I can't even use that myself :pac:

The only thing I can do with my hair is straighten it, I'm hopeless at anything else.

Lia_lia · 31-12-2015 1:48pm

fima wrote: »

I can't do GHD curls in my hair myself. All my friends can do it and have tried to teach me endlessly. My OH bought me a thingy that grabs your hair and twists it up, curling it automatically for Christmas. I can't use that either.

Yes, I can't do that either. Actually to be honest I just don't think I have the patience for it. Ain't nobody got time for that!

I'm also crap at lighting fires. I know how to do it, but they always go out. We have a big old range in my Mother's house, so it can be tricky apparently. Still though after 20+ tries you'd think I'd get it. Maybe I'd be okay lighting an open fire. But most likely not.

Also useless at poaching eggs. I refuse to put vinegar in, makes them taste rank. My Mother (who is a chef) is brilliant at poaching eggs and has tried to show me numerous time but I still can't do it right.

31-12-2015 1:56pm

I don't understand formula one. You sit there and watch as cars go around. And around. What's that about?

I don't understand why bras close at the back. Why not just put the clasp at the front? Life would be so easy then.

I really don't understand those 'easy pour' cartons that spew their contents over the walls and ceiling, and I think cheese packaging must be made with a grudge against people who eat packaged cheese.

I don't understand very high heels. They don't look good (imo), they look like instruments of torture. If five-inch heels had been around 150 years ago, I'm pretty sure it would have been as a form of punishment for criminal behaviour.

Groucho Marx eyebrows, I see them everywhere. Why would anyone look like that deliberately?

TheBiz · 31-12-2015 2:07pm

The little 'clues' women give you when they're interested.
I was out a couple of nights ago and a girl I know said 'oh hi ____ want to help me find my friends I think there around the bar' I said sure just give me a minute.
Too long later we headed off, her tugging me along after her in the wrong direction.

Only copped it awhile later when I asked if she found them after I had to go that she never lost them.
She was trying to get me somewhere quiet......

Wibbs · 31-12-2015 2:10pm

Candie wrote: »

I don't understand formula one. You sit there and watch as cars go around. And around. What's that about?

I agree. It used to be good way back in the day. There was overtaking and crashes and in the 70's horrible injuries and deaths on a near monthly basis. Far more personality in the drivers too. Now it's just a procession of billboards, mostly driven by a bunch of joyless autistic midgets.

I don't understand why bras close at the back. Why not just put the clasp at the front? Life would be so easy then.

Speaking from the Other side, let me second this motion.

I don't understand very high heels. They don't look good (imo), they look like instruments of torture. If five-inch heels had been around 150 years ago, I'm pretty sure it would have been as a form of punishment for criminal behaviour.

And some laugh at other cultures with weird clothes. Yep very high heels look odd, if you imagine yourself as an alien visitor. They make women look like drunk giraffes and are false advertising. You're think long legged and then the hooker heels come off and you'd see longer legs on a Japanese table.

Groucho Marx eyebrows, I see them everywhere. Why would anyone look like that deliberately?

Like Mr Vain above, I can't do the urinal thing at all at all. Gyms. Just gyms really and all they contain. I do get the full on weightlifting gyms with the yellowing posters from 1984 and boxing type gyms, but the multiplex sort with treadmills and spinning bikes, god no.

Wibbs · 31-12-2015 2:13pm

TheBiz wrote: »

The little 'clues' women give you when they're interested.
I was out a couple of nights ago and a girl I know said 'oh hi ____ want to help me find my friends I think there around the bar' I said sure just give me a minute.
Too long later we headed off, her tugging me along after her in the wrong direction.

Only copped it awhile later when I asked if she found them after I had to go that she never lost them.
She was trying to get me somewhere quiet......

DOH! *facepalm*. You'll know next time. Hey we've all been there. Any man who says he hasn't is either a liar or has memory loss. Hell in my younger days I've had women send up flares, while waving semaphore flags around spelling it out and I remained oblivious in a walking coma.

Titzon Toast · 31-12-2015 2:17pm

Wibbs wrote: »

DOH! *facepalm*. You'll know next time. Hey we've all been there. Any man who says he hasn't is either a liar or has memory loss. Hell in my younger days I've had women send up flares, while waving semaphore flags around spelling it out and I remained oblivious in a walking coma.

Yep, same here.
Also, I've never been able to pull a proper wheelie. It still bugs me.

Mister Vain · 31-12-2015 2:25pm

Candie wrote: »

I don't understand why bras close at the back. Why not just put the clasp at the front? Life would be so easy then.

Yes. For the love of God yes.

Medusa22 · 31-12-2015 2:28pm

Candie wrote: »

I don't understand why bras close at the back. Why not just put the clasp at the front? Life would be so easy then.

Wibbs wrote: »

Speaking from the Other side, let me second this motion.

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yes. For the love of God yes.

This is what you need!

http://www.barenecessities.com/Front-Close-Bras-Bras_catalog_nxs,31,style,34.htm?amsk=riejwn8874

Speaking as a woman who opens another woman's bra, it is confusing, and I open my own bra all the time, I find it more confusing to open someone else's!

languagenerd · 31-12-2015 2:54pm

Salad. I just don't understand salad as a concept. Like, if I try to make it, I just end up throwing a load of chopped veg in a bowl and it looks awful. I don't really know how to go about eating it - I end up with a mouthful of lettuce, which is horrible - and I can't really pick it properly on a fork. And I don't get how people have salad as a meal, cause if I manage to make/eat it, it doesn't fill me, I'm starving again a few minutes later.

Simple things you can't do/don't understand

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