Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 4:47pm

Not that possibly her sister sensed that she'd not be happy being a bridesmaid, or that she sensed that OP enjoyed helping plan her other sister's wedding. I'm not saying the sister didn't act not so well in her way of doing things or actions but her heart could have been in the right place.
Totally agree, i OP doesn't want to do anything but turn up than do that, don't need to get us all here to justify it though.

NewCorkLad · 15-05-2015 4:51pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

Not that possibly her sister sensed that she'd not be happy being a bridesmaid, or that she sensed that OP enjoyed helping plan her other sister's wedding. I'm not saying the sister didn't act not so well in her way of doing things or actions but her heart could have been in the right place.
Totally agree, i OP doesn't want to do anything but turn up than do that, don't need to get us all here to justify it though.

Were you asked to justify anything?

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 4:53pm

Is it not the main aim of the post, my sister did this X

I don't want to do Y

Is it ok if I don't do Y?

MadDog76 · 15-05-2015 5:00pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

Is it not the main aim of the post, my sister did this X

I don't want to do Y

Is it ok if I don't do Y?

Asking people's opinions on a situation is not the same as asking people to justify your actions ......... the Op is doing exactly what Boards is designed for ........ if you feel you're being asked to "justify" the Op and you don't wish to do so then perhaps you should reconsider contributing to this thread?

NewCorkLad · 15-05-2015 5:02pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

Is it not the main aim of the post, my sister did this X

I don't want to do Y

Is it ok if I don't do Y?

OP simply asked for opinions and advice.

OP just hold tough as your doing, dont do anything you dont want to do and enjoy the day out with your family.

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 5:03pm

And there we go, I have a different way of looking at it and I'm asked to leave. I don't see this as productive. I am not saying I'm right in my ideas, just I think there is some groupthinking occurring. It's good to test ideas, no ?

CaraMay · 15-05-2015 5:04pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

And there we go, I have a different way of looking at it and I'm asked to leave. I don't see this as productive. I am not saying I'm right in my ideas, just I think there is some groupthinking occurring. It's good to test ideas, no ?

You comments aren't exactly revolutionary.

cactusgal · 15-05-2015 5:06pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

And there we go, I have a different way of looking at it and I'm asked to leave. I don't see this as productive. I am not saying I'm right in my ideas, just I think there is some groupthinking occurring. It's good to test ideas, no ?

But you've already made the same point several times and aren't adding anything new? We get it, you think there's another side of the story. Cool. Now back to trying to help the OP instead of nitpicking. Or if you don't want to help, then ...

NewCorkLad · 15-05-2015 5:06pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

And there we go, I have a different way of looking at it and I'm asked to leave. I don't see this as productive. I am not saying I'm right in my ideas, just I think there is some groupthinking occurring. It's good to test ideas, no ?

Repeatedly saying we dont have the sisters side of the story is unproductive, all we can do is comment on the facts as we know them.

MadDog76 · 15-05-2015 5:07pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

And there we go, I have a different way of looking at it and I'm asked to leave. I don't see this as productive. I am not saying I'm right in my ideas, just I think there is some groupthinking occurring. It's good to test ideas, no ?

We only have to Op's perspective on the situation and it's only her asking for advice/opinion's on the situation from her point of view .......... the "other side" is not on here so speculating (and repeating the same "idea") is pointless, no?

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 5:11pm

I'm just trying to maybe get OP to explore possibilities, if we stick with sister is a beep, well it'll be a bit ****, if op has mind set of maybe sister was meaning well but didn't go about it so great maybe they'll get on better and wedding will go better?
Long shot I know.

MadDog76 · 15-05-2015 5:14pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

I'm just trying to maybe get OP to explore possibilities, if we stick with sister is a beep, well it'll be a bit ****, if op has mind set of maybe sister was meaning well but didn't go about it so great maybe they'll get on better and wedding will go better?
Long shot I know.

I think the Op know's her sister well enough to know when she's being nice and when she's being a b**** .......... the Op has made it clear that her sister is difficult at best.

Plazaman · 15-05-2015 5:23pm

Go for it I say. If it was me (and I was female obviously) I'd plan the works and do the best job possible. My smugness and ability to lord it over her, if I wanted to, would be a great ace up the sleeve. Let a friend leak it at the wedding that you planned everything and got no thanks for it, it'd soon get back to your sister.

Of course from a male perspective the better option is to say you've all in hand, get money off her for deposits but actually do nothing. Week of the wedding, disappear on holidays using deposit money and revel in the calamity while sipping a pina colada on a beach.

Sligo1 · 15-05-2015 5:24pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

I'm just trying to maybe get OP to explore possibilities, if we stick with sister is a beep, well it'll be a bit ****, if op has mind set of maybe sister was meaning well but didn't go about it so great maybe they'll get on better and wedding will go better?
Long shot I know.

Hmmm... Maybe her sister meant well when she stole OPs boyfriend aswell. Sure, I bet she only did it as she thought the boyfriend was no good and wanted to get him out of OPs life... Yea that's the reason./..:/

CaraMay · 15-05-2015 5:31pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

I'm just trying to maybe get OP to explore possibilities, if we stick with sister is a beep, well it'll be a bit ****, if op has mind set of maybe sister was meaning well but didn't go about it so great maybe they'll get on better and wedding will go better?
Long shot I know.

The sisters parents are worried that she won't let them see their grand kids if they rattle her cage. The sister is a nasty piece of work

didntgotoplan · 15-05-2015 5:45pm

Arbiter of Good Taste: My sister regularly gets into disagreements with my brothers partner and she takes it out on my brother. Not sure what this one is about but it seems to be when they have a different opinion about something. I don't know if it's a way to get him to dump his partner but it happens quite often. My brother hasn't helped someone with a wedding and didn't volunteer with my first sister's wedding either when she asked for some help.

My sister expects everything to be done for her. Whenever we planned things together before she had children and got with this guy, I was the one to do the planning. I the last few years I haven't due to all the stuff she does if I disagree with her.

CaraMay: If my boyfriend had a disagreement with my sister, she would do her no talking-no visiting her kids etc. stuff to me. He doesn't get involved with her and doesn't particularly care if he goes to the wedding or not. He just doesn't want my sister to take advantage of me.

DeltaWhite: I haven't talked to or contacted my sister since Wednesday but I told her then I wasn't able to help out. When we hung up she knew I wasn't willing to help. My mom said she is in discussions with other family members but I asked not to be told anything anymore.

rule supreme: Yeah, she has always acted this way to me if she never got her way or I refused to do things. I'm now thinking how glad I am to not be in the bridal party too

gsi300024v: I know it's only my side of the story and I wanted advice from people who planned weddings and stuff to see what is expected of me. All my experience of weddings and it's planning is limited. Are you asking me what I have done to cause this situation? The only recent change with my sister is I've stopped making the effort because it was me doing all the running so she goes to me if she wants to plan something. I also tend to try not to disagree with my sister because of the things she does if I do. I've been a bridesmaid 2 times before and loved it, I wouldn't have a problem doing it for this sister if this is what she wanted and wouldn't act up or do spiteful things to make it a negative experience for my sister.

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 6:07pm

Plazaman wrote: »

Go for it I say. If it was me (and I was female obviously) I'd plan the works and do the best job possible. My smugness and ability to lord it over her, if I wanted to, would be a great ace up the sleeve. Let a friend leak it at the wedding that you planned everything and got no thanks for it, it'd soon get back to your sister.

Of course from a male perspective the better option is to say you've all in hand, get money off her for deposits but actually do nothing. Week of the wedding, disappear on holidays using deposit money and revel in the calamity while sipping a pina colada on a beach.

Maybe a text like ,you are a cow, your chickens have come home to roost!

looksee · 15-05-2015 6:23pm

OP, you seem to be making progress in refusing to be dragged in as a dogsbody, good for you!

Just a point - MOH stands for Matron of Honour, not Maid of Honour, it is a courtesy title given to someone who supports the bride but is rather older than a bridesmaid, or married. It does not imply that they do all the organising, that would be a wedding planner, or the couple.

Faith · 15-05-2015 6:29pm

looksee wrote: »

Just a point - MOH stands for Matron of Honour, not Maid of Honour, it is a courtesy title given to someone who supports the bride but is rather older than a bridesmaid, or married. .

I think you're wrong there

. Maid of Honour is the term currently used as the female equivalent to Best Man. Technically, it becomes Matron if the woman is married, but that's just linguistics. Typically, the Maid of Honour will be one of the witnesses to the signing of the register, and will often be the point of contact for suppliers on the day. In every other capacity, they're the same as a bridesmaid. For most weddings (I'd hope), bridesmaids (including the MOH) are asked to do very little except maybe organise a hen night. A bridal party is really just a way to give your closest friends or family a more importance place at your wedding.

You're right in that the MOH wouldn't be expected to do all of the organising, for sure.

CaraMay · 15-05-2015 6:35pm

Op seems like it's sorted now - she's off your back

looksee · 15-05-2015 7:10pm

Faith wrote: »

I think you're wrong there . Maid of Honour is the term currently used as the female equivalent to Best Man. Technically, it becomes Matron if the woman is married, but that's just linguistics. Typically, the Maid of Honour will be one of the witnesses to the signing of the register, and will often be the point of contact for suppliers on the day. In every other capacity, they're the same as a bridesmaid. For most weddings (I'd hope), bridesmaids (including the MOH) are asked to do very little except maybe organise a hen night. A bridal party is really just a way to give your closest friends or family a more importance place at your wedding.

You're right in that the MOH wouldn't be expected to do all of the organising, for sure.

Ah well, times and terminologies change, I always understood that was the Chief Bridesmaid, but whatever current thinking says is the one to go with I suppose.:)

Toots · 15-05-2015 8:00pm

gsi300024v the OP came here for advice on a specific issue, not to have her life and self esteem analysed. As well as heading towards off topic, your posts are coming off as quite confrontational. The tone of this forum is meant to be supportive and friendly, please give the charter a read and do not post any more probing questions for the OP.

gsi300024v · 18-05-2015 10:14am

Sorry OP and thread posters. Was meant to just be more think outside the box. But was more of an ass. So sorry. I hope you can mend things with sister and have a god experience at the wedding in whatever form you can.

lashofeye · 26-05-2015 8:57pm

OMG seriously that is a slap in the face.I myself have 5 sisters and a sil but no way would i let one out it .Id have one sister or 2 even but not 4 and leave one out.I don have a sister who is awkward socially and I know she would hate to be a bridesmaid so I can see her point but id ask her first and if she really didn't want to then fine. But i think your sister knows that you are the kind of person to help out even though you don't want too . Let her carry the responsibility.!

eisen1968 · 26-05-2015 9:54pm

Jesus, some poor fu....kers gonna spend the rest of his life with cunty mc *****on. Just be thankful its not you.

Fandango · 26-05-2015 10:58pm

didntgotoplan wrote: »

My sister is getting married next year and there is 8 siblings between both families, including myself.

My sister recently announced during a family dinner that every sibling, except me, will be in the bridal party. Except my sister wants me to plan all the stuff a MOH does so I can "be involved in the wedding" because her MOH (the future sister in law) is living abroad.

My mom is very upset over me not being in the bridal party but I don't really care about not being part of it - I'm awkward and like to blend in with the crowd. However I want to refuse to help her because I don't want to do all of that hassle for nothing (i.e. she is treating all her bridal party to everything being paid for them)

My sister used to be a really good friend and we used to do everything together but since she began having children, I get the feeling that she feels ashamed of me being her sister. We stopped hanging out and talking every day but she always comes around to mine when its one of their family's birthdays or another holiday with gifts. I always get the feeling she uses me and whenever I refuse to babysit her children or something like that, I'm ignored for months on end until someone else in our family annoys her and she needs my help. She even blocked me from seeing my niece and nephew when she ignores me. At this moment, I'm being ignored by her except during family gatherings.

Am I right to refuse her or should I just help her this once since it's her day?

Late to the thread but saw it on my front page so had a look (Didnt read all pages so dunno what has been said or not). Personally, even they way you were told seems in very poor taste. Am I right that the first you heard about not being involved was at the family dinner? Common decency, she should have said something to you privately first before publically announcing it. My 2 cents anyway

jennyhayes123 · 01-07-2015 6:23pm

Has the wedding taken place yet

paric · 01-07-2015 7:13pm

You've got to try and accept she may be under pressure. Enjoy helping her. She is your sister and make the best of the day, you'd never how it will turn out. Always look on the bright side of life. Go and -enjoy yourself you'll be the better for it.

mayway · 02-07-2015 8:10am

looksee wrote: »

OP, you seem to be making progress in refusing to be dragged in as a dogsbody, good for you!

Just a point - MOH stands for Matron of Honour, not Maid of Honour, it is a courtesy title given to someone who supports the bride but is rather older than a bridesmaid, or married. It does not imply that they do all the organising, that would be a wedding planner, or the couple.

It's a Maid of Honour. You've embarrassed yourself a bit there.

mayway · 02-07-2015 8:13am

It's a Chief Bridesmaid if the person isn't married. Maid Of Honour if she's past it/married.

mayway · 02-07-2015 8:14am

If I were you, I'd head along and get absolutely mouldy drunk and start shouting at everyone about what cow she is.

Ruin the day for everyone. Job done!

I still can't believe she's bothering getting married when she already has kids though. What a waste of time.

Neyite · 02-07-2015 9:28am

mayway wrote: »

If I were you, I'd head along and get absolutely mouldy drunk and start shouting at everyone about what cow she is.

Ruin the day for everyone. Job done!

I still can't believe she's bothering getting married when she already has kids though. What a waste of time.

And why would that be? Some people get married to their partner because they want to. Because it secures next of kin responsibilities and inheritance entitlements and tax advantages. Because it legally recognises a non-familial person as your family in our constitution. Because they are in love.

Or, because they are not stupid sheeple who think that everyone has to follow the herd and marrying before having children. Or that marriage is all about children and procreation.

mayway · 02-07-2015 9:43am

Neyite wrote: »

And why would that be? Some people get married to their partner because they want to. Because it secures next of kin responsibilities and inheritance entitlements and tax advantages. Because it legally recognises a non-familial person as your family in our constitution. Because they are in love.

Or, because they are not stupid sheeple who think that everyone has to follow the herd and marrying before having children. Or that marriage is all about children and procreation.

In your irrelevant opinion. I know what I know. You can't change things to suit yourself just be saying it. Facts are facts.

Please grow up and move along.

MrWalsh · 02-07-2015 9:44am

mayway wrote: »

In your irrelevant opinion. I know what I know. You can't change things to suit yourself just be saying it. Facts are facts.

Please grow up and move along.

Which rereg are you? Every one of your posts is aggressive and childish.

Toots · 02-07-2015 9:53am

mayway already had a 2 week ban for posting this sort of nonsense. He/she was warned they'd get a permanent ban if they kept it up, so unfortunately (or fortunately) their access to the forum has been removed.

DeltaWhite · 02-07-2015 11:05am

mayway wrote: »

In your irrelevant opinion. I know what I know. You can't change things to suit yourself just be saying it. Facts are facts.

Please grow up and move along.

This doesnt even make sense :pac::pac:

XxMCRxBabyxX · 02-07-2015 11:09am

mayway wrote: »

It's a Chief Bridesmaid if the person isn't married. Maid Of Honour if she's past it/married.

It's Chief Bridesmaid or Maid of Honour if unmarried and Matron of Honour if married actually. Link

gsi300024v · 02-07-2015 3:44pm

Well the wedding has probably been and gone now, hope it went well for all involved formally or otherwise.

PinkLemonade · 02-07-2015 4:34pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

Well the wedding has probably been and gone now, hope it went well for all involved formally or otherwise.

In two months?

Vojera · 02-07-2015 5:36pm

jennyhayes123 wrote: »

Has the wedding taken place yet

No, the OP said the wedding isn't till next year.

gsi300024v · 02-07-2015 9:02pm

Ah plenty of time.

Vikinki · 02-07-2015 9:11pm

Hi, how did this pan out for you? I hope you told her that you are really involved (if that's what you want) or leave me out of the dirty work!

MistyCheese · 05-07-2015 1:16pm

If anyone is interested in the technical terms I believe they are as follows:

Maid of Honour - Unmarried chief bridesmaid over 18 years of age. May be a witness and sign the license but also doesn't have to. You could have someone else do this if you want.

Matron of Honour - Married chief bridesmaid, generally over 18 because most places have 18 as a minimum age for marriage but not impossible to be a Matron of Honour younger than 18. May sign for you if over 18.

Maiden of Honour -Unmarried chief bridesmaid under 18 years of age. In Ireland a Maiden of Honour could not be a witness and sign the license as such because you do have to be over 18.

There's no legal obligation to have either/any of the above. You're also not obliged to have bridesmaids but you will need two witnesses over the age of 18 to officially witness the ceremony and sign to confirm that.

The whole MoH deal is that you've chosen to select one person to have an elevated title. Like saying "These are my friends Sally, Jennie and Julie and this is my best friend Sandra." As I said these terms dint have a legal standing and as such are subject to interpretation.

lollsangel · 05-07-2015 1:25pm

MistyCheese wrote: »

If anyone is interested in the technical terms I believe they are as follows:

Maid of Honour - Unmarried chief bridesmaid over 18 years of age. May be a witness and sign the license but also doesn't have to. You could have someone else do this if you want.

Matron of Honour - Married chief bridesmaid, generally over 18 because most places have 18 as a minimum age for marriage but not impossible to be a Matron of Honour younger than 18. May sign for you if over 18.

Maiden of Honour -Unmarried chief bridesmaid under 18 years of age. In Ireland a Maiden of Honour could not be a witness and sign the license as such because you do have to be over 18.

There's no legal obligation to have either/any of the above. You're also not obliged to have bridesmaids but you will need two witnesses over the age of 18 to officially witness the ceremony and sign to confirm that.

The whole MoH deal is that you've chosen to select one person to have an elevated title. Like saying "These are my friends Sally, Jennie and Julie and this is my best friend Sandra." As I said these terms dint have a legal standing and as such are subject to interpretation.

My sister signed as a witness when I got married. She was 16...

MistyCheese · 05-07-2015 4:04pm

lollsangel wrote: »

My sister signed as a witness when I got married. She was 16...

Okay.

On the welfare.ie website it does state

Couples undergoing a civil ceremony must have been issued with an MRF by a registrar, not necessarily the same registrar who is performing the ceremony. As of 5th November 2007, there are no longer any residency requirements for civil marriages. The ceremony must be performed in the presence of two witnesses who should be both over 18 years of age.

I guess exceptions can be made but generally you do have to be over 18 to sign a contract.

From http://www.welfare.ie/en/Pages/Getting_Married.aspx

haveringchick · 05-07-2015 6:13pm

lollsangel wrote: »

My sister signed as a witness when I got married. She was 16...

That was a mistake on behalf of the registrar. Most likely because she looked 18+ on the day.

Lisha · 05-07-2015 6:16pm

haveringchick wrote: »

That was a mistake on behalf of the registrar. Most likely because she looked 18+ on the day.

Is lollsangel legally married if the witness was ineligible?

lollsangel · 05-07-2015 6:19pm

Lisha wrote: »

Is lollsangel legally married if the witness was ineligible?

Well I pointed it out when I separated hoping it would nullify it but no,had to go through divorce

Lisha · 05-07-2015 8:33pm

lollsangel wrote: »

Well I pointed it out when I separated hoping it would nullify it but no,had to go through divorce

Oh sorry about that.

Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

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