Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

Reputable Rog · 11-05-2015 9:02pm

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-uajE4iXC_I
You should arrange for something like this to happen.

LusciousOis · 11-05-2015 9:14pm

Just tell her that you feel hard done by by not being a part of the bridal party yet being asked to play the MOH role at the same time.

Crazy stuff from your sis tho!!

Gatica · 12-05-2015 8:23am

Living Off The Splash wrote: »

But I get the feeling that things have progressed much further and the Op is trying to exit now.
The only question that she needs to ask is why she wasn't chosen as one of the bridal party and to explain to her sister face to face and not by text why she just wants to be invited as a guest.

We must be reading different threads... The OP hasn't done anything that she's commented on here that would imply she's done things to progress the wedding thus far. She only checked with her work whether she could take a whole week off work before selfish-sister's wedding. Thankfully, they couldn't give her a full week off as it was their busy time, and OP can better use that leave at another time.

The OP may want to ask why she's not part of the bridal party, but it seem that she's not bothered about being in it in the first place. She just doesn't want to do all the labour the selfish-sister's bridal army could be doing.

The attention given to OP is entirely selfish-sister's doing... she's the only one being excluded by selfish-sister and selfish-sister is the one ringing around telling people OP won't be her wedding-slave.

Plus the current bridal party all have the same smaller dress size and likely non-bright coloured hair, and OP's already suggested that that may have to do with selfish-sister's picking them and not OP. If that was the case, I think it's right to write selfish-sister off as a kn0b. I mean who so obviously excludes a single member of the family over size or hair?!

Flippyfloppy · 12-05-2015 9:39am

True, as far as I knew the ops sister is only looking into her wedding & it's a surprise at the moment, happening in about a year!

Gatica · 12-05-2015 2:13pm

ha ha... I hope it's not a surprise to the groom! :P

Geniass · 12-05-2015 2:38pm

Gatica wrote: »

ha ha... I hope it's not a surprise to the groom! :P

Lets hope the sister is safely married off by then!!! :eek:

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 3:52pm

This is all your version, there will be her version too and also a version someone who knows you both will have too.
Would you prefer she had asked you to do nothing for her wedding?
Are you awkward ? Are you in a long term relationship too?
Could you not ask her to have a chat about this all.
Possibly pointing out what you are not happy with but also lessen the blow for saying sorry for anything you might have done to get her annoyed over the years, this usually helps. Calms things, there is no way it's all one sided.

Geniass · 12-05-2015 4:12pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

saying sorry for anything you might have done to get her annoyed over the years, this usually helps. Calms things, there is no way it's all one sided.

Her sister has stolen the OP's boyfriends in the past.

Although, I get the whole 'two sides to every story', we can only go on what we have been told.

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 4:20pm

See it's all very loaded language, stole a bf, he's not a painting, he can't be stolen unless he decides he's actually be in a relationship with someone else who happens to be his current gf's sister.

Gatica · 12-05-2015 4:25pm

no one is saying he's blameless. Takes 2 to cheat, both are doing something wrong. Only the selfish-sister though was hurting her own sister. The guy probably just thought it was his luck to get more than one girl...

Geniass · 12-05-2015 4:46pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

See it's all very loaded language, stole a bf, he's not a painting, he can't be stolen unless he decides he's actually be in a relationship with someone else who happens to be his current gf's sister.

The OP said the sister that is getting married stole her and their younger sister's boyfriends from them.

Men can be very fickle (mea culpa) and are not without fault in the scenario, but how many people here would be impressed if their sister/brother hooked up with current boyfriends or even exes. Not many I'd wager.

NSAman · 12-05-2015 4:53pm

So you are awkward, get over it. Let the B... organise her own wedding. Best thing that you could do, is spend the time and energy on yourself. Get a makeover, hair extensions, fabulous WHITE dress, toned body and a killer guy on your arm, attend the wedding and make the cow jealous as hell...;)

gsi300024v · 12-05-2015 5:39pm

OR forget getting bf killer body etc and do some counselling to invest in yourself and feel more ok in your own skin, you might stand up to your sister more and demand respect.

raydar · 12-05-2015 6:42pm

m sorry to say but Your sister may not change and she may never be concerned about how you feel and it may continue and it may get worse as time goes on , i have seen these behaviour patterns in other familys its a shame that our nearest and dearest allways press our buttons , you have to admit she has placed insensitive changes in your relationship with her so now you will have to act and create new rules to protect yourselve and this involves new choices and boundries , practice and learn to say no and this gets easier if you write down a little bit every day in a private diary about your relationships , also you may grow apart over time You could go to the wedding and stay calm and cool and try not to drink too much , there will be lots of other spectators at it that will enjoy your company , keep a little distant from the wedding group , and try not to say too much or get drawn into it , create other little goals seprerate from this , try and create something special for you to look forward to after the wedding , you will have come out the otherside with more awareness and better choices , use your phone notes app to write out anything thats doing your head in oh and keep your phone on lock

haveringchick · 12-05-2015 9:57pm

My husband's brother was married last year and every single family member was given a role to play except my husband (his brother) and our daughter (his niece).
We didn't give a tuppeny ****. It was the crappiest wedding I ever was at and I've been at some crappy ones.

Reputable Rog · 12-05-2015 10:09pm

Has she come back to you? Have you been upgraded?

Perpetual Student · 13-05-2015 12:07am

After the excitement and ups and downs of cupcake/standmixer-gate, I wasnt sure if we would have another thread to capture our attention....it appears we have a contender!

OP, you owe your sister nothing. Continue to politely decline her invitations to do lots of work for her lazy ignorant bottom, its her day which she and her fiance have to be responsible for.

Flood · 13-05-2015 3:18am

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

gsi300024v · 13-05-2015 7:54am

Good point earlier, you won't change others, but you can change how you yourself deal with things, but having done the latter myself, some family member will always blame you for the not so great interactions, it's just something you've to live with.

The J Stands for Jay · 13-05-2015 8:34am

groovyg wrote: »

She has chosen the bridesmaids, why are they not organising everything ??

Graciously accept the role of wedding organiser and fail to take the same meaning of the role as your sister has. Fulfil your role by organising each of the bridal party to take on one of the tasks.

TimeToShine · 13-05-2015 10:25am

Flood wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

Do you know what that originally meant?

Gatica · 13-05-2015 12:04pm

McGaggs wrote: »

Graciously accept the role of wedding organiser and fail to take the same meaning of the role as your sister has. Fulfil your role by organising each of the bridal party to take on one of the tasks.

It still involves being responsible for the running of the wedding and having to coordinate all the delegation... It's still a wedding organiser's job, which they get PAID for. No way the OP should do this for her selfish-sister, unless she really wants to and loves doing that.

Neyite · 13-05-2015 12:29pm

NSAman wrote: »

So you are awkward, get over it. Let the B... organise her own wedding. Best thing that you could do, is spend the time and energy on yourself. Get a makeover, hair extensions, fabulous WHITE dress, toned body and a killer guy on your arm, attend the wedding and make the cow jealous as hell...;)

While I get your point about looking great on the day, wearing a white dress will make her the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. To every single person there it will scream jealousy of the bride and attention seeking and only the OP will come off looking unhinged.

CaraMay · 13-05-2015 1:56pm

Op where are you?

Reputable Rog · 13-05-2015 3:07pm

CaraMay wrote: »

Op where are you?

Busy organising her sisters wedding I'd say.

MadDog76 · 13-05-2015 4:19pm

Flood wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

Tell that to the Op's sister!!!!

Geniass · 14-05-2015 7:57pm

Reputable Rog wrote: »

Busy organising her sisters wedding I'd say.

Looks like the OP has caved like a cheap sponge wedding cake or maybe folded like a poorly constructed three tiered cake. :pac:

NSAman · 14-05-2015 8:33pm

Neyite wrote: »

While I get your point about looking great on the day, wearing a white dress will make her the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. To every single person there it will scream jealousy of the bride and attention seeking and only the OP will come off looking unhinged.

Would a BLACK dress and veil suit the occasion? Sense the tone..;)

didntgotoplan · 15-05-2015 1:08am

Sorry have been busy in the last few days.

My mom calls me every few days and she was the one that told me about my sister texting them all. My sister called me on Wednesday and told me what she has done so far. She also ask if I would help with a few of the things as she has one less in her bridal party as one of my brothers was dropped in the bridal party due to some fight with his partner. I told her I can't help her plan as I didn't have the time and said she had 6 other in her bridal party to help. She just said I couldn't be in her bridal party as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about).

My sister has her venues and food in the reception for the day booked. She also has a list of places she wants to try on dresses but hasn't made any appointments yet. That's what she told me on Wednesday.

I also wasn't congratulated for helping my other sister, she couldn't afford a planner or a bridal party and I offered to help because I had the time and this was part of my gift to her. This sister didn't ask me to help, she announced at a large family thing that my way to be involved the wedding is to help her plan it.

As for dyng my hair, I wouldn't want that sort of attention at the wedding so I'm going to change my hair colour for it. I've done it for all other weddings in the past so if I didn't, it would look like I did it on purpose.

I couldn't care less about being a bridesmaid but I do care about how one of her own family is being treated like an unpaid wedding planner and his family are getting everything paid for and looked after.

gsi300024v - I know you only have my version. I would prefer if she asked people for help and I wouldn't offer if this happened. I'm awkward at big occasions like this due to people I don't know. It takes me a while to trust people so I come off as quiet. I'm in a relationship for nearly a year. As for stealing my bf, he wasn't a good one and I dodged a bullet.

As for what to wear, I'm going to wait to hear what colour the bridesmaid dresses are so I can find another colour that compliments them and doesn't clash - no black or white for me...if you can't tell, I'm more interested in wearing the same colours as my hair!

NSAman · 15-05-2015 6:32am

didntgotoplan wrote: »

if you can't tell, I'm more interested in wearing the same colours as my hair!

50 Shades of Grey?..:)

Seriously, just tell her you have not got the time and be done with it.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-05-2015 6:49am

didntgotoplan wrote: »

Sorry have been busy in the last few days.

My mom calls me every few days and she was the one that told me about my sister texting them all. My sister called me on Wednesday and told me what she has done so far. She also ask if I would help with a few of the things as she has one less in her bridal party as one of my brothers was dropped in the bridal party due to some fight with his partner. I told her I can't help her plan as I didn't have the time and said she had 6 other in her bridal party to help. She just said I couldn't be in her bridal party as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about).

My sister has her venues and food in the reception for the day booked. She also has a list of places she wants to try on dresses but hasn't made any appointments yet. That's what she told me on Wednesday.

I also wasn't congratulated for helping my other sister, she couldn't afford a planner or a bridal party and I offered to help because I had the time and this was part of my gift to her. This sister didn't ask me to help, she announced at a large family thing that my way to be involved the wedding is to help her plan it.

As for dyng my hair, I wouldn't want that sort of attention at the wedding so I'm going to change my hair colour for it. I've done it for all other weddings in the past so if I didn't, it would look like I did it on purpose.

I couldn't care less about being a bridesmaid but I do care about how one of her own family is being treated like an unpaid wedding planner and his family are getting everything paid for and looked after.

gsi300024v - I know you only have my version. I would prefer if she asked people for help and I wouldn't offer if this happened. I'm awkward at big occasions like this due to people I don't know. It takes me a while to trust people so I come off as quiet. I'm in a relationship for nearly a year. As for stealing my bf, he wasn't a good one and I dodged a bullet.

As for what to wear, I'm going to wait to hear what colour the bridesmaid dresses are so I can find another colour that compliments them and doesn't clash - no black or white for me...if you can't tell, I'm more interested in wearing the same colours as my hair!

So many questions, so many questions....

Why has your brother been dropped because of a fight with HIS partner? Why does that matter to the bride and groom?

She says she needs your help because she has one less in the bridal party, but can your (dropped) brother still not help, as your sister doesn't seem to think that being a part of the bridal party is a prerequisite to helping out?

Why can't your sister take no for an answer, what kind of numpty insists on having someone who doesn't want to - and probably doesn't give a sh1t - organise their wedding? I wouldn't take that risk.

Why is your sister such a lazy cvnt? Why can't she be like every other bride and organise her own wedding?

Tarzana2 · 15-05-2015 6:58am

didntgotoplan wrote: »

as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about).

Lovely. :rolleyes: If I were you, I would just have asked her to speak plainly here, call her out on such insulting bullshít.

CaraMay · 15-05-2015 7:12am

Op there is nothing wrong with being quiet either in big groups or not. I'm good in groups but don't gave the balls to dye my hair different colours (which I would love to try)

What does your bf think of all this?

So is she leaving you alone now that you've told her you don't have time

solerina · 15-05-2015 9:14am

didntgotoplan wrote: »

She just said I couldn't be in her bridal party as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about).

Unbelievable....how are you still even talking to this sister ?

Flippyfloppy · 15-05-2015 9:20am

solerina wrote: »

Unbelievable....how are you still even talking to this sister ?

Sis knows that implying something can be worse than actually saying what she means. She is a cow.

Be cagey right back at her. I don't know if that's sound advice, but what planet is she on?? Begging you to help whilst explaining why you can't be afforded. She should of had you on the bridal party instead of the other seemingly useless bridesmaids.

Why can't she do the Organising herself?? It's so much fun!! What the hell is wrong with her!!? Have you found yourself doing everything for her to date in life?

MagicMarker · 15-05-2015 9:22am

Jesus op, at this stage I wouldn't even be going to the wedding.

Sunny Dayz · 15-05-2015 10:56am

didntgotoplan wrote: »

I also wasn't congratulated for helping my other sister, she couldn't afford a planner or a bridal party and I offered to help because I had the time and this was part of my gift to her. This sister didn't ask me to help, she announced at a large family thing that my way to be involved the wedding is to help her plan it.

This is where you need to call out the bride-to-be on. Tell her that yes you helped out your other sister as you were available to help her at the time. This time around, your circumstances have changed, you don't have the time or resources to help her plan the wedding and you would have appreciated that she discussed this with you instead of announcing it at a family function. My guess is she announced it in front of a crowd to prevent you backing out of it.

Larbre34 · 15-05-2015 11:28am

OP, this whole situation sounds like its giving you more anxiety than a person needs in their life.

Can I suggest you opt out of anything to do with the preparations for the wedding, there are more than enough others involved and you are quite clearly being used rather than being included.

Tell your sis and and you Mum that if you are wanted at the wedding and the reception, you will be there like any other guest.

Gatica · 15-05-2015 11:37am

Don't give her the time of day. She doesn't deserve it. As others said, call her out on it and let her verbalise exactly what's wrong with her own sister being in bridal photos, maybe she'll hear herself saying it! :mad:

She doesn't deserve any consideration, seeing as she cares more about how some photos "look" than about her own sister's feelings.... no one would look at a family wedding photo and point at this one person not looking exactly like the others and go, would you look at that, no! they would go, oh remember that wedding, that was fun, there was a big bridal party and look, all the sisters are there, ain't that great!

DeltaWhite · 15-05-2015 11:43am

I would honestly love to know what she tells people when they ask her, why you, the only sister left out is not part of the bridal party? I would love to be a fly on the wall for that.

It's not clear from your most recent post to me but, is she aware that you aren't going to be helping her? Or is she still in complete denial and listing things she wants you to do for her?

She is the queen of wagon's seriously. I don't think there's many people out there that are that self absorbed, unaware/oblivious of their own actions, selfish and arrogant... the list goes on and on and on.

But if she is aware of all of the above, then I really would not bother my hole with her. Go to the wedding and have fun, but keep your distance from her. Doesn't sound like a good sister to me.

rule supreme · 15-05-2015 1:20pm

Has she always been such a bitch or has the wedding just turned her into one .You dont need to stop talking to her but you should stop answering her calls ,i doubt you would let a friend be that rude to you , dont let your sister away with it either .I think you are lucky to not be in the bridal party , she will be a nightmare the closer it gets .

Tarzana2 · 15-05-2015 2:10pm

I was struck by the OP commenting a few times that their mother is worried that if she gets involved, access to her grandkids will be cut off. That's awful stuff altogether, sad.

ShazGV · 15-05-2015 2:16pm

Tarzana2 wrote: »

I was struck by the OP commenting a few times that their mother is worried that if she gets involved, access to her grandkids will be cut off. That's awful stuff altogether, sad.

I agree, it says a lot about a person when they use their children as bargaining chips.

Mrs OBumble · 15-05-2015 3:19pm

DeltaWhite wrote: »

I would honestly love to know what she tells people when they ask her, why you, the only sister left out is not part of the bridal party? I would love to be a fly on the wall for that.

Probably rolls her eyes and says "do you really have to ask", while making subtle but clear gestures with her hands.

Anyways her friends aren't likely to ask (likes attract) and family know better than to ask.

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 3:19pm

Try remember this is all one persons side of a story, your sister might have felt you didn't want all the attention of being in bridal party , but as you did such a great job with other sisters wedding might like to still be involved, I'd take it you are not overly a relaxed person by nature, so this might also be playing a part.
It's rarely all one sided.

josephineperry · 15-05-2015 3:31pm

Wow, this is really mean. She doesn't let you be in the bridal party then she asks you to help her out. How selfish! I would tell her, sorry I have more things to do on your wedding, like washing my hair.

cactusgal · 15-05-2015 4:12pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

Try remember this is all one persons side of a story, your sister might have felt you didn't want all the attention of being in bridal party , but as you did such a great job with other sisters wedding might like to still be involved, I'd take it you are not overly a relaxed person by nature, so this might also be playing a part.
It's rarely all one sided.

I think you've already made this point? The OP has come back several times with updates and more info, so we are getting more context. I don't see the point if your post, TBH.

gsi300024v · 15-05-2015 4:18pm

She in no way puts any of the issue down to herself, having pointed out she is a bit awkward.
Negatives al down to sister personality, positives all down to op being nice. Fundamental attribution error anyone?

liz lemoncello · 15-05-2015 4:26pm

didntgotoplan wrote: »

...My sister called me on Wednesday and told me what she has done so far. She also ask if I would help with a few of the things as she has one less in her bridal party as one of my brothers was dropped in the bridal party due to some fight with his partner. I told her I can't help her plan as I didn't have the time and said she had 6 other in her bridal party to help. She just said I couldn't be in her bridal party as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about). ....

OP, at this point I would have hung up on her.

PinkLemonade · 15-05-2015 4:35pm

gsi300024v wrote: »

She in no way puts any of the issue down to herself, having pointed out she is a bit awkward.
Negatives al down to sister personality, positives all down to op being nice. Fundamental attribution error anyone?

The OP doesn't have to be anyone's wedding planner if she doesn't want to, it's really as simple as that. There's no context needed.

Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

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