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average recession wedding gift??

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    #92
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Yes it is sad. But even sadder is we lose our apartment to the bank. Would you agree?

    So why get married? Why not put the wedding money off your mortgage :confused:

    That makes absolutely no sense.

    It'll hardly be the fault of the friend who bought you the nice glasses if you lose your house.


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    #93
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    So why get married? Why not put the wedding money off your mortgage :confused:
    Because we wanted to start a family.

    It'll hardly be the fault of the friend who bought you the nice glasses if you lose your house.
    Who said it was?

    Have your mortgage or any kids if you don't mind me asking?


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    #94
    billybigunz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 925 ✭✭✭billybigunz


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Yes it is sad. But even sadder is we lose our apartment to the bank. Would you agree?
    If you can't afford a wedding then don't have it.

    People like you just want it all. An overwhelming sense of entitlement.


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    #95
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    WaltKowalski wrote: »
    I've had a 20% net pay cut.
    Sorry to hear that.
    I don't have a mortgage - I pay rent.
    The average person who got a cetlic tiger morgage is down between 50 and 200k. You accept that is a lot of money?
    I still want to wish my friends and relatives the very best that I can on an occasion as special as their wedding.
    As do we all.

    I certainly don't vary the gift I give based on the venue the couple have chosen to hold their celebration in.
    Well I'd give more if I don't have to spend 150 to stay in an hotel or 500 to go on stag.

    It's simple stuff really.


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    #96
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    billybigunz wrote: »
    If you can't afford a wedding then don't have it.
    Yes we were going to have a very small wedding. But we ended up a very small one by Irish standards and cut corners where we could.
    People like you just want it all. An overwhelming sense of entitlement.
    I get sense you are trolling now.

    People are entitled to do what they want. I'll give you thought out reasons for we did what we did. I am happy to discuss but if you are using silly brain dead facile ad hominens, I've got better things to do. Why your interest? Are you getting married or just looking to attack people.


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    #97
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Because we wanted to start a family.

    You know you can start a family without being married right? And if you wanted to get married you don't have to have a wedding.
    Who said it was?

    Implied by the fact that you were happier with the cash gifts as you were facing losing your house
    Have your mortgage or any kids if you don't mind me asking?

    Yes, married, with a exceptionally large mortgage and kids. What bearing does that have? If you want to get married you sure as hell better be able to afford it as in this day and age you have no idea what people's financial situation is, no matter how much you think you do, so to expect people to fund your wedding/mortgage is ridiculous. You want it, you pay for it.


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    #98
    billybigunz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 925 ✭✭✭billybigunz


    People are entitled to do what they want. I'll give you thought out reasons for we did what we did.
    Yep they are. I'd say anybody with sense gave you and wedding a wide berth.

    To think that somebody considered you a friend, celebrated your wedding and purchased you a gift and you come on here and deride their thought because it didn't help pay your mortgage. Eughh, I'm out of here.


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    #99
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    You know you can start a family without being married right? And if you wanted to get married you don't have to have a wedding.
    Biologically yes but I / we wanted to be married first. Are we not allowed to have that opinion?

    We went through the various options for what we did what we did. It was a very simple, no frills wedding.
    Implied by the fact that you were happier with the cash gifts as you were facing losing your house
    It was implied. An it's an apartment not a house.
    Yes, married, with a exceptionally large mortgage and kids. What bearing does that have? If you want to get married you sure as hell better be able to afford it as in this day and age you have no idea what people's financial situation is, no matter how much you think you do, so to expect people to fund your wedding/mortgage is ridiculous. You want it, you pay for it.
    Because if you don't mind me saying you sound like you are just wum'ing.
    We did pay for it.

    Everyone has a preference in what presents they get. Some prefer materials things, some prefer holidays, some prefer money, some prefer nothing at all and give the money to charity.

    We preferred money because of our personal circumstances.

    I don't know what your personal circumstances are? Are you in negative equity? Do you have good job security? Can you afford health insurance for your kids?

    It's a regular thing for people to give someone money as a present. Maybe you don't really have money problems or never have and can't empathise with that concept.


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    #100
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    billybigunz wrote: »
    Yep they are. I'd say anybody with sense gave you and wedding a wide berth.

    To think that somebody considered you a friend, celebrated your wedding and purchased you a gift and you come on here and deride their thought because it didn't help pay your mortgage. Eughh, I'm out of here.

    Oh come one! People giving you expensive glasses when you have two shelves in your apartment is a little bit silly. My mother's sisters had they cop on not to give us anything stupid and very kindly and thoughtfully gave us money which we could do whatever we wanted to with.

    In our case, we put it off the mortgage and it would have been very irresponsible not to do this.


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    #101
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 23,339 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    RoverJames wrote: »
    I agree with everything you have posted Tim, I reckon you are going to get raped in this thread though :D Take my word for it :)
    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    For what?

    The folks in this thread Tim reckon that expecting any monetary gift for your wedding is not on and makes you an awful sort of person. As someone else said traditionally it's meant to be a bit of a helping hand to start ye off. I reckon most of the folks posting here have gotten wads of cash off Mummy and Daddy or the in laws but obviously they won't admit that.


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    #102
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    RoverJames wrote: »
    I reckon most of the folks posting here have gotten wads of cash off Mummy and Daddy or the in laws but obviously they won't admit that.
    Yeah the reactions are a bit strange. Anyone I know with a celtic tiger mortgage is freaked out and anyone I know who has a nice house with no mortgage seems to be on a completely different buzz.

    Most of the stupid presents we got were from such people - nice big houses very little mortgage. It's not the lack of them giving me money it's the complete waste of money they engaged in. If they buy expensive glasses that no-one uses - it's just a complete the money would be better off going to a charity.

    It would be very strange if I didn't have a preference in the presents we got. My preference is based on practicalities and my responsibilities as a parent.

    I was surprised to hear whoopsadaisydoodles say they had a massive mortgage.But there you go. What about a pension? Do you have one of them? give us an example of a money worry you have had in your life in the last two years?


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    #103
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    RoverJames wrote: »
    As someone else said traditionally it's meant to be a bit of a helping hand to start ye off. I reckon most of the folks posting here have gotten wads of cash off Mummkeey and Daddy or the in laws but obviously they won't admit that.
    I was chatting to my Mum about this. Yeah traditionally it is about a gift to help you off. but we already have a toaster, glasses, plates and we're lucky enough to even have wooden floors. The best help anyone could give us to help us off is money.

    Simple as.


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    #104
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Biologically yes but I / we wanted to be married first. Are we not allowed to have that opinion?
    Absolutely, I agree with it also.
    An it's an apartment not a house.
    Same as myself then :)
    Because if you don't mind me saying you sound like you are just wum'ing.
    I have no idea what that means :confused:
    Everyone has a preference in what presents they get. Some prefer materials things, some prefer holidays, some prefer money, some prefer nothing at all and give the money to charity.

    Of course everyone has a preference, I have never said otherwise, but to talk about "stupid" presents that people probably put alot of thought into. Is, in my opinion, disgusting. I would be (and was) grateful for any and all presents I received on my wedding day.
    We preferred money because of our personal circumstances.

    I understand and agree that money is a great gift to receive. Absolutely. I just wouldn't talk about the "material" gifts that I received as if they were rubbish.
    I don't know what your personal circumstances are?

    Why do you need to? It makes no difference to how I feel about greed/appreciation of my friends/family
    Are you in negative equity?

    Yes, my apartment is worth about 150k less than I paid for it.
    Do you have good job security?

    Some people have been let go from my job. Last Tuesday we were told we were taking a pay cut. My husband took a huge paycut at the beginning of the year. His whole team were made redundant, thankfully he is one of two that were kept - for now. Again, what difference does this make?
    Can you afford health insurance for your kids?

    Irrelevant. But yes, I make sure I can afford it.
    It's a regular thing for people to give someone money as a present.

    It certainly is. I never said it wasn't. I don't think there is anything whatsoever wrong with giving cash. Infact, I've never given anything except cash as a wedding gift. And I go to alot of weddings.
    Maybe you don't really have money problems or never have and can't empathise with that concept.

    As you said you don't know my personal circumstances, I'm not going to go into my personal details in a wedding thread but I can tell you this much, there is no way on earth I would be getting married unless I could afford to do it the way I wanted without relying on gift to cover costs.


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    #105
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I have no idea what that means :confused:
    [/QUOTE
    WUM-= Wind up Merchant.
    Of course everyone has a preference, I have never said otherwise, but to talk about "stupid" presents that people probably put alot of thought into. Is, in my opinion, disgusting. I would be (and was) grateful for any and all presents I received on my wedding day.
    They were stupid, they put no thought into them. They just thought about what they'd like? Even thought their lifes, needs and taste are very different.

    Even a modicum of thought would have realise we don't have the shelf space in the apartment and hence such presents are useless.
    I understand and agree that money is a great gift to receive. Absolutely. I just wouldn't talk about the "material" gifts that I received as if they were rubbish.
    Well you cannot dispute they are useless. They are of no use to anyone.
    Why do you need to? It makes no difference to how I feel about greed/appreciation of my friends/family
    Of course it does. If you don't have a mortgage, have rich folks, a big bucks job, a big inheritance on the way some day from your folks, your frames of references are completely different.

    Some people have been let go from my job. Last Tuesday we were told we were taking a pay cut. My husband took a huge paycut at the beginning of the year. His whole team were made redundant, thankfully he is one of two that were kept - for now. Again, what difference does this make?
    My wife took a 100% pay cut as her job went. I was very lucky to hang onto my job last year.

    So it looks like our frames of references are different.
    Irrelevant. But yes, I make sure I can afford it.
    Of course it's relevant. If you couldn't afford it your interpretation of money would be different.
    It certainly is. I never said it wasn't. I don't think there is anything whatsoever wrong with giving cash. Infact, I've never given anything except cash as a wedding gift. And I go to alot of weddings.
    Well then you're contradicting yourself.
    As you said you don't know my personal circumstances, I'm not going to go into my personal details in a wedding thread but I can tell you this much, there is no way on earth I would be getting married unless I could afford to do it the way I wanted without relying on gift to cover costs.
    We didn't rely on gifts to cover costs. I just much more greatly appreciated presents that had a very good use than ones that had no use at all. This is a rational stance to take and in my case, the best use was money and the useless presents were fancy glasses and bowls.

    If you're loaded or you don't have similar financial pressures, your best use, no use spectrum will be different to mine. And it was no co-incidence the better friends, the ones that were more in tune with my life gave the best presents and the ones that are a bit aloof and in the clouds gave the most useless ones.

    And the scabs gave nothing at all:-)

    Now if anyone wants to give me some money - PM me!


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    #106
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I can't really be arsed quoting you again.

    I spent the whole of 2008 out of work as the company I was in went under. I started in my current job in Jan 09. Prior to that, soon after my wedding, I was very very sick, I was out of work for a long time. So, you know, everyone goes through sh*tty times.

    I have no idea how you think I was contradicting myself. I never once in this or any other thread said that money was not a great gift to give/receive. I did say (in another thread) that it should not be expected. And I think in this one that it should not be relied on to pay for the wedding.

    I will say it again for clarification, there is nothing wrong with giving/receiving even hoping for cash as wedding gifts. But a wedding should be a wonderful joyous occasion where friends and family are invited to share in the biggest day of your lives. If all you are interested in is what presents they bring then you're doing it wrong.


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    #107
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    I think there is a difference between 'expecting' and 'relying' on cash gifts for a wedding. Obviously you can expect to receive some cash gifts, either from people who know that's what you want, or people who simply can't think of anything else to get you. That's grand, and I personally wouldn't hold it against someone, but I think whatever you get you should be grateful for. Relying on cash gifts at the moment is complete lunacy right now, it's an extremely risky strategy and you could well find yourself with a considerable shortfall at the end of it.

    And before anyone asks, I have a 'celtic tiger mortgage', in negative equity of about €200k, am on a pretty paltry salary, my Fiancé who is the main earner has been told that he will probably be laid off before the year is out(he was already put on temporary layoff for a few months last year), and because of the nature of his work, he might not be entitled to any redundancy payoff, so I am by no means in a comfortable position financially.


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    #108
    WaltKowalski
    Registered Users Posts: 489 ✭✭WaltKowalski


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    The average person who got a cetlic tiger morgage is down between 50 and 200k. You accept that is a lot of money?
    As do we all.

    Well I'd give more if I don't have to spend 150 to stay in an hotel or 500 to go on stag.
    It's simple stuff really.

    I didn't buy an overpriced house in the last few years - thankfully.

    If I didn't have enough money to attend a wedding and give the gift I want to give, then I wouldn't bother with hen/stag. I'll drive home rather than pay to stay in a hotel.

    Considering all the judgement - I just want to add that I'm engaged to be married.
    My ring cost €175 and I love it. We're having 32 guests - close friends and family only - as that's all we can afford to pay for. I'll be grateful for any gift we get.

    I've been to 10 weddings in the last 2 and half years. Gave cash gifts to all. And all couples would have a lot more money than me!
    I had to buy a new dress just before one which meant that I didn't have the money to buy any drink the whole day long. I still left all the cash in the card rather than taking some out and spending it on a few drinks for myself.

    Unless the couple getting married is super wealthy - then without a doubt cash is the best present to give.

    I give prizebonds to newborns, cash for communion, confirmation, birthdays, 21sts, 30ths.

    Cash is king!


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    #109
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I have no idea how you think I was contradicting myself.
    Because you are giving out to people who like to receive money but at the sametime you go out of your way to give money to people:confused::confused::confused:
    I did say (in another thread) that it should not be expected.
    And who said they 'Expected' it?

    I think you really need to thnk about your arguments here. You sound very confused and misunderstanding of people who thought money was a great present and things they have no use for were useless.
    And I think in this one that it should not be relied on to pay for the wedding.
    Well I never said that.
    I will say it again for clarification, there is nothing wrong with giving/receiving even hoping for cash as wedding gifts.
    Good I don't know what your problem with me is.
    But a wedding should be a wonderful joyous occasion where friends and family are invited to share in the biggest day of your lives. If all you are interested in is what presents they bring then you're doing it wrong.
    Now this is really ridiculous. Who said that that's all they are really interested in? You are completely misunderstanding, misrepresenting people.

    Maybe you should read people posts more closely and if you are not sure ask a question because your understanding of me is quite frankly ridiculous.


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    #110
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Toots* wrote: »
    I think there is a difference between 'expecting' and 'relying' on cash gifts for a wedding.
    There is also a difference between both of them thinking money is a great present and something that is useless is useless. It doesn't fit into either the "relying" or "expecting" box you've dumbed this down to.


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    #111
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Because you are giving out to people who like to receive money but at the sametime you go out of your way to give money to people:confused::confused::confused:

    Do me a favour and quote where I "gave out to people who like to receive money". Thanks.
    And who said they 'Expected' it?

    Eh, they did, in that particular thread
    I think you really need to thnk about your arguments here. You sound very confused and misunderstanding of people who thought money was a great present and things they have no use for were useless.

    There is no confusion. People should be grateful for all gifts they receive. If they're so bad and useless. Sell them. But don't bitch about the people who gave them to you.
    Well I never said that.
    Did I say you did? nooo, I didn't. Read the OP. This thread isn't about you.
    Good I don't know what your problem with me is.
    My only problem with people like you is how you speak about your friends and family who went to the trouble of giving you presents. I think it's disgusting
    Now this is really ridiculous. Who said that that's all they are really interested in? You are completely misunderstanding, misrepresenting people.
    It's the impression you give. I assure you that I am not the only one who thinks it :)
    Maybe you should read people posts more closely and if you are not sure ask a question because your understanding of me is quite frankly ridiculous.
    Like your understanding of me was that I had no money worries :rolleyes:
    Read my posts and find where I gave out to anyone, where I said money was a bad gift.

    Goodnight. I really hope that in time, you learn to appreciate people and be grateful for the things you have :)

    And OP, I hope you have a lovely wedding, I urge you not to rely on gifts to pay for your meal as you may end up disappointed and in debt as a result. I understand times are tough but it will take the good out of your day if you are worrying about paying for it.


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    #112
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Do you have a morgage or a big bucks job?

    I have a big bucks mortgage and a pretty average job :(
    RoverJames wrote: »
    Probably got a helping hand off the folks, or if not a free house or something.

    Nope. I just saved for my house deposit. And then we saved for our wedding.
    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Oh come one! People giving you expensive glasses when you have two shelves in your apartment is a little bit silly. My mother's sisters had they cop on not to give us anything stupid and very kindly and thoughtfully gave us money which we could do whatever we wanted to with.

    I'm honest to god lost on what to reply to this.
    RoverJames wrote: »
    The folks in this thread Tim reckon that expecting any monetary gift for your wedding is not on and makes you an awful sort of person. As someone else said traditionally it's meant to be a bit of a helping hand to start ye off. I reckon most of the folks posting here have gotten wads of cash off Mummy and Daddy or the in laws but obviously they won't admit that.

    Re the "expecting" : Eh, yes you've pretty much made my point there.

    Re "wads of cash from Mummy & Daddy" : Nope, I just saved the money up for the wedding.

    OP - best of luck for your wedding. IMO you should not rely on presents to pay for your wedding.

    Goodbye all!


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    #113
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Do me a favour and quote where I "gave out to people who like to receive money". Thanks.
    Eh - you suggested I shouldn't even have got married ffs and accused me for blaming my guests for losing my apartment.
    There is no confusion. People should be grateful for all gifts they receive. If they're so bad and useless. Sell them. But don't bitch about the people who gave them to you.
    Why should someone be grateful for something useless? That's completely irrational.

    My only problem with people like you is how you speak about your friends and family who went to the trouble of giving you presents. I think it's disgusting
    Well I think it's completely irrational to pretend to be happy with something that is useless and a complete waste of money. I can see the point in pretending to them I am happy because I don't hurt their feelings but why should I pretend to you, billybigunz, Toots or the OP. That's ridiculous.
    Like your understanding of me was that I had no money worries :rolleyes:
    Read my posts and find where I gave out to anyone, where I said money was a bad gift.

    Goodnight. I really hope that in time, you learn to appreciate people and be grateful for the things you have :)
    No I hate everything I have, I am never grateful for anything.
    :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

    And OP, I hope you have a lovely wedding, I urge you not to rely on gifts to pay for your meal as you may end up disappointed and in debt as a result. I understand times are tough but it will take the good out of your day if you are worrying about paying for it.
    I think everyone would agree with that and I don't think you need to point it out the OP because it's friggin obvious.


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    #114
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    amdublin wrote: »
    I'm honest to god lost on what to reply to this.
    Do you accept the reality that expensive glasses are completely useless to me?

    Or do you expect me to throw out my normal dunnes stores glasses and drink out of silly expensive designer glasses?


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    #115
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Do you accept the reality that expensive glasses are completely useless to me?

    Or do you expect me to throw out my normal dunnes stores glasses and drink out of silly expensive designer glasses?

    How about you forget the present and think about the person and how they were there to celebrate your big day with you?

    Or are they "silly" and "useless" too?


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    #116
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    There is also a difference between both of them thinking money is a great present and something that is useless is useless. It doesn't fit into either the "relying" or "expecting" box you've dumbed this down to.

    I'm not dumbing it down, and I never even mentioned usefulness of presents. My point was that while you could 'expect' to get a certain amount of cash gifts, it's foolhardy to 'rely' on it as it could backfire on you entirely. I also said you should be grateful for whatever gifts you receive, which is true, regardless of whether or not you find it useful.

    If the non-cash gifts were so useless, why don't you sell them? It would free up some space and would generate a bit of cash. Or if you can't sell them, why not give them to a charity shop? If you really don't want them, then what's the point in keeping them? I'm not saying this in a sarcastic way, it's a genuine suggestion. A cousin of mine did this a few years ago, she got a load of stuff when she got married and about a year later realised that she didn't need or want half of it, so she loaded up the car and brought it all down to a local car boot sale. Anything she didn't sell, she gave to the local charity shop. She benefited by clearing out the things she didn't need or want, and made a bit of cash on it, and the charity shop benefited from the donation also.


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    #117
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    amdublin wrote: »
    How about you forget the present and think about the person and how they were there to celebrate your big day with you?

    Or are they "silly" and "useless" too?
    If you can't answer a simple question what's the point in discussing :rolleyes:


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    #118
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Toots* wrote: »
    I'm not dumbing it down, and I never even mentioned usefulness of presents. My point was that while you could 'expect' to get a certain amount of cash gifts, it's foolhardy to 'rely' on it as it could backfire on you entirely.
    I agree it's foolhardy to 'rely' on it as it could backfire on you entirely,
    I also said you should be grateful for whatever gifts you receive, which is true, regardless of whether or not you find it useful.
    Disagree. Why should one be grateful for something that is useless and thoughtless? That completely demeans the point of being grateful for something that is useful and thoughtful ffs.
    If the non-cash gifts were so useless, why don't you sell them? It would free up some space and would generate a bit of cash. Or if you can't sell them, why not give them to a charity shop? If you really don't want them, then what's the point in keeping them?
    We did that with some of the gifts already. We don't have any of them in our apartment because we have no room for any of the crap.


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    #119
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Disagree. Why should one be grateful for something that is useless and thoughtless? That completely demeans the point of being grateful for something that is useful and thoughtful ffs.
    Not trying to be argumentative here, but how do you know they were totally thoughtless? Some people aren't great at buying presents, but they might have put a lot of effort into picking out a gift. Not saying this is what happened in your case, but it could happen that someone would put a lot of time and though into picking something they think is a lovely present for someone, but it just might not be to their taste/ they might have it already etc.


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    #120
    whatdoicare
    Registered Users Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    I see everyone here on both sides of the argument have very valid points-
    the general consensus is: don't expect anything and be pleasantly surprised with what you get.

    For the OP:
    I generally give what myself and partner reckon we cost the couple: usually around 150 Euros- Couples give plenty of notice of weddings and we take the time to put aside a little each week, a fiver here and there for them.
    If I'm really close to them, I'll buy something from the wedding bill ie: the cake.

    The one point I do want to make though is for those giving gifts:
    No matter how much love and thought went into it, unless you're 110% (impossible, I know) sure that what you're giving is what the couple needs and wants then you're just pushing your own ego onto them ie:
    "I want the couple to always remember me and only me forever more as an individual out of 50/100/150/200 whatever guests who attended said wedding and I don't care what they need or think really- so long as my gift is displayed in their home, so I can see it, when I visit, however frequent or rare that might be."
    I see it as a totally selfish act, if they really did know the couple then they would give what is needed and would already know what it is they needed.

    In our family those who will be remembered fondly will be those, who without mine or my OHs knowledge, paid for pieces of our wedding. (ie: they bought the cake, my dress, the photo album, cake topper) They helped us make our day extra special and every single photo will have those relations' gifts stamped all over them.
    The relatives who buy us crystal, toasters, cutlery or whatever will be the ones who we will remember as the ones who didn't bother to get to know us enough to know that that was not an appropriate gift.

    Sorry about the essay or if I come across as mean or that but that's just how it is.


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    #121
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,960 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Toots* wrote: »
    Not trying to be argumentative here, but how do you know they were totally thoughtless?
    Because what they got us has absolutely nothing to do with our tastes, needs, reflection of where we're at in life etc? They also know I hate flashy stuff and general buy simple things or ethical based things.

    And I don't think it's that difficult to figure something like you don't have much space in an apartment out.


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