average recession wedding gift??

mossyhennebry · 16-02-2010 11:20pm #1

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

Toots · 17-02-2010 12:51am

Ooooh, can is opened - worms are everywhere!!!

I'll just say what will probably be repeated all the way down this thread, and has been said many times before on wedding present value threads:

Don't try to offset the cost of the reception against the predicted value of gifts. Work out your budget, and plan a wedding that you could afford if you didn't get cash gifts, then treat any cash gifts as a bonus.

You never know what people will give, and even if there is an average, there's no guarantee that will reflect what your guests give. If the average was €100 per couple, you could still very easily end up with €800, and a load of kitchen goods. Particularly with the (and I hate using this expression) 'current economic climate', a lot more people I've spoken to about this have started giving non cash gifts. Like you could buy a nice piece of crystal for €50 that would be a very suitable wedding gift, so if someone couldn't afford to give €100, but think a €50 might look a bit scabby in a card, this would be a good option for them.

mossyhennebry · 17-02-2010 1:00am

i'll start tidying up these worms soon!

those comments are very true, toots. we are actually going to set up a gift account in our local interior designers shop. The lady that works here helped out when we first decorated our house and we never got around to buying some house stuff that we would really like. for example - curtains, rugs, large wall clocks, coffee tables, book cases, etc.

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

This way we dont end up with multiple toasters, and other stuff that we may not necessarily have chosen ourselves.

are we saying that 50e is a realistic amount to estimate per head?

BC · 17-02-2010 2:14pm

You need to make sure you can afford the wedding even if you get no cash in presents.

tomcollins97 · 17-02-2010 2:23pm

Be prepard not to be given cash. Many people who are strapped for cash will buy an ornamental gift that you will be unable to put a price on an thus say they were 'mean'

A wedding is an expensive day for guests so don't be expecting too much.

mossyhennebry · 17-02-2010 2:59pm

two close friends recently got married - one in Athlone and one in Carlow. We discussed budgets, costings and presents very frankly. They didn't do too bad on presents. I think 50e would be a conservative estimate.

With regards to not spending more on the wedding day than we can afford - €7.50 isnt going to get much of a wedding!! haha

hunnymonster · 17-02-2010 4:11pm

I think the point is that if you are relying on gifts to pay for the wedding then you're taking a huge risk. It's much better to wait until you can afford it or scale the plans back. Just because one couple did well, it doesn't mean it will be repeated.

mossyhennebry · 17-02-2010 7:18pm

by no means am I expecting it to be a money-making exercise...but it's booked now and the deposit is paid. Between our own savings over the next few months and 'donations' from both sets of parents - we will have it covered.

amdublin · 17-02-2010 10:54pm

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

Are you inviting your guests to pay for your wedding or to celebrate your wedding?

What if everyone buys you a silver photo frame?

Diddler1977 · 18-02-2010 12:30pm

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

One option would be to sell tickets to your wedding - at least you will make a guaranteed amount and it will save you having to make a "realistic guesstimate" as to how much you will owe after the day.

Or you could save for the day, and pay for your wedding from your savings and be glad to see your friends and family on the day bearing gifts....or not!

John Mason · 18-02-2010 12:42pm

myself and partner do not give cash gifts for weddings or any other ocassion.

we buy presents.

i would be running your wedding budget on the basis that no-one gives you cash.

seamus · 18-02-2010 12:51pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

One option would be to sell tickets to your wedding - at least you will make a guaranteed amount and it will save you having to make a "realistic guesstimate" as to how much you will owe after the day.

Or you could save for the day, and pay for your wedding from your savings and be glad to see your friends and family on the day bearing gifts....or not!

There's no reason to jump down the guy's throat. He/she is going upon the realistic basis that people will give them money, so why not factor that into the calculations?

However, as irishbird points out, some people have an ethical/mental/other block about giving cash and will always provide a gift, even if it's a gift voucher and not cash.

Others will buy ornaments and the like - you *will* end up with more wine glasses than you could ever need.

Others will give you nothing.

So it's next to impossible come up with any kind of realistic figure as to how much hard cash (if any) you will have the day after the wedding.

So budget as if you'll have none and consider any cash afterwards to be a bonus.

If you're looking to set up a wedding registry/gift list and are trying to determine what's a reasonably-priced gift for someone to buy from the registry, then gifts between €25 and €50 would be reasonable. If someone wants to spend more money, they can buy multiple gifts, but those who are short on cash can also afford to buy an individual item.

galah · 18-02-2010 1:14pm

here's a dilemma though - we got married last year, while the recession wasnt totally in full swing yet - and people were very generous. Now a lot of these people are getting married this year, and our cash flow isnt that fantastic at the moment, so for us, it may be difficult to match the degree of generosity - what to do?

(this is not about covering costs for weddings, but obviously you don't want to be seen to be mean by not giving an at least similar amount of cash).

Any ideas?

LoanShark · 18-02-2010 1:31pm

Getting Married next Saturday,

To date we have got about

8x €100 Cheques/Cash

Two Lamps

Her family are paying for the Photographer, my Mum bought the wine,Her parents gave a BIG donation last year..

But it ain't all about the money my family and friends have to travel and stay in hotel as do some of her family..SO, We are not expecting a big cash cow, which is fine, We just want to get married!

hunnymonster · 18-02-2010 1:46pm

irishbird wrote: »

myself and partner do not give cash gifts for weddings or any other ocassion.

we buy presents.

even if you know the couple / person would prefer cask? why?

Diddler1977 · 18-02-2010 1:52pm

galah wrote: »

(this is not about covering costs for weddings, but obviously you don't want to be seen to be mean by not giving an at least similar amount of cash).

Any ideas?

Friends don't judge people as being mean just because they don't give similar size cash presents.

Give what you can afford and know that you were invited so that you could celebrate their special day with them - you were not invited specifically so they could get a gift from you.

John Mason · 18-02-2010 4:34pm

hunnymonster wrote: »

even if you know the couple / person would prefer cask? why?

few reasons why i dont give cash ; -

1. i find it very crass - this the main reason. I would hope people invite me to their wedding to help them celebrate their day, not help them pay for the wedding;

2. if i am expected to pay E100 a meal, i want something decent, not the muck you get served at weddings;

hunnymonster · 18-02-2010 5:01pm

irishbird wrote: »

1. i find it very crass - this the main reason. I would hope people invite me to their wedding to help them celebrate their day, not help them pay for the wedding;

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

How Strange · 18-02-2010 6:35pm

hunnymonster wrote: »

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

I agree 100%.

Cash may seem crass but it's more useful than an apartment full of lamps, cutlery and other things that people think will be really useful to you.

Our apartment is bursting at the seams and we just don't have room for anything else. On the other hand we are at a stage when we need to start doing things around the place as we're living there 5 year so things need to be updated or replaced.

18-02-2010 6:41pm

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

whatdoicare · 18-02-2010 6:42pm

A fantastic idea I've come across gift wise, is to go to the parents and offer to pay for a part of the wedding.
I'm getting married in a few months and word must have gotten around about this idea as:
A close friend bought the cake topper
Brother bought the cake
Uncle bought my dress (I didn't get an expensive dress- ebay is my friend)
Parents paid for photographer
A few friends all chipped in together and bought my hair and make up package
Fiancees mam bought us flights to honey moon and his sisters bought a voucher for a hotel website.
Cousin bought my hair tiara thingy and another bought my shoes
Fiancees cousins chipped in for suit rental for grooms men.
I thought it was fantastic and as you can see I appreciate and remember what everyone bought and it really really helped us out!
It's much better than getting a cash gift and much more personal!
Just a idea, if that helps.

Alliandre · 18-02-2010 7:26pm

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

I would absolutely hate to think that people wouldn't go to my wedding because they can't afford to give us €100. I want to share our special day with our friends and family and I honestly don't care if we don't get any presents. Obviously if we get any, it's a plus, but we're not having a wedding to get presents/money.

Dostoevsky · 18-02-2010 9:28pm

Wedding lists make so much sense when the alternative is 800 candle holders, 110 lamps, 70 knives, forks and the rest.

This is just a modern version of the 8,000,000 toasters which the average bride and groom had to endure until the 1990s. They are just not very creative or thoughtful gifts. (to put it mildly)

On the other hand, the wedding list itself is redundant for those of us who have not got our home yet - where will we put all the stuff? And how do we know it will fit in the house we want? Is it the right colour/ does it match everything else?

But I'd rather have stuff stored in a garage that we will have some use for than multiple versions of stuff in it that we'll have no use for.

Overall, then, money makes much more sense as a wedding gift in our particular circumstance. If we had just bought a house, a wedding list would make more sense. But having multiple versions of wedding presents is an absolute waste at any time, particularly during a recession.

Toots · 18-02-2010 10:13pm

Dostoevsky wrote: »

Wedding lists make so much sense when the alternative is 800 candle holders, 110 lamps, 70 knives, forks and the rest.

This is just a modern version of the 8,000,000 toasters which the average bride and groom had to endure until the 1990s. They are just not very creative or thoughtful gifts. (to put it mildly)

LOL at the idea of that many toasters, you could use them as bricks to build a house!!

Wedding lists are a good idea, however if you're having one at a particular store, make sure it's one that has prices to suit all budgets. A relative of my OH's got married last year and had their wedding list in Brown Thomas, so we went in to get something for them and the cheapest thing on the list was €150!! There had been other things that were cheaper, but they'd already been bought! Needless to say we bought them something somewhere else!

18-02-2010 10:22pm

mossyhennebry wrote: »

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

I'm going off topic as I'm not going to comment on the average amount but I think this is a very very very bad idea.

For a start, how on earth are you going to know if the nice lady in the interior design shop is being honest about how much is being put on your account?

and secondly, if she goes into liquidation, you can kiss every single penny of that money goodbye.

I would steer well clear.

Toots · 18-02-2010 11:00pm

Deleted User wrote: »

nd secondly, if she goes into liquidation, you can kiss every single penny of that money goodbye.

I would steer well clear.

That is actually a very good point, and unfortunately it is a real risk today.

tatli_lokma · 18-02-2010 11:03pm

+1 to above post

mossyhennebry wrote: »

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

you're putting a lot of trust in the lady in the interior shop - if you are not told who gave what, then how in hell will you know if €100 was given or €1000 other than the lady in the shop telling you? For all you know she could be skimming €10 off every gift? She could get €1000 and tell you she got €800! No disrespect to the lady in the shop - i don't mean to say that this is what she is or will do, but personally I wouldn't tell people to pay into an account and just 'trust' the shopowner to tell me honestly what the final amount was!

sillysocks · 19-02-2010 12:11am

If you were going to use the wedding list idea Id' recommend Arnotts - we set up a small list there for our wedding after a few people specifically asked if we had a list.

The list was great, people bought online or in store and we got a list of everything everyone bought. After the wedding you can review the list and if you change your mind on anything you can take vouchers for the value of it instead. We also got something like 5% of the value of gifts in a voucher as a bonus too.
Because they've such a good variety of stuff in Arnotts you can use the vouchers for anything then, even some new clothes for yourselves after the wedding

As other people say you're probably better to stick with a bigger company with the 'current climate'. Guests can order online as well.

19-02-2010 12:14am

sillysocks wrote: »

As other people say you're probably better to stick with a bigger company with the 'current climate'. Guests can order online as well.

Arnotts are in financial difficulty currently. They bought land at the height of the boom and have just had a huge cash injection to keep them in business. Just saying is all

welfarequestion · 19-02-2010 1:47am

As others have said I'd steer clear of any idea of relying on presents to pay off your wedding. Partially because - from the way it was phrased in your original post - it is crass, and also because you can't rely on anything.

We had a small enough wedding mainly because that was what we wanted but also because of the cost. We had enough saved beforehand to pay for the wedding outright so we had no loans and no reliance on gifts. As it happened because of our living circumstances at the moment we did mainly get cash,but if we had received all household appliances etc we would have been fine with that too. TBH asking what the average gift is doesn't really reflect well on you or what you are expecting of the day. Certainly any gifts we did recieve were greatly appreciated, and ok maybe cash was more useful to us for future lives, but we never said "ok 180 guests times 50 euro means we'll make 9,000e"

Forget about the gifts, concentrate on what you want on your wedding day, cut out extras like open bar/seat covers/favours if needs be but do not get yourself into debt based on what you might get.

Sorry if it seems harsh:o

Diddler1977 · 19-02-2010 12:18pm

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple.

An empty card!!!! you mean they had written nothing in it???? No best wishes for the couple getting married????

You do know that a card is not intended as a money envelope don't you?

average recession wedding gift??

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