Do you talk to your neighbours?

lucalux · 09-07-2020 12:18am

pgj2015 wrote: »

it wasn't a one off with the couple apparently.

Fair enough, not a one-time thing.

Still, I would not be so quick to judge them, and write them off to the 'people I refuse to help' pile.

Some people have a lot of difficulty with social interactions, for a lot of reasons. If there's a pattern there, as you apparently see, and they've just moved to the area, perhaps it's a bit overwhelming for either one, or both of them, to be expected to chat to a lot of strangers?
It might take them time, or they may just be very private people.

I'm not saying they are acting like most people would, in rural areas especially, but live and let live - these people are keeping to themselves, and while it may not be your way of doing things, it doesn't stand that there's anything wrong with it either.

For my two cents on being 'antisocial', I know there are a few people locally who have judged me negatively for not chatting to them in town, but I don't actually know them at all.
They know me, to see, through my family, but I haven't a notion of who they are. They will get in a huff to others about me not making small talk in a queue, not realising I haven't a notion of who they are. The results are I have an awful label from some of these people who think I'm a right snob.

What can I do, memorise their names and photographs? Have a file of them, and study up each time I need to go to Aldi maybe?!

Nah, I'll be labelled, and admittedly, I will think worse of the ones who do it.
Wouldn't refuse them a favour if I could help though, though they might be petty, I don't have to be

gogo · 09-07-2020 1:08am

I live in a small estate, we all have young families and all of us bought right before the last recession and basically got stuck here as our houses value dropped in excess of 100k overnight. We pretty much all talk, kids play together. We are all around the same age, there a lot to be said for owner occupied only, we all know each other and look out for each other without being intrusive.
There is about 25 kids living here, one of the neighbours brought them out Monday night to the green and had a massive game of rounders with all of them.. He stayed there with them around 3 hours, roaring instructions at them.
One week it could be kites, and there will be a couple of dozen kites flying or a massive game of soccer. Always one or two parents out supervising.
I never wanted to live in an estate, didn’t grow up in one and honestly though the lack of privacy would be horrendous. We are in a position now to move but I’m wondering if it’s such a bad thing being here now, small close knit community has it’s perks.

CBear1993 · 09-07-2020 1:13am

I miss this about living in the country. Everyone in my small rural community of about 2,000 people knew each other . Most people in the parish.

I’ve since lived in Oz briefly- in Sydney people don’t even know who lives next door, they keep to themselves in my experience , unfortunately that seems to be rubbing off on modern day Ireland.

English people are just weird, they’ll avoid all contact if they can, complete oddballs.

In Dublin people are friendly to an extent in public, but *some* foreign nationals don’t even acknowledge you when you hold open a door for them.

Living in a secure apartment block now and I couldn’t tell you who my 2 neighbors on my level are, ive seen them and tried to have a conversation but I’ve only ever got a hello , each to their own!!

It is sad though in my opinion. There’s no obligation on anyone to interact. But I think that is part of the reason I want to move out to a village again out of Dublin. Some form of social interaction and looking out for each other. Isn’t that what makes us the country we are known for?

SnowyMay · 09-07-2020 1:27am

Yep, I talk to my neighbours. Living in a big apartment block here in Germany, with a small playground outside. When I moved in, I thought - fk - the noise! But the kids couldn’t be more polite and will race to open the door when you arrive back after work. Just lovely, as are their parents.

Last place I lived in in Ireland was a terraced street with some cool neighbours who I got to know. One was a lady in her 80s, and she had lived on the street all of her life. She started bringing over some cakes the odd time, so I started baking and dropping her over some (slightly less delicious) cakes. Was lovely to have a small chat about once a week.

Another was a guy with a gorgeous Alsatian / Husky type dog. I ended up getting the keys to his place so that I could walk the doggo sometimes. I love dogs.

Then there were my immediate neighbours. I didn’t know them so well, and they could be considered a bit shouty or “rough”, but when I was away on holidays and somebody tried to rob my place in the middle of the night, they heard the noise and stopped the guy.

A bunch of good people.

JustAThought · 09-07-2020 1:30am

I see a huge difference between my parents (my old) neighbours and the much younger ones in my (newish) estate. One lot are kind and discreet and apolotical and always positive and lighthearted, while the much younger beighbours in estate drop out to talk about Trump or politics or abortion or some horrendous rape or crime - it melts my head. When I leave my home I’m happy to nod or hello or be nice but what’s with all the angst and burn?? Can people not just keep it light and talk about the weather or gardens or sport or golf or something?

+1 for good fences make good neighbours. Its hopefully expected for people to be courteous and friendly but all this weekly dinner parties for 20 that nobody has tables for and wine swilling bookclubs and people blocking others driveways & hoards of children discarded from dawn to dusk screaming on the streets... God almighty - would people ever BE good neighbours - its not chat I want but good neighbourly peace and courtesy.

I see sheep · 09-07-2020 1:39am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

I know a few of our immediate neighbours, we exchange Christmas cards and the likes but I don't know anything about their background or what they do etc. I tend to avoid getting into situations where we have to talk.

Jesus christ man, 'situations when you have to talk'.
Do you **** the xmas cards at them frisbee style and run away?
I can assure you your neighbours think you are the next Jeffrey Dahmer.

Rubberchikken · 09-07-2020 1:48am

No but then I don't see my neighbours . I'd wave if I spot one but there are only a handful, most elderly or working.
I don't spend any time worrying about inane conversations. They're part of life and I can do them as well as the next fella.

Not every conversation can be serious, profound or deep.

bb1234567 · 09-07-2020 1:49am

Deleted User wrote: »

I like to make connections with people. I think a sense of community with others can be important but am aware also for the need to be left alone and not feel pressure to chat with your neighbours. I grew up on a small street with the same people living there for decades. It's really nice. People look out for each other there.
Where I now live my neighbour dropped in a bottle of wine to apologise for building noise. That was lovely and I really like the "how are you it's terrible weather" chit chat.
Again for me it's all about connection and that can be done in the simplest of ways.

Yeh I agree. Sometimes it seems annoying talking ****e to neighbours the odd time you bump into them, but when you move out to an apartment block where nobody knows each other you do miss and you realise it was kind of nice to have a familiar face next door who is friendly. Even just a smile,wave, it's nice to have it beside you, it's comforting. And as others have said it also has functional benefits if they have a key of yours if youre locked out, taking in packages etc.

I would often try to avoid my neighbours if I'm in a rush or just not in the mood but plenty of the time you just end up having to chat with them for a few minutes,after the initial dread of what to talk about such as the OP described though I'm always glad that I did stop to chat and maintained that connection with them. I would imagine the awkwardness of ignoring neighbours who you have not bothered to build even a minor connection with would be a lot worse than the slightly painful small talk every so often needed to keep a relationship on good terms.

Also, this is a really surprisingly interesting thread.

I see sheep · 09-07-2020 1:52am

CBear1993 wrote: »

English people are just weird, they’ll avoid all contact if they can, complete oddballs.

Not true.

Have you lived in Oz or the 'posh' parts of Dublin?

Compared to the above, English people are incredibly warm and friendly.

no.8 · 09-07-2020 1:55am

whisky_galore wrote:

Good fences make good neighbours.

Ah the Irish way. We do like our mountjoy walls

worded · 09-07-2020 4:13am

Micky Flanagan covers saying hello very well in this sketch

https://youtu.be/odIRjNDOJ8k

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater · 09-07-2020 4:51am

I live in an apartment and we don't know any of our neighbours, but the last house I lived in was in a small estate with 13 houses and I knew a few of them, a Croatian family beside us who were really nice people and liked a chat and then an Irish family the other side who would barely look at you but seemed fairly all right all the same.

king_of_mayo · 09-07-2020 8:10am

I see sheep wrote: »

Do you **** the xmas cards at them frisbee style and run away?

I pop them through their letter box when I know they're not home.

Wanderer78 · 09-07-2020 8:14am

Agricola wrote:

That's not awkward situation though.

Could be for an aspie!

09-07-2020 8:39am

Wfh the last few months has really made me realise how little connection I have to my neighborhood. And I have lived here for over 15 years.

The kids have a few friends in the area but my nearest buddy would be about 10 mins drive away. And working as I am in my front room and seeing neighbors come and go it would seem its not just me. None of them seem to interact at all beyond brief nod or hello.

I would like to have more connections but at this stage I'm thinking more along the lines of selling up and moving out when we retire. Would love a bit more outdoor space and countryside appeals to me.

Currently living in a nice suburb of Dublin but wouldn't miss it at all tbh.

Mad_maxx · 09-07-2020 9:19am

Some of them, county Galway is thee most clannish place I've ever lived and I'velivedin a good few places, it's home for now however

09-07-2020 10:16am

CBear1993 wrote: »

I miss this about living in the country. Everyone in my small rural community of about 2,000 people knew each other . Most people in the parish.

I come from a place like that, but my Dad got into a massive row with the locals about a slurry tank once, and now they all hate us. Sometimes it backfires on you.

Vita nova · 09-07-2020 10:51am

I've only one immediate neighbour and we have long interesting talks quite often, however, we share the same political views and are almost the same age, so that helps. I've other neighbours that I have very little in common with but I'm always friendly to them and exchange some inconsequential chit-chat. Fortunately, no neighbours from Hell but I've had them in other locations but we'd avoid each other, so didn't have to talk.

shootermacg · 09-07-2020 1:36pm

Older couple as neighbours and they're great, down to earth people. When I lived in Sandyford, we had a neighbour called Roger.

We he was a neighbour if you count being a nosey, prissy, entitled scumbag.
We didn't drink, didn't listen to music or really have anyone around.

My wife was afraid to be alone in the house because he was always accosting her to complain about some imagined issue.
He wouldn't approach me under any circumstances. I called in one day to have a chat with him and he didn't answer.

For instance, the engine in one of our cars wen't kaput, so I go my brother to tow me to the road area outside my house. My other neighbors were parked outside my house at the time. So unfortunately I had to leave it outside his. After one day had passed he'd already reported me.

I sold up and bought a house in Goatstown to be rid of him.

billyhead · 09-07-2020 1:38pm

I hate small talk so try to avoid it. I say hello to my neighbours most of the time and carry on with my business. Neighbours can be nosy gits.

I Am Nobody · 09-07-2020 1:41pm

I get on great my elderly neighbour on one side.The man is mad into bikes and great craic with his stories.And I thought I was the wildman,but on more than one occasion he even had me blushing.His wife is lovely as well,always dropping off baked goods.The neighbours on the other side,well let's just say if anyone ever tried to break into my house.I hope it's them.

09-07-2020 1:46pm

shootermacg wrote: »

Older couple as neighbours and they're great, down to earth people. When I lived in Sandyford, we had a neighbour called Roger.

We he was a neighbour if you count being a nosey, prissy, entitled scumbag.
We didn't drink, didn't listen to music or really have anyone around.

My wife was afraid to be alone in the house because he was always accosting her to complain about some imagined issue.
He wouldn't approach me under any circumstances. I called in one day to have a chat with him and he didn't answer.

For instance, the engine in one of our cars wen't kaput, so I go my brother to tow me to the road area outside my house. My other neighbors were parked outside my house at the time. So unfortunately I had to leave it outside his. After one day had passed he'd already reported me.

I sold up and bought a house in Goatstown to be rid of him.

Fcuking hell. We had a guy like that across the street from us when I lived in Ranelagh. He'd stand outside his house and stare at you coming and going, waiting, hoping for you do do something wrong. I used to smoke, and would just stare back at him, the two of us eyeballing each other like a Mexican standoff. I don't know what motivates these people to act that way, boredom perhaps.

blindside88 · 09-07-2020 1:47pm

I moved into my new house about a year ago. I get on very well with the immediate neighbours on either side. I play golf with one of them about once a month and would make small talk with the other side a few times a week. When the newest neighbour moved in he painted the fence on his side and some paint leaked through the lats onto my side. He called in and offered to pay to have our side painted. I refused and said it gave me the excuse I needed to paint ours. You can’t beat good neighbours.

gibgodsman · 09-07-2020 1:51pm

Deleted User wrote: »

The only person who is directly a neighbour of mine is a complete religious nut job who hates us and thinks I am the devil incarnate for living with and procreating with two women. He has been known to fling holy water over the border into our garden while praying for us.

I am active enough in the community at large though - so would be talking a lot with neighbours slightly further afield. I think it is nice to have people in the general area who are mutually supportive. Not quite friends or family - but still an extended social circle who you can rely on on occasion and them on you.

Wait, hold on, back to this, Am I reading that you are a guy who lives with 2 women, both of whom you have kids with?

09-07-2020 1:53pm

gibgodsman wrote: »

Wait, hold on, back to this, Am I reading that you are a guy who lives with 2 women, both of whom you have kids with?

I think they're in a throuple. Don't know what the world is coming to.

EmmetSpiceland · 09-07-2020 2:16pm

shootermacg wrote: »

Older couple as neighbours and they're great, down to earth people. When I lived in Sandyford, we had a neighbour called Roger.

We he was a neighbour if you count being a nosey, prissy, entitled scumbag.
We didn't drink, didn't listen to music or really have anyone around.

My wife was afraid to be alone in the house because he was always accosting her to complain about some imagined issue.
He wouldn't approach me under any circumstances. I called in one day to have a chat with him and he didn't answer.

For instance, the engine in one of our cars wen't kaput, so I go my brother to tow me to the road area outside my house. My other neighbors were parked outside my house at the time. So unfortunately I had to leave it outside his. After one day had passed he'd already reported me.

I sold up and bought a house in Goatstown to be rid of him.

I think he’s on this site.

Spanish Eyes · 09-07-2020 2:26pm

You don't have to live in the neighbour's ears to appreciate the fact that they are decent. Most people have their own busy lives to lead and don't have a lot of time to actually socialise with neighbours, but some do like that aspect.

All that's required is respect for one another, keep the wild parties and mad noise down and look after the property as best you can.

I like the relative anonymity of our quiet spot inside the M50. All kids bar one or two families now grown up so it's quiet enough. Next door neighbours are very good, and I hope we are too. We don't involve ourselves too much with each others lives, but we are all there if needed, and everyone keeps an eye out for anything unusual. We have a quick chit chat when we meet and that suits me fine.

I don't think I'd like to live rurally. My OH is from a rural part of the NW, and honest to god, you haven't even got your jacket off when visiting when the questions start, but they NEVER give away anything about themselves, ha ha.

weldoninhio · 09-07-2020 3:17pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

I heard a great story lately, new neighbours (a couple) moved in and they really were keeping to themselves but one day they were walking down the path and saw some neighbours coming their way, they hopped over a wall through briers and bushed to get away from them lol a lot of people have become very unsocial and its sad, to much facebook and phones have people ruined. im surprised people can even become part of a couple these days they are so anti social.

Well??? Are you gonna tell us it or do we have to subscribe??

Temptamperu · 09-07-2020 3:22pm

I know most of me neighbors and all of the dogs.

09-07-2020 3:52pm

gibgodsman wrote: »

Wait, hold on, back to this, Am I reading that you are a guy who lives with 2 women, both of whom you have kids with?

Indeed - 3 of a planned 4 kids so far - and it drives my religious neighbour completely batty. Literally performing services over our land with one of those holy water throwing things priests normally have. Not sure where he got it.

We actually befriended a priest from the area some time ago so he visits us on occasion and the neighbour even accosted him at the entrance to try and stop him going anywhere near us. I have passed him on the street on occasion and he has literally hissed at me.

But all our neighbours slightly further afield we get on really well with. It is only unfortunately the one closest to us that is the total nut job.

Do you talk to your neighbours?

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