Do you talk to your neighbours?

king_of_mayo · 08-07-2020 11:38am #1

I know a few of our immediate neighbours, we exchange Christmas cards and the likes but I don't know anything about their background or what they do etc. I tend to avoid getting into situations where we have to talk.

I got caught last week and had to chat to the man next door. All "how are you coping with lockdown" chat. It was awful. I was out for a walk this morning and noticed him driving past me. Knowing that we'd end up going into each other's houses at the same time, and that we'd emptied the "lockdown" chat I was worried that all I had was weather-talk. So I stopped walking, gave it a few minutes (5 I think) and luckily he had parked up and gone in by the time I got back.

It's nice to be nice, but I see no reason why geographic proximity means we should be friends.

So do you talk to your neighbours, are you friendly with them?

Agricola · 08-07-2020 11:41am

That's the most anxious/millenial/2020 thread you'll see today.

Rodney Bathgate · 08-07-2020 11:44am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

So I stopped walking, gave it a few minutes (5 I think) and luckily he had parked up and gone in by the time I got back.

He probably sat in his car pretending to be taking a call for a few minutes for the same reason.

dubstepper · 08-07-2020 11:49am

I'm not mad on the bland conversation with people you partially know. An amount is required when you live in a city but I have to say I dread the covid chats with neighbours.

The same conversation over and over. If they haven't spotted me sometimes I just cross the road.

king_of_mayo · 08-07-2020 11:49am

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

He probably sat in his car pretending to be taking a call for a few minutes for the same reason.

Ha! The car was clear I think. Last weekend though, he did only come out to mow the lawn after I'd finished ours. So maybe we're on the same level?

Agricola wrote: »

That's the most anxious/millenial/2020 thread you'll see today.

I see nothing wrong with wanting to avoid awkward situations

Rodney Bathgate · 08-07-2020 11:51am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

Ha! The car was clear I think. Last weekend though, he did only come out to mow the lawn after I'd finished ours. So maybe we're on the same level?

I see nothing wrong with wanting to avoid awkward situations

Easiest way to confirm whether he thinks the same as you is to check if they have a doorbell.

jimgoose · 08-07-2020 11:52am

I'm civil and courteous with them, I give them time-of-day when appropriate, but as the old folks used to say, if you don't fall in you don't fall out.

08-07-2020 11:52am

The only person who is directly a neighbour of mine is a complete religious nut job who hates us and thinks I am the devil incarnate for living with and procreating with two women. He has been known to fling holy water over the border into our garden while praying for us.

I am active enough in the community at large though - so would be talking a lot with neighbours slightly further afield. I think it is nice to have people in the general area who are mutually supportive. Not quite friends or family - but still an extended social circle who you can rely on on occasion and them on you.

whisky_galore · 08-07-2020 11:52am

Good fences make good neighbours.

gmisk · 08-07-2020 11:52am

Some lovely neighbours thankfully they would all take in package for you etc as well putting out bins.
We also have spare keys of two sets of neighbours and vice versa.
The two houses on either side I would just say hello too but no animosity
Here about 5 years a really normal Dublin terrace street.

I lived in a big apartment complex for about 7 years barely knew anyone to even say hello too

Agricola · 08-07-2020 11:54am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

Ha! The car was clear I think. Last weekend though, he did only come out to mow the lawn after I'd finished ours. So maybe we're on the same level?

I see nothing wrong with wanting to avoid awkward situations

That's not awkward situation though.

08-07-2020 11:57am

I like to make connections with people. I think a sense of community with others can be important but am aware also for the need to be left alone and not feel pressure to chat with your neighbours. I grew up on a small street with the same people living there for decades. It's really nice. People look out for each other there.
Where I now live my neighbour dropped in a bottle of wine to apologise for building noise. That was lovely and I really like the "how are you it's terrible weather" chit chat.
Again for me it's all about connection and that can be done in the simplest of ways.

king_of_mayo · 08-07-2020 12:00pm

Agricola wrote: »

That's not awkward situation though.

Ah it is. There's an expectation for something to be said. You wouldn't just start chatting with a man walking past you in the opposite direction in the street, would you? Yet geographical proxmity means we have to... egh

It's like when you order food and have to get it off the delivery guy, I hate that. Awkward.

Fann Linn · 08-07-2020 12:01pm

Depends on my mood.

Agricola · 08-07-2020 12:03pm

king_of_mayo wrote: »

Ah it is. There's an expectation for something to be said. You wouldn't just start chatting with a man walking past you in the opposite direction in the street, would you? Yet geographical proxmity means we have to... egh

It's like when you order food and have to get it off the delivery guy, I hate that. Awkward.

Ah come on, ya lost me completely now. The takeaway delivery guy? If you have a problem saying "Thanks lad, take her handy" then you might be on a slippery slope there

king_of_mayo · 08-07-2020 12:08pm

Riflecreek wrote: »

These are also the type of people who don't answer a private number or the front door when someone knocks.

I want to disagree with you, but I can confirm I do not answer private number calls! I don't see why anyone would tbh.

Billgirlylegs · 08-07-2020 12:21pm

king_of_mayo wrote: »

Ah it is. There's an expectation for something to be said. You wouldn't just start chatting with a man walking past you in the opposite direction in the street, would you? Yet geographical proxmity means we have to... egh

It's like when you order food and have to get it off the delivery guy, I hate that. Awkward.

It isn't awkward.
It's just passing the time of day.

Some might suggest it's just manners.
yYou don't need to come up with a cure for Covid.

2lazytogetup · 08-07-2020 12:23pm

dont see the point in going out of your way to get on their good side. chances are you will annoy the neighbours by building an extension, having a party, or making noise. like alot of annoying things in the world that we have to put up with, neighbours are just one of them.

chrissb8 · 08-07-2020 12:26pm

This is why I will never have neighbours and will just live on a plot of land with a house on it when I get the opportunity (renting currently). When I'm home I don't want any expectation of how I have to live relative to my neighbours.

That is, being quiet at appropriate times, being courteous to neighbours, having to have banal conversations, pretend I care about their lives. It may come across as rude but I have friends & family. I don't need to know my neighbours as the OP says be it just because of geographic proximity. I have always liked my neighbours but far too many times I've had to stop, talk for 5-10 mins when all I've wanted after a slog of a day is to get in the door.

I just simply want to be left the fcuk alone when I'm at home and be able to pump my music at any time, be able to have people over in my garden till all hours etc.

Strumms · 08-07-2020 12:27pm

Neighbors to my left are extremely sound, young couple early 40’s with 3 young kids, 11-16... Bump into them in the park and out in the garden the odd time and always very natural and easy to talk to, nice, kind, good humored people.

Neighbors to my right are a nice elderly couple in their early 80’s, they will say hello in passing but keep to themselves otherwise.

Foweva Awone · 08-07-2020 12:28pm

We take in each other's Amazon packages if the other isn't home, that's about the height of it!

bullpost · 08-07-2020 12:30pm

I live in a small estate with mixture of young and old. All pretty civil and quiet.

Lately we've had a few new additions to the estate and they seem obsessed with organising "events".

Street parties, getting a food van to visit estate and other gatherings.

This is a pretty bland estate, not some hipster area like Stonybatter.

Anyone else seeing this?

Stovepipe · 08-07-2020 12:48pm

I live in a 30 house estate and count six of them as very good friends, mostly because I knew one of them from work anyway and having lived here for 13 years, we drink and eat socially together, loan each other tools for jobs, have helped each other for gardening jobs and have attended birthday/summer/halloween parties. Great people and absolutely makes a difference in our lives.

Strumms · 08-07-2020 1:12pm

bullpost wrote: »

I live in a small estate with mixture of young and old. All pretty civil and quiet.

Lately we've had a few new additions to the estate and they seem obsessed with organising "events".

Street parties, getting a food van to visit estate and other gatherings.

This is a pretty bland estate, not some hipster area like Stonybatter.

Anyone else seeing this?

Similar here... we used to have a residents association but when the people involved got old or passed away it died. A few new young families have now taken up the baton, there is a Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp group for all the goings on...I have to say it’s a good and positive thing.

An example, the county council had really slacked off on things like grass cutting, doing the verges, maintaining the big green, you might see it done twice a year. The odd tree looks like it needs some branches removed or trimmed as they hit cars if they are attempted to be parked under them.

Guys in the group suggested that everyone with a grass verge outside their gate might spend 30 minutes every two weeks cutting the grass and doing the verge / border. They organized for flowerbeds to be planted on the four corners of the big green.. everyone in the group can see the fruits of the labor with loads of pics of the work being done and the finished product. It’s encourages people to get involved as it looks like fun, is fun and creates a really nice inclusive atmosphere regardless of if you are new, an old stager or otherwise...

They organize a summer bbq, Halloween party / trick or treat etc.... good stuff.

08-07-2020 1:15pm

Riflecreek wrote: »

Most of the oddballs on boards.ie are terrified of talking to their neighbours, they lack basic social skills. These are also the type of people who don't answer a private number or the front door when someone knocks.

Don't be so quick to judge. Where you refer to "oddballs", some people have social anxiety or the like. Things that might seem trivial to you or me can be an excruciating ordeal to someone with Aspergers or social anxiety.

I once lived with a guy who was a huge amount of fun, but only in small groups -- I think he'd nearer pull a tooth than come to a party, or come into the living room when people were visiting. I hate that word 'oddball', almost as awful as the word 'weird'. It's so juvenile. Some people are different, and that's perfectly fine.

biko · 08-07-2020 1:15pm

We'd be quite neighbourly with the houses close by. It's a pretty quiet estate.

Strumms · 08-07-2020 1:18pm

Riflecreek wrote: »

People miss important hospital appointments because they don't answer private numbers.

They quite simply do not. Hospital appointments are issued via letter, through An Post. If a hospital appointment is changed, another letter arrives.

pgj2015 · 08-07-2020 1:27pm

I heard a great story lately, new neighbours (a couple) moved in and they really were keeping to themselves but one day they were walking down the path and saw some neighbours coming their way, they hopped over a wall through briers and bushed to get away from them lol a lot of people have become very unsocial and its sad, to much facebook and phones have people ruined. im surprised people can even become part of a couple these days they are so anti social.

splashthecash · 08-07-2020 1:38pm

We get on very well with one of our neighbours - our kids are the same age ranges and we enjoy their company. Would often go in next door for coffee and vice versa, and in nice weather would have each other over for BBQs and have a few drinks together. We borrow each others tools, talk about prospective home improvements, share lifts to\from school with kids, etc.

Our other neighbours are very quiet and never showed any interest in getting to know us, which is also fine with me

Lillyfae · 08-07-2020 1:46pm

Yes. I've been living here for 10 years and know many of them, to differing degrees and for different reasons.

There are a couple of street parties that the neighbourhood association and community centre arrange every year and I've been helping with Halloween. We make a haunted laneway, do arts and crafts with the children and run a competition for the best decorated (front of) house and garden. We also design and distribute a flyer so who ever wants to take part in giving trick or treats can stick it in their window so that families know they're welcome to knock on the door. It's really fun.

Otherwise, I'm very close to 2 of them in particular on my street and see them at least once per week socially (but borrowing cups of sugar etc every other day

). My first went to stay with one of them when I was having my second. 2 more have children that play with my children so they're in and out of the house a bit. The neighbours on either side of us we're on small chat terms with. Then there's 4 or 5 more that I meet up with walking the dog.

It's been really lovely, especially during lockdown, to know that I have people I can call on, and to know that people feel like they can rely on me. With the first 2 families, we had a kind of self isolated "cell". None of us were at the office and we barely had to leave the house, because we did eachother's grocery shopping. Very handy for us especially, because ours are small and couldn't be left alone, and work days were pretty full on with no childcare. We could pop over to eachother to get a breather from the house or if we didn't feel like cooking one night. I also reached out to my more elderly neighbours to make sure they had everything they wanted and they were fine too, which I think goes to show what a tight knit community we have here.

Kevhog1988 · 08-07-2020 1:52pm

Spent a few minutes running after the neighbours sheep who had broken out. Happy to do it as he helps me all the time with my own. We have great neighbours here and have a village BBQ once a year thats great craic.

Earthhorse · 08-07-2020 1:55pm

The two neighbours I chatted with most and got on with best have moved away in the last few years (one of them just a few week's ago).

We occasionally drank or played cards together. It was good fun.

The other neighbours I will speak to a bit in passing but nothing more than that.

Bobblehats · 08-07-2020 2:02pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

The two neighbours I chatted with most and got on with best have moved away in the last few years (one of them just a few week's ago).

We occasionally drank or played cards together. It was good fun.

The other neighbours I will speak to a bit in passing but nothing more than that.

That happened here it’s like a revolving door now. First a bullish man from mayo, now a meek lad who works in IT they’re maintaining the property though. Keeping it an attractive prospect lest the council swoop in order to house a couple of Somalis

Church on Tuesday · 08-07-2020 2:03pm

It's always best to keep on good terms with neighbors I find.

CrankyHaus · 08-07-2020 2:09pm

I say hi to them. One or two are unfriendly pricks. The rest are grand.

andekwarhola · 08-07-2020 2:15pm

Of course I do.

andekwarhola · 08-07-2020 2:16pm

king_of_mayo wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with wanting to avoid awkward situations

And then telling thousands of people about it online.

bitofabind · 08-07-2020 2:24pm

I live alone so it makes good business sense to keep the neighbours onside. If I'm ever burgled, miss a postal delivery or out of town with an overgrowing garden, I know I can always rely on them.

They're also super close in proximity, I live in a semi-D in London where their back garden is yards from my kitchen, so it's hard to ignore interactions with them without things being a bit awkward.

That said, yer wan next door spends about 20 hours a day gardening and takes care of the fella upstairs' plot, which is technically my back yard. I work from the kitchen table so she's about 10 feet away from me for a majority of the working day these weeks, which is slightly uncomfortable

Hector Savage · 08-07-2020 2:42pm

No , couldn't GIVE A F*CK!!!

My brother is the total opposite and has neighbours over for tea/coffee all the time, but he's too friendly, can be hassling at times.

I'm a grumpy ignorant oul bollix!!

08-07-2020 9:35pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

I heard a great story lately, new neighbours (a couple) moved in and they really were keeping to themselves but one day they were walking down the path and saw some neighbours coming their way, they hopped over a wall through briers and bushed to get away from them lol a lot of people have become very unsocial and its sad, to much facebook and phones have people ruined.

I don't really know why, but I like the sound of this pair. There's an old widow near us, down home, who does something like that. She'd sooner stand in the ditch than salute you, but that's just her way. I don't think you can blame it on the internet, there have always been people who aren't "sociable", if that's the right word. It's the 'hail-fellow-well-met' types that I'd be more distrustful of.

Aglomerado · 08-07-2020 10:30pm

I'm on smiling and small talk terms that's about it. Quite friendly with one family. They are all pretty quiet and decent so never had any negative experiences.
Have new neighbours on one side for past six weeks but I haven't met them even though I am working from home. They appear to be working night shifts.

Potential-Monke · 08-07-2020 10:30pm

Agricola wrote: »

Ah come on, ya lost me completely now. The takeaway delivery guy? If you have a problem saying "Thanks lad, take her handy" then you might be on a slippery slope there

Except it's not usually that straight forward. If you're paying by cash, there'e that awkward moment where they 'fumble' for the change in the silent hope you'll just say keep it, which I have done a few times just to avoid that moment. Bring on delivery robots!

Riflecreek wrote: »

These are also the type of people who don't answer a private number or the front door when someone knocks.

Usually private numbers are collection companies or some other crowd looking for money. If it's a genuine business or service, the number won't be blocked. If it's a friend, they should know to text. And I detest cold calling, and most people who would be calling that I know would text/arrange first.

pgj2015 wrote: »

a lot of people have become very unsocial and its sad

Or, and bear with me here, maybe people no longer want to subscribe to the
everyone knowing your business model. I hate gossip, and that's what most random or 'not quite friends' people who chat with you are after, gossip and scandal to spread to their friends. Just in my opinion anyway.

When I had my own place, the attached neighbours were grand. The mother of the family (same age as myself) was sound, came to a few house parties, I went to hers, all over the space of 5 years. Neighbours to the other side were as quiet and private as me. Across the road was the couple in retirement who lived there their entire lives so got to know them, the odd chat and not much else. Quiet estate anyway and rarely if ever trouble. Didn't help I was a Garda at the time so had to keep some what of a facade up. But in general, we left each other to our own devices.

Back in the country now and love it. No real neighbours to speak of, nice a quiet and private.

joeharte123 · 08-07-2020 10:37pm

In rural communities people tend to be friendly with neighbours. In urban communities up until around 2000 I’d imagine people knew their neighbours and chatted to the, regularly. Today it’s different. People are temporary residents in rented accommodation, people are cautious to get to know “strangers” their neighbours don’t speak English etc.

JohnnyFlash · 08-07-2020 10:41pm

Buddy and Pal? Give them the odd alright if I meet them.

Ray Donovan · 08-07-2020 10:48pm

God Bless Rural Ireland - I know everyone and talk to everyone in my locality.

talla10 · 08-07-2020 10:49pm

I'm friendly with a few on the road and have gone for pints before, drinks in the house etc. Its nice to be able to run over and have a chat, borrow some tools etc without being awkward.

One couple on the road actively avoid us in the shops I've noticed them moving out of their way to even cross paths. Our Crime? We bought the house when we were 23 not married or even engaged. Local scandal altogether :pac:

Fast forward 12 years now married with 3 kids and still make them run a mile

Kylta · 08-07-2020 10:56pm

I get on with my neighbours if there's a problem I help out. Maybe 18 months ago one of the neighbours flat was filled with smoke from a fire in the flat underneath her. Me and my neighbour got them out. Saying that some of the neighbours fight with each other so that can be amusing at times. Although im not paranoid my neighbours will ever only know what I want them to know. Like my personal stuff is my business. But I have to say my neighbours are good neighbours

KaneToad · 08-07-2020 11:01pm

I give a big smile and earnest Good morning/evening to everyone I pass. I don't break stride.

jmreire · 08-07-2020 11:08pm

Live on a road with no houses on "my" side, and 4 on the other side...we all know each other, and if one of us need's some help with something, no problem, we help each other out. if we happen to meet , we chat,,,there's no stress or strain involved...sometime's despite the close proximity, we might not see one another for weeks on end, and only chat in passing, but thats fine... we all know where we are with each other. I've often rambled across the road to chat and have a coffee, and vice versa. The best of all world's as far as I'm concerned.

Sinzo · 08-07-2020 11:20pm

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

He probably sat in his car pretending to be taking a call for a few minutes for the same reason.

Ha ha.. so true... I'm guffawing. .

newaccount2017 · 08-07-2020 11:21pm

Moved into a new house and went to introduce myself to the neighbours (a house on either side and 2 across the street from me). 2 out of the 4 houses were nice, warm and friendly. Haven't seen them much since but that's fine by me. 3rd house, only introduced myself to the oldest son, so haven't even met his parents yet but I made the effort in the first place. The 4 house, the one next to me, are the oddest- when I went to introduce myself, they asked if they could demolish our adjoining garden wall and build a new one. I thought it was a bit much to be honest, asking that within the first minute we met. I was hesitant cos this was my first day of owning the house and hadn't even gotten a chance to have a proper look around since viewings with estate agent. Since then, they've been really odd, haven't said hello or anything. One of them made a sarky comment to me about how great it is that I'm off work for so long, when I was working at home during the lockdown. I don't want anything to do with them.

Do you talk to your neighbours?

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