If a man wants a woman......

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 4:34pm

Zorya wrote: »

:eek: Isn't that rape?

To me it would be rape or the high end of sexual assault and I hope the Poster that it happened too called the police and had the scumbag and his 2 mates charged.

buried · 27-02-2019 4:35pm

Floppybits wrote: »

I don't get this, so you go out on a few dates with a woman and then she says this is not working and you say fair enough and say your goodbyes and then 5-6 months later the same one contacts you out of the blue and says want to have another go?

That is exactly it. Literally the last 4 dates I went on over the space of a few years, this is exactly what happened.

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 4:42pm

buried wrote: »

That is exactly it. Literally the last 4 dates I went on over the space of a few years, this is exactly what happened.

I can kinda understand the women who like the chase and keep saying No and then say yes when the guy has jumped through enough hoops, but like not contacting someone of 5-6 months and then out of the blue contacting that person and asking them out, that I cant understand.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 27-02-2019 4:45pm

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

Not that it doesn't apply to men either though - if she's gorgeous, nice one; if she's not attractive, ew, get her away.

The "crazy/hot axis" from How I Met Your Mother is probably the best comparison.

That bad behaviour and romantic advances are more likely to be well received from attractive people is hardly contentious or a game-changing insight like, it's just that a contingent of socially incompetent misogynists have warped it into "women don't like my behaviour but me or my behaviour can't be the problem, it's that the women are shallow hypocrites and the world is out to get me and it's the women's fault!"

buried · 27-02-2019 4:45pm

Floppybits wrote: »

I can kinda understand the women who like the chase and keep saying No and then say yes when the guy has jumped through enough hoops, but like not contacting someone of 5-6 months and then out of the blue contacting that person and asking them out, that I cant understand.

I know, I don't understand it either. Its the height of $hittyness for it to happen too. You have to block them totally then and it just leaves a bad vibe, whereas before, it was grand to go separate ways. I must just be attracted to drama seekers on some sort of level lol

Floppybits · 27-02-2019 4:55pm

buried wrote: »

I know, I don't understand it either. Its the height of $hittyness for it to happen too. You have to block them totally then and it just leaves a bad vibe, whereas before, it was grand to go separate ways. I must just be attracted to drama seekers on some sort of level lol

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I mean I can understand that you see someone, it doesn't work, go your separate ways but a few months later you bump into each other in a bar or something by accident and decide to take it from there, but like no contact and then BAM a text or call out of the blue "how is it going? Are ya still single? Wanna go for a drink?" that's mad.

buried · 27-02-2019 5:09pm

Floppybits wrote: »

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I don't know, that could be it, like G was saying there, could be the online dating thing too that they might be on but I don't know if they are either because I don't go on those things. I stay away totally when it is finished so I don't know at all what they could be doing or who they could be seeing. All I know is I get hit back months afterwards. Twice was funny, third and fourth times, its "ahhhh here fook this"

lainey_d_123 · 27-02-2019 5:10pm

Floppybits wrote: »

Are they like having a competition when they first date you? Like they date you and someone else to see who they like more and then they chose the other person giving you the auld "its not working excuse" and then they see the other person but that doesn't work so they go back to you.

I mean I can understand that you see someone, it doesn't work, go your separate ways but a few months later you bump into each other in a bar or something by accident and decide to take it from there, but like no contact and then BAM a text or call out of the blue "how is it going? Are ya still single? Wanna go for a drink?" that's mad.

I met a guy through an app a while back who I really liked and we got on well, but a few days later, he decided to go exclusive with a woman he'd been seeing a bit longer. We sent the odd message back and forth and he texted a few weeks ago to say he was single again and up for going for a drink or something if I fancied it. I didn't take it badly, and in fact it was a plus point for me that he was upfront and honest and not trying to string us both along while he decided. I'm not going to pursue it for other reasons, but I wish more people would just be honest. No need for the lying and game playing that goes on.

RacoonQueen · 27-02-2019 5:26pm

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

That's not always true though. Some people might be very attractive in terms of character but their looks are what's noticeable first.
.

Disagree. Anyone I've dated I've never been attracted to / immediately interested in on meeting, it has only been after I get to know them that I notice I find their face pretty too.

Different strokes.

My point still stands, no person looks 'ugly'.

jester77 · 27-02-2019 5:37pm

izzyflusky wrote: »

What are people's definition of chasing? Just showing clear interest or making all the effort to see if something happens while the other person just sits and watches?

By the messages I've read I find that posters have different interpretations of it.

You know when they play hard to get, and you start to get a bit more persistent and then they get up and leave the pub, appearing as if they are playing even harder to get. Well, the part where you follow them outside and run down the street after them is called the chase.

Anthonylfc · 27-02-2019 5:38pm

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Disagree. Anyone I've dated I've never been attracted to / immediately interested in on meeting, it has only been after I get to know them that I notice I find their face pretty too.

Different strokes.

My point still stands, no person looks 'ugly'.

same with me and 2 ex's

more we met more we clicked etc

now its swipe left or right ( shallow biaaatches )

unless you are a geordie shore reject these days you never get a look in

Anthonylfc · 27-02-2019 5:39pm

jester77 wrote: »

You know when they play hard to get, and you start to get a bit more persistent and then they get up and leave the pub, appearing as if they are playing even harder to get. Well, the part where you follow them outside and run down the street after them is called the chase.

harrassment more like

Anthonylfc · 27-02-2019 5:41pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I met a guy through an app a while back who I really liked and we got on well, but a few days later, he decided to go exclusive with a woman he'd been seeing a bit longer. We sent the odd message back and forth and he texted a few weeks ago to say he was single again and up for going for a drink or something if I fancied it. I didn't take it badly, and in fact it was a plus point for me that he was upfront and honest and not trying to string us both along while he decided. I'm not going to pursue it for other reasons, but I wish more people would just be honest. No need for the lying and game playing that goes on.

cause you were second best and still bitter that's why

DEFTLEFTHAND · 27-02-2019 5:48pm

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

Why are men calling themselves stupid? There's about the same level of stupidity among men as there is among women surely.

That's not always true though. Some people might be very attractive in terms of character but their looks are what's noticeable first.

I know the line about it being romantic if he's good-looking but sleazy harassment if he's not, gets used as a stick to beat women with, but there's more than an element of truth to it.

Not that it doesn't apply to men either though - if she's gorgeous, nice one; if she's not attractive, ew, get her away.

Men will ride the ugly one on occasions. It depends on testosterone (horny) levels at that moment in time and blood alcohol content.

What they won't do is go out with them. They'll pretend to lose the number and hope to god that they never run into the poor girl again.

Which is horrible behaviour really, not nice.

aloneforever99 · 27-02-2019 8:02pm

Floppybits wrote: »

To me it would be rape or the high end of sexual assault and I hope the Poster that it happened too called the police and had the scumbag and his 2 mates charged.

I would call it sexual assault. And no, I didn't ring the police. I was about 22 at the time, I had been drinking, was dressed for a night out and I assumed the three lads would stick together and it would be three voices against one.

I didn't think there was much chance I'd be taken seriously.

Johnnyhpipe · 27-02-2019 9:53pm

RacoonQueen wrote: »

No such thing as ugly. One woman's 'ugly' is another woman's brutally handsome.

.

...you haven’t seen me....

lainey_d_123 · 28-02-2019 11:19am

Anthonylfc wrote: »

cause you were second best and still bitter that's why

You're not just a misogynist but you're also not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you? Literally wrote an entire post about how I appreciated the honesty. I'm not going to pursue anything because I'm seriously ill in hospital and don't know when or if I'll be well enough. That alright with you?

Ariadne · 28-02-2019 11:20am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're not just a misogynist but you're also not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you? Literally wrote an entire post about how I appreciated the honesty. I'm not going to pursue anything because I'm seriously ill in hospital and don't know when or if I'll be well enough. That alright with you?

I'm sorry to hear that you're so ill Lainey and I hope you manage to improve your health as much as you can.

Anthonylfc · 28-02-2019 11:55am

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're not just a misogynist but you're also not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you? Literally wrote an entire post about how I appreciated the honesty. I'm not going to pursue anything because I'm seriously ill in hospital and don't know when or if I'll be well enough. That alright with you?

in fairness , of course you'll say you appreciate the honesty , but the fact is you were second choice and we all hate being that

ps , hope you get better soon

lainey_d_123 · 28-02-2019 12:01pm

Anthonylfc wrote: »

in fairness , of course you'll say you appreciate the honesty , but the fact is you were second choice and we all hate being that

ps , hope you get better soon

That's a really childish way of seeing things. I've met people I really liked while seeing someone else and decided to stick with the first person, sometimes out of a sense of loyalty or from wondering if I'm just thinking the grass is greener and looking for reasons not to commit to the person I'm already seeing. Doesn't reflect on the second person in any way. It's just circumstances. I've always noticed that you can be single for months on end and then meet 2-3 decent people all around the same time. Always seems to happen to me.

Floppybits · 28-02-2019 12:02pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're not just a misogynist but you're also not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you? Literally wrote an entire post about how I appreciated the honesty. I'm not going to pursue anything because I'm seriously ill in hospital and don't know when or if I'll be well enough. That alright with you?

Get better soon.

ginandtonicsky · 28-02-2019 12:02pm

buried wrote: »

I know, I don't understand it either. Its the height of $hittyness for it to happen too. You have to block them totally then and it just leaves a bad vibe, whereas before, it was grand to go separate ways. I must just be attracted to drama seekers on some sort of level lol

Why don't you ask them next time? When the next one comes crawling back months later, just flat out ask her why she's getting in touch when she was pretty decisive about it not being a match a few short months ago.

I'd say that behaviour is driven by this dating FOMO that is so common nowadays because of the apps. No-one wants to commit to anything real because they want to "explore their options" and they become ridiculously picky because the options seem to never end.

So these women were seeing other lads and one of them was winning the race for a while, but that didn't work out for whatever reason. Maybe that fella was also seeing a bunch of women and didn't choose her. So she looks in her dating pool and thinks "I'm sick of being messed around, Buried was a nice lad, seemed into me, maybe I should give him another chance".

Sorry if it sounds harsh, it's nothing to do with you at all and is just the way of the world now :rolleyes: Literally every person I know who is single and dating has had to put up with this kind of crap.

lainey_d_123 · 28-02-2019 12:04pm

aloneforever99 wrote: »

I would call it sexual assault. And no, I didn't ring the police. I was about 22 at the time, I had been drinking, was dressed for a night out and I assumed the three lads would stick together and it would be three voices against one.

I didn't think there was much chance I'd be taken seriously.

Horrible.

People like to rabbit on about 'me too' as if it's all a bit of a joke or women being over dramatic, but it's scary how this kind of sh1t was the norm not that long ago. I remember one of my first nights out in college when I had just turned 18, some random man started talking to me while I was waiting for a drink. Out of nowhere, he grabbed me, kissed me on the lips and stuck his hand down my pants before walking away laughing as if it was hilarious. At the time, my friends just wrote it off as something you have to put up with if you go out. I mean, Jesus Christ. This was 2003, not 40 years ago. Teenage girls thinking being sexually assaulted by strangers was normal.

Floppybits · 28-02-2019 12:24pm

i ca

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Horrible.

People like to rabbit on about 'me too' as if it's all a bit of a joke or women being over dramatic, but it's scary how this kind of sh1t was the norm not that long ago. I remember one of my first nights out in college when I had just turned 18, some random man started talking to me while I was waiting for a drink. Out of nowhere, he grabbed me, kissed me on the lips and stuck his hand down my pants before walking away laughing as if it was hilarious. At the time, my friends just wrote it off as something you have to put up with if you go out. I mean, Jesus Christ. This was 2003, not 40 years ago. Teenage girls thinking being sexually assaulted by strangers was normal.

I can't understand this behavior and how people (men and women) think that this sort of behavior was ever OK?

aloneforever99 · 28-02-2019 12:32pm

Floppybits wrote: »

i ca

I can't understand this behavior and how people (men and women) think that this sort of behavior was ever OK?

I had mostly forgotten about it, it was a long time ago, until a guy I was dating last year told me a very similar story and genuinely was telling it as a sort of light-hearted banter type thing about colleagues of his at work.

He didn't see it as sexual assault at all. It wasn't that he was a total d1ck, it was pure ignorance. I told him immediately it was. He said something to the effect of "Ah no, if you knew the guy you'd understand why it was funny."

This was around the time the Belfast trial was on and we were gearing up to the 8th ref, and it really effected me badly/ brought back up that stuff I'd never really talked about before.

RacoonQueen · 28-02-2019 12:45pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Horrible.

People like to rabbit on about 'me too' as if it's all a bit of a joke or women being over dramatic, but it's scary how this kind of sh1t was the norm not that long ago. I remember one of my first nights out in college when I had just turned 18, some random man started talking to me while I was waiting for a drink. Out of nowhere, he grabbed me, kissed me on the lips and stuck his hand down my pants before walking away laughing as if it was hilarious. At the time, my friends just wrote it off as something you have to put up with if you go out. I mean, Jesus Christ. This was 2003, not 40 years ago. Teenage girls thinking being sexually assaulted by strangers was normal.

I'd say a lot of women have stories like that. Similar happened to me a couple of times, guys just hopped on your face and within seconds had his hand down at your groin as if this was some super romantic way to get a woman.

Zorya · 28-02-2019 12:45pm

aloneforever99 wrote: »

I had mostly forgotten about it, it was a long time ago, until a guy I was dating last year told me a very similar story and genuinely was telling it as a sort of light-hearted banter type thing about colleagues of his at work.

He didn't see it as sexual assault at all. It wasn't that he was a total d1ck, it was pure ignorance. I told him immediately it was. He said something to the effect of "Ah no, if you knew the guy you'd understand why it was funny."

This was around the time the Belfast trial was on and we were gearing up to the 8th ref, and it really effected me badly/ brought back up that stuff I'd never really talked about before.

I think a lot of us women stuff a lot of truly crappy things right back into the deepest recesses of the cupboard where the skeletons live, some of which we genuinely almost forget until something suddenly unveils it. I am sure it is the same for a lot of guys too, actually. It's a jungle out there. Surviving is a bloody triumph.

RacoonQueen · 28-02-2019 12:47pm

aloneforever99 wrote: »

I had mostly forgotten about it, it was a long time ago, until a guy I was dating last year told me a very similar story and genuinely was telling it as a sort of light-hearted banter type thing about colleagues of his at work.

He didn't see it as sexual assault at all. It wasn't that he was a total d1ck, it was pure ignorance. I told him immediately it was. He said something to the effect of "Ah no, if you knew the guy you'd understand why it was funny."

This was around the time the Belfast trial was on and we were gearing up to the 8th ref, and it really effected me badly/ brought back up that stuff I'd never really talked about before.

The Belfast trial really brought to me how many men I know don't consider sexual assault, sexual assault.

They really are oblivious to the way some other men behave as well "Well I mean you've clearly never had a man twice your size and strength try to bully...I meant forcibly convince you into having sex with him, lads."

aloneforever99 · 28-02-2019 12:54pm

RacoonQueen wrote: »

The Belfast trial really brought to me how many men I know don't consider sexual assault, sexual assault.

That was actually what upset me most about this guy I was dating thinking it was a funny story. Because he's a GOOD GUY. And I got really depressed thinking "If the good guys don't understand that this is sexual assault, what hope is there with the bast@rds out there?"

buried · 28-02-2019 1:15pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Why don't you ask them next time? When the next one comes crawling back months later, just flat out ask her why she's getting in touch when she was pretty decisive about it not being a match a few short months ago.

I'd say that behaviour is driven by this dating FOMO that is so common nowadays because of the apps. No-one wants to commit to anything real because they want to "explore their options" and they become ridiculously picky because the options seem to never end.

So these women were seeing other lads and one of them was winning the race for a while, but that didn't work out for whatever reason. Maybe that fella was also seeing a bunch of women and didn't choose her. So she looks in her dating pool and thinks "I'm sick of being messed around, Buried was a nice lad, seemed into me, maybe I should give him another chance".

Sorry if it sounds harsh, it's nothing to do with you at all and is just the way of the world now :rolleyes: Literally every person I know who is single and dating has had to put up with this kind of crap.

Nah not at all. I can be harsh enough myself and stubborn to go with it too, that's why I just block and do not engage when they come back. I don't want to know why they turn back my way after a while. To me that's just a pure sign of a flip flopper, not good enough one minute then magically good enough the next. They'll do it again IMO.
I think now I'll just hang up the boots. Like you said, there's too much crap going on, swiping from one to the next, nobody happy with their lot once it becomes too familiar. Seems to be the way with everything now, not even just dating! I like me freedom to much to have to deal with any of it!

Floppybits · 28-02-2019 2:23pm

buried wrote: »

Nah not at all. I can be harsh enough myself and stubborn to go with it too, that's why I just block and do not engage when they come back. I don't want to know why they turn back my way after a while. To me that's just a pure sign of a flip flopper, not good enough one minute then magically good enough the next. They'll do it again IMO.
I think now I'll just hang up the boots. Like you said, there's too much crap going on, swiping from one to the next, nobody happy with their lot once it becomes too familiar. Seems to be the way with everything now, not even just dating! I like me freedom to much to have to deal with any of it!

Dead right once one person has said they don't see the relationship going anywhere, that's it, done and dusted go your separate ways.

I think if it was me in that situation i think i would be insulted if a woman i dated and told me I wasn't good enough for her suddenly decided that i might be a few months later and out of the blue wanted to give me another chance.

Anthonylfc · 28-02-2019 2:29pm

has boards ever looked into a members match making service

people listing age , where they are , sex and let them pm each other ?

rapul · 28-02-2019 2:32pm

To be fair it's not just women who have bad stuff happen to them. Shouldn't happen to anyone but bit of male bashing there above slightly

valoren · 28-02-2019 2:34pm

Everytime I see the thread title I sing it like Percy Sledge. "If a Maaaaan wants a woman....."

Feisar · 28-02-2019 2:42pm

jester77 wrote: »

You know when they play hard to get, and you start to get a bit more persistent and then they get up and leave the pub, appearing as if they are playing even harder to get. Well, the part where you follow them outside and run down the street after them is called the chase.

I left a pub one time as a lady was coming on a bit strong even though I explained I had a GF. She followed me down the street. It was a tab creepy.

aloneforever99 · 28-02-2019 2:42pm

rapul wrote: »

To be fair it's not just women who have bad stuff happen to them. Shouldn't happen to anyone but bit of male bashing there above slightly

Literally no one has said only women have bad stuff happen to them. And I've pointed out twice that I consider the guy I'm talking about to generally be a good guy. Don't #notallmen this - it's just a way of shutting women up.

kowloon · 28-02-2019 2:49pm

Mya Poor Greenery wrote: »

I know the line about it being romantic if he's good-looking but sleazy harassment if he's not, gets used as a stick to beat women with, but there's more than an element of truth to it.

Not that it doesn't apply to men either though - if she's gorgeous, nice one; if she's not attractive, ew, get her away.

People like people they're attracted to, not controversial, but it's more a case that a lot of people react adversely to the ones they're not interested in rather than accept behaviour that's completely out of line from the hot ones.
If you're minding your own business and suddenly Tom Cruise aggressively leaps out of a darkened closet onto you like a rabid Spider Monkey you don't just roll with it because it's Tom Cruise.

Deebles McBeebles · 28-02-2019 3:32pm

Anthonylfc wrote: »

has boards ever looked into a members match making service

people listing age , where they are , sex and let them pm each other ?

Hey Anthony.....good win last night.....a/s/l?

AH is in the Social & Fun section so what could be more social and fun than Boardsies bumping uglies?

Hoboo · 28-02-2019 3:33pm

aloneforever99 wrote: »

Don't #notallmen this - it's just a way of shutting women up.

I'm 6'5, wtf is wrong with tall men?

buried · 28-02-2019 3:41pm

Floppybits wrote: »

Dead right once one person has said they don't see the relationship going anywhere, that's it, done and dusted go your separate ways.

I think if it was me in that situation i think i would be insulted if a woman i dated and told me I wasn't good enough for her suddenly decided that i might be a few months later and out of the blue wanted to give me another chance.

Yeah you are right it is insulting. Especially if it's one you really liked and thought something could maybe go somewhere. Ya get the auld heave ho and have to deal with that, and do your best to get over it and move on. Then when you do, BANG, they back in your zone. Its fairly $hitty when it's one you liked because you got to start all end over again.

28-02-2019 3:41pm

Back in the day when After Hours was a "no fun!" kind of forum there was a long running thread about dating. It was eventually closed down because "no fun!" but it was an interesting insight in to peoples experiences and what they look for when it comes to the old game of love.

I never had any interest in chasing or being chased. Looking back to when I was single I think my honesty went against me but if I had to do it all again there is very little I would do differently. Well apart from make better choices with the men I allowed in to my life.

If I found myself single in the morning I would be quite content to remain that way.

Autecher · 28-02-2019 3:42pm

Anthonylfc wrote: »

has boards ever looked into a members match making service

people listing age , where they are , sex and let them pm each other ?

If that happens I'm changing my profile pic to this

Floppybits · 28-02-2019 4:08pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Back in the day when After Hours was a "no fun!" kind of forum there was a long running thread about dating. It was eventually closed down because "no fun!" but it was an interesting insight in to peoples experiences and what they look for when it comes to the old game of love.

Jaysus I'd say that was an interesting read, would ya have to take a shower after reading it?

28-02-2019 4:11pm

Floppybits wrote: »

Jaysus I'd say that was an interesting read, would ya have to take a shower after reading it?

This was only about three years ago. Have a search for it

ArchXStanton · 28-02-2019 4:24pm

Stop chasing women, they only look at you as stupid for doing it most of the time anyways. If she's not investing from start... Next, you will only be inflating their ego

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 28-02-2019 4:28pm

Johnnyhpipe wrote: »

If he’s good looking its romantic. If he’s ugly its harassment.

This is such a hoary old sentiment. I’ve certainly experienced good-looking creeps. I wouldn’t think I’m in any way unique amongst women in that regard. If I find a good-looking guy creepy, those looks are quickly tarnished. And men that say what you’ve said here just generally just come across as really bitter.

lainey_d_123 · 28-02-2019 4:30pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

This is such a hoary old sentiment. I’ve certainly experienced good-looking creeps. I wouldn’t think I’m in any way unique amongst women in that regard. If I find a good-looking guy creepy, those looks are quickly tarnished.

It's just something incels tell themselves to make themselves feel better tbh

Feisar · 28-02-2019 4:33pm

Whole thread is some sort of #metoo sting operation.

Men are not supposed to want women anymore, the plan is to move to an asexual society.

aloneforever99 · 28-02-2019 4:52pm

Hoboo wrote: »

I'm 6'5, wtf is wrong with tall men?

Are you single?

lainey_d_123 · 28-02-2019 4:52pm

Feisar wrote: »

Whole thread is some sort of #metoo sting operation.

Men are not supposed to want women anymore, the plan is to move to an asexual society.

You poor little lambs. Maybe if we could have gone out as teenagers without being sexually assaulted by total strangers, there wouldn't need to be any 'me too'. Ever thought of that? There was a collective realisation that women should be allowed to go out and enjoy themselves without consenting to being pawed, molested and assaulted, and here we are now. Men complaining that they can't talk to women anymore, as if that's in any way anything to do with 'me too'.

Sorry if it's all a bit inconvenient for you.

If a man wants a woman......

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