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Can women have any truly platonic male friends?

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Comments

  • #102
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Xertz wrote: »
    I speak French and it usually just reminds me of a Drogheda accent, but I mean there's nothing unsexy about County Louth.


    Bonjour, je m'appelle Monique hay.

    No, french is much sexier than louth:D......But nowhere near as sexy as liverpool or Australian

    Porklife wrote: »
    I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.

    I'd be very surprised if he doesn't know you fancy him!

    It's very rarely a surprise to find out someone fancies you in my experience.


  • #103
    Assetbacked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,969 ✭✭✭Assetbacked


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    More "what I think is what every man thinks". I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general. But you're taking it to another level - stating that it's not possible for men to have platonic friendships with women, when 1. It demonstrably is, and 2. Men don't fancy every woman ever.

    Of course it would be difficult just to be friends with someone stunning to you whom you're head over heels attracted to/in love with but that's equally as difficult for women. And there's a vast chasm of difference between that and someone whom you'd do once for the heck of it. And then there are those opposite sex friends whom you just don't fancy.

    Exactly this.

    The point was made about being good friends, not just friends. You even acknowledge the reason why it would not work;

    "I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general".

    In the vast majority of cases, if a straight man and woman were good friends and the circumstances were aligned for them to sleep together; if you asked the man if he would go through with it, he would. The very definition of platonic is "not sexual in nature" so I do not agree that this is a high standard to set for what a platonic relationship is.


  • #104
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,786 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    I have 4 platonic male friends. I had 5 but not any more. ;)


  • #105
    cj maxx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,551 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    It depends on the people involved I think. I had a friend ( girl ) who was very close to me but from my POV completely platonic. We really were best friends who told and listened to each other things I and she had never told anyone else.Not so platonic from her though . To the point where she was lying naked in bed uncovered she asked me to fcuk her and I declined because while she was attractive I didn't think of her like that. Something I regret now !!. I have also been on the other side . So I guess I'm saying I don't really know, I have examples of all sides so depends on the people


  • #106
    chrissb8
    Registered Users Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭chrissb8


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    Does that count as a platonic relationship?

    If so i've had plenty of those.

    I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

    It is platonic because you can seperate emotions with logic and realise what's more important. Which is obviously the friendship.

    What's not to get here? I hated my sibling when I was younger but still loved her.

    I can find my best friend a huge annoyance but still think he's the best.

    You can feel two things for the same person and focus on what is essential and relevant to that relationship i.e. you value them more as a friend and would not want to ruin that.


  • #107
    NIMAN
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,999 ✭✭✭✭NIMAN


    cjmc wrote: »
    It depends on the people involved I think. I had a friend ( girl ) who was very close to me but from my POV completely platonic. We really were best friends who told and listened to each other things I and she had never told anyone else.Not so platonic from her though . To the point where she was lying naked in bed uncovered she asked me to fcuk her and I declined because while she was attractive I didn't think of her like that. Something I regret now !!. I have also been on the other side . So I guess I'm saying I don't really know, I have examples of all sides so depends on the people

    I am reading contradiction in this post?


  • #108
    victor8600
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭victor8600


    chrissb8 wrote: »
    It is platonic because you can seperate emotions with logic and realise what's more important. Which is obviously the friendship.
    ...

    Suppose you are straight and you have friends of your own gender. Then the sexual aspect of the relationship is minimal. No need to separate emotions. There is nothing sexual going on, nor anything is ever likely to happen.

    But if you have a friend who you find sexually attractive, can your friendship be described as platonic? Even if you would never make a pass or show your feelings otherwise?


  • #109
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    Bonjour, je m'appelle Monique hay.

    No, french is much sexier than louth:D......But nowhere near as sexy as liverpool or Australian




    I'd be very surprised if he doesn't know you fancy him!

    It's very rarely a surprise to find out someone fancies you in my experience.

    Yeah you are most likely right that he knows I fancy him because I also know that he fancies me (I mean, let's face it who wouldn't :pac:) and we harmlessly flirt with each other. The thing is, he is getting married soon and speaks about his wife to be so highly and I really respect that. They are childhood sweethearts and it's so lovely they are getting married. We are flirty in a playful way but it would never go further. It's not sexual flirting even, it's playful in nature.
    If he ever hit on me drunkenly on a night out, I'd be shocked and really disappointed in him.
    I'm an attractive girl and he's an attractive guy and whilst there's mild flirting, we are 100% just friends.


  • #110
    cj maxx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,551 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    NIMAN wrote: »
    I am reading contradiction in this post?
    Yes. For me it was platonic, for her no . I've also wanted to ride friends so really NO you can't be platonic if one has notions


  • #111
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    we are wired to reproduce, so as a male I am trying to think of any time where I have been friends or at least friendly with a girl/woman, when I haven't (even for a split second) had a vision of us engaging in an act of intimacy.

    The answer is yes, I have friends of the opposite sex who not in a thousand years would I consider being more than just friends.


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  • #112
    ITman88
    Registered Users Posts: 876 ✭✭✭ITman88


    I can honestly say since I was a teenager I have had lots of different friends who were girls, and currently have female friends at work, and I would ride everyone of them if I got the chance!!


  • #113
    Naggdefy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,981 ✭✭✭Naggdefy


    Yes. Have a few platonic relationships with females.


  • #114
    Lux23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.


  • #115
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    Lux23 wrote: »
    Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.

    But do they fancy you and picture shagging you and if the answer is yes then it's not truly platonic!


  • #116
    andekwarhola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,639 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    People are ignoring the nuances involved, which isn't surprising given where we are.

    While I suspect it's rarer (read: more rare, not impossible) for men, I'm sure it happens that there are purely platonic friendships. I myself have female friends that I have no romantic interest in, but platonic friendships are not always a cut and dried case of two people with zero feelings for each other, just like friendships elsewhere on the spectrum don't necessarily equate to one person counting down the minutes to pouncing on the other.

    You can have a good friendship where one person might have romantic feelings (extremely latent or otherwise) but can suppress them and enjoy the friendship.

    Likewise you can have two people that in other circumstances, like being single, might feel for each but can also easily look past that and remain good friends.

    You might even have two single friends that end up together in an wholly unexpected once-off scenario and just forget about it and remain friends.

    The problem with places like this is a lot of people don't see nuances, they just start blowing their own trumpet about their particular circumstance and extrapolate (and judge) from there.


  • #117
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    andekwarhola wrote: »
    People are ignoring the nuances involved, which isn't surprising given where we are.

    While I suspect it's rarer (read: more rare, not impossible) for men, I'm sure it happens that there are purely platonic friendships. I myself have female friends that I have no romantic interest in, but platonic friendships are not always a cut and dried case of two people with zero feelings for each other, just like friendships elsewhere on the spectrum don't necessarily equate to one person counting down the minutes to pouncing on the other.

    You can have a good friendship where one person might have romantic feelings (extremely latent or otherwise) but can suppress them and enjoy the friendship.

    Likewise you can have two people that in other circumstances, like being single, might feel for each but can also easily look past that and remain good friends.

    You might even have two single friends that end up together in an wholly unexpected once-off scenario and just forget about it and remain friends.

    The problem with places like this is a lot of people don't see nuances, they just start blowing their own trumpet about their particular circumstance and extrapolate (and judge) from there.
    I agree entirely with this post!


  • #118
    Bobblehats
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,707 ✭✭✭Bobblehats


    Lux23 wrote: »
    Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.

    Had a few female friends who were purring for it but no.


  • #119
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    My close female friends were all ex-gf or past dating experiences that just fizzled on the romantic/intimate side.

    I have a far number of female friends where there is no physical attraction on either side though. I think it becomes easier as you get older, and understand that sex isn't terribly important, whereas finding people you can trust is important.


  • #120
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,786 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    My close female friends were all ex-gf or past dating experiences that just fizzled on the romantic/intimate side.

    I have a far number of female friends where there is no physical attraction on either side though. I think it becomes easier as you get older, and understand that sex isn't terribly important, whereas finding people you can trust is important.

    Oh God ya. Finding people you can trust is everything actually


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  • #121
    Fourier
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,558 ✭✭✭✭Fourier


    There's two woman I'm very good friends with that I'm not attracted to at all. Like Wibbs said above it's like a sibling or something.


  • #122
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    Assetbacked wrote: »
    The point was made about being good friends, not just friends. You even acknowledge the reason why it would not work;

    "I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general".
    This doesn't contradict my view though - that you and others saying it's not possible (and that is what you said) for a man to have a truly platonic friendship with a woman are not correct. There are of course men who have female friends whom they don't fancy in the least.


  • #123
    UI_Paddy
    Registered Users Posts: 144 ✭✭UI_Paddy


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I have a far number of female friends where there is no physical attraction on either side though. I think it becomes easier as you get older, and understand that sex isn't terribly important, whereas finding people you can trust is important.

    I can relate to this. I've had many friendships with people over the years (male and female) that have fizzled out. It was unfortunate at the time but it taught me to value my friends who have been loyal a whole lot more, and even though we don't meet as often as we'd like we always have a great time when we do catch up.

    I'm not single, but even if I was I would never jeopardize the friendships I've developed with any of my female friends regardless of how attractive they may or may not be. What good would that physical intimacy be when you've compromised friendships you were happy with and may always have.


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