My daughter is "driving" me nuts

Cee-Jay-Cee · 16-03-2021 3:22pm

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

Damn I have raised someone else's son's for the last 30 years, thanks I must ask the wife who is the father of the two men I call my son's.
Do you always make assumptions about random people on the net?

No I make assumptions based on an answer you gave to a question that wasn't asked. He asked for help to get his daughter through her driving test, you replied that it wasn't his responsibility as she was 27 years old, despite not being asked that.

Your answer would lead any other parent to assume you are not a parent, given your complete empathy for his situation.

Was your reply to either of your sons when they came to you for help or when you seen that they needed help after they turned 18, was that they are 18+ now and its not your responsibility????

Plumbthedepths · 16-03-2021 3:30pm

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

No I make assumptions based on an answer you gave to a question that wasn't asked. He asked for help to get his daughter through her driving test, you replied that it wasn't his responsibility as she was 27 years old, despite not being asked that.

On reading the OP it appears he is pushing her to learn , she seems disinterested. Btw he asked for advice not help.

Your answer would lead any other parent to assume you are not a parent, given your complete empathy for his situation.

Nope you made a wrong assumption based on you not liking what I said. He wants his daughter to learn it appears she doesn't want to . As a 27 year old has she not the right to be left alone to make her own decisions? Even if her father disagrees?

Was your reply to either of your sons when they came to you for help or when you seen that they needed help after they turned 18, was that they are 18+ now and its not your responsibility????

What has this nonsense got to do with the OPs question about teaching his daughter to drive. I didn't teach my son's as I believe teaching a family member is a bad idea.

16-03-2021 4:37pm

homer911 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone, the views are quite black and white. I'm concerned about the lack of progress, or how quickly she seems to forget all the advice given. Access to personal transport will be a must for work, she has been fortunate up to now. My wife has a BEV so we could certainly consider the automatic option, but that's only part of the issue. It doesn't help that she is my oldest child and the others have passed their tests (so I do have plenty of experience teaching them!)

After our last outing she is not talking to me at the moment - we'll see what happens

The best of luck. To be honest, and someone touched on it earlier in the thread, perhaps its time she got a proper instructor. I'm not casting aspersions on your abilities as a teacher, but I know I'd have difficulties taking instructions from about 70% of my immediate family members.

If it was a qualified, certified instructor who could explain to me what I was doing wrong, how to do it correctly and (most importantly) WHY it was the correct way of doing things, I'd be much more receptive. There's a world of difference between the two approaches, and we're all wired differently.......I know Mrs $hifty has a different brain than I do, and wouldn't be able to listen to me telling her where she's going wrong :pac:. Might be worth a shot to find the right balance between the two approaches.

An added benefit is that she might be more attentive if she's paying for even more of these expensive lessons out of her own pocket. She IS paying for her own lessons, yes?

MascotDec85 · 17-03-2021 9:51am

homer911 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone, the views are quite black and white. I'm concerned about the lack of progress, or how quickly she seems to forget all the advice given. Access to personal transport will be a must for work, she has been fortunate up to now. My wife has a BEV so we could certainly consider the automatic option, but that's only part of the issue. It doesn't help that she is my oldest child and the others have passed their tests (so I do have plenty of experience teaching them!)

After our last outing she is not talking to me at the moment - we'll see what happens

A couple of points. In general, it takes an older pupil more time to learn to drive. It’s great you’ve helped your other kids to drive but we’re all different. Siblings have different personality traits and may be different types of learners. It could be that your method of teaching worked for your other kids but isn’t working for this one.

She’s not talking to you at the moment, presumably something happened/was said in the car. The father/child relationship in the car is way different from the instructor/pupil relationship. I taught my own daughter to drive so we were father/daughter/adi/pupil. It was totally different from me teaching a paying pupil. If I’d gotten the levels of guff from a paying pupil I’d stop the car, swap seats and drive them home and not teach them again. A completely different dynamic altogether.

I stand by my original advice.

Zebrag · 17-03-2021 10:03am

Hi OP

Learning to drive at any age can be terrifying. Learning to drive with a family member.... equally as terrifying!

As much as my Mam wanted to teach me, she refused based on the fact that my impatience and her eagerness to teach me and hurry me was a bomb waiting to explode!

Your daughter is 27 and although she might seem she wants to learn, she might feel better being taught by an intructor. Less frustrations and less cursing! She can't hardly argue with an instructor much less tell her Da to pi$$ off. For your own sanity as well.

I think it's 12 lessons now and then the test. I remember when I done my lessons it was 10 and then I done another 3 on top as the instructor knew how nervous I was everytime I done the lessons. Mind you I done my test 2 times and eventually passed on the 3rd try as the instructor basically told me that fear can't stop you from doing everything and that it was costing my Mam more money time I sh!t myself!

Best bet, intructor and she will soon get the hang of it. Even ask the instructor yourself after each lesson how she's getting on and use that when you're driving with her.

Airyfairy12 · 23-03-2021 12:08am

By the sounds of it she's not ready to be driving in town & built up areas so traffic lights & slow moving traffic shouldnt be coming into it.
She needs to learn one thing at a time and first off she should be learning the basics of how to drive the car. Until she gets that she cant focus on whats going on outside the car like lights, other cars, traffic etc.

You should be taking her out wide country roads and quiet housing estates so she learn how to maneuver the car, change gears and practice with breaking and slowing down. She cant take in any new learnings when she's in a stressful environment like a town center full of cars.

She can practice the gears when the car is stopped outside the house.
Failing this she may need to get an automatic car.

JuliusCaesar · 25-04-2021 7:30pm

homer911 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone, the views are quite black and white. I'm concerned about the lack of progress, or how quickly she seems to forget all the advice given. Access to personal transport will be a must for work, she has been fortunate up to now. My wife has a BEV so we could certainly consider the automatic option, but that's only part of the issue. It doesn't help that she is my oldest child and the others have passed their tests (so I do have plenty of experience teaching them!)

After our last outing she is not talking to me at the moment - we'll see what happens

I feel your pain. Currently taking my youngster out for practice drives. Started off fine, apologies at every stall - and there were lots! (Thank god for patient drivers and two fingers from me to the impatient arses.) Then arguments... I was NOT too close! I know that! Stop telling me! :rolleyes: Jaysus.

But tbh she always cycled so does have some road-sense, and is fine with gears. Terrible come-down only to have 5 gears when you're used to 18

But not yet used to the size of the car.

I'll be glad when ADI starts again. Nothing but nothing was as bad as between Lesson 1 and 3. I hope my sighs of relief aren't premature.

My daughter is "driving" me nuts

Comments