Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered heroin user

pc7 · 04-05-2018 10:20am

Fair play to you for getting to where you are now, no mean feat. Where you afraid when you first tried it? I know from school when we'd get talks from former addicts, they always said with heroin one hit and your hooked. Do you think this is the case, or is it if you are vulnerable enough to try it once you will keep at it. (say as in your case, everything had hit the sh!tter for you).

....... · 04-05-2018 10:27am

This post has been deleted.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 10:28am

bullpost wrote: »

Fair play to you for getting this far and best of luck for the future.

In you opinion, Is it possible to do cold turkey? Or getting off without going the methadone route? Or are the side effects just too tough or dangerous? And do you know anyone that went cold turkey successfully?

I've done it, I was out of the country and there was nothing I could do about it. But successfully not really because I just used as soon as possible once I got home. Side effects are as tough as you can imagine, but rarely actually dangerous.

Subutex/suboxone is a better route than methadone in my opinion, not as hard or the body and it incorporates Naloxone which blocks the opioid receptors in the brain so you don't get high if you use, it does nothing for you. I guess it's too expensive here, they trialled it years ago and I was a part of it. In my book it's a miracle drug. 100x better than methadone imo.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 10:34am

pc7 wrote: »

Fair play to you for getting to where you are now, no mean feat. Where you afraid when you first tried it? I know from school when we'd get talks from former addicts, they always said with heroin one hit and your hooked. Do you think this is the case, or is it if you are vulnerable enough to try it once you will keep at it. (say as in your case, everything had hit the sh!tter for you).

I was already physically (and mentally addicted) from smoking before I first shot up, so I'm not sure. But it wouldn't be physically addictive your first time I'm sure. No I wasn't scared to use because I really needed it, I did feel a little moral trepidation when I was smoking it at first and starting to get strung out, like a voice in the back of my head "what are you doing" etc... wish I'd listened!

hufpc8w3adnk65 · 04-05-2018 10:38am

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

No, they hand them out with the needles at the exchanges. It's because brown heroin doesn't dissolve naturally, it helps to break it down and make it soluble.

There seems to be a bit to it.. was your first time smoking, then injecting, taking crack etc allways in the company of a seasoned pro? Looking back we’re they helping you for selfish reasons?

Follow up, how do you take crack coke?

Again Thanks

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 10:48am

MrMac84 wrote: »

There seems to be a bit to it.. was your first time smoking, then injecting, taking crack etc allways in the company of a seasoned pro? Looking back we’re they helping you for selfish reasons?

Follow up, how do you take crack coke?

Again Thanks

There's definitely people who will 'want' you to get strung out, so you will buy their drugs in future, or just return the favor. I had to get someone to do it for me first time, it's hard do and get yourself with one arm at first.

I never injected crack/coke, but you can. I'd use/make a pipe.

pc7 · 04-05-2018 10:51am

I've been seeing/reading a lot that middle america is becoming addicted big time to opiates (starting say Oxy due to an operation etc.), then going seeking the local drug dealer for the likes of heroin. Did you see any signs of that starting here?

hufpc8w3adnk65 · 04-05-2018 10:52am

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

There's definitely people who will 'want' you to get strung out, so you will buy their drugs in future, or just return the favor. I had to get someone to do it for me first time, it's hard do and get yourself with one arm at first.

I never injected crack/coke, but you can. I'd use/make a pipe.

Sorry I ment smoking & injecting the heroin..... taking the crack as separate questions... I’m also on the touch site so forgive me

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 10:54am

pc7 wrote: »

I've been seeing/reading a lot that middle america is becoming addicted big time to opiates (starting say Oxy due to an operation etc.), then going seeking the local drug dealer for the likes of heroin. Did you see any signs of that starting here?

Not here in my experience, it's more the other way around.

But yeah I've seen a few things about that, it's really sad. They must have a lot of prescription happy doctors there.

pc7 · 04-05-2018 10:56am

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

But yeah I've seen a few things about that, it's really sad. They must have a lot of prescription happy doctors there.

Yeah, few of the shows I've watched it seems to be big Pharma pushing it.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 11:03am

pc7 wrote: »

Yeah, few of the shows I've watched it seems to be big Pharma pushing it.

It's pretty brutal.

I mean, I made a choice. We can talk about extenuating circumstances etc all day but I'm not pretending I didn't know when I was getting myself in for (well I didn't know just how bad it was). But to have a car accident or hurt your back at work and end up with opiate withdrawals. It's a bad deal.

I don't take any painkillers now just to be sure.

VW 1 · 04-05-2018 11:29am

In terms of the difference in feeling/effects of smoking vs injecting heroin, are you able to describe how or why one is different tp the other? You say you needed to inject when you first did having been smoking prior to that, what was it that gave you that feeling?

Congrats on getting your life back on track, and best of luck.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 11:56am

VW 1 wrote: »

In terms of the difference in feeling/effects of smoking vs injecting heroin, are you able to describe how or why one is different tp the other? You say you needed to inject when you first did having been smoking prior to that, what was it that gave you that feeling?

Congrats on getting your life back on track, and best of luck.

It's hard to describe, it's like the same effect but totally different... I liked smoking because it took a while to do, takes longer, I liked the taste. When I had money or lots of stuff on standby I'd make sure that I still have a tray there to smoke after I'd used. I can't really verbalise the difference though, but it's night and day.

I guess the most prominent thing is the speed that it hits you, all at once, 10x stronger.

Bawnmore · 04-05-2018 12:12pm

Really interesting AMA op - thanks, and well done on the recovery!

Most questions I'd have are answered already, but here's a few more:

1. I've lived in Dublin and Limerick for a few years, and heroin use in particular would be more publicly obvious in both than where we are now (Galway). Would you say there's any anxiety among addicts to be seen injecting/using in public? Or would you say most use is behind closed doors?

2. Did you find crack was as easy to come by as heroin? Or less availability in general? Would you ever have actively set out to look to take crack or was it more so because that's all that was available at the time?

3. How long does a crack high last? Does it feel more or less as it's portrait in tv/movies (extreme awareness/energy)?

Thanks again for the AMA - super interesting answers.

Tombo2001 · 04-05-2018 12:19pm

Hi OP - and well done. It must be one of the hardest things in the world to do, to stop using an addictive drug of any kind.

You mentioned Cannabis earlier. My own view of cannabis changed very sharply due to its effect on someone in my circle.

I feel there is a general view out there that Cannabis is quite benign, has medicinal qualities etc etc. That its no worse than alcohol. That its no big deal - 'stop giving out Ma, its harmless' kind of thing.

My own view is that all of that is true for some people - but for a minority of users Cannabis (i) leads to significant mental health difficult difficulties and (ii) is a very significant gateway drug.

You mentioned that you spent a lot of your teenage years smoking cannabis. Would that have been the norm for a lot of Heroin users?

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 12:23pm

Bawnmore wrote: »

Really interesting AMA op - thanks, and well done on the recovery!

Most questions I'd have are answered already, but here's a few more:

1. I've lived in Dublin and Limerick for a few years, and heroin use in particular would be more publicly obvious in both than where we are now (Galway). Would you say there's any anxiety among addicts to be seen injecting/using in public? Or would you say most use is behind closed doors?

2. Did you find crack was as easy to come by as heroin? Or less availability in general? Would you ever have actively set out to look to take crack or was it more so because that's all that was available at the time?

3. How long does a crack high last? Does it feel more or less as it's portrait in tv/movies (extreme awareness/energy)?

Thanks again for the AMA - super interesting answers.

1. I definitely tried to keep it under wraps, firstly out of shame and then thinking like "I don't want some kid to see me". But there where lots of times where it just "needed" to be done asap, didn't give a **** then. I think that's the attitude most have.

2. It's pretty common, but still nowhere near as prolific. Was more of a "luxury item" for me anyhow.

3. An hour or 2, the best part is when you are holding it in your lungs and exhale slowly, after that you are going downhill and you'll want/need to buy more. Doesn't last long at all

....... · 04-05-2018 12:23pm

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I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 12:25pm

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Hi OP - and well done. It must be one of the hardest things in the world to do, to stop using an addictive drug of any kind.

You mentioned Cannabis earlier. My own view of cannabis changed very sharply due to its effect on someone in my circle.

I feel there is a general view out there that Cannabis is quite benign, has medicinal qualities etc etc. That its no worse than alcohol. That its no big deal - 'stop giving out Ma, its harmless' kind of thing.

My own view is that all of that is true for some people - but for a minority of users Cannabis (i) leads to significant mental health difficult difficulties and (ii) is a very significant gateway drug.

You mentioned that you spent a lot of your teenage years smoking cannabis. Would that have been the norm for a lot of Heroin users?

Yeah from my experience most people who used had a background with other substances

miamee · 04-05-2018 12:36pm

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

€15 for one or 2 for €25, then you get more etc with bulk

Not always, €200/250 that's at max street price, so only only on the really low days would I be paying that much.

If I/we were buying stuff in bulk it would work out cheaper, sell half get yours for free, rinse and repeat.

I lost/sold every possession that mattered to me at one stage or another other than a watch my granddad gave me.

By vulnerable yes, I guess that's what you're looking for

I ripped off younger/newbie guys and sold them nothings drugs. Did confidence scams on people and got a fair bit of money at a time.

By elderly specifically, no. Not intentionally, I might have taken something from a car, but I wasn't specifically looking for that.

Most people I tapped off or hustled where young people in town, out on a night out out shopping during the day.

Spun a story about missing a taxi or money for a hostel, and could make about €100 per hour. The right people will give you average €20/30 you just have to find them.

Just the bit in bold, you mentioned sometimes you'd buy in bulk, sell half and get yours free. Would you be selling to people you already knew, was it common for a group of you to take turns doing this sort of thing and just sell to each other or would you have to go to any efforts to sell it, e.g. go to a certain place where people knew to buy stuff or what? Were you ever arrested for dealing or afraid that you would be?

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 12:47pm

miamee wrote: »

Just the bit in bold, you mentioned sometimes you'd buy in bulk, sell half and get yours free. Would you be selling to people you already knew, was it common for a group of you to take turns doing this sort of thing and just sell to each other or would you have to go to any efforts to sell it, e.g. go to a certain place where people knew to buy stuff or what? Were you ever arrested for dealing or afraid that you would be?

Both, sometimes you'd be selling/splitting just among friends or people I knew, sometimes I'd walk the streets slinging it, like you said, there are a couple of hotspots in the city center where people congregate to conduct this kind of transaction.

Somebody else mentioned how drug pushers of all kinds are abhorrent, and I'd usually agree but I never sold anything to anybody who wasn't clearly strung out like me. It was just a means to an end and everybody was happy consenting adults. I'm still not saying that it's right though.

mittimitti · 04-05-2018 12:53pm

Fair play to you for getting back on track

You said it was 200/250 a day to get by how did you fund that, shopping lifting has to get you caught and i guess known to security staff

Have you ever had dealers come after you / beat you up over money

great read so far, im sure you could write a good book

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 1:04pm

mittimitti wrote: »

Fair play to you for getting back on track

You said it was 200/250 a day to get by how did you fund that, shopping lifting has to get you caught and i guess known to security staff

Have you ever had dealers come after you / beat you up over money

great read so far, im sure you could write a good book

Shoplifting, robbed lots of stuff. Sold lots of stuff. Scammed people, begged. Amway you can think of making money ,I did it

I've taken a few beatings for various reasons, I once used a few counterfeit notes to buy some weight and I was kicked into oblivion! Probably nearly died from that one.

I had a flat that I was renting during the middle of all this and had people I owed a lot of money to show up and take over, dealing up large batches and cleaning/playing with guns at the table. i just had to sit there and stfu

I still owe (technically) a couple of grand to people. I'm sure it's (or I'm) forgotten now, but still scared walking around just incase..

Liam McPoyle · 04-05-2018 1:21pm

Did you ever OD?

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 1:26pm

Business Cat wrote: »

Did you ever OD?

3 times.

There was a good few other times that I went over but came out of it after

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 1:29pm

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

3 times.

There was a good few other times that I went over but came out of it after

I think it was cut with something to cause that though, sometimes you don't know exactly what you're getting

Liam McPoyle · 04-05-2018 1:29pm

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

3 times.

There was a good few other times that I went over but came out of it after

How does one come out of it ie is it like Renton in Trainspotting and you get an adrenaline shot to the heart?

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 1:33pm

Business Cat wrote: »

How does one come out of it ie is it like Renton in Trainspotting and you get an adrenaline shot to the heart?

No, they give you naloxone which blocks the opioid receptors and then you come out of it

mittimitti · 04-05-2018 2:42pm

are you back to normal now after getting clean
Health wise / do you look ok / any side effects

pc7 · 04-05-2018 2:44pm

Just another one, why do drug addicts seem to love sugary drinks?

shivermetimber · 04-05-2018 2:55pm

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

Subutex/suboxone is a better route than methadone in my opinion, not as hard or the body and it incorporates Naloxone which blocks the opioid receptors in the brain so you don't get high if you use, it does nothing for you. I guess it's too expensive here, they trialled it years ago and I was a part of it. In my book it's a miracle drug. 100x better than methadone imo.

Interesting, I never knew this existed and always thought methadone was the only option. I wonder what the costing involved is and why it hasn't been used after trials? (not necessarily a question to you directly).

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 4:39pm

mittimitti wrote: »

are you back to normal now after getting clean
Health wise / do you look ok / any side effects

Mainly my teeth, theiy're pretty wrecked. Gained some weight with methadone, shedding it now and getting back to normal.

I think physically I've aged a little more than I should have, but who knows!

Everything else checks out ok!!

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 4:41pm

pc7 wrote: »

Just another one, why do drug addicts seem to love sugary drinks?

I don't know really, but you do get an affinity for them. Still trying to break my Coke (a cola) habit. My last vice... It must be the energy, you don't eat much.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 04-05-2018 4:47pm

shivermetimber wrote: »

Interesting, I never knew this existed and always thought methadone was the only option. I wonder what the costing involved is and why it hasn't been used after trials? (not necessarily a question to you directly).

I think it's just too expensive. There are no generic brands. Methadone can be made up off label in huge batches.

It's a pity because it's a much better and healthier option and stops abuse with the naloxone component. It would be my method of choice to get clean.

Also then because it's regulated, normal doctors etc can't prescribe it, it's literally been around more than 20 years, I don't know why Ireland is so behind the times on this. It would make drug treatment so much easier if your own doc could prescribe it. It doesn't get you high or anything so I don't see how it could be open to any abuse. They must have some reason

WhiteMemento9 · 04-05-2018 6:46pm

Fair play to you for getting clean and sharing your experiences.

I am not trying to be flippant or make light of the seriousness of your situation but just to maybe lighten the mood a little. You must have the odd funny tale or good story from the whole time. Care to share one?

tantan2 · 04-05-2018 8:15pm

I so enjoyed reading this.

Well done on getting yourself clean/ well and staying in recovery, it must be so difficult to turn your whole life around.

Wishing you the very best in the future.

04-05-2018 8:28pm

You mentioned earlier you're kept awake some nights looking back on past deeds throughout your addiction. Do you not think considering the efforts you've made to turn your life around gives you a certain permission at this stage to have a good nights sleep?

I mean, let's face it, you need energy the following day to keep going and get your life back on track- staying awake all night isn't going to help. Do you think the good vibes you've got from this thread will help you relax a bit more?

justfillmein · 04-05-2018 11:47pm

been a great read so far. fair play to you for doing it.

with new relationships, is it something you feel you need to tell them about straight away?
or do you worry about when is the right time to mention it?

like are you able to just be you, without being you the ex druggie??
maybe it might be obvious(looks wise), but if it's not, is it something that has got in the way of any new relationships since you've been clean?

best of luck with everything in the future too:)

Gloomtastic! · 04-05-2018 11:51pm

Great AMA, and very well written.

You mentioned that some people who were given methodone would then sell it on. But you’ve also said how crap it is. Why is there a market for it then?

maninasia · 05-05-2018 9:08am

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

John_D80 wrote: »

How much does heroin cost per “hit”??

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA wrote: »

John_D80 wrote: »

How much does heroin cost per “hit”??

How long did you sustain the 200/250 euro per day usage for??

Is there any one single prized possession of yours that you kept and would never have sold and or swapped for heroin even at your worst?

Did you ever commit a violent crime on an innocent vulnerable person like a pensioner in order to steal money?

€15 for one or 2 for €25, then you get more etc with bulk

Not always, €200/250 that's at max street price, so only only on the really low days would I be paying that much.

If I/we were buying stuff in bulk it would work out cheaper, sell half get yours for free, rinse and repeat.

I lost/sold every possession that mattered to me at one stage or another other than a watch my granddad gave me.

By vulnerable yes, I guess that's what you're looking for

I ripped off younger/newbie guys and sold them nothings drugs. Did confidence scams on people and got a fair bit of money at a time.

By elderly specifically, no. Not intentionally, I might have taken something from a car, but I wasn't specifically looking for that.

Most people I tapped off or hustled where young people in town, out on a night out out shopping during the day.

Spun a story about missing a taxi or money for a hostel, and could make about €100 per hour. The right people will give you average €20/30 you just have to find them.

people will give you average €20/30 you just have to find them.

At least you are being honest. I've been approached a lot in town when younger and absolutely hated it. O'Connell Street is ruined with this behaviour. Also a lot of them were menacing, starting from asking for a cigarette and then getting very bolshie. Do many drug addicts have a sense of entitlement and bitterness to regular folk? Cos a lot of them seem to have an edge to them. I've even had them come up to me outside pubs when I'm in the middle of conversation, every 5 minutes looking for money and smokes. When they didn't get it they'd get offended even though they are the ones being bloody rude and threatening. I believe that kind of mindset gets them on the street in the first place.

What are you going to do to make up to the people you deceived? You approached what you felt to be the most vulnerable members of the public.
I don't mean you need to do it now but you definitely owe those people when you are back on your feet.

Also do the cops do anything about addicts hanging around the city center all the time or do they just basically walk by unless a crime is reported? Are there any efforts to move people on?

Sorry if I come across harshly and fair play for getting things together. I do wish you the best of luck in settling down and you are still young and that is your ace in your sleeve.

maninasia · 05-05-2018 9:08am

double post

Sinister Kid · 05-05-2018 11:07am

There was a couple of addicts sitting across from me on the red luas a while back, they were talking about using & comparing wounds, pulling down jeans & rolling up tops not a bother to them, showing each other. A few min later they moved to an empty seat directly behind me, one kept sketch while the other cooked up & used (My back was to them, Im assuming this is what happened based on the conversation between them)In fairness, they didnt so much as make eye contact with me.
But it was still pretty horrible & intimidating to witness imo.

Do you think the introduction of injecting rooms will stop this kind of thing?
Why do so many addicts leave their used needles lying around where innocent kids can accidentally get them... Ive seen them in parks near playgrounds! Im assuming all consideration for others goes out the window?
How long would someone be using to get open sores & wounds?

A friends mam said to me when I was younger that we are all only one bad decision away from it. That really stuck with me, I try to be sympathetic but it is difficult in situations like I described above.

downwesht · 05-05-2018 2:03pm

Well done on getting clean.
If you were to advise the government what would you suggest to help reduce/eliminate/sort out the drug problem?

Yester · 05-05-2018 7:42pm

Thanks for doing this AMA. It has been great to read such honest and informative answers. Everything I would have asked has been pretty much asked already. What were your sleeping dreams like when you were on heroin? Did you find your dreams getting more vivid and intense once you quit? Did you ever dream you were using again and then wake up in a panic and say thank feck it was just a dream?

Vojera · 06-05-2018 8:32am

You mentioned that your teeth are in bad shape now. Is that specifically because of the heroin or is it because of all the sugary drinks and not caring about brushing your teeth?

Mad_Dave · 06-05-2018 3:44pm

Congratulations of getting clean and apologies if these have been asked before:
How long did it take before you were addicted ?
Does the effects of the drug lessen over time and did you reach a point where you're just doing it to avoid withdrawal ?
How much of a stigma have you found is attached to being a former addict ?
The thread title refers to you as a 'recovered heroin addict' - do you consider yourself 'recovered' or will you always be 'recovering', do you still attend NA meetings / counselling and what support systems are in place for people like you ?

justfillmein · 06-05-2018 5:27pm

Vojera wrote: »

You mentioned that your teeth are in bad shape now. Is that specifically because of the heroin or is it because of all the sugary drinks and not caring about brushing your teeth?

that's actually a good question.
(minus the need for the bolded part)

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 09-05-2018 4:09pm

Deleted User wrote: »

You mentioned earlier you're kept awake some nights looking back on past deeds throughout your addiction. Do you not think considering the efforts you've made to turn your life around gives you a certain permission at this stage to have a good nights sleep?

I mean, let's face it, you need energy the following day to keep going and get your life back on track- staying awake all night isn't going to help. Do you think the good vibes you've got from this thread will help you relax a bit more?

Thread has definitely helped a bit, a lot of it is anxiety as well as guilt. I find difficult to go out, talk to people. Replay events in my head etc, I know there's no point stressing about things you can't change wish it was as simple as just shutting off!

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 09-05-2018 4:11pm

Vojera wrote: »

You mentioned that your teeth are in bad shape now. Is that specifically because of the heroin or is it because of all the sugary drinks and not caring about brushing your teeth?

Yep mostly from neglect and bad diet, but there's a lot of gum issues and staining etc from smoking as well.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 09-05-2018 4:18pm

Yester wrote: »

Thanks for doing this AMA. It has been great to read such honest and informative answers. Everything I would have asked has been pretty much asked already. What were your sleeping dreams like when you were on heroin? Did you find your dreams getting more vivid and intense once you quit? Did you ever dream you were using again and then wake up in a panic and say thank feck it was just a dream?

You don't really dream when you are on it, nothing you can remember. Once you start withdrawals or get clean they turn crazy vivid and feverish.

I had one really freaky one that I'll always remember; dealers in town will keep the stuff in their mouths in case the cops nab them they can swallow it. I was going through horrible withdrawals, you can't really sleep at all but I nodded off for a few minutes and dreamt that I was scoring and the guy just swallowed it. We (me and someone else, dunno who) cut him open and were rooting around in his guts looking for it. Was horrible and crazy vivid. I woke up soaked in a cold sweat and puked. That one still freaks me out when I think about it.

I had a dream about using the other night, it happens. I just disregard it like any dream. Like sometimes they can be upsetting for a few mins after you wake up, but once you get on with things you forget about it.

I'm a recovered heroin user, AMA · 09-05-2018 4:22pm

justfillmein wrote: »

been a great read so far. fair play to you for doing it.

with new relationships, is it something you feel you need to tell them about straight away?
or do you worry about when is the right time to mention it?

like are you able to just be you, without being you the ex druggie??
maybe it might be obvious(looks wise), but if it's not, is it something that has got in the way of any new relationships since you've been clean?

best of luck with everything in the future too:)

Yep it's really hard to work out when or if to mention it. I'm still kind of trying to work out who exactly I am at the moment, like in general my confidence has totally gone, so that makes it hard to talk to anybody. Also not drinking etc makes it difficult to socialise with most people at times. I guess I still have some work to do to build myself up properly before I'll be able to tackle all that.

Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered heroin user

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