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How much drug/alcohol use would you tolerate in a partner?

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  • 09-07-2019 12:47pm
    #1
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭


    I'm 21yr old and was wondering if most women are open to drug/alcohol use in a relationship.

    I'd take alcohol most days, ecstasy on nights out, and perhaps benzo/alcohol/codeine combination when I get a script from my G.P.

    I realize that although Ireland is getting liberal on drug use, there are still many people even young ones my age firmly against it and that's fine.

    Are you open to it yourself and in a partner or not? Would the frequency matter?


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    #2
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    You mean recreational use?

    Daily alcohol and benzo use recreationally I'd steer well clear of. I definitely wouldn't lumber myself with being a crutch for someone else at a young age to be honest. It's a recipe for being their carer.

    Sod that. I've my own life to live, thanks.


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    #3
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    As the daughter of an alcoholic my tolerance would be quite low.
    Any type of drug use would be a deal breaker.
    No issue with social drinking, say once a week or so, but I wouldn't be able to tolerate the company of someone who required a couple of glasses of wine/beers to wind down at home every.single.night.
    There's a big difference between enjoying a glass of wine with dinner, and getting sloshed in front of the telly every night - no thank you.

    As well as that, its more of a case of what kind of person they are when drunk. If they were the type to get nasty or aggressive when drunk I wouldn't tolerate any alcohol use whatsoever and would end a relationship over it without a second thought over it.

    I'm in my 20's myself and that kind of lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me.


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    #4
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,329 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    Recreational drug use is one thing, but drinking every day is concerning. Why is your doctor prescribing benzos? Surely they speak to you about how you shouldn't be mixing them with alcohol. They are highly addictive, as is codeine. Having such an established "habit" at 21 would be a massive red flag for me and I would imagine any smart girl wouldn't entertain getting into a relationship with a guy with so many issues.


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    #5
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Everyone will have their own lines in the sand, and women aren't of a hive-mind when it comes to stuff like that.

    I'm not a big drinker by any stretch, and never really was. I have the odd whiskey or cider every now and again, but being around drunk people makes me extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that dependent on alcohol or drugs. I find it weird when friends talk about drinking every night with dinner or especially when alone in the house to relax. That's a massive red flag of a problem if you ask me.


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    #6
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    Recreational drug use is one thing, but drinking every day is concerning. Why is your doctor prescribing benzos? Surely they speak to you about how you shouldn't be mixing them with alcohol. They are highly addictive, as is codeine. Having such an established "habit" at 21 would be a massive red flag for me and I would imagine any smart girl wouldn't entertain getting into a relationship with a guy with so many issues.

    Nope. I don't get the benzos now from him but I did back in 2017-2018. He never said anything and all I asked him for orginially was some anti-anxiety tablets and then he wrote a script for 50 tablets of diazepam. until I got addicted and forged them. Was told by the gardai not to go back to him

    Anyway, I try not to get them too often from my other source because of the withdrawl I experience.


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    #7
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    Anyway, I try not to get them too often from my other source because of the withdrawl I experience.


    Hmmm. I'd say look at sorting yourself out, before you go looking for a girlfriend. That's always step one. There are services available.


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    #8
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I'd be fairly on the liberal end of the scale for tolerance of this but forging scripts, getting caught and still at it and only in early 20s? Nope.

    For me it's not particularly about the frequency or anything, it's like someone said above what are they like when intoxicated and is it affecting their life? Someone who goes and has a few pints after work a few nights a week and has a smoke before bedtime and is happy, productive and present would be preferable to someone who gets drunk every three months even though they know well they're a pr1ck when they drink, or someone who has those few pints and smokes but their mood, energy and behaviour is erratic.


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    #9
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,040 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    Alcohol yes but the rest is no, no, no. If you don't have respect for your body, how are you going to have respect for me.


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    #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Caranica wrote: »
    Alcohol yes but the rest is no, no, no. If you don't have respect for your body, how are you going to have respect for me.

    That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me really.

    Alcohol can have massive deleterious effects on the body just like the other drugs you are against. But then I presume you drink alcohol yourself so that vice gets a pass?


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    #11
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,040 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    Batrachotox wrote: »
    That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me really.

    Alcohol can have massive deleterious effects on the body just like the other drugs you are against. But then I presume you drink alcohol yourself so that vice gets a pass?

    Alcohol has predictable effects. Ecstasy could have absolutely anything in it and each tab is different and will affect different people in different ways. An acquaintance passed away recently having taken a tab, a large group of people took it, only one reacted badly and paid with their life.

    As for the prescription stuff, none of it was created to give recreational highs/lows. I myself have a prescription for a powerful opioid to deal with a chronic issue. I only take it when I absolutely need it. I'm aware that it could be addictive so don't take it.


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    #12
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    Batrachotox wrote: »
    That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me really.

    Alcohol can have massive deleterious effects on the body just like the other drugs you are against. But then I presume you drink alcohol yourself so that vice gets a pass?

    To be fair, I understand this point. Although other drugs like cannabis, mushrooms and even benzos (though addictive) are less harmul and maybe not as addictive, they are still illegal to posess and I know a woman in the States who was visited by police just because her friend lived with her for lower rent and was secretly dealing drugs.

    The biggest stigma against recreational drug use comes from trust. Family/friends and spouses can be worried that someone addicted is going to lie and steal (even though that doesn't happen with many drug users, it's a thing).


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    #13
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    baby and crumble wrote: »

    I find it weird when friends talk about drinking every night with dinner or especially when alone in the house to relax. That's a massive red flag of a problem if you ask me.

    Can I ask what's wrong with this? I've heard this reiterated by many people and find it a bit odd myself.

    Not taking a shot at you but why is drinking alone every night if you can still hold your job, pay the mortgage such a bad thing?

    Why is drinking out at the pub on the weekend more acceptable than on the weekday?


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    #14
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    Can I ask what's wrong with this? I've heard this reiterated by many people and find it a bit odd myself.

    Not taking a shot at you but why is drinking alone every night if you can still hold your job, pay the mortgage such a bad thing?

    Why is drinking out at the pub on the weekend more acceptable than on the weekday?

    I just think it's a bit sad to have to use a mind-altering chemical relaxant, every day.

    TBH I don't think it's good to be going out drinking every weekend either. But drinking every single day is just a bad idea full stop, and I wouldn't be comfortable sharing my home and life with someone who needed that. I don't know anyone who drinks every single day who is not using it in some way as a method of escapism. Especially those who do it alone. Because it can no longer be a 'social thing' to loosen you up like many people use booze for.

    I hate the smell of alcohol, I hate how a lot of people get on booze when they drink too much, etc. If you have to do something - anything - every day then it's an addiction. Some addictions/daily activities are healthy on balance (meditation for example) and some are not. I think drinking alcohol or using medications every single day without medical reasons for doing so is unhealthy, and in the long run have negative repercussions eventually. If course it's the individuals choice, but it's also my choice to not want much to do with someone who does all that.


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    #15
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    I can understand people have hard time leaving partner who becomes addicted during the relationship but why would you want to start dating someone you knew had that type of a habit. Vast majority of addicts are not a rock star or famous actor so you are just settling for a waster.


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    #16
    SaltSweatSugar
    Registered Users Posts: 414 ✭✭SaltSweatSugar


    I couldn't be with anyone that was dependent on any drug, be it alcohol, legal or illegal.

    I like a social drink, but can take it or leave it these days. Wouldn't like to be with someone who drinks a large amount regularly or gets very drunk regularly. I'm getting too old for that. I much prefer enjoying a decent beer or glass of wine than getting locked.

    I also couldn't be with someone into recreational drug use, for many reasons that I'm not going into detail here. It's a deal breaker for me.


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    #17
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    *puts hand up*

    I'd usually have had a bottle of beer every night. It became a routine thing of clearing up after dinner, doing the bedtime routine and then sitting down for an hour with an icy beer.

    I've cut it down to just weekend nights though because that one bottle was turning into 2 or 3 and it was affecting my sleep a bit. But if I'm honest, I've always known I can take or leave it, I can go long periods without bothering with a drink. If I'm honest, the only reason I'm cutting down on alcohol consumption is vanity on my part because I put on a bit of weight recently so trying to eat healthier, cut down on junk and do a bit more exercise.

    I never drink spirits, don't do recreational, OTC or any prescribed drugs and don't smoke either, so a bottle of beer or a glass of wine is the only vice really. Now, I do understand what people are saying about red flags but there's a big difference between someone needing that drink and just feeling like a drink.

    But I wouldn't date anyone with the drug/alcohol consumption of the OP. I dated someone who took ecstasy and other soft drugs honestly he was such a bore. The whole night out became about finding some drugs, taking them, talking endlessly about coming up on it, how great it felt, and then for days after it was all about the comedown. Rinse and repeat.


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    #18
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    Neyite wrote: »
    *puts hand up*


    But I wouldn't date anyone with the drug/alcohol consumption of the OP. I dated someone who took ecstasy and other soft drugs honestly he was such a bore. The whole night out became about finding some drugs, taking them, talking endlessly about coming up on it, how great it felt, and then for days after it was all about the comedown. Rinse and repeat.

    to be fair, If I was dating a girl the last thing I'd be concerned about was being a bore.

    Not to sound hypocritical but I do understand the legality risk. Don't know how often it happens but recreational users can get wrongfully raided by the Gardai if the dealer tips off the cops to get a lighter sentence. There's also a risk of getting your house robbed.


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    #19
    Schwanz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 898 ✭✭✭Schwanz


    Alcohol is the most dangerous drug in the world yet freely available to the masses. The drugs people are taking worsen due to the consumption of alcohol with them.

    After drinking heavily for two weeks straight on holidays I'm now extremely moody, sweaty and my head hurts.

    I'm of no use.

    How any woman could put up with my recent behavior over a long/constant time is beyond me.

    Maybe it's just in our blood, who knows?

    Just my two cents.


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    #20
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Era there's a big difference between going on benders, or all day drinking, and having a glass of wine with dinner. And it's most certainly not the most dangerous drug in the world! Hello digitalis, arsenic etc. Warfarin is rat poison, can and does kill people (especially when cut into their recreational stuff), but is also used for heart disease as a theraputic medicine.

    Friday, Saturday I often drink wine with food. I like it. I definitely enjoy a good wine with a home cooked meal... That's drinking at home, but that's not anywhere near what we are talking about here.

    We are talking about habitual boozing (doesn't sound like a glass of wine or a single beer), with some benzo or ecstasy combination.


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    #21
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Wine and beer often complement food very well. But one does not start a thread about daily alcohol consumption or drug abuse if they have a small glass of wine with their food. I doubt anyone takes ecstasy because it tastes nice.

    Anyway op is 21. I doubt he is going to get relevant information on a forum that is used by people older than him, in my case twice his age. Frankly that kind of drug and alcohol consumption is likely unknowingly subsidised by parents.


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    #22
    DonnaDarko09
    Registered Users Posts: 366 ✭✭DonnaDarko09


    pwurple wrote: »
    Era there's a big difference between going on benders, or all day drinking, and having a glass of wine with dinner. And it's most certainly not the most dangerous drug in the world!.

    Actually it is the most dangerous drug right now.

    https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/06/25/what-is-the-most-dangerous-drug


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    #23
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Neyite wrote: »

    But I wouldn't date anyone with the drug/alcohol consumption of the OP. I dated someone who took ecstasy and other soft drugs honestly he was such a bore. The whole night out became about finding some drugs, taking them, talking endlessly about coming up on it, how great it felt, and then for days after it was all about the comedown. Rinse and repeat.

    People on ecstasy have to be the worst type of people on drugs to be around when you're not also on drugs. I've been that soldier, by God it's tortuous.


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    #24
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    a hugh no to drugs. i see the use of them as a weakness so would have a very very low opinion of any user.
    alcohol doesnt interest me.
    i can take a glass of lager once in a blue moon but if i never had one it wouldnt bother me.

    people of any age who need to drink to excess and/or take drugs bore me.


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    #25
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    What about those of us who just like to? :pac:


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    #26
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    Rubberchikken wrote: »
    a hugh no to drugs. i see the use of them as a weakness so would have a very very low opinion of any user.
    alcohol doesnt interest me.
    i can take a glass of lager once in a blue moon but if i never had one it wouldnt bother me.

    people of any age who need to drink to excess and/or take drugs bore me.

    Not judging but may I ask where your opinion comes from? Is it an alcoholic in the family or just a distate for drug users.

    And as some have pointed out, how is use of alcohol different from other drugs?

    Again, not taking a shot at you just curious


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    #27
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Why are you not open to giving up alcohol/drugs?


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    #28
    noubliezjamais
    Registered Users Posts: 253 ✭✭noubliezjamais


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Why are you not open to giving up alcohol/drugs?

    To be fair, I don't even use much, but that's not because I don't want to. I'm stuck for cash at the moment and looking for a job. Also just repeating the LC.

    Really, I have to say I've never felt more "comfortable" than on drugs. I used to be fairly anti-drug when I was a teen but not really for any logical reason apart from my mother saying "drugs/alcohol are bad" (even though ironically a lad who got 600 points loved ecstasy/alcohol on the weekends). I didn't have any social life as a teen and felt like ****.

    It wasn't until 19 actually that I just decided to use my age card to buy a beer for some unknown reason I didn't think about it. Then everything "just fell into place" and through two years I developed a benzo, nicotine, codeine, and alcohol addiction.


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    #29
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    DonnaDarko09 wrote: »
    Actually it is the most dangerous drug right now.

    https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/06/25/what-is-the-most-dangerous-drug


    Thanks, that's an interesting chart, especially for OP's question.

    It isn't one I'd reuse for the purpose they have here, but the base data is handy. It's a mix of measured values, like mortality which can be counted, and subjective measurements, like family adversity. It's also not adjusted for population usage. The article states that alcohol is reading high because of widespread use. Mixing several types of data in one chart to draw conclusions is data framing 101. It's is like mixing metric and imperial, or nails on chalkboard.

    The typical example for mixing figures like that is the swimming pools and guns rational. Swimming pools kill far more children every year in the US than guns in households, so why not lobby to ban swimming, rather than gun ownership? The answer is that the safety numbers are very different if you look at hours the population spends swimming, rather than hours the population spends with their gun in use. All about how you frame your data..

    The relevant part for OP though is "Loss of Relationships" which we can pick out of the stacks there, it's the piece in light blue.

    20190629_woc294.png

    The data there shows heroin, crack and metaamphetamines are the worst for impact on relationships, followed by coke and amphetamines. Next up then is the ecstasy and alcohol abuse.

    Nothing in there for combinations, but the bottom line and answer to your question is simply: Yes, there is a relationship impact.


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    #30
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    Really, I have to say I've never felt more "comfortable" than on drugs.

    That, to me, is the biggest issue. Most of the population don't need drugs like benzo's, codeine, alcohol etc to feel 'comfortable'. That's not a standard state of affairs, OP. I don't have much of an issue with folks using recreational drugs for a kick or whatever, it's when it's totally normalised like this as something you need every day, that it becomes problematic.
    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    I used to be fairly anti-drug when I was a teen but not really for any logical reason apart from my mother saying "drugs/alcohol are bad" (even though ironically a lad who got 600 points loved ecstasy/alcohol on the weekends). I didn't have any social life as a teen and felt like ****.

    Ok, not trying to be funny but there's a big difference between needing drugs and alcohol to feel 'comfortable' in day-to-day life like you said up front and someone partying hard at the weekend but getting stuck in to work/study during the week. Some people can handle drugs and alcohol without becoming dependent on it on a daily basis.

    Also - I wouldn't believe a word some 18 year old lad said about his drug and alcohol use at the weekends unless I saw it with my own eyes. So unless you saw him every weekend blasted on booze and ecstasy, I wouldn't believe it either. Chances are if there's a grain of truth to it, he probably went to the pub and maybe had a tab the odd weekend.
    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    Then everything "just fell into place" and through two years I developed a benzo, nicotine, codeine, and alcohol addiction.

    Look, OP, look at what you've written. Going from never having a drink to getting addicted to serious drugs and alcohol in 2 years is insane. You said you're repeating the LC - which presumably means you'll be doing your exams next year, at age 22, right?. What are you planning to do then? Because I can almost guarantee you, using drugs and alcohol on a daily basis is just not going to cut it in college. College is hard work. 4 years is a long time to get your degree. Holding down a relationship (which was your initial problem) is honestly going to be the least of your worries in final year. And tbh you'll already be seen as strange by your classmates because starting college you'll be 22/23. That's a mature student. And trust me your recovery abilities to manage heavy days/nights alters DRASTICALLY as you get older. That'll have a huge impact on getting to class, studying, handing in assignments.

    Even if you don't plan to go to college, do you seriously think you can hold down a 35 hour per week job, pay rent and live a normal life whilst spending time, money and energy trying to get sorted with booze etc? I don't know of any job that says it's ok to come to work intoxicated. So you run the very real risk of quickly loosing whatever jobs you can find.

    From the more detail you give each post, OP, I'd say a large proportion of women (obviously I can't speak for everyone) wouldn't go near you for a relationship with a 10ft pole. Trying to have a mature relationship with someone who is struggling to get their **** together (and you are, clearly struggling. No job, no money, repeating the LC at 21 and with a serious drug and alcohol dependency) is a no-go. Yeah, some 17 or 18 year old girls might think it's 'cool', but you're 21. Not saying you have to settle down with a mortgage and sensible shoes at 21, but after a certain point, most people (regardless of gender or orientation) just want someone sound, decent, and drama-free.


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    #31
    Hoboo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,524 ✭✭✭Hoboo


    Veronica Hundreds Foot wrote: »
    People on ecstasy have to be the worst type of people on drugs to be around when you're not also on drugs. I've been that soldier, by God it's tortuous.

    Drunk people when sober are far far worse.


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