My best friend kissed my brother!

CareBear2008 · 18-12-2008 3:19am #1

Not the most sensationalist title in recent times but it's really knocked me for six. We were out in a club and when I turned around there they were...on each other...I gave her the daggers, she said sorry then when I returned from the bathroom it happened again.

I can't bring myself to speak to either of them.

Am I right to be upset/annoyed or am I being a selfish prat, where's the love and all that jazz?

Need your advice.

CareBear2008 · 18-12-2008 3:33am

Yeah could you please move it for me please. Thanks

sdanseo · 18-12-2008 3:34am

PI for this? In all seriousness, get over it!

Overheal · 18-12-2008 3:35am

I fail to see any problem here. Your brother kissed a girl you happen to be best friends with. Well, you know he's not gay at least (Not that theres anything wrong with that) other than that, this is the ONLY remote-explaination I can think of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxuYdzs4SS8

Grow up and stop the turf war.

AlmightyCushion · 18-12-2008 3:36am

Moved from after hours.

Kintarō Hattori · 18-12-2008 3:59am

Why are you annoyed with them both OP? Do you fancy your friend? Do you not get on with your brother? I can't really see why it'd be a problem if they both like each other and decide to hook up.

You really need to let us know why this is a problem for you so we can give you some better advice/thoughts.

CareBear2008 · 18-12-2008 4:13am

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.
She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

Nothingcompares · 18-12-2008 4:33am

let them have their fun don't be a cock blocking bitch

LegacyUser · 18-12-2008 4:44am

They're both independent people so let them go for it, it probably just seems a bit wierd at the moment, but at least you know both your bro and best friend are with someone you can trust.

Overheal · 18-12-2008 5:23am

CareBear2008 wrote: »

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.
She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

im judging by the sig youre the gay younger brother?

Now see, if you had mentioned that in the first place.. I can then understand why your best friend, a straight girl that gets you, hooking up with your straight undermining older brother, might be a legitimate issue for you.

get a decent chance to talk with her yet?

CareBear2008 · 18-12-2008 5:44am

Nope haven't talked to her since it happened on Sunday. I told her I need space. It's not as if it's a relationship I suppose, but has she always secretly fancied him?? and never told me, I've told her all my issues with him over past few years and she has always stood up for him....

SpookyDoll · 18-12-2008 9:27am

Ah let them on OP.

I know you told her all your issues with him, but remember sexual attraction is strong and hard to resist.

What type of stuff went on with your brother, is it just regular sibling rivalry etc or more serious........

Nevyn · 18-12-2008 9:41am

Nothingcompares 1 week ban for personal abuse.

MagicMarker · 18-12-2008 9:47am

If this thread were about a guy kissing his best friends sisters there would be different responses!!

OP, the first time she kisses him, while not the end of the world, was a little heartless. It's perfectly acceptable to want a little bit of notice for things like that rather than just walk in on it! But, all in all, it would have been forgotten quite quickly yes?

However, the fact that she saw you were upset and apologised, and THEN did it again? No, that's not on at all, in fact that's way beyond out of order and shows a complete lack of respect for your feelings.

I'd be having words.

jim o doom · 18-12-2008 10:08am

You should talk to your mate about it - even you are a bit unhappy about it and don't want to talk about it, getting it out in the open sooner is far better. You may have to accept, ultimately, that she wants go out with your brother & be your friend too.. if you can't accept that you might lose your best friend, is that something you really want? - I know you have troubles with your brother, but siblings always do, hell me and my sister were at war until I moved out of the house years ago!

TheZohanS · 18-12-2008 10:11am

Your best friend and your brother are entitled to kiss whoever they want, they don't need your permission.

MagicMarker · 18-12-2008 10:13am

TheZohan wrote: »

Your best friend and your brother are entitled to kiss whoever they want, they don't need your permission.

What if your best friend kissed your mother (or father)?

TheZohanS · 18-12-2008 10:29am

MagicMarker wrote: »

What if your best friend kissed your mother (or father)?

My best friend has four legs, it happens all the time.

VO · 18-12-2008 10:29am

OMG - She kissed your brother. Lose her as a friend that is just soo unacceptable

Colonel_McCoy · 18-12-2008 10:56am

OP.

what the problem here? !? At the end of that day its none of your business. they can do what they want.

You need to lean back

AnonoBoy · 18-12-2008 11:02am

VO wrote: »

OMG - She kissed your brother. Lose her as a friend that is just soo unacceptable

Why is that unacceptable?

OP - while I can see how you might be annoyed since you don't really get on with your brother you can't really dictate who your friend or your brother kiss. And if you make a big deal out of it it'll just drive them together.

Gurgle · 18-12-2008 11:09am

CareBear2008 wrote: »

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.
She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

Soooo - if your best friend is getting off with your brother, you can either take the opportunity to build a closer relationship with your brother or throw a tantrum because she's your friend.

Without asking specifics about a lady's age, are you over or under 15 ?

Wagon · 18-12-2008 11:13am

My sister went out with my mate for a year. I didn't give a ****. They were happy, and I don't get along great with my sister either.

I went out with my sister's best mate for about 6 months. My sister stopped speaking to her. Treated her like crap pretty much and it reallly hurt my then girlfriend, We broke up 6 months later, mainly cos of that. They're back to being friends. Bottom line is that i still think my sister is a bitch for the way she acted and still haven't ever forgiven her properly for it.

My advice is to cop the **** on and stop being an immature pain in the arse because that's all you are at the moment (here comes the ban stick) If your mate wants to go out with your brother then let her, it's her business and you have absolutely no right to dictate in what she does. Grow up and start acting like an adult.

Vegeta · 18-12-2008 11:16am

Is this really a cause for drama in your life.

Two people you know well have shown affection towards each other.

Why do you feel hurt, is it because you don't like your older brother and you see your friends actions as a betrayal (as clearly she does like him, at least physically)?

You say your brother undermines you, in what ways? IS that the only reason you dislike him?

Are you jealous your older brother may be "stealing" your best friend?

In$omniac · 18-12-2008 11:16am

CareBear2008 wrote: »

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.

That's what most older brothers do til you both become adults

They kissed big deal, or was it a case he said to her 'giz a kiss it will really pish him off'. I think you are reading into this a little too much, what's done is done.

Beruthiel · 18-12-2008 11:30am

CareBear2008 wrote: »

Am I right to be upset

If you are under fifteen, then you can put it down to hormones and jealousy.
If you are over fifteen, it's time to grow up and learn when something is not your business.

Dragan · 18-12-2008 12:11pm

CareBear2008 wrote: »

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.
She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

I assume you don't get on with your brother and are happy enough to chat to you mate about it. As she is YOUR mate you kind of subconciously feel that she too should think that your brother is a bit of a dick.

Here is the thing....she doesn't have to think that.

Morgase · 18-12-2008 12:18pm

OP I think you will have to just deal with it yourself. Your brother and your friend can kiss or go out with whoever they like, including each other.

I started going out with my brother's friend when we were all teenagers. Brother wasn't happy about it but almost 9 years later we are still going strong, and Brother has long since dealt with it and happy for us. Will you be annoyed if your brother and friend start going out together?

sdanseo · 18-12-2008 2:01pm

Overheal wrote: »

im judging by the sig youre the gay younger brother?

Now see, if you had mentioned that in the first place.. I can then understand why your best friend, a straight girl that gets you, hooking up with your straight undermining older brother, might be a legitimate issue for you.

get a decent chance to talk with her yet?

Yeah he should definitely have mentioned that - sig didn't exactly explain it all. I think I see what the OP is getting at.

My point stands though. Get over it, you need to be able to shrug it off and say "**** it". You shouldn't dislike either of them over it.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 18-12-2008 2:10pm

Carebear wrote:

She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

It's normal to feel territorial over friends and if something further were to happen between your brother and your best friend, the best friend relationship dynamic is highly likely to change and that's scaring you the most.

You've taken the wrong course of actions. Look at this logically:

They kiss, you get bitchy, forbidding them from seeing one another drives them closer together, elephant is brought into the room for you and your friend, friendship shrivells

They kiss, you act as if it doesn't bother you and give her a bit of a slagging, hold your head high, she'll still see you as a friend and things will get back to normal when things fade with your brother.

FreeFallin · 18-12-2008 2:25pm

Gurgle wrote: »

Without asking specifics about a lady's age, are you over or under 15 ?

Haha thats hillarious, its a man, a gay man so that explains the name, but a man none the less

Kya1976 · 18-12-2008 3:05pm

Dont see what the big deal is tbh

VO · 18-12-2008 6:52pm

Exactly the same thing happened to me. My VBF kisse dmy brother and I did not speak to her for ages. I relaised she was using me to get to him and I found it totally unacceptable. This had a major impact on me and my relationship with my VBF eventually broke up. However I soon found another VBF and she never kisse dmy brother.

By the way I was 3 years old and my brother was 4.

Get a life

LolaLuv · 18-12-2008 7:17pm

I think everyone's being a bit hard on the OP. If everything were grand in his relationship with his brother, I'd also say he should cop on. But if his brother is really nasty to him, sure it'd bother me too. It isn't about his friend having to think his brother is a dick just because the OP thinks he is. But I'll say one thing for damn sure: If someone repeatedly hurt my best friend, there's no way I'd make out with him. I do think it's a conflict of interests, depending on just what the elder brother does to the younger that makes him so bad.

Also, the fact that the BFF defended the bro for ages is a little shitty. If the elder brother is really rotten to the younger, and he looks to his best friend for support, and she's so busy jonesing for the bastard that she won't even properly support her friend (possibly making him feel like it's his fault that his brother's an ass), then sure that would upset most people. I think this all boils down to a loyalty issue.

But it really does depend on just how bad the elder brother is to the younger.

Chucky the tree · 18-12-2008 7:28pm

MagicMarker wrote: »

If this thread were about a guy kissing his best friends sisters there would be different responses!!

OP, the first time she kisses him, while not the end of the world, was a little heartless. It's perfectly acceptable to want a little bit of notice for things like that rather than just walk in on it! But, all in all, it would have been forgotten quite quickly yes?

However, the fact that she saw you were upset and apologised, and THEN did it again? No, that's not on at all, in fact that's way beyond out of order and shows a complete lack of respect for your feelings.

I'd be having words.

PillyPen wrote: »

I think everyone's being a bit hard on the OP. If everything were grand in his relationship with his brother, I'd also say he should cop on. But if his brother is really nasty to him, sure it'd bother me too. It isn't about his friend having to think his brother is a dick just because the OP thinks he is. But I'll say one thing for damn sure: If someone repeatedly hurt my best friend, there's no way I'd make out with him. I do think it's a conflict of interests, depending on just what the elder brother does to the younger that makes him so bad.

Also, the fact that the BFF defended the bro for ages is a little shitty. If the elder brother is really rotten to the younger, and he looks to his best friend for support, and she's so busy jonesing for the bastard that she won't even properly support her friend (possibly making him feel like it's his fault that his brother's an ass), then sure that would upset most people. I think this all boils down to a loyalty issue.

But it really does depend on just how bad the elder brother is to the younger.

I think alot people are missing these points. If the brother has been pretty bad to the OP and the bestfriend knew about it scoring the brother is really bad form. But for her to do it again as soon as your turn your back is even worse.

iguana · 18-12-2008 8:04pm

PillyPen wrote: »

Also, the fact that the BFF defended the bro for ages is a little shitty. If the elder brother is really rotten to the younger, and he looks to his best friend for support, and she's so busy jonesing for the bastard that she won't even properly support her friend (possibly making him feel like it's his fault that his brother's an ass), then sure that would upset most people. I think this all boils down to a loyalty issue.

But it really does depend on just how bad the elder brother is to the younger.

While it's possible that the OPs brother is very nasty to him it is also possible that it's just normal sibling rivalry in action and that his friend has just been pointing that out. She may just have been trying to help by trying to get the OP to see his brother's pov.

OP I really think you are doing the wrong thing by not talking to her. You will only get to the bottom of this by talking it through. You can't really know why she did this until you have an honest chat with her. I think part of you isn't talking to her right now as you want to punish her and show her how much she has hurt you. But all you are doing is letting yourself stew in the situation while talking to her could make you feel better.

LolaLuv · 18-12-2008 8:18pm

iguana wrote: »

While it's possible that the OPs brother is very nasty to him it is also possible that it's just normal sibling rivalry in action and that his friend has just been pointing that out. She may just have been trying to help by trying to get the OP to see his brother's pov.

Yep, that's true! That's why I said it depends on the level of harassment from the brother. (And I guess she did get quite the pov from the brother's side, haha.)

Wibbs · 18-12-2008 8:23pm

FreeFallin and VO if you've nothing to add of a constructive nature and written in a constructive manner, then please don't post. A read of the specific charter of this forum would be good plan. Thank you.

CianRyan · 18-12-2008 9:23pm

Personally, i cant see anything wrong with this, other than you being selfish.
But if it bothers you, then talk to them about it, i wouldnt ask them not to do it again.
If i was the one doing the kissing, i'd be a little ticked off.
You have to look at this from either end.

Overheal · 19-12-2008 8:07am

can i ask, does your brother know youre gay? i just assume she does.

No1XtinaFan · 19-12-2008 3:55pm

CareBear2008 wrote: »

Not the most sensationalist title in recent times but it's really knocked me for six. We were out in a club and when I turned around there they were...on each other...I gave her the daggers, she said sorry then when I returned from the bathroom it happened again.

I can't bring myself to speak to either of them.

Am I right to be upset/annoyed or am I being a selfish prat, where's the love and all that jazz?

Need your advice.

CareBear2008 wrote: »

He's my older brother, we don't get on, he undermines everything I do.
She's my younger best friend, I have no sexual feelings towards her, I'm gay. I can't explain why it upsets me so much, it just does.

Yes you are being a selfish prat. :mad:

I was/am in the exact same position execpt I'm the best friend.

5 yrs ago I kissed my boyfriend who I now have been living with for the past 2 and half years.

His younger sister (my best friend at the time) only started talking to me in August this year.
She was my best mate and I didn't do it to hurt her. I genuinely liked him and him me.

When she wasn't happy about it I told him we couldn't go out then she said she was fine with it. 6 months later she blanked me.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and although it upsets me that she reacted the way she did, I love my boyfriend and don't regret it.

Get over yourself, how is this affecting you? You could end up losing your friendship.

LolaLuv · 19-12-2008 4:00pm

No1XtinaFan wrote: »

Yes you are being a selfish prat. :mad:

I was/am in the exact same position execpt I'm the best friend.

5 yrs ago I kissed my boyfriend who I now have been living with for the past 2 and half years.

His younger sister (my best friend at the time) only started talking to me in August this year.
She was my best mate and I didn't do it to hurt her. I genuinely liked him and him me.

When she wasn't happy about it I told him we couldn't go out then she said she was fine with it. 6 months later she blanked me.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and although it upsets me that she reacted the way she did, I love my boyfriend and don't regret it.

Get over yourself, how is this affecting you? You could end up losing your friendship.

How did your boyfriend treat his sister? That makes all the difference in the world

jim o doom · 19-12-2008 4:05pm

PillyPen wrote: »

How did your boyfriend treat his sister? That makes all the difference in the world

No it doesn't from the OP - the op was mentionning his bro being a cnut and undermining him, etc etc etc - which is basic sibling rivalry & happens to pretty much every brother, sister or whatever that I've ever known (me and my sister included).. Unless he is being the absoulte prince of darkness, it's just normal brother stuff, so the OP should really just get over it, make up with his mate, tell her he was hurt by what she did, but accepts she likes his bro regardless of how he feels & just GET ON with his life.

LolaLuv · 19-12-2008 4:08pm

jim o doom wrote: »

No it doesn't from the OP - the op was mentionning his bro being a cnut and undermining him, etc etc etc - which is basic sibling rivalry & happens to pretty much every brother, sister or whatever that I've ever known (me and my sister included).. Unless he is being the absoulte prince of darkness, it's just normal brother stuff, so the OP should really just get over it, make up with his mate, tell her he was hurt by what she did, but accepts she likes his bro regardless of how he feels & just GET ON with his life.

That's an awful lot to infer from very little that the OP said.

Lollipops23 · 19-12-2008 4:10pm

i really don't get why you're so distressed about this??it'd be ok if you felt just a bit surprised, as you said you really suspected nothing, but you can't treat them so horribly just because they snogged.Big whoop. they're adults who are allowed kiss whoever they like and do so without worrying if they're going to cause you to have a meltdown.

No1XtinaFan · 19-12-2008 4:32pm

PillyPen wrote: »

How did your boyfriend treat his sister? That makes all the difference in the world

no different to before we started going out, she didn't stop talking to him either! He did tell her she was being a sap though as did everyone else in the family at the time

My best friend kissed my brother!

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