Being approached by people of the same sex

13-05-2019 9:50pm

gmisk wrote: »

Of course mutual attraction is the aim of the game.

Everyone should obviously accept no means no that is a given.

I have been hit on by plenty of straight woman and I am a gay man, I don't think hmm 'what's gone wrong here?'. I have found some woman a lot more handsy than gay men tbh

And they continue hitting on you when you tell them straight up (sorry) that you’re gay?

gmisk · 13-05-2019 9:53pm

JayZeus wrote: »

And they continue hitting on you when you tell them straight up (sorry) that you’re gay?

Yep some have, I used to work in bars a lot

13-05-2019 9:55pm

One eyed Jack wrote: »

If I didn’t know better I’d think from your post that you’re Jesus and the other lad was Judas :pac:

No, he wasn't Judas.. There was another Judas..

**Adjusts crooked crown of thorns**

How Soon Is Now · 13-05-2019 10:13pm

After everything ive said in detail people have chose to ignore that and throw the ''You where in a gay bar'' thing at me.

So what about when i wasn't in the gay bar....

wakka12 · 13-05-2019 10:16pm

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

After everything ive said in detail people have chose to ignore that and throw the ''You where in a gay bar'' thing at me.

So what about when i wasn't in the gay bar....

Some gay men are remarkably forward, and you happened to be to their taste. Nothing more to it, some gay guys I know are very uninhibited and like to try their luck with any guy they like the look of, regardless of whether they necessarily think he might be gay or not. What kind of answer are you looking for? Are you afriad you are doing something thats giving you away as gay or something? Because thats probably not it

Day Lewin · 13-05-2019 10:22pm

Yes but there is some kind of subliminal signal.

I'm totally cis hetero straight, don't even like women much: and time after time I have to brush off unwanted attention.
It's like I transmit a signal or a pheromone, or something: and No, I don't want to dance with you, sorry. And don't hug me, please.
Don't know what causes it but it's definitely a thing. My sympathies are with the OP.

Outlaw Pete · 13-05-2019 10:22pm

Yeah, years back.

Mate's uncle gave us the keys to his holiday cottage and then in the middle of the night the fcuker followed us down. Kept making suggestive comments throughout the next day and then when my mate got pissed he trapped me in the corner of the bedroom and said he meant to have me even if it was burglary.

How Soon Is Now · 13-05-2019 10:25pm

klaaaz wrote: »

Do you think that they who have approached you might have mental issues?(your past words) Your past posts here do not make you amenable to the LGBT community, perhaps you may get over the shock of encountering different people in the real world and maybe then you become more tolerant?
It's quite good that you were in a gay bar, it'll open your eyes a bit to that there are minorities out there who are zero threat to you.

Right listen to me ok.

I have no issue with gay people and i never have the issues i have with the transgender thing is absolutely nothing to do with this at all.

The fact you have slithered in here and tried to get one up on me using that is ****ing pathetic.

You have ignored everything ive said in here where ive clearly displayed i never felt threatened by anyone in these situations more a curiosity to what made them happen.

You know absolute nothing about me and what ive done or encountered in my life other then what you make of my posts on here so don't bother.

corner of hells · 13-05-2019 10:26pm

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Yeah, years back.

Mate's uncle gave us the keys to his holiday cottage and then in the middle of the night the fcuker followed us down. Kept making suggestive comments throughout the next day and then when my mate got pissed he trapped me in the corner of the bedroom and said he meant to have me even if it was burglary.

I'd say you're arse would be sore , if it was burgled.

zapper55 · 13-05-2019 10:26pm

There appears to be a lot of aggression from some posters that were hit on by men. Is it that you feel your masculinity is threatened? Being hit on by a gay guy means they find your attractive, not that you come across as gay to the world (which I'm assuming is your problem?).

In answer to the OP, I've been approached by girls a few times, more so than men come to think of it as I'm rarely chatted up by guys. I'm a straight female.

I'm pretty comfortable in myself so wasnt put out by it. Some of the girls in particular were stunning and way younger than me so it was quite the ego boost. It took me ages to cop the first time it happened, I thought we were just having the chats. It wasn't until they mentioned their empty hotel room that it dawned on me, much to my friends amusement.

Tl dr thinly veiled boast about being chatted up by beautiful women

klaaaz · 13-05-2019 10:36pm

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Right listen to me ok.

I have no issue with gay people and i never have the issues i have with the transgender thing is absolutely nothing to do with this at all.

The fact you have slithered in here and tried to get one up on me using that is ****ing pathetic.

You have ignored everything ive said in here where ive clearly displayed i never felt threatened by anyone in these situations more a curiosity to what made them happen.

You know absolute nothing about me and what ive done or encountered in my life other then what you make of my posts on here so don't bother.

Boo hoo, you made your so called experience public hence the "slithering in here". I sincerely hope you didn't react violently to a gay man approaching you and just politely whispered in his ear that you are attached with zero interest.

Perhaps you were approached by an attractive trans man, does that upset and offend you?

cannotlogin · 13-05-2019 10:44pm

Can't understand some of the reactions here - why react negatively.

Is it just some straight men have a problem with gay men hitting on them? Even when in a gay bar, which would be more likely to assume they are more likely gay than straight.

Cannot see many woman having an issue being approached.

It's like do gay people hate if straight people hit on them? I somehow doubt it & its probably more likely to happen statistically.

It's kind of sad how much this bothers some people.To get annoyed is a completely over the top reaction.

cannotlogin · 13-05-2019 10:51pm

Hacker Weekly wrote: »

By that logic women should not complain when gross creepy guys hit on them.

Sexuality doesn't make a person creepy!!!!!!

I'm sure there are plenty of creepy straight people & creepy gay people but their sexuality isn't the reason for it.

cannotlogin · 13-05-2019 11:09pm

Hacker Weekly wrote: »

But you're telling us to just be flattered at the attention! Is that not wrong? Is this really what women think? That gay men can do no wrong?

You are twisting my words now.

No I don't expect anyone to be flattered by a creepy approach by anyone regardless of gender or sexuality but by a standard approach yes, why get so bothered about it?

I can't speak for all women.

No I don't think gay men can do no wrong. Everyone can do wrong but again it's not linked to their sexuality.

Al Porter, for example, is a gay man, whose actions disguist me, but is it because he is gay no. It's because he is a predator who committed sexual assult. I would have the same reaction to anyone who behaved the same - again regardless of their sexuality.

How are you confusing the two things? There is no link between sexuality and bad behaviour.

13-05-2019 11:17pm

cannotlogin wrote: »

Can't understand some of the reactions here - why react negatively.

some people are talking about persistent behaviour

A random proposition (chat-up line) is nothing to write-home about, that's fine. But I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss how annoying it can be for someone to persistently make jokes about what they'd 'do to you', or invading your personal space.

A lot of people are saying it's just humour, but if your sister or a female friend told you about that kind of experience, you'd call the guy a creep (I'd hope) in pretty strong language.

Sexual jokes are fine, doeneding on context. Sexual innuendo towards total strangers, of any gender or orientation, is creepy, inappropriate behaviour.

cannotlogin · 13-05-2019 11:20pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

some people are talking about persistent behaviour.

A random proposition is nothing to write-home about, that's fine. But I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss how annoying it can be for someone to persistently make jokes about what they'd 'do to you', or invading your personal space.

A lot of people are saying it's just humour, but if your sister or a female friend told you about that kind of experience, you'd call the guy a creep (I'd hope) in pretty uncertain language.

Sexual jokes are fine, doeneding on context. Sexual innuendo towards total strangers, of any gender or orientation, is creepy, inappropriate behaviour.

I agree with you but sexuality is not the cause of it.

Persistant unwanted behaviour is horrible for anyone on the receiving end of it.

How Soon Is Now · 13-05-2019 11:21pm

klaaaz wrote: »

Boo hoo, you made your so called experience public hence the "slithering in here". I sincerely hope you didn't react violently to a gay man approaching you and just politely whispered in his ear that you are attached with zero interest.

Perhaps you were approached by an attractive trans man, does that upset and offend you?

What are you even on about?

Bobblehats · 13-05-2019 11:22pm

cannotlogin wrote: »

Sexuality doesn't make a person creepy!!!!!!

I'm sure there are plenty of creepy straight people & creepy gay people but their sexuality isn't the reason for it.

I don’t know, it just gives me the willies I think some women just want to see men getting shafted for a change? I mean It’s quite a demeaning image that can reduce a man to his knees

13-05-2019 11:25pm

cannotlogin wrote: »

I agree with you but sexuality is not the cause of it.

Persistant unwanted behaviour is horrible for anyone on the receiving end of it.

Of course. Sexuality is completely irrelevant.

You don't go around making unasked-for sexual innuendos to any person whom you don't know. No matter who you are.

Wibbs · 13-05-2019 11:25pm

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Yeah, years back.

Mate's uncle gave us the keys to his holiday cottage and then in the middle of the night the fcuker followed us down. Kept making suggestive comments throughout the next day and then when my mate got pissed he trapped me in the corner of the bedroom and said he meant to have me even if it was burglary.

I think I rented the same cottage. Did he weep in butcher's shops?

klaaaz wrote: »

Boo hoo, you made your so called experience public hence the "slithering in here". I sincerely hope you didn't react violently to a gay man approaching you and just politely whispered in his ear that you are attached with zero interest.

Perhaps you were approached by an attractive trans man, does that upset and offend you?

Annnnnnnnd... we're off.

As for being in a Gay bar. I've gone to such places with Gay friends and acquaintances. So what?

klaaaz · 13-05-2019 11:26pm

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

What are you even on about?

As the question says, perhaps you were approached by an attractive trans man, does that upset and offend you? Hoping you didn't react violently to any member of the LGBT community on your "experience"

Wibbs · 13-05-2019 11:29pm

wakka12 wrote: »

Some gay men are remarkably forward, and you happened to be to their taste. Nothing more to it, some gay guys I know are very uninhibited and like to try their luck with any guy they like the look of, regardless of whether they necessarily think he might be gay or not.

Would you feel the same "nothing more to it" with Straight men being "remarkably forward" with women that "happened to be to their taste"? Or would you be suspicious of them from the get go and waiting to step in, or much more likely judge if they were too persistent?

Wibbs · 13-05-2019 11:34pm

klaaaz wrote: »

As the question says, perhaps you were approached by an attractive trans man, does that upset and offend you?

For me it would depends on how open they were. I'd want to hear the I used to be a man speech as soon as humanely possible so I would have a choice in the matter. Which would be a big fat Nope. Otherwise, work away.

Hoping you didn't react violently to any member of the LGBT community on your "experience"

Second time repeating that sorta hope that he'll respond in the positive.

klaaaz · 13-05-2019 11:41pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Annnnnnnnd... we're off.

As for being in a Gay bar. I've gone to such places with Gay friends and acquaintances. So what?

Good for you and glad for you to open your mind for once to minorities out there who are zero threat to you and your like minded posters like the OP.
Just hope that there are no violent reactions from the OP to a misunderstanding situation in a gay bar involving the OP who himself has a habit not liking the LGBT community on boards, whether that approach is from gay men or trans men.

Roger Hassenforder · 13-05-2019 11:42pm

JayZeus wrote: »

Yeah, but mutual attraction is the aim of the game.

So if you’re proving attractive to gay men and you’re a straight man, what’s gone wrong there? I mean, are gay men supposed to find straight men attractive? All men attractive? Any man they think they could ride, wanted or not, attractive? Slippery slope. All men should just accept that no means no. Doesn’t matter who’s saying it.

Ive hit on ladies, crashed and burned. Maybe they were gay, fond of the flat shoe, or maybe they were straight and just revolted by the cut of my jib.
Sometimes i soared like an eagle, but you dont get lucky, by eh., not trying your luck!

No is no though. We're agreed on that.

Maybe if you're proving overly attractive to the queer lads, maybe ask yourself "is my shirt too fitted? "Is my leather sleeveless biker jacket and tight jeans really the look that'll get me some beors"?

Roger Hassenforder · 13-05-2019 11:43pm

klaaaz wrote: »

Good for you and glad for you to open your mind for once to minorities out there who are zero threat to you and your like minded posters like the OP.
Just hope that there are no violent reactions from the OP to a misunderstanding situation in a gay bar involving the OP who himself has a habit not liking the LGBT community on boards, whether that approach is from gay men or trans men.

"For once" Wibbs.
Thats you told.

Thread was a bit of craic

klaaaz · 13-05-2019 11:51pm

Wibbs wrote: »

For me it would depends on how open they were. I'd want to hear the I used to be a man speech as soon as humanely possible so I would have a choice in the matter. Which would be a big fat Nope. Otherwise, work away.

They used to be a woman you mean. Believe me Wibbs, there are trans men out there in Ireland you'd meet in a LGBT friendly bar and no-one can "read" them no matter how brilliant they are. It's quite possible on the gambling odds that if a male was in a gay bar, there would be a chance he'd encounter a trans man even for a chat. I'd like to know how our resident Smiths fan would react to said situation, would he react violently?

Wibbs wrote: »

Second time repeating that sorta hope that he'll respond in the positive.

Let's hope that as some men have a habit of using "gay panic" as a defence in rejecting even chatting to a trans male person nevermind a cisgender male.

Yer Da sells Avon · 13-05-2019 11:53pm

It has happened to me twice that I know of. I'm a bit of an idiot, so it took me a while to realise that they weren't just being friendly. Anyway, I turned them down politely/shuffled away awkwardly, but I don't blame them for wanting a piece of this... *points at this*

How Soon Is Now · 14-05-2019 12:02am

Jesus I've never seen someone to put words in your mouth as bad as this fella!

Why are you bringing transexuals into a conversation they had no part in?

Your throwing whatever little bit of **** you have got hoping it will stick.

To answer your stupid ****ing question if a trans man tried it on with me and I found out what they where no I woulfnt react with violence. Id walk away and be done with the situation.

Happy? No of course your not!

By the way I don't dislike the lgbt community on boards it's some of the pricks who single handedly try and speak for all of them I have issue with.

Wibbs · 14-05-2019 12:06am

klaaaz wrote: »

Good for you and glad for you to open your mind for once to minorities out there who are zero threat to you and your like minded posters like the OP.

Just hope that there are no violent reactions from the OP

Three for three...

klaaaz wrote: »

I'd like to know how our resident Smiths fan would react to said situation, would he react violently?

This is beginning to feel a tad uncomfortable.

ILoveYourVibes · 14-05-2019 12:11am

I would be aroused. :cool:

klaaaz · 14-05-2019 12:13am

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

To answer your stupid ****ing question if a trans man tried it on with me and I found out what they where no I woulfnt react with violence. Id walk away and be done with the situation.

Assuming you were actually in a gay bar, there is a chance that you'd meet a trans man, it's 2019 not 1950. Am glad to hear that you'd walk away from such an encounter that you disagree with, it's a refreshing perspective on such encounters.

One eyed Jack · 14-05-2019 12:23am

klaaaz wrote: »

Assuming you were actually in a gay bar, there is a chance that you'd meet a trans man, it's 2019 not 1950. Am glad to hear that you'd walk away from such an encounter that you disagree with, it's a refreshing perspective on such encounters.

This is exactly the sort of attitude behind someone who simply cannot take no for an answer, who persists in spite of being told numerous times, to fcuk off - tries to paint themselves as the victim of some terrible wrongdoing because they’ve experienced being told to fcuk off on numerous occasions :rolleyes:

How Soon Is Now · 14-05-2019 12:26am

klaaaz wrote: »

Assuming you were actually in a gay bar, there is a chance that you'd meet a trans man, it's 2019 not 1950. Am glad to hear that you'd walk away from such an encounter that you disagree with, it's a refreshing perspective on such encounters.

I was in the place years ago not recently. The George to be exact. The second time around I was in The Dragon down the road while it was still there.

I was there because of my friend at the time who s a lesbian. My girlfriend at the time was there also and few of my other straight friends. We all worked together.

At that point I was in my early twentys Ireland was a very different place transexuals where the last thing on my mind going into a gay bar!

To be honest I took both nights as nothing more then an experience.

It wasn't until later in my life and at that point a lot more "experiences" in between I taught about it and kinda wondered right it's one thing getting this attention in a gay bar but in other bars as well...

In fairness the guy I mentioned who I knew while I was abroad I could of reacted very badly to what he was trying!! I didn't though I just made light of the situation and made sure he knew there was nothing happening. This guy was older then me as well and knew my ma and da!

Roger Hassenforder · 14-05-2019 12:33am

klaaaz wrote: »

Am glad to hear that you'd walk away from such an encounter that you disagree with, it's a refreshing perspective on such encounters.

Wait - did they do the right thing?

sbsquarepants · 14-05-2019 8:09am

JayZeus wrote: »

No harm done and all that, but I don’t think it’s at all necessary to be polite when you decline an entirely unwelcome advance. I’d prefer to watch them crash and burn than let them think they have a parachute they can use.

.

Ah, it's nice to be nice. We've all been rejected by women at some point, a polite not interested is a lot less unpleasant than a fúck off!

There's no need to be an asshole in these things, gay or straight makes no difference in this regard.

bear1 · 14-05-2019 8:25am

Matter of time now until the thread is locked.
These things always descend into bull****

Hector Savage · 14-05-2019 8:36am

Used to happen to me the odd time back in America , in fairness they were grand as soon as they realised I'm straight.

Also , the guys that would approach me wouldn't be the full shillin so to speak ...

14-05-2019 12:24pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Ah, it's nice to be nice. We've all been rejected by women at some point, a polite not interested is a lot less unpleasant than a fúck off!

There's no need to be an asshole in these things, gay or straight makes no difference in this regard.

Maybe there'd be no need if people just accepted the answer the first time.

You run the risk of having to deal repeatedly with an asshole or you just be an asshole and get on with enjoying your night out, day, whatever.

blanch152 · 14-05-2019 12:48pm

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Is it common that a fella would be approached in a gay bar? I would think so

The reason for it? You’re a fella, in a gay bar.

Think of this another way.

You're a good-looking married woman in a heterosexual bar just out for a drink with your friends. Is it right that you should have be put up with different guys hitting on you every ten minutes?

Feisar · 14-05-2019 12:56pm

blanch152 wrote: »

Think of this another way.

You're a good-looking married woman in a heterosexual bar just out for a drink with your friends. Is it right that you should have be put up with different guys hitting on you every ten minutes?

Yer trying to compare apples with oranges.

One eyed Jack · 14-05-2019 12:58pm

blanch152 wrote: »

Think of this another way.

You're a good-looking married woman in a heterosexual bar just out for a drink with your friends. Is it right that you should have be put up with different guys hitting on you every ten minutes?

You mean present the question in a completely different context?

Nah, not only would that be whataboutery, but it would be beside the point I made seeing as I didn’t try and justify the behaviour, I merely suggested the reasoning behind it.

dont bother · 14-05-2019 1:28pm

so this whole thread is basically the OP trying to subtly let on that he is attractive. secondly, did you consider that the people chatting you up were merely desperados attempting to chat up ANYONE in their vicinity? thirdly, if i got a violent reaction from a straight guy like mentioned, i would simply kick the sh!t out of them.

too many people forget that not all gay guys are these weak little flowery camp people who cant kick the crap out of you if needed.

most straight guys who get chatted up like that are usually chatted up by creeps and those creeps would ride anything, so no, it's not a compliment, merely something that just happened because you happened to have a pulse and be in the area at the time.

sbsquarepants · 14-05-2019 1:29pm

JayZeus wrote: »

Maybe there'd be no need if people just accepted the answer the first time.

I agree. It's not like you're going to say "you know what, you've held on in there so fúck it, I will try a bit of cock"

I think as a general rule, people aren't really for turning!

sbsquarepants · 14-05-2019 1:33pm

dont bother wrote: »

too many people forget that not all gay guys are these weak little flowery camp people who cant kick the crap out of you if needed.

Possibly the toughest bloke I know is as gay as Christmas, and actually as camp as fúck too, but you certainly wouldn't want to let that fool you!

AllForIt · 14-05-2019 1:35pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

Also , the guys that would approach me wouldn't be the full shillin so to speak ...

Ah well, that explains it then :pac:

Dickie10 · 16-05-2019 2:25pm

my neighbour chatted me up on thebus home from a local nightclub, he ran his hand under my shirt too. i really dont know how he knew i was bi or gay he later said he just knew , very strange i hadnt really chatted to him before but he said he knew from me looking a little too long at him?!

wakka12 · 16-05-2019 2:48pm

Dickie10 wrote: »

my neighbour chatted me up on thebus home from a local nightclub, he ran his hand under my shirt too. i really dont know how he knew i was bi or gay he later said he just knew , very strange i hadnt really chatted to him before but he said he knew from me looking a little too long at him?!

It is a strong sign but wow he is sure confident in himself!

Bobblehats · 16-05-2019 3:05pm

It’s a strange concept though isn’t it, like two bullet trains in the night about to crash headlong. Which is intevitably going to result in catastrophe one signals ahead switch man, switch before it’s too late in the hope he does the logical thing yet it is determined to continue on its trajectory and so smack!!

..bam; wallop well actually I would say in this instance it is more like one train at the end of the line being serviced. Whilst unbeknownst to it another approaches rear ending it and ploughing into the back. Boom! Disaster. Just an analogy

zell12 · 16-05-2019 3:12pm

Being approached by people of the same sex

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