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Night time walker scares me. MOD NOTE IN OP - PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING

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    #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, first of all dont be too hard on yourself. I cannot understand other posts criticising you or your behaviour. You saw somebody who you felt was acting strangely or you were concerned about who he was as he doesn't appear to be a resident and you confronted him. You did not physically harm him and simply asked him something as a concerned resident. Imagine you subsequently heard a house was burgled or a resident attacked in there home, you would be regretting not having intervened. No harm was done, so dont worry about it. Reading your post and response, you sound like a good guy and neighbour, so be proud of yourself


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    #33
    alias no.9
    Registered Users Posts: 6,266 ✭✭✭alias no.9


    Tiger201 wrote: »
    OP, first of all dont be too hard on yourself. I cannot understand other posts criticising you or your behaviour. You saw somebody who you felt was acting strangely or you were concerned about who he was as he doesn't appear to be a resident and you confronted him. You did not physically harm him and simply asked him something as a concerned resident. Imagine you subsequently heard a house was burgled or a resident attacked in there home, you would be regretting not having intervened. No harm was done, so dont worry about it. Reading your post and response, you sound like a good guy and neighbour, so be proud of yourself

    Parking in the same spot regularly and returning to your car at predictable times does not constitute 'acting strangely' by any definition of the term.

    Confronting a stranger for the most tenuous of reasons is certainly not something to be proud of, confrontations can be dangerous, moreso when you have no idea who you are confronting or even why.

    Thankfully in this instance, the OP did not come to any harm. Should the OP repeat this behaviour with another stranger, the OP may not fair so well and not because the stranger was necessarily up to anything nefarious, they may simply perceive it as an attack and react.


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    #34
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Tiger201 wrote: »
    OP, first of all dont be too hard on yourself. I cannot understand other posts criticising you or your behaviour. You saw somebody who you felt was acting strangely or you were concerned about who he was as he doesn't appear to be a resident and you confronted him. You did not physically harm him and simply asked him something as a concerned resident. Imagine you subsequently heard a house was burgled or a resident attacked in there home, you would be regretting not having intervened. No harm was done, so dont worry about it. Reading your post and response, you sound like a good guy and neighbour, so be proud of yourself

    Jaysus don't enable him and his absolutely crazy carry on....

    If you or I was worried a call to local station would be good and take note of reg say right.....

    He wasn't hanging around or looking into houses, another thing was the op wanting recognition that he waved to a stranger.... I'm starting to think this is a troll or just made up


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    #35
    irishblessing
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 962 ✭✭✭irishblessing


    Why don't you take a walk yourself that time of night and see where he's walking from?

    Sure, put the question to your WhatsApp group. Someone probably knows him or has it sussed it out themselves.

    It doesn't sound nefarious at all to me, by the way, but you come across a bit overly dramatic.


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    #36
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    If someone parks outside my house on the public road I couldn't care less once not blocking my drive.


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    #37
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,021 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    I work very erratic hours, and if I have to work a nightshift, I'm leaving at 22:15 and coming home around 07:00. In a previous job, I would sometimes arrive home at 03:30 and no doubt that anyone who saw me out at that time wondered why a woman was walking alone out there in the dead of night. Just to say, maybe he is coming home late or is leaving for work. It really doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong.

    9-10pm isn't even that late.
    He's probably coming off the 12-8 shift, getting off a bus or luas or dart and collecting his car after parking free all day.
    Why would you put up a photo of his car in the local WhatsApp group, OP?
    No offence but the neighbours would probably only laugh at you or think you're a curtain twitcher.
    We are part of Text Alert around my way (rural Ireland). We have a phone number to call if we have suspicions about anything. That number is a Garda station because guess what? Ringing or texting the local WhatsApp group is akin to vigilantism or encouraging mob behaviour.

    To thine own self be true



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    #38
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Afraidatnight wrote: »
    OP here, thanks for the replies so far.

    Yes, my previous experience when renting in a kinda dodgy area has made me anxious, as I had 2 neighbours who had their flat ransacked when they were at work and it was from a gang who knew the hours of the tenants so I was only spared as i work flexi hours. Its made me jumpy, thats why im so in tune with the comings and goings of the people who live here. It isnt a well lit alley thats the thing, but that doesnt stop him walking there, plus its always between 9-10pm when he does it, which is also suspicious.
    Yes, I know now i absolutely shouldnt have confronted him, i wasnt planning to scare the chap, only to let him know i was aware of his routine. I regretted it right away because he asked me what business it was of mine and all my bravado went. i realised how stupid i was for doing this to a stranger. So i get it, i shoudlnt have done it.
    But...and this is my main issue, he still comes here! Down the estate and through the alley and into his car, which isnt blocking any other area (but i have noted the reg) which i find even stranger because surely after that interaction, he would have copped on that he was being watched and moved on, but he hasnt.
    Is it best to throw a pic of the car and reg on the Whatsapp group or just have a quiet word with the community officer to put my mind at ease? Im torn right now!

    Probably because he's coming or going from work at the same time each day.

    So what if he still walks down the alley each evening, maybe he lives in the area and you just don't know him. Maybe he has family who live in the area and he visits them each evening. Maybe it's none of your business. I pity this guy having this level of intrusion on his life from you.


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    #39
    Shelli2
    Registered Users Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    Your main issue is that someone who is doing nothing wrong is continuing to do nothing wrong?


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    #40
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,074 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Maybe the poor lad goes to check on an eldery relative every night or is a carer who gets a patient into bed every nght at the same time
    Honestly leave the man alone to do whatever he does at that time


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    #41
    Sonic the Shaghog
    Registered Users Posts: 597 ✭✭✭Sonic the Shaghog


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    Maybe the poor lad goes to check on an eldery relative every night or is a carer who gets a patient into bed every nght at the same time
    Honestly leave the man alone to do whatever he does at that time

    Will you stop, the OP would probably demand the elderly relative go to bed at 7pm or something to ensure the walker does exactly as the OP wants to control


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    #42
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    OP, for a number of years I worked a shift that didn't have me arrive home until after 9 pm every night. I lived 20 minute walk from my train station and cut through a housing estate and unofficial dirt track every night to cut 5 minutes off my walk and often was the only person out at that time, particularly during the winter months. Never once would I have thought that my consistently repetitive and set time action be considered suspicious even though it seemingly matches what this guy is doing.

    If this poor guy is simply passing by your house daily and not lingering or loitering in front of your property, then he is NOT doing anything suspicious.

    Since COVID restrictions from March of this year I've walked through more housing estates in my locality in the last 6 months than I have in the previous 15 years of living here because I was restricted to the 2 and 5km radius and wanted to vary my walks. Previously, after a long days commute, I rarely ventured out whereas working from home prompts me and no doubt far more people to walk locally for exercise and fresh air. Some people stick to routines and time slots and this guy (who may be just doing a leisure walk) may have a preference for that route that your house happens to be on at that particular time.

    I've speculated two possible likely reasons. I'm sure there are more. Let this hang up of yours go. You are projecting your anxiety over a past incident onto an innocent person.

    Don't be that annoying person on your Whatsapp neighborhood watch group who texts every time they hear a Coke can rolling around on the street!


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    #43
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    You have no idea what this guy’s purpose is, but yet you’re happy to think the absolute worst of him. That is a terrible outlook on life. What if he suffers from anxiety? As in you have freaked him out about his day to day life, which he’s now sitting at home agonising over. He’s as entitled to suffer from anxiety as you.

    I think you need help with your issues. You are being really unfair and selfish projecting your past problems onto some random guy. Sort yourself out OP. You are behaving terribly unfairly to a guy who probably just parks there because it’s easy. And it’s none of your bloody business!


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    #44
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,944 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Setanta1984 welcome to PI. As per the Charter posters are asked to offer constructive and civil advice to an OP when replying to a thread here. Please bear this in mind when posting here again.

    Thanks

    HS


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    #45
    Treppen
    Registered Users Posts: 4,561 ✭✭✭Treppen


    qwerty13 wrote: »
    You have no idea what this guy’s purpose is, but yet you’re happy to think the absolute worst of him. That is a terrible outlook on life. What if he suffers from anxiety? As in you have freaked him out about his day to day life, which he’s now sitting at home agonising over. He’s as entitled to suffer from anxiety as you.

    I think you need help with your issues. You are being really unfair and selfish projecting your past problems onto some random guy. Sort yourself out OP. You are behaving terribly unfairly to a guy who probably just parks there because it’s easy. And it’s none of your bloody business!

    The forum is called Personal Issues so calm down a bit and recognise why the OP came here. They're owning their own issue, or at least trying to come to terms with it with the help of other posters.

    We live in a bubble now moreso than ever. Especially with enforced isolation. That can make anyone wary of someone acting outside the bounds of their "community" be it physical community or social/psychological community.

    I for one commend the op in engaging with the person, maybe they didn't go about it quite right but you'll have to admit it takes a certain bravery to question a stranger.

    Fair play op , it probably is just an innocent passerby given the regularity of his appearances.


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    #46
    Heres Johnny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Heres Johnny


    To put your mind at rest the same thing happens on my road, its big and wide and plenty of parking which some neighbouring roads don't have. No alleyway involved but some residents from the adjoining roads get guests and Co workers to park on my road and I often see strangers parking there and getting into their cars late at night. I don't think you've anything to worry about


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    #47
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    I really think you need to go to your doctor and tell them you need urgent help with your crippling paranoia.

    I originally said it before before the reply but then edited this bit out because I thought it was too harsh but your reply has confirmed it. If you live with a wife of kids can you arrange for them to stay with family to keep them safe until you have overcome your issues. I worry that you are a danger to innocent people minding their own business and could turn on anyone next.

    If you're harassing people for walking in a walkway what's to say the next step isn't interrogating the wife because she suspiciously brings the kids somewhere at 8:45 every weekday morning.


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    #48
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Treppen wrote: »
    The forum is called Personal Issues so calm down a bit and recognise why the OP came here. They're owning their own issue, or at least trying to come to terms with it with the help of other posters.

    We live in a bubble now moreso than ever. Especially with enforced isolation. That can make anyone wary of someone acting outside the bounds of their "community" be it physical community or social/psychological community.

    I for one commend the op in engaging with the person, maybe they didn't go about it quite right but you'll have to admit it takes a certain bravery to question a stranger.

    Fair play op , it probably is just an innocent passerby given the regularity of his appearances.

    They’re not owning though - they’re doing the opposite of owning it, they’re projecting their own issues and anxiety on to a completely random person.

    They’re also not trying to come to terms with it, not even a little bit - the subsequent post which detailed that their issue having confronted someone who had done nothing wrong, was the person continued to do nothing wrong.

    You commend someone for acting aggressively towards someone going about their business. Right. You are merely attempting to justify the OP’s frankly bizarre behaviour, and masking the problem. The problem is not that someone walks down a road after dark near the OP’s home; the problem is that the OP sees this, and has concocted a paranoid and anxiety laden narrative, to such an extent that they confronted the person, and seem to want to communicate that to their neighbours to get them onside. The OP needs help. Not validation of their bizarre behaviour.


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    #49
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    OP, I know my reply to a PP was harsh, but I don’t think there’s any point in sugar coating it. You are behaving irrationally, and whether that’s paranoia, OCD or anxiety is something best judged by medical professionals.

    You are currently worsening your own life with your thoughts and behaviour, and have now encroached on a random strangers well-being. You need to address your issues. It’s no way to live your life - and especially not when your problems start to cause issues for random strangers.


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    #50
    Bubbaclaus
    Registered Users Posts: 4,461 ✭✭✭Bubbaclaus


    If I was heading back to my car from work and was accosted by a stranger in that way (the OP), I would have notified the local garda station of someone acting suspiciously in the area (the OP).

    Imagine thinking you have the right to stop a person walking there. That's not anxiety, that's narcissism.

    Seek help OP.


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    #51
    Notmything
    Registered Users Posts: 975 ✭✭✭Notmything


    What odds there is a residential unit nearby?

    His behaviour would be similar to mine, i work in a residential unit in an estate, park on a street nearby and walk to work. Don't park at work because I don't fancy having my car vandalised by the residents.


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    #52
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,019 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    OP I'll reiterate my suggestion of CCTV or a ring doorbell if anxious about security and safety. Great for peace of mind.


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    #53
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    You need to start to put this in context as your anxiety is really high. As others have suggested, you probably need to talk to your GP about it.

    Look at the facts:-

    1. He routinely does this - therefore not suspicious. He comes back at the same time etc. Clearly finishes work or coming back from gym etc.

    2- All he does is get in his car and drive away - that is his sole purpose. Get his car and go home.

    3- His reaction to your confrontation is standard. What business is it of yours is what 99% of us would say in similar situations?

    4- He keeps coming back, even after you speaking to him. If there was any element of wrongdoing, he would have stopped so as not to draw attention to himself.

    5- Wean yourself off checking on him. Maybe only do it every second night. If you cannot do that then you have to accept you have a problem.

    He is using the area as free parking, nothing more, nothing less. If you cannot accept that you really do need to seek help. Maybe you have some sort of ptsd after your previous experience but you need to address it I'm sorry but your reaction is completely over the top.


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    #54
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Caranica wrote: »
    OP I'll reiterate my suggestion of CCTV or a ring doorbell if anxious about security and safety. Great for peace of mind.

    While I agree, that would seem to me to be a sticking plaster on the real issue. Confronting a random person who walks down a lane way to their car is not a concern about security and safety.


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    #55
    bottlebrush
    Registered Users Posts: 8,192 ✭✭✭bottlebrush


    OP all you can do us secure your own home. Outside of that you have little control. You chose to live beside an alleyway which presumably has a right of way for anybody to use not just the residents of the estates it links. And, again, presumably you knew that before you moved there. A word of advice - be careful about confronting a person you dont know because you never know how vindictive they might be. There are plenty could get very tetchy about being challenged on something they are doing legitimately and turn it back on you.
    Just let it go.


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    #56
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    It seems the angry fearsome aggressive people are alive and well on this thread. The OP came here for suggestions - now they have been aggressively labeled with host of mental illnesses - all by complete amateur strangers who have never met them and have I would imagine zero specialised medical training yet many have stepped up type away and batter the OP down with their vicious words - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder , severe paranoia, the standard accusism of narcism by the usual
    suspect and a bonus diagnoisis of crippling anxiety . I can’t describe how sickening all these fake diagnosis by keyboard cowards are. I’m socked by the virulence of what I have read here and cannot imagine how damaging these profoundly damaging accusations could be to an man who has experienced being watched and neighbours houses being targeted for burglaries and break ins and who is already living in fear. People with their fake diagnosis and extreme medical opinions based on zero professionalism or credibility should be ashamed of themselves. I cannot believe this attack and casual mental slaughter of the OP based on a question he has asked in personal help ‘column’. Would you be so casually cruel and destructive if your own child or vulnerble nephew asked you the same question - savaging them and labeling them with fake destructive mental illness diagnosis ? I am sickened by what I have read here and the casual cruelty.

    OP - stop worrying, they guy is most likely using your road to park and drive which is legal and your whatsapp group cannot prevent him from doing so even if they don’t want non reaidents parking there. Let it go, close your curtains, and reat assured that there is nothing untoward going on or for you to address further.


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    #57
    NickNickleby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭NickNickleby


    Hi OP!

    OK, I think you should learn a lesson here. Most people are good, and that makes the odds of your guy being one of the good guys quite high. Especially considering his response to your approach. It if was me, I'd have been quite offended, but depending on your demeanour, would probably walk on and forget about it. Remember when you waved out the window?? If that was me, I'd ignore you rather than have you think I was peeping into your living room.

    You're not mad, you let your anxiety get the better of you. If you'd been down the pub and mentioned this guy over a pint, most likely someone would have said, "oh for God's sake, he's probably coming home from work every day!" and you would have forgotten all about it there and then. But in lock down days, we don't have access to our buddies, so you had no one to assuage your concern, allowing it to grow into a monster. Remember MOST PEOPLE ARE GOOD! (not shouty, just emphasis).

    If you encounter this guy on the street again, he probably won't give you a big friendly hug. If he makes eye contact, just nod and smile, and maybe "how's it going". He too has met a scary stranger! Except, you're not, and of course, neither is he.

    Good luck , and......... relax!


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    #58
    Treppen
    Registered Users Posts: 4,561 ✭✭✭Treppen


    qwerty13 wrote: »
    They’re not owning though - they’re doing the opposite of owning it, they’re projecting their own issues and anxiety on to a completely random person.

    They’re also not trying to come to terms with it, not even a little bit - the subsequent post which detailed that their issue having confronted someone who had done nothing wrong, was the person continued to do nothing wrong.

    You commend someone for acting aggressively towards someone going about their business. Right. You are merely attempting to justify the OP’s frankly bizarre behaviour, and masking the problem. The problem is not that someone walks down a road after dark near the OP’s home; the problem is that the OP sees this, and has concocted a paranoid and anxiety laden narrative, to such an extent that they confronted the person, and seem to want to communicate that to their neighbours to get them onside. The OP needs help. Not validation of their bizarre behaviour.

    I don't think they acted aggressively.
    They still posted in a personal issues forum so they know and admit they have issues.
    I agree, the op needs help, but berating them isn't worthy of a personal issues forum.
    You can say it's bizarre behaviour, but I think it's probably backed up by some rational fear "in their own heads".
    People appear to act bizarrely every day but the truth is that there's no normal behaviour. It's just a construct which we all have different interpretations of.
    A kid bullying a student in school is bizarre abnormal behaviour, but if you find out he has to go home to an abusive family then it makes perfect sense why they're acting out seeking to control it. Not saying it's right but just saying there's more to the solution than telling people to cop on and fahgedddabouddit.


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    #59
    radiata
    Closed Accounts Posts: 386 ✭✭radiata


    You sound like a creepy weirdo. It's you that needs reporting!


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    #60
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Treppen wrote: »
    I don't think they acted aggressively.
    They still posted in a personal issues forum so they know and admit they have issues.
    I agree, the op needs help, but berating them isn't worthy of a personal issues forum.
    You can say it's bizarre behaviour, but I think it's probably backed up by some rational fear "in their own heads".
    People appear to act bizarrely every day but the truth is that there's no normal behaviour. It's just a construct which we all have different interpretations of.
    A kid bullying a student in school is bizarre abnormal behaviour, but if you find out he has to go home to an abusive family then it makes perfect sense why they're acting out seeking to control it. Not saying it's right but just saying there's more to the solution than telling people to cop on and fahgedddabouddit.

    The OP is watching (if not stalking) a random stranger for the ‘crime’ of walking and parking. And then challenged them. This is not normal behaviour by any means, however you or the OP wish to dress it up. I feel very strongly that telling the OP that his behaviour is in any way at all acceptable or normal is doing him a huge disfavour.


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    #61
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    NickNickleby wrote: »
    Hi OP!

    OK, I think you should learn a lesson here. Most people are good, and that makes the odds of your guy being one of the good guys quite high. Especially considering his response to your approach. It if was me, I'd have been quite offended, but depending on your demeanour, would probably walk on and forget about it. Remember when you waved out the window?? If that was me, I'd ignore you rather than have you think I was peeping into your living room.

    You're not mad, you let your anxiety get the better of you. If you'd been down the pub and mentioned this guy over a pint, most likely someone would have said, "oh for God's sake, he's probably coming home from work every day!" and you would have forgotten all about it there and then. But in lock down days, we don't have access to our buddies, so you had no one to assuage your concern, allowing it to grow into a monster. Remember MOST PEOPLE ARE GOOD! (not shouty, just emphasis).

    If you encounter this guy on the street again, he probably won't give you a big friendly hug. If he makes eye contact, just nod and smile, and maybe "how's it going". He too has met a scary stranger! Except, you're not, and of course, neither is he.

    Good luck , and......... relax!


    Yes OP absolutely is. OP is one more jump to a conclusion away from being like the woman I knew who murdered a guy for parking in her spot, she was very similar to this. The best thing OP can do if he sees the person again is to ignore them, not to speak to them.


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