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How can a gay person not know or not be sure that they are gay

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    #62
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    cgcsb wrote:
    The bit in bold is the troublesome bit. You're getting turned on by men, de facto you know what's going on and are aware of it.


    When I first started feeling things about other lads, I knew what the feelings I had felt like. I did not have any words to describe them. It was easy not to associate those feelings with sex, because I didn't know what sex was.
    It was easy not to associate those with masturbation, because it didn't feel anything like masturbation. (I didn't know that word at that age either.)

    Looking back with the knowledge I have now... yes, I was turned on by other guys. Then it was just a jumble of extremely powerful feelings with no names. There was no "dang, I wanna do such and such with that lad!" Nor "wow he's hot" It was "what is this feeling?" "Why can't I get this feeling out of my head?'
    In my case, this was still several years before I got a stiffy from those feelings.
    I was staring at another lad in my class and daydreaming the first time I got one, which added yet another level of "WTF?!" To my confusion, because I had no reason to associate my feelings about him with other pleasurable things up until then.
    I had nobody to ask about these things.


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    #63
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    This is a great question.
    It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl
    I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.


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    #64
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Gael23 wrote: »
    This is a great question.
    It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl
    I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.

    Well no rush , but ask yourself , who do you look at when walking down the street , guys or girls ?
    Who do you fantasize about when you are doing a bit of self loving,


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    #65
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    Well no rush , but ask yourself , who do you look at when walking down the street , guys or girls ?
    Who do you fantasize about when you are doing a bit of self loving,

    Guys is the answer to both


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    #66
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Guys is the answer to both

    Perhaps theres your answer. But as i said , take your time ,theres no rush to do anything.


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    #67
    cgcsb
    Registered Users Posts: 9,277 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Gael23 wrote: »
    This is a great question.
    It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl
    I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.

    Easy peasy, you're gay.


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    #68
    irishgrover
    Registered Users Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭irishgrover


    cjmc wrote:
    Can someone pm me what the R word is .i can’t think !


    Am struggling with the same thing myself......can someone PM me if more appropriate with what R word is?


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    #69
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Guys I'm not trying to be a d*ckhead here, but google exists. Literally just google "the r word" there's an entire awareness campaign online about it.

    But even if that's too much - here.


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    #70
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,414 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    It's in the Mod warning on the first page now let's move on from this please, it's off topic

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



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    #71
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    Gael23 wrote:
    This is a great question. It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.


    You could "come out" as "questioning" or.. just act on what you feel, and don't label yourself. Labels aren't important. Being true to yourself is.


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    #72
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    cgcsb wrote: »
    Easy peasy, you're gay.

    Well, I would say thats up to Gael23 to determine, no one else.


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    #73
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Gael23 wrote: »
    This is a great question.
    It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl
    I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.

    And so explodes the myth that a person is "born" homosexual.
    It takes convincing but then again, if you get told a lie often enough, and told it's the truth for long enough, it's hard not to believe it's the truth.


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    #74
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,412 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Dakota Modern Moose wrote:
    And so explodes the myth that a person is "born" homosexual. It takes convincing but then again, if you get told a lie often enough, and told it's the truth for long enough, it's hard not to believe it's the truth.

    Or, y'know, it's just so ingrained in everyone that being heteronormative is the "natural" position that people such as this ignore, sideline and question their feelings for years.


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    #75
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    Or, y'know, it's just so ingrained in everyone that being heteronormative is the "natural" position that people such as this ignore, sideline and question their feelings for years.

    Had to Google "hetronormative". :)

    Another new word(1991) to support something that isn't normal and to make abnormal what is normal.
    It's a funny old world.


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    #76
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,880 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Dakota Modern Moose wrote: »
    And so explodes the myth that a person is "born" homosexual.
    It takes convincing but then again, if you get told a lie often enough, and told it's the truth for long enough, it's hard not to believe it's the truth.

    Truth?

    Have you some proof that people choose to be gay or something?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #77
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Gael23 wrote: »
    This is a great question.
    It’s not so easy to distinguish a man crush from full on sexual attraction. I do get a stiffy from a picture of a guy than a girl
    I’m in my 20s and still not sure enough to come out.

    Hi I sent you two PMs but your inbox is full apparently


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    #78
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    Hi I sent you two PMs but your inbox is full apparently

    Sorry sorted that now


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    #79
    pnecilcaser
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭pnecilcaser


    John2136 wrote: »
    Still no one is giving me an explanation as it defies logic.

    It does not defy logic, it defies your misconceptions (you also seem to have a misconception about what logic is).

    Logic is difficult to apply to something as subjective as someone's sexuality as plenty of research has shown that sexuality is influenced hugely by cultural and societal norms as well as upbringing, personality types and physiology.

    The situation is not black and white.

    That doesn't suggest that science has nothing to say about being gay, I suggest that you look at this video which explains the subject in more objective terms:



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    #80
    pnecilcaser
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭pnecilcaser


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    Truth?

    Have you some proof that people choose to be gay or something?

    Also, if people choose to be gay that would imply that there is a choice to make about sexuality and that that would also imply that straight people made a choice to be straight too?

    Think Lady Gaga had it correct.


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    #81
    Irish Praetorian
    Registered Users Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭Irish Praetorian


    Dakota Modern Moose wrote: »
    And so explodes the myth that a person is "born" homosexual.
    It takes convincing but then again, if you get told a lie often enough, and told it's the truth for long enough, it's hard not to believe it's the truth.


    Pardon me for arriving late to this particular party but is the question of 'born' really the significant issue here or is it not the question of attraction and how much 'control' we have over its function? I think the scientific consensuses these days posits that sexual orientation is not so much an exclusive matter of either of hard biological setting make-up or upbringing and environment, but rather a combination of the two.



    Ultimately the result is more or less the same when it comes to the question of 'choice' which is to say that whatever the combination of factors at play, functionally people do not have a choice at what their sexual orientation and attractions will be. And I don't say this as a novice, I've followed the stories of devout Christian LGBT persons who struggle earnestly to try and rid themselves of their attraction but still be left great pain, and I've known well adjusted confident gay men who nevertheless become heterosexual in their mid-20s. So in this respect I am highly suspicious of attempts to 'fix' people's orientation and can recall many a horror story that arose in the attempt to do just that.



    Now this is not to say the issue of orientation is something that society is going to have nothing to say about - I presume it won't be long before some young buck comes to make the trite point about people having sexual orientations which are not just unrecognised in law, but will see you prosecuted if acted upon. That is certainly true, but such prohibitions must be grounded in a justification for employing the power of the state in such a way. I would submit that in the case of gay people in recent years, such justifications have been comprehensively dismantled and dis-proven, nor do I think the present scientific consensus regarding orientation does much to overturn that.


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