Jealous neighbours

Graces7 · 16-04-2021 4:30pm

Feeling for you OP.

When you are a decent kind person it comes very hard to be in a position where you have to stand up to an aggressor, which is what this is.

But it really is the only way forward and to any peace and resolution - and you know everyone here is with you on this.

And many of us totally understand and have been through it.

Says me, sitting on a small isolated island with no neighbours! And even here a row with one man as his collie was barking all night every night. We had a blazing row finally and I said that next time I would call the Gardai. Stopped him dead, " You cannot call the Gardaí about a barking dog.! "
"At one in the morning you can".
He was gobsmacked..

It stopped after that and when it happened just one night recently? It was stopped as soon as he was informed . ( I said i was worried there was something wrong at the house!)

Yes it IS very very hard. I felt sick ( and worse) the whole time I was sorting it.

We basically get the conditions we will allow in these matters. I am lucky as we are still good neighours! I don't think that with this one you have that will happen!

If it happens again, yes, get a formal letter sent. And DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR TO HER. Just ignore her.

It is not bad manners; it is self defence .

mrslancaster · 16-04-2021 4:59pm

Mimon wrote: »

Seriously, harrasing workmen going to a neighbours house is not normal behaviour hence why it has been speculated about the person having mental health issues.

I wasn't using it as a slur so get down off your high horse and cop on.

It came across as a slur to me. Also on other threads.
You may be in a job or some position to speculate on a person's mental health but IMO the flippant use of " they must be mentally ill" or similar phrases is unnecessary. A very close friend of my brother suffered with mental health issues & sadly died from suicide. High horse indeed

Goldengirl · 16-04-2021 5:30pm

Had similar problems with an adjoining neighbour when we were getting work done .

Nothing you can do about those that listen to someone like that , but no doubt in time they too will know the truth of the matter , because she will have the knife in them too !

I would do whatever work you have to do in your own house that you are legally allowed to do,
Say nothing , pass her with a brief nod , and if she doesn't take the hint , and accosts you again, tell her you don't want to discuss it any further and she should mind her own business .

That's what I ended up doing nearly 6 months after our build finished, as she wouldn't stop ringing and mithering me over other things that I could do nothing about , and while it upset me greatly at the time , we now pass each other politely and no more headmelting anymore .

Darc19 · 16-04-2021 5:36pm

mrslancaster wrote: »

It came across as a slur to me. Also on other threads.
You may be in a job or some position to speculate on a person's mental health but IMO the flippant use of " they must be mentally ill" or similar phrases is unnecessary. A very close friend of my brother suffered with mental health issues & sadly died from suicide. High horse indeed

the "Mental Health" card is now played so flippantly by and casually by so many people, those with real mental health issues are at risk of getting smothered.

A bit like the "what about the vulnerable elderly people" (they survived wars, long electricity outages, fuel shortages, food rationing and frequent water outages) and are more than capable of holding their own far better than many of the young snowflakes.

and the other abused phrase is "what about the children" - again children are far more adaptable than their snowflake parents.

So 100% agree, the flippant use of "mental health issues" does no favours to anyone and you can be sure those who use it =casually have no understanding of real mental health issues.

In the op's situation the neighbour should be told to STFU or face defamatory proceedings which will cost her thousands.

16-04-2021 6:12pm

mrslancaster wrote: »

Very annoying to see posters here stating the cranky neighbour must have mental health issues. it's a bit of a jump & happens a lot as I've read it on a few different threads.

That neighbour comes across as a busybody, grumpy & bad tempered, a gossip & a bully. The constant complaining must be a nuisance for the OP but it doesn't mean they have a mental illness. If they have then they need professional help. mental health issues can be very serious & its really time people stopped using a medical issue as a derogatory slur.

Exactly. Sometimes a person is just a bad egg and it’s not always “mental health”. Gets trotted out far too easily these days.

CianRyan · 16-04-2021 8:12pm

The above comments are assuming 2 things,
1. All mental health issues refer to depression.
2. Discussing the irrational behaviour of some one and suggesting they may have mental health issues is an insult.

Neither statement is true and as some one who had had mental health issues in the past, I agree. This woman may have untreated issues which lead her to be explosive and irrational.
Approaching someone like this with an aggressive temperament will never get you far, if she doesn't respond to reason then calmly tell her you'll need to refer her to your legal aid or speak to her family instead. She may genuinely need help.

Or she could be a bitch, either way there's no use telling her to **** off. They'll still have to live beside her.

16-04-2021 10:18pm

DuffleBag wrote: »

Whatever about the one next to you gossiping, sounds like you and the other neighbour are doing a fair bit yourself...

No the other neighbour is trying to calm the situation whilst also being upset about what she's being told

16-04-2021 10:26pm

Thanks for all the replies, its a crazy situation.

The builder told her do what she needs to do, then she replied most normal people get 10 people in and finish it in a day not have it going on and on. I don't have 70k to do up my house in one go. As I said previously I have not done work in 10 months, the first lockdown stopped any momentum.

She was ranting at my builders and they were in shock at the craziness, she then pinned a neighbour and was pointing at my house saying this is not on. I will chat to that neighbour when I see him.

Regarding mental health, I think that is a possibility but I also think she is just a bully, she is in a management role in the HSE and from my experience I would dread working for her.

I am probably going the legal route, growing a pair doesn't work with her, she is getting worse and not better cos she hasn't been challenged. Is it better to ignore and let her rant and then received a solicitor letter or for me to send one first to tell her to back off. If i respond to a letter then it looks like retaliation

killbillvol2 · 16-04-2021 10:29pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, its a crazy situation.

The builder told her do what she needs to do, then she replied most normal people get 10 people in and finish it in a day not have it going on and on. I don't have 70k to do up my house in one go. As I said previously I have not done work in 10 months, the first lockdown stopped any momentum.

She was ranting at my builders and they were in shock at the craziness, she then pinned a neighbour and was pointing at my house saying this is not on. I will chat to that neighbour when I see him.

Regarding mental health, I think that is a possibility but I also think she is just a bully, she is in a management role in the HSE and from my experience I would dread working for her.

I am probably going the legal route, growing a pair doesn't work with her, she is getting worse and not better cos she hasn't been challenged. Is it better to ignore and let her rant and then received a solicitor letter or for me to send one first to tell her to back off. If i respond to a letter then it looks like retaliation

Send her the letter. This has already gone on too long. Put an end to it. Your solicitor will advise exactly what to say. It'll be the best money you ever spent.

Graces7 · 16-04-2021 10:36pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, its a crazy situation.

The builder told her do what she needs to do, then she replied most normal people get 10 people in and finish it in a day not have it going on and on. I don't have 70k to do up my house in one go. As I said previously I have not done work in 10 months, the first lockdown stopped any momentum.

She was ranting at my builders and they were in shock at the craziness, she then pinned a neighbour and was pointing at my house saying this is not on. I will chat to that neighbour when I see him.

Regarding mental health, I think that is a possibility but I also think she is just a bully, she is in a management role in the HSE and from my experience I would dread working for her.

I am probably going the legal route, growing a pair doesn't work with her, she is getting worse and not better cos she hasn't been challenged. Is it better to ignore and let her rant and then received a solicitor letter or for me to send one first to tell her to back off. If i respond to a letter then it looks like retaliation

Hey! YOU have done nothing wrong! SHE is the aggressor so get a solicitor;s letter sent to HER asap.

SHE is the one needs stopping, not YOU! Take the initiative; see your solicitor as in tomorrow!

Unless YOU do something this will just go on and get worse. Life is too short;

"Thus far and no further"!

Immediately!

Graces7 · 17-04-2021 7:00am

[QUOTE=Darc19;116911848

A bit like the "what about the vulnerable elderly people" (they survived wars, long electricity outages, fuel shortages, food rationing and frequent water outages) and are more than capable of holding their own far better than many of the young snowflakes.

Ah but you have misunderstood re the need to protect us old folk. It was to keep us safe from being infected with covid. Not for any other reason. covid-19 is far more dangerous to old folk than to younger and no amount of courage can change that , only protection via isolation - which of course has called for far greater courage and endurance than many realise.

I write as a near -octogenarian with the "advantage" that as my immune system is down through existing illness I was already in strict isolation and was and am used to it,.. But for many a far worse and different challenge than anything in the past and many have found that. Loneliness is already a scourge for many old folk

But I have also found that many places have taken this on board and there are extra resources for deliveries etc for us.

I was reading an article I think on the rte site; saying rightly that this young generation has not had a real challenge until now. There was a youngster yesterday complaining that he had lost " a year of his life" as he was having to start his college life at home. His main gripes were that he could not go drinking AND that he would not now get to go to a nightclub until he was 21. Such deprivation.... And reading the covid pages here...

Paulzx · 17-04-2021 10:33am

Deleted User wrote: »

I am probably going the legal route, growing a pair doesn't work with her, she is getting worse and not better cos she hasn't been challenged. Is it better to ignore and let her rant and then received a solicitor letter or for me to send one first to tell her to back off. If i respond to a letter then it looks like retaliation

Why would you even worry abut her sending a solicitors letter when you have not broke any laws? Let her spend her money on on any solicitors letter that she wants. It means nothing. You don't need to reply to it.

The only thing you need to ensure is that the builders don't build outside of the times your local authority allows building to occur and that no damage happens to her property.

You have no relationship left with this neighbour so you don't even need to worry about placating her. Let the builder know this. He'll be well used to dealing with moany neighbours.

Make sure you don't do anything to annoy your "normal" neighbours and tell the builder you want to ake sure you keep them onside.

Treat this idiot the way she deserves to be treated at this stage. Ignore her and get on with your project and your life

Mad_maxx · 17-04-2021 3:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, its a crazy situation.

The builder told her do what she needs to do, then she replied most normal people get 10 people in and finish it in a day not have it going on and on. I don't have 70k to do up my house in one go. As I said previously I have not done work in 10 months, the first lockdown stopped any momentum.

She was ranting at my builders and they were in shock at the craziness, she then pinned a neighbour and was pointing at my house saying this is not on. I will chat to that neighbour when I see him.

Regarding mental health, I think that is a possibility but I also think she is just a bully, she is in a management role in the HSE and from my experience I would dread working for her.

I am probably going the legal route, growing a pair doesn't work with her, she is getting worse and not better cos she hasn't been challenged. Is it better to ignore and let her rant and then received a solicitor letter or for me to send one first to tell her to back off. If i respond to a letter then it looks like retaliation

even you were spending 170K , the builders would not do it all in one go , thats not how builders operate in this country , or any tradesmen

they juggle several jobs at once , that way they get more work , do a few days with customer A and he is not going to go hiring someone else , do the same with customer B and C , they juggle

punisher5112 · 17-04-2021 4:17pm

Don't even bother talking to neighbours about it, she is mad, leave her off, have nothing to do with her, have nothing to say about her to others.....

The more fuel you give the more she likes it...

Edgware · 17-04-2021 5:11pm

I cant believe that people have to seek advice as to how to deal with this wagon.

endofrainbow · 17-04-2021 6:33pm

Something similar happened me with a a neighbour. When she approached me one day, I told her I had been advised not to discuss anything with her - she wasn't to know 'who' or about 'what'.

I had no more issues.

December2012 · 18-04-2021 11:08am

If I were you I would not send the letter. Just. Ignore. Her.

Do not give it any oxygen. If she talks to you again just say you're not talking to her about this matter any more. Let her run out of steam herself.

If she sends a solicitors letter, then you can respond with a PFO letter from your own solicitor.

19-04-2021 4:37pm

December2012 wrote: »

If I were you I would not send the letter. Just. Ignore. Her.

Do not give it any oxygen. If she talks to you again just say you're not talking to her about this matter any more. Let her run out of steam herself.

If she sends a solicitors letter, then you can respond with a PFO letter from your own solicitor.

i'll in 2 minds what to do really. Do i try ignoring again but wait for her to harass workers each time i do something in my house. i ignored her for the best part of a year and its like watching a child pushing the boundaries further and further.

For her to come out and harass my workers nearly making out the noise is non stop is just off the wall, she lies to make her seem like a victim, lying when the workers start etc., my head is wrecked from it.

the_pen_turner · 19-04-2021 4:40pm

Report her for harassment

Patrick2010 · 19-04-2021 5:06pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

even you were spending 170K , the builders would not do it all in one go , thats not how builders operate in this country , or any tradesmen

they juggle several jobs at once , that way they get more work , do a few days with customer A and he is not going to go hiring someone else , do the same with customer B and C , they juggle

Had a garage conversion to a granny flat done a few years ago. The clincher for hiring the builder I used was hearing he didn't juggle jobs. Had the whole job done in 5 weeks. Every morning the full team turned up at 8 am and worked away until 4, no messing.

19-04-2021 8:16pm

Patrick2010 wrote: »

Had a garage conversion to a granny flat done a few years ago. The clincher for hiring the builder I used was hearing he didn't juggle jobs. Had the whole job done in 5 weeks. Every morning the full team turned up at 8 am and worked away until 4, no messing.

I reckon I'll be wrapped up with the garage, utility, doing the drive in 3 weeks max, loud work is done, walls are studded, my guy isn't juggling jobs but there is 3 of them and in the current circumstances that is more than enough in the workspace and my house

19-04-2021 8:17pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Report her for harassment

To the guards? What level of proof is required

the_pen_turner · 19-04-2021 8:34pm

Deleted User wrote: »

To the guards? What level of proof is required

yes to the guards .
i dont know what proof is required .
sounds like you have several witnesses to this harrasment. neighbours, trademen etc.
a friendly chat from a guard pointing out that your doing nothing wrong might cop her on a bit

Jealous neighbours

Comments