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Lodgers.... am i being unreasonable....

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  • 09-02-2020 6:22pm
    #1
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭


    I would love to hear some opinions!

    We recently took two lodgers to help us save to buy a house.
    I'm really regretting one of them...

    She never leaves the house, works at the dining table in the kitchen/diner and sits there for hours, turns the heat on way too high and leaves it running...

    I know none of these is a serious issue, could be way worse etc.

    the problem is there is a bit of an atmosphere now...
    I spoke to her about the heating and she seems to be in a huff, I find we're avoiding each other.. its not fun... not sure what to do!

    anyone have any experience with lodgers? Did you set rules about heating/use of shared spaces etc?

    thanks!


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    #2
    Daisy 55
    Registered Users Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Daisy 55


    Unreasonable or not, I wouldn’t be having an atmosphere in my own home. Best tell her it’s not working out. Next one might be a better fit.


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    #3
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    thanks

    yes that's my strong feeling now.

    its gone to the stage where she's irritating me

    I accept I might be the difficult one here. there's nothing really wrong with her as a person, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

    Its not in her interest either to be fair

    the other lodger is a dream so I know it is possible!


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    #4
    James 007
    Registered Users Posts: 962 ✭✭✭James 007


    Daisy 55 wrote: »
    Unreasonable or not, I wouldn’t be having an atmosphere in my own home. Best tell her it’s not working out. Next one might be a better fit.
    She doesn't own the house so the question is who's name is on the lease. If its the poster only & they get paid directly from the other tenants, then she could do just that as other tenants are classed as licencees. If not, then all are tenants and have equal rights. Others on here will have a better opinion on this.

    I would be interested in drawing up a set of house rules as I also plan to rent out the first floor in my house but I would like to have the rules set from the outset.


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    #5
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,237 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    She has no business being in a huff.

    Write up a set of house rules that suits you. Lodger A is probably already conducting themselves that way. Lodger B can like it or lump it.


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Get rid and hope the next one is better. She’s probably huffing because she incorrectly thinks she has some rights to stay.


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    #7
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,237 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Oh, and if you are renting yourself, check out at what point the lodgers might gain tenancy rights and be entitled to be named in the lease. If you don’t want this to happen make sure they’re looking for alternative accommodation before this time.


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    #8
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Give her notice. Life's too short.

    I'd suggest having clocks and thermostats set up so that the heat is kept at an agreed temperature at specified times of the day. Having a constant/off switch is a disaster.

    You should also provide writing desks in each bedroom.


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    #9
    roper1664
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭roper1664


    This is a common complaint, from my own experiences and also from a friend of mine. There can be a lack of understanding from paying guests/licensees, that they are paying for a bedroom, with access to and use of the kitchen, bathroom and any other agreed areas. However, I think that people in that capacity can see it as a "house share" and essentially park themselves and their items anywhere they want in the house and for as long as they want, and also think they have access to all of the home owners' possessions. All while leaving the home owner(s) to clean up after them etc.

    Think it through first, as if a small increase in bills and her taking up the dining room doesn't put you out much, then you might decide to put up with it.

    If you decide you're not happy with the situation, it's best to have a calm chat with her and explain the situation. If you get any attitude from her, then explain the terms of the rent-a-room scheme clearly, and consider moving her on.


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    #10
    roper1664
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭roper1664


    roper1664 wrote: »
    This is a common complaint, from my own experiences and also from a friend of mine. There can be a lack of understanding from paying guests/licensees, that they are paying for a bedroom, with access to and use of the kitchen, bathroom and any other agreed areas. However, I think that people in that capacity can see it as a "house share" and essentially park themselves and their items anywhere they want in the house and for as long as they want, and also think they have access to all of the home owners' possessions. All while leaving the home owner(s) to clean up after them etc.

    Think it through first, as if a small increase in bills and her taking up the dining room doesn't put you out much, then you might decide to put up with it.

    If you decide you're not happy with the situation, it's best to have a calm chat with her and explain the situation. If you get any attitude from her, then explain the terms of the rent-a-room scheme clearly, and consider moving her on.

    also, as others have said, be clear with the next person from the start that it's rent a room and what your expectations are. I've been guilty of being too easy going and laid back myself. And be clear only people working/studying outside the house at least 30 hrs per week will be considered.


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    #11
    James 007
    Registered Users Posts: 962 ✭✭✭James 007


    roper1664 wrote: »
    This is a common complaint, from my own experiences and also from a friend of mine. There can be a lack of understanding from paying guests/licensees, that they are paying for a bedroom, with access to and use of the kitchen, bathroom and any other agreed areas. However, I think that people in that capacity can see it as a "house share" and essentially park themselves and their items anywhere they want in the house and for as long as they want, and also think they have access to all of the home owners' possessions. All while leaving the home owner(s) to clean up after them etc.

    Think it through first, as if a small increase in bills and her taking up the dining room doesn't put you out much, then you might decide to put up with it.

    If you decide you're not happy with the situation, it's best to have a calm chat with her and explain the situation. If you get any attitude from her, then explain the terms of the rent-a-room scheme clearly, and consider moving her on.

    So in order to help the poster & myself, lets start making the set of rules, I'll start the first 10:
    1. Heating is set from X to Y at a Temp of Z
    2. No hogging the kitchen/dining area as an office, please use your desk/chair in your room for office/laptop periods
    3. Peak morning shower time, 8 to 10am, max. usage time X mins
    4. Peak evening cooking time, 6 to 9pm, max. usage time Y mins
    5. No noise, loud music, parties in the house
    6. No over-staying guests allowed in the house
    7. No smoking in the house
    8. Keep all communal areas clean
    9. No hogging the washing machine/dryer, cycles to be taken in turns
    10. Head phones to be used in conjunction with laptops at all times


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    #12
    Oranage2
    Registered Users Posts: 11,130 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    This is absolutely mad, she's paying your mortgage but can't even use the sitting room!


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    #13
    roper1664
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭roper1664


    James 007 wrote: »
    So in order to help the poster & myself, lets start making the set of rules, I'll start the first 10:
    1. Heating is set from X to Y at a Temp of Z
    2. No hogging the kitchen/dining area as an office, please use your desk/chair in your room for office/laptop periods
    3. Peak morning shower time, 8 to 10am, max. usage time X mins
    4. Peak evening cooking time, 6 to 9pm, max. usage time Y mins
    5. No noise, loud music, parties in the house
    6. No over-staying guests allowed in the house
    7. No smoking in the house
    8. Keep all communal areas clean
    9. No hogging the washing machine/dryer, cycles to be taken in turns
    10. Head phones to be used in conjunction with laptops at all times

    Jaysus, this goes beyond what even I was thinking, but it makes sense 👠I'll add to it, if I think of anything more.


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    #14
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    fluffingtons wrote: »
    She never leaves the house, works at the dining table in the kitchen/diner and sits there for hours, turns the heat on way too high and leaves it running...
    ..
    I spoke to her about the heating and she seems to be in a huff, I find we're avoiding each other.. its not fun... not sure what to do!
    She's in a huff for being told to cop on? If you owned the house, I'd say boot her, but you don't, so I'll ask; is she on the lease, or are you subletting? If the latter, boot her if she hasn't applied to become a tenant yet, if the former, you'll have to play nice.


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    #15
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Oranage2 wrote: »
    This is absolutely mad, she's paying your mortgage but can't even use the sitting room!
    She's not. Also, I'd say that she's paying less than tenants in the area, if she's a licensee.


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    #16
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    Thanks v much everyone, lots to think about here...


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    #17
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    We are renting a family member's house while they are away for work, so not a straightforward situation but basically yes we are in charge and they have no rights on paper really

    We didn't sign any contract with them, maybe we were a bit naive about the whole thing


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    #18
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    The thing is - there are two sitting rooms! one 'good' sitting room, and one kitchen/diner/lounge

    I have suggested to her a few times that she use the empty one that no one uses much

    She doesn't seem to have any self awareness that she might be hogging the space, not just for us but for the other lodger too.

    Bit of a first world problem I know but


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    #19
    jrmb
    Registered Users Posts: 697 ✭✭✭jrmb


    fluffingtons wrote: »
    She doesn't seem to have any self awareness that she might be hogging the space, not just for us but for the other lodger too.
    Have you or the other lodger as much as asked to watch TV or share the table? It could be that you're jumping the gun, and likely to feel exactly like this, whether you keep this lodger or find someone else.


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    #20
    amadangomor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,148 ✭✭✭amadangomor


    roper1664 wrote: »
    Jaysus, this goes beyond what even I was thinking, but it makes sense 👠I'll add to it, if I think of anything more.

    The shower times and duration are bonkers though


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    #21
    Mic 1972
    Registered Users Posts: 3,213 ✭✭✭Mic 1972


    From personal experience, it takes a little adapting with lodgers.
    I was super enthusiastic when i started renting out rooms in my house, i soon became annoyed with people cranking up the heating, slamming doors, leaving mess behind them and so on. I then set up rules and as a result lodgers weren't happy and left every 2-3 months, this created a continuous flow of strangers in the house which I also didn't like.
    I'm now at a point were i can put up with a lot more than before while at the same time I will kick out the odd lodger every now and then when limits are passed.
    At the end of the day it's all cash in the hands, I can't complain about that!


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    #22
    roper1664
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭roper1664


    fluffingtons wrote: »
    The thing is - there are two sitting rooms! one 'good' sitting room, and one kitchen/diner/lounge

    I have suggested to her a few times that she use the empty one that no one uses much

    She doesn't seem to have any self awareness that she might be hogging the space, not just for us but for the other lodger too.

    Bit of a first world problem I know but

    We had and have the same problem. One person was using the kitchen table as an office, and we thought it was unfair on the other licensee and on us. So we talked to both of them about the kitchen being for cooking and eating only. Not to be used as an office/ Netflix watching area. Both agreed. Now, recently, the "better" licensee has gone wrong. Spends day 4.5 hrs a day (can be 1 hr breakfast, 3 hrs lunch, and 0.5 hr dinner) cooking when he's off work, and in-between takes up the kitchen table. Up and back to the cooker. I'm working my meals around him, as I have to wait till he's finished!

    I'd say these types of complaints must be common. I couldn't imagine renting a room from someone, and doing these things! There are plenty of more expensive leased house shares out there, if that's what a person wants.

    Sorry for hijacking! Rant over.


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    #23
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    jrmb wrote: »
    Have you or the other lodger as much as asked to watch TV or share the table? It could be that you're jumping the gun, and likely to feel exactly like this, whether you keep this lodger or find someone else.

    yes that's fair, no I haven't actually said it to her so not much of a leg to stand on I guess!
    however I was kind of surprised and put off by how huffy she got about the heating, not inclined to go there at the moment

    I don't want to do anything rash, will see how things are in day or two


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    #24
    roper1664
    Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭roper1664


    amadangomor wrote: »
    The shower times and duration are bonkers though

    I agree, if someone is absolutely taking the piss, then just have a word.


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    #25
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    roper1664 wrote: »
    We had and have the same problem. One person was using the kitchen table as an office, and we thought it was unfair on the other licensee and on us. So we talked to both of them about the kitchen being for cooking and eating only. Not to be used as an office/ Netflix watching area. Both agreed. Now, recently, the "better" licensee has gone wrong. Spends day 4.5 hrs a day (can be 1 hr breakfast, 3 hrs lunch, and 0.5 hr dinner) cooking when he's off work, and in-between takes up the kitchen table. Up and back to the cooker. I'm working my meals around him, as I have to wait till he's finished!

    I'd say these types of complaints must be common. I couldn't imagine renting a room from someone, and doing these things! There are plenty of more expensive leased house shares out there, if that's what a person wants.

    Sorry for hijacking! Rant over.

    I hear you!
    so stressful when you're feeling annoyed all the time.
    I can't imagine acting like that either, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit Idk


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    #26
    James 007
    Registered Users Posts: 962 ✭✭✭James 007


    amadangomor wrote: »
    The shower times and duration are bonkers though

    It might not be relevant to the opening poster as they may have ensuites, but very much relevant to my situation if I plan to go down the route of letting. For example 10mins is ample enough time for someone to shower, usually some people tend to be in a shower for 15-20mins & if not using the shower they probably use the mirror in the bathroom for doing themselves up whereas they could use their bedroom for this period of time. I'm basing this on experience in my past house shares.


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    #27
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,022 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    fluffingtons wrote: »
    We didn't sign any contract with them, maybe we were a bit naive about the whole thing

    Don't sign contracts with licensees, to do so will potentially give them more rights than they're entitled to.


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    #28
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    Mr.S wrote: »
    If you don't want the lodgers using the common space, make that clear before they move in / draw up a list of rules they agree too. IMO not her fault if nothing was said before hand.

    The heating is easier, shouldn't be on 24/7 unless they are willing to pay more for the bills.

    Yes totally. We knew she was employed. I guess we presumed she would be out most of the day. wrong. she does a childminding stint early in the morning, she is home most of the day. every day. On weekends she literally doesn't leave the house at all.

    Myself and partner both have flexi work hours so can be home days/half days quite often

    We should have asked her what hours she worked. Would def do that going forward, make sure schedules are compatible


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    #29
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    antix80 wrote: »
    Give her notice. Life's too short.

    I'd suggest having clocks and thermostats set up so that the heat is kept at an agreed temperature at specified times of the day. Having a constant/off switch is a disaster.

    You should also provide writing desks in each bedroom.

    That's a good idea.

    yeah life is way too short, quality of home life is a big deal


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    #30
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    roper1664 wrote: »
    also, as others have said, be clear with the next person from the start that it's rent a room and what your expectations are. I've been guilty of being too easy going and laid back myself. And be clear only people working/studying outside the house at least 30 hrs per week will be considered.

    Yes 100%

    I wish I had asked her about her typical work hours.


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    #31
    fluffingtons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭fluffingtons


    roper1664 wrote: »
    Jaysus, this goes beyond what even I was thinking, but it makes sense 👠I'll add to it, if I think of anything more.

    I would have agreed with you before this experience!

    Now I can see rules are better than awkward conversations and huffs


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