Childfree chit chat

Faith · 11-04-2021 11:07am #1

A thread for general chit chat that doesn’t need its own thread

I’m currently renting a new build house that has clearly been designed with children in mind, but it actually makes certain things much harder. Like, the cutlery drawer is hidden inside another drawer. The bigger drawer is clearly designed for saucepans, but the cutlery drawer has no handle so you have to grab it underneath and pull it out. In doing so, you have at least a 50% chance of catching your hand between the cutlery drawer and a saucepan and skinning yourself, just so kids can’t get at the knives :rolleyes: (which they definitely still can because my friend lives in this park and her toddler wasn’t even 2 by the time he figured out how to access the cutlery drawer, so it’s doubly pointless!).

R.D. aka MR.D · 11-04-2021 1:03pm

I have like a billion nieces and nephews and always get them gifts on their birthdays. God, online shopping for kids clothes when you have zero idea about how kids clothes work is seriously difficult!!

Usually I'd just go into Arnotts and look at something and be like 'that's cute and roughly looks equivalent to their size' and away I go!

I can't wait until they are teenagers and i can just give them money and they will be delighted!

ancapailldorcha · 11-04-2021 7:12pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I have like a billion nieces and nephews and always get them gifts on their birthdays. God, online shopping for kids clothes when you have zero idea about how kids clothes work is seriously difficult!!

Usually I'd just go into Arnotts and look at something and be like 'that's cute and roughly looks equivalent to their size' and away I go!

I can't wait until they are teenagers and i can just give them money and they will be delighted!

My sister had her first there in February. I really can't be bothered with gifts at all so I can see this causing a row though I do insist that I don't want people getting me anything either.

R.D. aka MR.D · 11-04-2021 8:57pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

My sister had her first there in February. I really can't be bothered with gifts at all so I can see this causing a row though I do insist that I don't want people getting me anything either.

I think that it depends on the family. I always got gifts from my aunts when I was younger and I always appreciated it. But I know loads of my friends who don't cause it is not the done thing in their families.

I also would like to be a positive role model for them so I buy them gifts with a feminist twist or science books or whatever. I come from an extremely traditional family and I'm the black sheep. Even if one of them in their teens feels like there is another option outside rural Ireland within their grasp, I'll be happy. If they fit the role, no big deal, they'll know their auntie thought of them on special occasions.

R.D. aka MR.D · 12-04-2021 9:11am

Has anyone seen the film Vivarium?

As a film it is only so-so but I thought the message was interesting!

Neyite · 12-04-2021 1:27pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

My sister had her first there in February. I really can't be bothered with gifts at all so I can see this causing a row though I do insist that I don't want people getting me anything either.

The trick is to be so awful at gift giving, then they'll actually be relieved that Uncle Dorcha forgot or just stuck a fiver in a card.

Kiddie drum kits, anything with flashing lights, repetitive sounds and impossible to turn off or unsafe thus requiring confiscation are also winners. If you do it right in the early years you won't have to even get as far as Grand Theft Auto for a 7 year old.

From about the age of 5 anyway, a Smyths voucher where they can choose their own thing is better if you really cant get out of gift giving.

12-04-2021 1:32pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

My sister had her first there in February. I really can't be bothered with gifts at all so I can see this causing a row though I do insist that I don't want people getting me anything either.

I typically only get them books but pre-covid I made a day of it and took them to the cinema, book shop, Supermacs etc

I don't buy toys as a rule and any clothes I buy are always too big to allow them to grow into whatever it is

shesty · 12-04-2021 3:29pm

Sure their parents do that

Have to admit I would not be bothered about who I received kid's presents from, but I would buy them for other kids as necessary just out of common politeness really.

Bit of money in a card, voucher for shoes from Clark's or similar, all just fine if you can't think of specific gifts.

magicbastarder · 12-04-2021 3:34pm

i actually enjoy shopping for presents for the nieces and nephews (and for kids of some close friends).
though one niece and one nephew are at the 'cash rather than the present' point now.

ancapailldorcha · 13-04-2021 10:37am

magicbastarder wrote: »

i actually enjoy shopping for presents for the nieces and nephews (and for kids of some close friends).
though one niece and one nephew are at the 'cash rather than the present' point now.

Don't know if it's covid or whatever but I've zero energy for this sort of thing and can't be doing with it at all.

Also, gyms here are open so now there's that. Joy.

Faith · 20-04-2021 5:29pm

The head of our team at work announced her pregnancy today. It’s great news for her, but our team is already struggling to hold it together as it is, and this is going to cause us massive problems for the period she’s on mat leave, as everything ultimately goes through her.

We may be able to get someone in to cover her, but the chances of getting someone competent are slim to none.

R.D. aka MR.D · 20-04-2021 5:52pm

Faith wrote: »

The head of our team at work announced her pregnancy today. It’s great news for her, but our team is already struggling to hold it together as it is, and this is going to cause us massive problems for the period she’s on mat leave, as everything ultimately goes through her.

We may be able to get someone in to cover her, but the chances of getting someone competent are slim to none.

At least you have some warning before she heads off. Our place can have a bit of a toxic culture around people getting promoted out etc. and I always say the same thing 'sure they could have been knocked down by a bus and we'd be in the same position.' I see it now even more with COVID, sure any of us could be struck down with COVID and become unavailable to work immediately as we work in person quite a lot.

It is bad management if one person's absence is the end of the world. The main thing might be lobbying now for the additional resources for when she goes. And if your place is anything like ours, plan for her to never come back. The amount of people that go on Mat Leave to never return!

Dial Hard · 20-04-2021 5:54pm

Oy vey, the gifts. I have ten niblings and it really does feel like an endless carousel of birthdays, communions, confirmations, etc etc. We didn't get gifts from all of our aunts and uncles for every occasion growing up and thought nothing of it so I don't really know how we got into this cycle, tbh. Sometimes I feel like doing a Carrie Bradshaw and registering somewhere really nice to get a "just for me" gift in recognition of the thousands I've spent on presents over the years that will never be reciprocated

bunny_mac · 20-04-2021 6:05pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

And if your place is anything like ours, plan for her to never come back. The amount of people that go on Mat Leave to never return!

This. Or she'll come back just long enough to get pregnant again so she can get mat leave again and *then* she won't come back. In my last place of work there were three women in my office alone who openly admitted to doing this.

R.D. aka MR.D · 20-04-2021 6:16pm

bunny_mac wrote: »

This. Or she'll come back just long enough to get pregnant again so she can get mat leave again and *then* she won't come back. In my last place of work there were three women in my office alone who openly admitted to doing this.

Yeah it is really something that as a feminist, i know i can't give out about because the work environment can be hostile for working parents but a little part of me resents that all women of a certain age get tarred with the same 'oh she'll be going on mat leave soon, best not give her this juicy role'.

20-04-2021 6:56pm

What's a 'nibling ' ?
First time I saw it I thought it was a typo, but I see it in a few posts now, so assume it means something?

Also Starring LeVar Burton · 20-04-2021 7:01pm

bubblypop wrote: »

What's a 'nibling ' ?
First time I saw it I thought it was a typo, but I see it in a few posts now, so assume it means something?

Nibling = Niece or Nephew (or Gender Neutral Equivalent to Niece/Nephew) ; the offspring of your siblings basically.

pinkypinky · 20-04-2021 8:21pm

I wholesale adopted it when my sister in law was pregnant. Even once I knew the gender, I still use it.

Dial Hard · 20-04-2021 8:27pm

Yup, it's been in use since the 50s. In the Oxford dictionary iirc. Collective term for your siblings' children.

Addle · 20-04-2021 8:28pm

When is all the surplus cash going to appear?!
We’ve no kids and no money ðŸ€·ðŸ»*♀️

R.D. aka MR.D · 20-04-2021 9:13pm

Addle wrote: »

When is all the surplus cash going to appear?!
We’ve no kids and no money &#55356;&#56375;ðŸ»*♀️

We're not super well off but definitely better off than our friends with kids. Pre-COVID we were able to afford lots of nice holidays etc.

I have to say, we only noticed that mid-30's though. The struggle was real until then!

I see this really paying off when we hit about 45/50 and they are all sending 3 kids to college and all. We'll be 5 o'clock somewhere-ing on a beach while they are moving boxes into expensive student accommodation. :pac:

Addle · 20-04-2021 9:26pm

I think the problem might be that we’re spending too much on niblings, as referenced above!

pinkypinky · 21-04-2021 10:08am

I think the surplus cash only applies to childfree couples - for us singletons, it's just a lifetime of being penalised for not conforming on 2 levels!!

bunny_mac · 21-04-2021 10:52am

pinkypinky wrote: »

I think the surplus cash only applies to childfree couples - for us singletons, it's just a lifetime of being penalised for not conforming on 2 levels!!

Too right!!

21-04-2021 10:59am

I'm single and I have to say I love having my money to myself!
Maybe that sounds bad, I'm not mean or anything like it. I am very generous and help out family and friends when I can, What I mean is not having to share or decide about budgets etc with someone else!
I live where I want to, I have bought and sold a couple of houses, all without anyone else's input.
I buy what I want when I want to and I go where I want. I never have to justify anything!
It's great

R.D. aka MR.D · 21-04-2021 11:52am

bubblypop wrote: »

I'm single and I have to say I love having my money to myself!
Maybe that sounds bad, I'm not mean or anything like it. I am very generous and help out family and friends when I can, What I mean is not having to share or decide about budgets etc with someone else!
I live where I want to, I have bought and sold a couple of houses, all without anyone else's input.
I buy what I want when I want to and I go where I want. I never have to justify anything!
It's great

This is amazing. I obviously love my husband but constantly having to factor someone else into your decisions is annoying. It also adds an additional level of worry about different things, worrying about them and their stuff on top of your own. I'm fairly used to having to factor him into my decision making but thankfully as an adult he has his own agency. Being married has definitely confirmed to me that if I were to have children, I'd be a worry filled, guilt ridden mess!

Less fuss the better!!

ancapailldorcha · 21-04-2021 12:36pm

bubblypop wrote: »

I'm single and I have to say I love having my money to myself!
Maybe that sounds bad, I'm not mean or anything like it. I am very generous and help out family and friends when I can, What I mean is not having to share or decide about budgets etc with someone else!
I live where I want to, I have bought and sold a couple of houses, all without anyone else's input.
I buy what I want when I want to and I go where I want. I never have to justify anything!
It's great

Same here though I prefer to adopt a policy of semi-detachment when it comes to family who I only normally see twice a year. I'm not interested in buying or receiving gifts at all so I prefer to just not bother on that front. Love having my own freedom though I'd prefer a place of my own in which to enjoy said freedom.

ChannelNo5 · 21-04-2021 3:29pm

bubblypop wrote: »

I'm single and I have to say I love having my money to myself!
Maybe that sounds bad, I'm not mean or anything like it. I am very generous and help out family and friends when I can, What I mean is not having to share or decide about budgets etc with someone else!
I live where I want to, I have bought and sold a couple of houses, all without anyone else's input.
I buy what I want when I want to and I go where I want. I never have to justify anything!
It's great

I love elements like not being accountable to anyone else for your spending. on the other hand, I've only just bought a place and i must say id have loved to have a significant other to help make decisions about some things. Like when you decide that you don't like the washing machine you paid 500 euro for. You need someone to blame!!

twiddleypop · 22-04-2021 11:23am

ChannelNo5 wrote: »

I love elements like not being accountable to anyone else for your spending. on the other hand, I've only just bought a place and i must say id have loved to have a significant other to help make decisions about some things. Like when you decide that you don't like the washing machine you paid 500 euro for. You need someone to blame!!

I've discovered since I started living by myself I'm messier than I thought and no longer have a housemate/partner to blame for the state of the place...

So grateful to have had my own place during lockdown though.

bunny_mac · 22-04-2021 12:50pm

twiddleypop wrote: »

I've discovered since I started living by myself I'm messier than I thought and no longer have a housemate/partner to blame for the state of the place...

So grateful to have had my own place during lockdown though.

Oh god me too. I don't think I could have coped living with someone else during lockdown.

Addle · 22-04-2021 5:24pm

bunny_mac wrote: »

Oh god me too. I don't think I could have coped living with someone else during lockdown.

So much. It was a make or break time. And if I ever had any doubts about my life decisions, I know now for sure that I’ve done the right thing for me.

08-06-2021 11:15pm

We got a new puppy, horray!
But I am so tired... So very tired. Kept crashing my wheelie basket in the supermarket when I was finally able to go out when my husband got home from work and took over the supervision. The first night he slept great! The second night he needed a little comfort. The third night I went to bed about five times. Last night he stayed up the whole night, I was lying on the couch and I could hear him peeing in the kitchen but I just could not give a damn.
And I was thinking, yeah, the first week is really bloody hard! Imagine eight months of this! Nope, I really couldn't.

Faith · 09-06-2021 8:42am

Deleted User wrote: »

We got a new puppy, horray!
But I am so tired... So very tired. Kept crashing my wheelie basket in the supermarket when I was finally able to go out when my husband got home from work and took over the supervision. The first night he slept great! The second night he needed a little comfort. The third night I went to bed about five times. Last night he stayed up the whole night, I was lying on the couch and I could hear him peeing in the kitchen but I just could not give a damn.
And I was thinking, yeah, the first week is really bloody hard! Imagine eight months of this! Nope, I really couldn't.

Honestly, there's no overstating just how hard work puppies are! They're absolutely gorgeous but just relentless. We're planning to add a dog to our family and a puppy makes sense as we can socialise it to our cats from a young age, but I just don't know if I have the energy and strength for one

.

09-06-2021 10:02am

Faith wrote: »

Honestly, there's no overstating just how hard work puppies are! They're absolutely gorgeous but just relentless. We're planning to add a dog to our family and a puppy makes sense as we can socialise it to our cats from a young age, but I just don't know if I have the energy and strength for one .

Honestly he's easier than our last puppy, who is almost 2 now, but mainly because they can entertain each other. I'm hoping the role model thing only works in the positive, because the puppy is already more responsive and more obedient than the big guy! Much smarter too.
We got a full night's sleep! Well, midnight to 5am. We had to leave the TV and lights on and move the crate so he can still see the big guy when he's in bed.
The cats, oh, the poor cats. The 12 year old tom has been to the rodeo a few times now, he just looks and goes "Ah, not again". The younger cat isn't so sure at all, but if she managed to make peace with the big guy, she will come around.
I honestly can understand why people with small kids end up with completely unruley pups, or even having to surrender them, because right now I am in a position to offer all my time to the little guy and I'm still worn out
But they grow up fast! In three months we'll be well on the road to adult dog.

R.D. aka MR.D · 10-06-2021 12:08pm

I am the only one whose mother has now starting giving updates on who has how many kids in conjunction with who has died recently?!?

I got the usual list of people i either vaguely know who have died in the locality but then also a further update on literally every neighbour and how many kids they currently have!

I hope it is once off the 'God, that's terrible' respinse to hearing how Tom's wife's cousin, Marty died doesn't quite work...

Thud · 10-06-2021 12:34pm

https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/kathryn-thomas-is-right-the-second-baby-question-is-not-ok-40521441.html

Appears these questions are not solely for the childfree

Aisling(",) · 10-06-2021 12:39pm

I was in the hospital today to talk about some minor but consistent bladder issues.
The doctor told me that outside of physio (which I'm doing) the best option is surgery...but that they won't operate on me because it'll make pregnancy and child birth more complicated.
I told him I wouldn't be having children but that doesn't matter. I wouldn't be taking the surgery for a relatively minor issue but still its not nice to be dismissed like that. Very nice man to be fair to him.

eviltwin · 10-06-2021 12:43pm

Aisling(",) wrote: »

I was in the hospital today to talk about some minor but consistent bladder issues.
The doctor told me that outside of physio (which I'm doing) the best option is surgery...but that they won't operate on me because it'll make pregnancy and child birth more complicated.
I told him I wouldn't be having children but that doesn't matter. I wouldn't be taking the surgery for a relatively minor issue but still its not nice to be dismissed like that. Very nice man to be fair to him.

How bloody sexist of them. I don't know how they get away with this blatant disregard for a woman's health.

Faith · 10-06-2021 12:58pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I am the only one whose mother has now starting giving updates on who has how many kids in conjunction with who has died recently?!?

Nope! I get the full gamut - "You know my friend Mary? You do, I worked with her back in 1989. Anyway, her son John - you know the one who lives in Galway? You do, you played together one day when you were two. Anyway, John's wife is pregnant! Isn't that lovely? Mary is thrilled. Of course, she already has 5 grandchildren. She hardly needs any more, but there we go. It must be so lovely to have lots of grandchildren...".

10-06-2021 2:08pm

Thud wrote: »

https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/kathryn-thomas-is-right-the-second-baby-question-is-not-ok-40521441.html

Appears these questions are not solely for the childfree

So I hear, probably even worse - "He needs a playmate"; "you can't leave them an only child, it's cruel!" etc.

shesty · 10-06-2021 5:01pm

I think I posted elsewhere it doesn't matter how many you have.Comments range from " only one, give them a sibling" to "3 kids?that's a big family!"."oh you have 2/3 boys, would you not go for the girl? (And vice versa)." "Oh you won"t need to have more, sure you have a gentleman's family (1 boy, 1 girl)", "you have your hands full there"......it is endless.Once you get past a certain age, and your kids get a little bigger, it does seem to ease off though.
Or maybe that is just because we haven't seen many people in the last 14 months or so.

R.D. aka MR.D · 10-06-2021 5:18pm

I just wish people would stop commenting on other's reproductive choices. One of my siblings has a lot of kids by today's standards and the amount of comments! What does it bloody matter to anyone else! I've even heard that's 'too many'. Like who decides that?!? They can afford them and want them so it is no one's business.

My sibling is actually very chill about me being Childfree for that reason. They totally get what it is like to have someone comment on your choices.

I honestly feel like it is just another way to tear people down which is some people's favourite hobby.

cee_jay · 29-06-2021 10:33am

I saw this on social media this morning, and thanked Elizabeth Day for calling it out.
A person does not need a baby to complete them.

https://twitter.com/elizabday/status/1409501718346358790?s=19

The other phrase I hate is "You will never know happiness until you have a child".

R.D. aka MR.D · 29-06-2021 11:11am

While this is super annoying for me as a Childfree person when I see this kind of thing, I can't help think how awful it must be for people who cannot have children and may want them. The emotions tied up in that can be huge, failure etc.

Faith · 29-06-2021 12:15pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

While this is super annoying for me as a Childfree person when I see this kind of thing, I can't help think how awful it must be for people who cannot have children and may want them. The emotions tied up in that can be huge, failure etc.

Absolutely, and can you imagine the pressure that puts on the child themselves? Imagine being responsible for your parents' happiness to that degree (not to mention how older children feel about the subtext of not being 'enough' to complete the family!).

eviltwin · 03-07-2021 7:41pm

I’m not sure why she felt the need to call out Kimberly Walsh for a fairly innocuous comment. It’s perfectly natural for a parent who has completed their family to say something like this especially in the early days when you are in that newborn bubble. It’s not a dig at childfree people or a comment on their choice.

eviltwin · 03-07-2021 7:52pm

Faith wrote: »

Absolutely, and can you imagine the pressure that puts on the child themselves? Imagine being responsible for your parents' happiness to that degree (not to mention how older children feel about the subtext of not being 'enough' to complete the family!).

You could say that about any family. Are all firstborns made to feel they weren’t good enough because they have siblings?

03-07-2021 11:00pm

I was told today "Your dogs ARE your children", ugh, no they're not - if I wanted children I'd be busy making children. They're dogs, that's the f**king point of me having them instead. I like dogs and want dogs. They're not replacing anything.

R.D. aka MR.D · 04-07-2021 6:19am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was told today "Your dogs ARE your children", ugh, no they're not - if I wanted children I'd be busy making children. They're dogs, that's the f**king point of me having them instead. I like dogs and want dogs. They're not replacing anything.

This is the kind of thing people say when they can't imagine that some people don't need/want children. It is beyond their comprehension.

pinkypinky · 04-07-2021 1:29pm

Had lovely morning with niece (just under 3, new sibling born recently). It went great, then I gave her back. Now I need a nap. Love being an aunt.

Aisling(",) · 05-07-2021 8:44am

pinkypinky wrote: »

Had lovely morning with niece (just under 3, new sibling born recently). It went great, then I gave her back. Now I need a nap. Love being an aunt.

Same.It's great to spend time with them and be able to treat them and bring them fun places without having to deal with actual raising of a child.

It gives my great excuses to go to thinks like Disney on Ice too!:P