Childfree chit chat

We got a new puppy, horray!
But I am so tired... So very tired. Kept crashing my wheelie basket in the supermarket when I was finally able to go out when my husband got home from work and took over the supervision. The first night he slept great! The second night he needed a little comfort. The third night I went to bed about five times. Last night he stayed up the whole night, I was lying on the couch and I could hear him peeing in the kitchen but I just could not give a damn.
And I was thinking, yeah, the first week is really bloody hard! Imagine eight months of this! Nope, I really couldn't.

Faith

Deleted User wrote: »

We got a new puppy, horray!
But I am so tired... So very tired. Kept crashing my wheelie basket in the supermarket when I was finally able to go out when my husband got home from work and took over the supervision. The first night he slept great! The second night he needed a little comfort. The third night I went to bed about five times. Last night he stayed up the whole night, I was lying on the couch and I could hear him peeing in the kitchen but I just could not give a damn.
And I was thinking, yeah, the first week is really bloody hard! Imagine eight months of this! Nope, I really couldn't.

Honestly, there's no overstating just how hard work puppies are! They're absolutely gorgeous but just relentless. We're planning to add a dog to our family and a puppy makes sense as we can socialise it to our cats from a young age, but I just don't know if I have the energy and strength for one .

Faith

Faith wrote: »

Honestly, there's no overstating just how hard work puppies are! They're absolutely gorgeous but just relentless. We're planning to add a dog to our family and a puppy makes sense as we can socialise it to our cats from a young age, but I just don't know if I have the energy and strength for one .

Honestly he's easier than our last puppy, who is almost 2 now, but mainly because they can entertain each other. I'm hoping the role model thing only works in the positive, because the puppy is already more responsive and more obedient than the big guy! Much smarter too.
We got a full night's sleep! Well, midnight to 5am. We had to leave the TV and lights on and move the crate so he can still see the big guy when he's in bed.
The cats, oh, the poor cats. The 12 year old tom has been to the rodeo a few times now, he just looks and goes "Ah, not again". The younger cat isn't so sure at all, but if she managed to make peace with the big guy, she will come around.
I honestly can understand why people with small kids end up with completely unruley pups, or even having to surrender them, because right now I am in a position to offer all my time to the little guy and I'm still worn out
But they grow up fast! In three months we'll be well on the road to adult dog.

R.D. aka MR.D

I am the only one whose mother has now starting giving updates on who has how many kids in conjunction with who has died recently?!?

I got the usual list of people i either vaguely know who have died in the locality but then also a further update on literally every neighbour and how many kids they currently have!

I hope it is once off the 'God, that's terrible' respinse to hearing how Tom's wife's cousin, Marty died doesn't quite work...

Thud

https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/kathryn-thomas-is-right-the-second-baby-question-is-not-ok-40521441.html

Appears these questions are not solely for the childfree

Aisling(",)

I was in the hospital today to talk about some minor but consistent bladder issues.
The doctor told me that outside of physio (which I'm doing) the best option is surgery...but that they won't operate on me because it'll make pregnancy and child birth more complicated.
I told him I wouldn't be having children but that doesn't matter. I wouldn't be taking the surgery for a relatively minor issue but still its not nice to be dismissed like that. Very nice man to be fair to him.

eviltwin

Aisling(",) wrote: »

I was in the hospital today to talk about some minor but consistent bladder issues.
The doctor told me that outside of physio (which I'm doing) the best option is surgery...but that they won't operate on me because it'll make pregnancy and child birth more complicated.
I told him I wouldn't be having children but that doesn't matter. I wouldn't be taking the surgery for a relatively minor issue but still its not nice to be dismissed like that. Very nice man to be fair to him.

How bloody sexist of them. I don't know how they get away with this blatant disregard for a woman's health.

Faith

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I am the only one whose mother has now starting giving updates on who has how many kids in conjunction with who has died recently?!?

Nope! I get the full gamut - "You know my friend Mary? You do, I worked with her back in 1989. Anyway, her son John - you know the one who lives in Galway? You do, you played together one day when you were two. Anyway, John's wife is pregnant! Isn't that lovely? Mary is thrilled. Of course, she already has 5 grandchildren. She hardly needs any more, but there we go. It must be so lovely to have lots of grandchildren...".

Thud

Thud wrote: »

https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/kathryn-thomas-is-right-the-second-baby-question-is-not-ok-40521441.html

Appears these questions are not solely for the childfree

So I hear, probably even worse - "He needs a playmate"; "you can't leave them an only child, it's cruel!" etc.

shesty

I think I posted elsewhere it doesn't matter how many you have.Comments range from " only one, give them a sibling" to "3 kids?that's a big family!"."oh you have 2/3 boys, would you not go for the girl? (And vice versa)." "Oh you won"t need to have more, sure you have a gentleman's family (1 boy, 1 girl)", "you have your hands full there"......it is endless.Once you get past a certain age, and your kids get a little bigger, it does seem to ease off though.
Or maybe that is just because we haven't seen many people in the last 14 months or so.

R.D. aka MR.D

I just wish people would stop commenting on other's reproductive choices. One of my siblings has a lot of kids by today's standards and the amount of comments! What does it bloody matter to anyone else! I've even heard that's 'too many'. Like who decides that?!? They can afford them and want them so it is no one's business.

My sibling is actually very chill about me being Childfree for that reason. They totally get what it is like to have someone comment on your choices.

I honestly feel like it is just another way to tear people down which is some people's favourite hobby.

cee_jay

I saw this on social media this morning, and thanked Elizabeth Day for calling it out.
A person does not need a baby to complete them.

https://twitter.com/elizabday/status/1409501718346358790?s=19

The other phrase I hate is "You will never know happiness until you have a child".

R.D. aka MR.D

While this is super annoying for me as a Childfree person when I see this kind of thing, I can't help think how awful it must be for people who cannot have children and may want them. The emotions tied up in that can be huge, failure etc.

Faith

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

While this is super annoying for me as a Childfree person when I see this kind of thing, I can't help think how awful it must be for people who cannot have children and may want them. The emotions tied up in that can be huge, failure etc.

Absolutely, and can you imagine the pressure that puts on the child themselves? Imagine being responsible for your parents' happiness to that degree (not to mention how older children feel about the subtext of not being 'enough' to complete the family!).

eviltwin

I’m not sure why she felt the need to call out Kimberly Walsh for a fairly innocuous comment. It’s perfectly natural for a parent who has completed their family to say something like this especially in the early days when you are in that newborn bubble. It’s not a dig at childfree people or a comment on their choice.

eviltwin

Faith wrote: »

Absolutely, and can you imagine the pressure that puts on the child themselves? Imagine being responsible for your parents' happiness to that degree (not to mention how older children feel about the subtext of not being 'enough' to complete the family!).

You could say that about any family. Are all firstborns made to feel they weren’t good enough because they have siblings?

I was told today "Your dogs ARE your children", ugh, no they're not - if I wanted children I'd be busy making children. They're dogs, that's the f**king point of me having them instead. I like dogs and want dogs. They're not replacing anything.

R.D. aka MR.D

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was told today "Your dogs ARE your children", ugh, no they're not - if I wanted children I'd be busy making children. They're dogs, that's the f**king point of me having them instead. I like dogs and want dogs. They're not replacing anything.

This is the kind of thing people say when they can't imagine that some people don't need/want children. It is beyond their comprehension.

pinkypinky

Had lovely morning with niece (just under 3, new sibling born recently). It went great, then I gave her back. Now I need a nap. Love being an aunt.

Aisling(",)

pinkypinky wrote: »

Had lovely morning with niece (just under 3, new sibling born recently). It went great, then I gave her back. Now I need a nap. Love being an aunt.

Same.It's great to spend time with them and be able to treat them and bring them fun places without having to deal with actual raising of a child.

It gives my great excuses to go to thinks like Disney on Ice too!:P

wench

pinkypinky wrote: »

Had lovely morning with niece (just under 3, new sibling born recently). It went great, then I gave her back. Now I need a nap. Love being an aunt.

I've one nephew who I adore, but giving him back is an integral part of the process!

Also Starring LeVar Burton

Oh great looks like this Forum is up and running again ; dropped in here the other day and wasn't able to post anywhere.

Same, good to see it up and running again

Faith

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117638476#Comment_117638476

I think of you try and access it under “society and culture”, you can’t, but if you get it through “new forums” or whatever, you can.

Faith

Since we’ve been down, a longtime child-free friend has announced she’s planning for a child soon 🤦‍♀️.

I think she’d be a great mum and if it’s what she really wants, then I’m so happy for her, but I can’t help thinking it’s just happened because someone put the frighteners up her about her age and declining fertility (she’s nearly 40). Either way, I had to do the usual “oh that’s so exciting!” Response while mentally beginning the grieving process for the friendship as it has been.

BuboBubo

I don't bother with gifts for my nieces/nephews or Mr Bubos lot either. There's 24 of them between us, ffs!

They have homes filled with plastic sh1te, don't need us adding to it.

Loving the weather, but hard to sleep when doing night shift. Roll on the weekend.

@Faith, I get it totally!

my friend, same age as me, mid 40s never wanted kids either, not anti kids, but just wasn't for her. Now her girlfriend is all out for one, so they are going down the donor sperm route.

I am happy for them, but so sad that I am losing a child free buddy!

The Cool

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117643274#Comment_117643274

This struck a nerve with me BuboBubo, I've had an annoyance about this lately!

I have one nephew and my OH has one niece. We dote on them both of course and we generally treat them both the same in terms of presents etc: when they were pregnant, we bought both sets of parents-to-be their travel system (nothing flashy but still a grand chunk of cash even for a cheap one), for birthdays and christmas so far they've gotten a wee outfit out of Next, as they get older they'll be getting books. The usual. Grand.

However I'm now noticing my inlaws (parents of our niece) getting BIG expectations about presents, spending etc. Somehow the fact that we are a little older, both have good jobs, and my OH is godfather means they think we're going to spend €80+ for each occasion. We've learned not to ask the parents if there's anything on the wishlist to buy the child, as it'll be something twice the cost of what we had planned, which to me is quite cheeky! The issue being, and what we always keep in mind, that between us, we have two niblings - for NOW. What about in another 5 years or so when there's a few more? It's all grand when there's only one grandchild in the extended family, but I've no intention of setting a precedent now and being expected to keep it up when there's loads of kids running about.

There is also a part of me that is aware, scabby as it may sound, that if we don't have kids of our own, this is all one-way buying. So if it's not appreciated or returned then why bother? I'd rather spend it on my own christmas presents to myself!

Igotadose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118067050#Comment_118067050

Pretty much what is reported regularly on reddit.com/r/childfree. The bred have no compunctions preventing them from demanding of the childfree. Parents think different than childfree.

Three years ago today we added my Newfie Frasier to my family, he is our first own dog as a couple. The only family member who has been here longer than him now is our tomcat Corey!

One of the things I hate about small kids is the mess they make. They drool and they wee and they puke on everything. They spill things and they knock things over and break them. They wail when they want things even if those things are impossible.

While typing this I have been growling "shut up Corey!" who is waaahing at the door wanting to go outside but it's too late. I spent ten minutes cleaning up a glass of Coke that was knocked off the coffee table by the Newfie's huge tail, while the Labrador helped by lapping it up. So the floor is sticky and I don't care. But honestly I'm still not sure how different my life is to that of a parent with small kids...

Except I can call Corey every name under the sun and tell him I'm going to put him in a bag and throw him in the river and no one is traumatised, also no one is going to repeat that to the neighbours tomorrow. My Newfie has been sleeping in the back garden for a few hours and I hear that's frowned upon too. And since I am sick right now, I can get up tomorrow morning and feed the animals, let them out for the toilet and then go back to bed. There is a very good chance that the dogs will eat the mats downstairs while I'm in bed but hey.

Actually tell me again how my life is that different to a parent? 🤣