Flatmates partner

stop animal cruelty · 02-04-2019 8:11pm #1

Hi

New flat mate moved in just over a month ago. The last 4 weeks straight, they have had their partner stay 2 nights every week. I find this kinda cheeky as it seems a constant pattern,
her staying 2 nights free here a week.

Another problem is their room is above .e and I can hear almost everything. Some nights they have come in a 2.30am and I'm kept awake. My flatmates partner also seems loud like footsteps and has a loud laugh.

What are my options here? On nights they were making noise I texted to say keep the noise. Down, to which I got no response. I'm getting fairy pissed now, I pay rent and am entitled to relax and enjoy the place.

* Please no " Just move out" Replys. Its not helpful. Open to other suggestions.

amcalester · 02-04-2019 8:13pm

2 nights a week doesn’t seem unreasonable.

Church on Tuesday · 02-04-2019 8:18pm

Your flatmate is entitled to have their partner over for 3 nights in the week.

Your flatmate is paying rent too.

Have a word in person (not post it notes, texts or any of that nonsense) and ask them to be mindful of keeping the noise down after 12 which is a rule in househares.

Failing that, move out.

Dial Hard · 02-04-2019 8:26pm

Church on Tuesday wrote:

Your flatmate is entitled to have their partner over for 3 nights in the week.

Says who, exactly?

stop animal cruelty · 02-04-2019 8:33pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Your flatmate is entitled to have their partner over for 3 nights in the week.

Your flatmate is paying rent too.

Have a word in person (not post it notes, texts or any of that nonsense) and ask them to be mindful of keeping the noise down after 12 which is a rule in househares.

Failing that, move out.

Entitled to stay 3 nights a week? Rent free?? how is that an entitlement?

I won't be uping and moving out just like that. I and the other housemates are respectable of each other, and always has been that way. There has been times their partners, including mine have stayed over, but never for 2 nights every week.

ted1 · 02-04-2019 8:33pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Your flatmate is entitled to have their partner over for 3 nights in the week.

Your flatmate is paying rent too.

Have a word in person (not post it notes, texts or any of that nonsense) and ask them to be mindful of keeping the noise down after 12 which is a rule in househares.

Failing that, move out.

No their night, 3 nights is to much

Church on Tuesday · 02-04-2019 8:44pm

ted1 wrote: »

No their night, 3 nights is to much

It's not.

As a general rule, a tenant is allowed to have a guest over for 3 nights.

I think it's on either Threshold or RTB site. Not sure.

I've been in househares where this was the case and there was no fuss, because nobody was doing anything wrong.

In this case the issue seems to be noise after 12 which is not acceptable.

So if it bothers you that much, and you won't have a word with the flatmate in person about it, then your only other option is to raise the issue with the landlord who more than likely will be of the opinion of whats the big deal or buy ear plugs.

Failing that, get in touch with the RTB

stop animal cruelty · 02-04-2019 8:57pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

No their night, 3 nights is to much

It's not.

As a general rule, a tenant is allowed to have a guest over for 3 nights.

I think it's on either Threshold or RTB site. Not sure.

I've been in househares where this was the case and there was no fuss, because nobody was doing anything wrong.

In this case the issue seems to be noise after 12 which is not acceptable.

So if it bothers you that much, and you won't have a word with the flatmate in person about it, then your only other option is to raise the issue with the landlord who more than likely will be of the opinion of whats the big deal or buy ear plugs.

Failing that, get in touch with the RTB

I never said I wouldn't have a word with them, as awkward as I imagine it would be, I would rather talk face to face with them about it. I just want to see what people would suggest to do or say.

Church on Tuesday · 02-04-2019 9:10pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I never said I wouldn't have a word with them, as awkward as I imagine it would be, I would rather talk face to face with them about it. I just want to see what people would suggest to do or say.

I understand but it's the best approach, you don't want any passive aggressiveness in a house-share.

It's not fair of them to be making noise after 12, that's not on, so have a chat with them, and if that doesn't work have a word with the Landlord but they tend to be pretty hands off regarding this stuff.

If that fails get in touch with the RTB and see what advice they can give you.

If things get very bad with this flatmate you can go down the dispute route via the RTB but as you can imagine that would be a lot of hassle.

Big Bag of Chips · 02-04-2019 9:27pm

Moved to Accommodation and Property. Local forum charter applies.

ted1 · 02-04-2019 9:30pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's not.

As a general rule, a tenant is allowed to have a guest over for 3 nights.

I think it's on either Threshold or RTB site. Not sure.

I've been in househares where this was the case and there was no fuss, because nobody was doing anything wrong.

In this case the issue seems to be noise after 12 which is not acceptable.

So if it bothers you that much, and you won't have a word with the flatmate in person about it, then your only other option is to raise the issue with the landlord who more than likely will be of the opinion of whats the big deal or buy ear plugs.

Failing that, get in touch with the RTB

42% is far to much to have a guest over especially on a weekly basis. At that stage they need to pay rent, bills etc.

Church on Tuesday · 02-04-2019 9:31pm

ted1 wrote: »

42% is far to much to have a guest over especially on a weekly basis. At that stage they need to pay rent, bills etc.

It be of the understanding that it's not week in, week out.

Amirani · 02-04-2019 9:42pm

I think 2 nights a week is pretty reasonable to be honest. If they're taking over the house while they're over, that's another matter. But if they're confined to the renter's room, then I wouldn't see that as a problem.

The causing noise at late hours is an issue, but it's essentially an issue irrespective of the partner staying over. You should mention this to them.

ted1 · 02-04-2019 10:26pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It be of the understanding that it's not week in, week out.

It was you that said 3 nights a week

Church on Tuesday · 02-04-2019 10:28pm

ted1 wrote: »

It was you that said 3 nights a week

Yeah I did, I also didn't say week in week out.

stop animal cruelty · 02-04-2019 10:30pm

The partner has stayed 2 nights every week, the last 4 weeks since my flatmate moved in.

Outcastangel · 02-04-2019 10:35pm

There's nothing else you can do to resolve the issue other than letting them know it's an issue.

If the other housemates have an issue get them to back you up but make sure not to gang up on the other housemate you're confronting. Just be frank and keep a cool head.

We have a rule in the house I live in with two others; if our partner is staying the night, we give a heads up, even if it's just an hour's notice. I think it's common courtesy that people know who is in the house they're living in.

LuckyLloyd · 02-04-2019 10:42pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

The partner has stayed 2 nights every week, the last 4 weeks since my flatmate moved in.

I'd say that's pretty normal, sorry.

Benny Biscotti · 02-04-2019 10:45pm

If theyre staying 2 nights and only new into the house it wont be long until it's 3 or 4 and then a shelf in the fridge. They are probably thinking well they haven't said anything so it must be OK.

ted1 · 02-04-2019 11:11pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Yeah I did, I also didn't say week in week out.

3 times a week is 3 times a week. So yeah that’s exactly what you said.

Did you mean 3 times every 2 weeks ? Every month ?

Spanish Eyes · 02-04-2019 11:18pm

20 euro a night ( or whatever), to cover costs. See what they say.

No need for tenants to subsidise a non tenant. EVER.

Spanish Eyes · 02-04-2019 11:21pm

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

I'd say that's pretty normal, sorry.

So who is paying for the shower, the electricity and food prep and so on. Sorry. Just wondered who bears the extra cost here.

Amirani · 02-04-2019 11:23pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

So who is paying for the shower, the electricity and food prep and so on. Sorry. Just wondered who bears the extra cost here.

What exactly is the extra cost for food prep? Do you have any idea how much it costs to have a shower?

If someone's partner is utilising a lot of resources, then that's something that needs to be dealt with. That's never really been my experience of things though.

fritzelly · 02-04-2019 11:46pm

Three nights a week in shared accommodation is a bit ridiculous and obviously no regard for other tenants - private accommodation that's between them and the LL
When I was sharing it was only ever 1 or 2 nights a week at most and I was friendly with the girlfriend of the tenant - going out for a drink together etc.

Wabbit Ears · 03-04-2019 9:37am

2 nights a week is perfectly normal and if OP raises it as an issue then he is the problem in the house, not the housemate and his GF.

If it goes to 3 its borderline and above that it's a problem but for now, No issue at all.

Graces7 · 03-04-2019 9:49am

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

2 nights a week is perfectly normal and if OP raises it as an issue then he is the problem in the house, not the housemate and his GF.

If it goes to 3 its borderline and above that it's a problem but for now, No issue at all.

Is it not the noise issues also?

Amirani · 03-04-2019 11:22am

Graces7 wrote: »

Is it not the noise issues also?

Deal with that in the same way as you would whether the partner is visiting or not. If a housemate is making too much noise (alone or with company), then ask if they can try to be quieter.

willabur · 03-04-2019 11:24am

I have been in this situation and it is horrible. Not much you can do unfortunately other than ask them to be more discreet. If you do in such a way that its not a confrontation then all the better.

Another solution (unlikely) is to swap rooms with them

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hi

New flat mate moved in just over a month ago. The last 4 weeks straight, they have had their partner stay 2 nights every week. I find this kinda cheeky as it seems a constant pattern,
her staying 2 nights free here a week.

Another problem is their room is above .e and I can hear almost everything. Some nights they have come in a 2.30am and I'm kept awake. My flatmates partner also seems loud like footsteps and has a loud laugh.

What are my options here? On nights they were making noise I texted to say keep the noise. Down, to which I got no response. I'm getting fairy pissed now, I pay rent and am entitled to relax and enjoy the place.

* Please no " Just move out" Replys. Its not helpful. Open to other suggestions.

Cape Clear · 03-04-2019 11:34am

Mod Note.

Do not post this crap again.

SozBbz · 03-04-2019 11:41am

I think you're conflating two issues OP.

I don't think having a GF/BF over 2 nights per week is unreasonable. Does your roommate also spend time outside of the house when they're away with their partner at their place? I find these things balance out. I think for a couple to spend anywhere between 2-4 nights per week together is pretty normal if they don't live together. Obviously if its 4 nights, that should be split across two properties, and not all in one persons house.

What I would find difficult would be the following;

If they were always taking over the sitting room/other communal spaces
If it got beyond 2 nights per week, every week
If they the partner was there when your housemate is not
If they're eating things that don't belong to them
...genreally making themselves too at home

You've not indicated that any of the above is happening.

It seems to me the real issue is noise. Would you have such an issue is the partner was there an equal amount of time, but there was no noise disturbance?

LimeFruitGum · 03-04-2019 11:48am

Does your flatmate stay at their partner’s place at all? I’d be inclined to leave it if they’re gone 1-2 nights a week themselves.

Re the noise, keep at telling them they’re being too loud. I take it you didn’t have noise issues with the previous person who had that room.

Wabbit Ears · 03-04-2019 12:16pm

If you have a bedroom below someone else's bedroom you will always have noise issues. My sister lives in this situation where the person below gets pis$ed at every day living noises ( and yes, riding the hole off each other is everyday/nighttime living noises)

So, is OP annoyed at the lack of noise deadening and room positioning or are they excessively making noise? My guess is the former.

wirelessdude01 · 03-04-2019 4:45pm

Is it two nights in a row or separately? That makes a huge difference.

jim o doom · 03-04-2019 4:56pm

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/housing/renting_a_home/tenants_rights_and_obligations.html

"You are entitled to have visitors to stay overnight or for short periods, unless specifically forbidden in your tenancy agreement. You must tell your landlord if you have an extra person moving in."

2 nights a week, even on a regular basis, would seem to be covered under overnight / short period stays.

So unless there is a stipulation in your tenancy agreement, it seems perfectly legal. I don't think 2 nights a week is an issue personally, whereas I do believe noise after a certain time is completely unacceptable.

I would not be sending texts in relation to sound, unless you wanted evidence that you have done so on multiple occasions. Instead I'd be knocking on the door and explaining that I need to sleep as it is now after 12.

Everyone will have different opionions on this, but if you start making demands that seem unreasonable to the other party, or to the landlord, it is not going to help your situation at all.

So steps to be taken: discuss with your neighbour, ask if there is any intention to increase the number of nights their partner is over as 2 nights would be a more than fair limit, and then move on to discussion of the unacceptable noise levels.

I would only approach the landlord in the event that the noise doesn't cease as he really isn't going to want to know. He just wants his rent and his peace and quiet.

stop animal cruelty · 03-04-2019 6:28pm

My flatmates partner has stayed 2 nights every week since my flatmate moved in, that 4-5 weeks ago.

Apologies I can't quote some replies here, I'm on a phone.... But it's more of a noise issue really.

The times I texted asking to keep the noise down would have been at night, hence why not face to face. I do intend on bringing up the issue with him face to face next time he's around, we both work different hours and days.

I don't want this to turn into where it starts turning into her staying more than 2 nights and getting too comfy here. Maybe I am being ott, but I guess when none of us here have met her, I here the rollers on the bag coming in the door every week, the fact the bedroom is right over mine and I can here them walking above me at all hours of the night is pissing me off.

No he hasn't stayed at hers as he's here every night.

I've no problem saying something, it's just I obviously don't want to start some kind of bad atmosphere in the house.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

stop animal cruelty · 03-04-2019 6:28pm

She stays 2 nights in a row...

Nikki Sixx · 03-04-2019 6:29pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hi

New flat mate moved in just over a month ago. The last 4 weeks straight, they have had their partner stay 2 nights every week. I find this kinda cheeky as it seems a constant pattern,
her staying 2 nights free here a week.

Another problem is their room is above .e and I can hear almost everything. Some nights they have come in a 2.30am and I'm kept awake. My flatmates partner also seems loud like footsteps and has a loud laugh.

What are my options here? On nights they were making noise I texted to say keep the noise. Down, to which I got no response. I'm getting fairy pissed now, I pay rent and am entitled to relax and enjoy the place.

* Please no " Just move out" Replys. Its not helpful. Open to other suggestions.

He is an animal at the end of the day. Don’t want to be cruel to animals?

stop animal cruelty · 03-04-2019 6:53pm

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hi

New flat mate moved in just over a month ago. The last 4 weeks straight, they have had their partner stay 2 nights every week. I find this kinda cheeky as it seems a constant pattern,
her staying 2 nights free here a week.

Another problem is their room is above .e and I can hear almost everything. Some nights they have come in a 2.30am and I'm kept awake. My flatmates partner also seems loud like footsteps and has a loud laugh.

What are my options here? On nights they were making noise I texted to say keep the noise. Down, to which I got no response. I'm getting fairy pissed now, I pay rent and am entitled to relax and enjoy the place.

* Please no " Just move out" Replys. Its not helpful. Open to other suggestions.

He is an animal at the end of the day. Don’t want to be cruel to animals?

I have my favorite type of animals....and it's not human s.

italodisco · 03-04-2019 6:57pm

Regardless to them stayimg 2 or 3 night, the bottom line is that they are keeping you awake, this is not acceptable in the slightest.

Tell her to her face that she better not continue waking you up late at night, dont be friendly about it.

Also let the landlord know about the issue.

Don't lisyen to all the entitled lefties on here saying how youve no right etc.

Church on Tuesday · 03-04-2019 7:38pm

italodisco wrote: »

Regardless to them stayimg 2 or 3 night, the bottom line is that they are keeping you awake, this is not acceptable in the slightest.

Tell her to her face that she better not continue waking you up late at night, dont be friendly about it.

Also let the landlord know about the issue.

Don't lisyen to all the entitled lefties on here saying how youve no right etc.

Absolutely do not do that.

jim o doom · 04-04-2019 10:20am

italodisco wrote: »

Don't lisyen to all the entitled lefties on here saying how youve no right etc.

A person certainly has a right to peace and quiet in their own home after a certain time and I have said as much.

However, their rights in terms of their flatmate not being allowed have a visitor two nights in a row? Find me any piece of legislation, law or guidance for Ireland that proves they have a right to stop a person having a guest for two nights in a row. Good luck on a fruitless hunt.

Also - "not being nice about it" is only going to foster an unfriendly environment. The OP has to share a home with this person, acting a c u next Tuesday is not going to make that home a fun place to live. So pretty poor advice all in all.

witchgirl26 · 04-04-2019 10:42am

OP a partner staying over 2 nights a week isn't really a problem I would think. Especially if they're not taking over the house.

Just to clarify - is it just that they are walking around in the room above yours and that's waking you up (combo of light sleeping and wood floors?) or are they actually making noise. If it's the normal just walking around, maybe just mention it to the flatmate would it be ok to put down a rug if it's wood floors as you can hear everytime they move. Unfortunately if it's just that level of noise, there's not much either of you can do. You can't exactly tell a flatmate that they have to not move around their own room after midnight because it disturbs your sleep. However if it is them genuinely being noisy then have a word and say that it's keeping you up and can they please be more mindful of other people in the house.

Mountjoy Mugger · 04-04-2019 10:47am

Look to exchange bedrooms.

stop animal cruelty · 04-04-2019 3:24pm

witchgirl26 wrote: »

OP a partner staying over 2 nights a week isn't really a problem I would think. Especially if they're not taking over the house.

Just to clarify - is it just that they are walking around in the room above yours and that's waking you up (combo of light sleeping and wood floors?) or are they actually making noise. If it's the normal just walking around, maybe just mention it to the flatmate would it be ok to put down a rug if it's wood floors as you can hear everytime they move. Unfortunately if it's just that level of noise, there's not much either of you can do. You can't exactly tell a flatmate that they have to not move around their own room after midnight because it disturbs your sleep. However if it is them genuinely being noisy then have a word and say that it's keeping you up and can they please be more mindful of other people in the house.

The rug isn't a bad idea, though I don't expect them to go out and buy one just for the sake of me.

I'm gonna have a word with him and just say I don't expect ye to tip toe around the bed room, but be mindful maybe throwing shoes on the floor etc...I'm asleep just below ye, and that I have work in the morning.

Unanimous · 04-04-2019 10:23pm

I don't think two nights a week is an issue.
If the bill has a significant jump then the new housemate has to take a bigger share.
People in serious relationships spend weekends together so I don't see the fuss.
Speak to him about the noise as that is the real issue.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:10am

Noise issue hasn't stopped, Iv asked many times to keep their voices down. Tonight she's moaning out loud. Twice Iv asked them to keep their voices down. I'm so sick of it every week my sleep is disrupted. Iv written out a text I'm planning on sending my landlord tomorrow morning.. . Asking if perhaps she might text and say something along the lines of show some respect to the other housemates....

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 12:16am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Noise issue hasn't stopped, Iv asked many times to keep their voices down. Tonight she's moaning out loud. Twice Iv asked them to keep their voices down. I'm so sick of it every week my sleep is disrupted. Iv written out a text I'm planning on sending my landlord tomorrow morning.. . Asking if perhaps she might text and say something along the lines of show some respect to the other housemates....

Does this go on after 12? have you spoke to your housemate face to face about this issue?

hurikane · 26-06-2019 12:16am

There's only one issue here. Your issue is house sharing. Your housemates behavior is fine. You need to get a place by yourself or put up with sharing.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:22am

.[/QUOTE]

Does this go on after 12? have you spoke to your housemate face to face about this issue?[/quote]

It has gone on after then, tonight up until half an hour ago cause twice I said keep the noise down. On 4 occasions Iv asked to keep the noise down, I shouldn't have asked more than twice on do this. And every time I have asked I get 'ya sorry ya' as a reply back.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:23am

hurikane wrote: »

There's only one issue here. Your issue is house sharing. Your housemates behavior is fine. You need to get a place by yourself or put up with sharing.

Their behavior isn't fine... It's disrespectful and annoying.

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 12:26am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

.

Does this go on after 12? have you spoke to your housemate face to face about this issue?[/quote]

It has gone on after then, tonight up until half an hour ago cause twice I said keep the noise down. On 4 occasions Iv asked to keep the noise down, I shouldn't have asked more than twice on do this. And every time I have asked I get 'sorry ya' as a reply back.[/QUOTE]

Like I said before noise after 12 is not on in a house-share. Did you speak with your housemate face to face though?

If you have and there is considerable noise after 12, you have to contact your LL about the issue, but again speaking from experience here, LL tend to be very hands off with this stuff.

Flatmates partner

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