What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar · 27-03-2020 12:50pm

YFlyer wrote: »

Roddy make sure to stick to the ole bog roll regardless of grade. Not to be using kitchen towels, wipes, jam rags, nappies: disposables or otherwise, shower curtains etc.

The ‘wall side’ of a good embossed full length bedroom curtain can be a lifesaver, in fairness.

Give the whole ‘ cleft ’ a good sawing and you should be tip top.

Just watch if there is a rad. under the sill, a fairly meaty hum could rise if the rad is fired up to heat the bedroom.

A blast of Dorian’s furniture spray can mask the fent for a day or two.

gerrybbadd · 27-03-2020 12:53pm

I'd say Boris has a good streak of brown left in the Union Jack boxers this morning after his diagnosis.

I'm eating fairly well despite the whole lot going on. That being said, the insides have been pure liquid. One solid movement in 2 weeks. Nothing but brown, terribly scented rain every other time. And a fair bit of paperwork required too.

I miss launching off a torpedo and hearing it dunk down with a comical splash at this stage.

Nevin Parsnipp · 27-03-2020 6:17pm

Blew out a girthy slab of oniony runnell this aft.

Got the hoop angle at optimum...eased down and held on clutch for a few moments.
Then spread the cheeks and gave her full bore.......lots o spoil an spatter but no self inflicted injury.

So...so important to get the hoop angle correct...

Pintman Paddy Losty · 27-03-2020 6:20pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Blew out a girthy slab of oniony runnell this aft.

Got the hoop angle at optimum...eased down and held on clutch for a few moments.
Then spread the cheeks and gave her full bore.......lots o spoil an spatter but no self inflicted injury.

So...so important to get the hoop angle correct...

No better man than yourself to get the "hoop angle" correct Nev. Well used to angling the hoop in many different directions I'd say. Generally angling up to a man of the cloth this poster would opine...

armaghlad · 27-03-2020 6:30pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

No better man than yourself to get the "hoop angle" correct Nev. Well used to angling the hoop in many different directions I'd say. Generally angling up to a man of the cloth this poster would opine...

Always lowering the tone with your homoerotic thoughts. Disappointed but not surprised

sligojoek · 28-03-2020 1:35am

Right lads, which of you is this.

Johnny Flash or Mr Parsnipp would be my guess.

JohnnyFlash · 28-03-2020 4:58pm

sligojoek wrote: »

Right lads, which of you is this.

Johnny Flash or Mr Parsnipp would be my guess.

Not me, amigo. I’d say Nevin was a fella who grew up in a house with no indoor toilet, and was used to visiting the ditch beside the Haggard to ‘make toilet’. Would then clean up with a fistful of dock leaves before pulling up his flannel britches. Now he’s in his dotage he’s getting nostalgic for the ‘old ways’.

Brendan Bendar · 28-03-2020 6:06pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Not me, amigo. I’d say Nevin was a fella who grew up in a house with no indoor toilet, and was used to visiting the ditch beside the Haggard to ‘make toilet’. Would then clean up with a fistful of dock leaves before pulling up his flannel britches. Now he’s in his dotage he’s getting nostalgic for the ‘old ways’.

Is that a bucket behind him.

Could be a fair load of slurry in her.

Probably Parsnipp, Green top gives him away.

Bobblehats · 28-03-2020 6:28pm

Lewd kernt

would make the spring blossoms wilt somebody at least recognises that jumper let’s flush him out instead! Public enema #1

wing52 · 28-03-2020 7:10pm

Just let fly with an absolutely magnificent creation. Smooth, free flowing buntage considering the altered consumption pattern recently. Easy-out and with a tapered end, so no way the ol' chocolate starfish could "bang closed " afterwards. Very impressed with myself tbh. Stay safe out there lads.

Brendan Bendar · 28-03-2020 9:47pm

wing52 wrote: »

Just let fly with an absolutely magnificent creation. Smooth, free flowing buntage considering the altered consumption pattern recently. Easy-out and with a tapered end, so no way the ol' chocolate starfish could "bang closed " afterwards. Very impressed with myself tbh. Stay safe out there lads.

Was there a ‘crackling’ sound as she left the muzzle?

Rodney Bathgate · 29-03-2020 8:27am

wing52 wrote: »

Just let fly with an absolutely magnificent creation. Smooth, free flowing buntage considering the altered consumption pattern recently. Easy-out and with a tapered end, so no way the ol' chocolate starfish could "bang closed " afterwards. Very impressed with myself tbh. Stay safe out there lads.

Any pics of this beauty?

padd b1975 · 29-03-2020 9:31am

Eastern European processed meats get a bad press around these parts generally.
I have to say there's nothing wrong with a small portion a couple of times per week.

Since I've adjusted my diet, I'm a new man... product slides out smoother than a backhoe ram and disappears sub aqua like Greg Louganis in his heyday.

Off for a brisk 2KM constitutional now.

It's great to be alive!

Bullocks · 29-03-2020 11:51am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Was there a ‘crackling’ sound as she left the muzzle?

I'd say there was crackling sounds long before she fired from the muzzle

NeinNeinNein · 30-03-2020 1:25am

sligojoek wrote: »

Right lads, which of you is this.

Johnny Flash or Mr Parsnipp would be my guess.

A ringer for Sinead O'Connor.

Bullocks · 30-03-2020 7:22am

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

A ringer for Sinead O'Connor.

I see nothing wrong with cleaning his ring outside like that but FFS why didn't he stand up on something to keep his feet clean and dry.
Athletes foot is one thing but can you imagine putting shoes on top of those feet covered in splashback and runoff?

Brendan Bendar · 30-03-2020 8:00am

Bullocks wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with cleaning his ring outside like that but FFS why didn't he stand up on something to keep his feet clean and dry.
Athletes foot is one thing but can you imagine putting shoes on top of those feet covered in splashback and runoff?

Do you seriously think that a fcuker hosing his hoop in broad daylight out the back is concerned about a bit of drittle around the feet?

Lad probably doesn’t wear socks and goes round in flip-flops.

The filthy kernt......

Bullocks · 30-03-2020 9:27am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Do you seriously think that a fcuker hosing his hoop in broad daylight out the back is concerned about a bit of drittle around the feet?

Lad probably doesn’t wear socks and goes round in flip-flops.

The filthy kernt......

When you explain it like that Ben I can certainly see you are right.
Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the story that went along with that picture?
Does he do it every day or was this a once off after a bad curry /porter I wonder? Or indeed Centra sausage rolls....

Pintman Paddy Losty · 30-03-2020 9:40am

We'll only know the truth of the matter when Nevin arrives to explain himself. He doesn't normally stir out of the bed til after noon so we'll be waiting a while.

Brendan Bendar · 30-03-2020 9:54am

Bullocks wrote: »

When you explain it like that Ben I can certainly see you are right.
Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the story that went along with that picture?
Does he do it every day or was this a once off after a bad curry /porter I wonder? Or indeed Centra sausage rolls....

Good observation,Bull, very interesting indeed.

However, I’m going to throw him some slack, look at the state of the back garden of the slob beside him!

At least shiny hole keeps his premises clean and well maintained.

Tip of a yard brush would shift any arse scree after the hose down.

Probably a nest of rats in the adjoining premises.

Parsnipp will probably be able to throw some more light on it when the whiff of his farts force him out the lice-ridden litter bed.

JohnnyFlash · 30-03-2020 10:24am

Nevin probably has a couple of ‘chores’ to do before he cranks open the laptop. Has to empty his bedpan of ‘nightsoil’, fold up his bed, clear up the empty cans of Karpackie, and make himself a microwave cheeseburger.

Nevin Parsnipp · 30-03-2020 11:34am

Didn't think it was "Throw sh1te at Parsnipp" day today ?

Somewhat disapointed at the tone of some of the posts to be honest ....The Nev is very particular about personal hygiene and spends a lot of time keeping his gaff clean and tidy.

I admit to having a skinful of Linden Village yesterday and may have had the odd spray out the french doors but only under cover of darkness.

Chez Parsnipp has an adequate supply of rough textured face cloths for any ar$e cleaning activity.

Thank you very much....

Cartman78 · 30-03-2020 11:35am

Lads, I have to say that in these strange and unprecedented times, it is comforting to navigate to this thread and read through a detailed, earnest and impassioned debate on the various scenarios of some fat bald fella spraying his hoop with a hosepipe.

Reading this is like consuming a fine meal of comfort food and indeed the inevitable comfort Tom Kite that follows.

Stay safe folks and take it handy with the hose pipes

Slideways · 30-03-2020 11:39am

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

The Nev is very particular about personal hygiene and spends a lot of time keeping his gaff clean and tidy.

No offence intended now Nev, but you strike me more as a Mr Trebus type of character.

Piles of the The Star newspapers proped up inside the front door and more the only living thing to cross your threshold bar yourself is the estates rat population.

Nevin Parsnipp · 30-03-2020 1:10pm

Bit of a sour post Slidey....you might to pick around your hoop with a Stanley Knife as those winnits are clearly irritating you. ?

There are two P'S in propped for your info.

My living area will be up to hotel standard when I do a bit of a clean out .

Hector Savage · 30-03-2020 1:47pm

During these testing times my bowel movements have been quite regular at least, I have gotten a penchant for drinking Paulaner or Frankisaner in the evenings, at about 8AM the next morning I blow out a load of yobble - it comes out at ferocious speed too ....

the nerves too probably aren't helping ...

Bobblehats · 30-03-2020 1:52pm

Goodness me nevin put it away. I can still see the remains from those six melting middle chocolate puds you wolfed down in one ‘sitting’ sometime last century

NeinNeinNein · 30-03-2020 4:35pm

Good use of space putting the bed in the kitchen, handy for those midnight snacks.

Brendan Bendar · 30-03-2020 5:27pm

The fridge magnets look a bit tired.

30-03-2020 6:58pm

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

A ringer for Sinead O'Connor.

I see what you did there

30-03-2020 7:00pm

Bullocks wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with cleaning his ring outside like that but FFS why didn't he stand up on something to keep his feet clean and dry.
Athletes foot is one thing but can you imagine putting shoes on top of those feet covered in splashback and runoff?

Standing up; it’s difficult to get the “spread” right

Also, not shoes - flip flops...

JohnnyFlash · 30-03-2020 7:09pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

The fridge magnets look a bit tired.

Might have to buy ‘The Nev’ one of these:

Brendan Bendar · 30-03-2020 7:25pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Might have to buy ‘The Nev’ one of these:

Fcuker has one, full of Karpackie, Baltika, Linden Village, Tyskie, Zlatie Basant and other stuff.

padd b1975 · 30-03-2020 10:55pm

Nothing wrong with a few long neck Tyskies of a weekend.

A very smooth and underrated beverage.

Urethral Buttercup · 30-03-2020 11:40pm

Nothing wrong with a Baltica number 3 either.

Dardania · 31-03-2020 12:24pm

padd b1975 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with a few long neck Tyskies of a weekend.

A very smooth and underrated beverage.

Tyskie - Polish for piss!

Deebles McBeebles · 31-03-2020 9:12pm

Paddy, I hope you got a few quid for the image rights.

https://simondarcyonline.com/pintman/

Brendan Bendar · 31-03-2020 10:53pm

JohnnyFlash · 31-03-2020 10:58pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

64

The average amount of time in minutes you spend perched on the dunny attempting to squeeze out an arse anaconda?

Pintman Paddy Losty · 31-03-2020 11:57pm

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Paddy, I hope you got a few quid for the image rights.

https://simondarcyonline.com/pintman/

Bastards.

Hector Savage · 01-04-2020 9:59am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The average amount of time in minutes you spend perched on the dunny attempting to squeeze out an arse anaconda?

arse anaconda!!

Cartman78 · 01-04-2020 11:36am

Hector Savage wrote: »

arse anaconda!!

Poo Python

sligojoek · 01-04-2020 12:04pm

Sphincter snake

JohnnyFlash · 01-04-2020 12:14pm

Had 12 cans of Guinness, a chicken curry, and 4 bags of Mega Meanies last night while watching the tv.

Wretched miasma off my bottom burps this morning - very cloying, damp, and with a definite odour of pickled onion off them. Not good.

Haven’t had to visit the can yet, which is worrying as I’m normally a post-breakfast shïtter.

lawred2 · 01-04-2020 12:33pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Had 12 cans of Guinness, a chicken curry, and 4 bags of Mega Meanies last night while watching the tv.

Wretched miasma off my bottom burps this morning - very cloying, damp, and with a definite odour of pickled onion off them. Not good.

Haven’t had to visit the can yet, which is worrying as I’m normally a post-breakfast shïtter.

Not wanting to be 'that guy' but that diet sounds murderous.

JohnnyFlash · 01-04-2020 12:47pm

lawred2 wrote: »

Not wanting to be 'that guy' but that diet sounds murderous.

I’d only eat and drink like that once a week, maybe twice some weeks.

Hector Savage · 01-04-2020 1:03pm

12 cans of Guinness ??? !! In one sitting, jaysus, I'd be on the floor ...

EmmetSpiceland · 01-04-2020 1:07pm

lawred2 wrote: »

Not wanting to be 'that guy' but that diet sounds murderous.

We in “uncharted” territory here, L. Rationing times. Can’t be “hitting” the shops three times a week.

I, myself, have been surviving mainly on “freeze dried” noodles, frozen pizzas, Big Al’s burgers, Moy Park chicken kievs, imitation Hunky Dories, porridge or imitation crunchy nut cornflakes for breakfast, and a kilo of gummy Cola bottles that I picked up at the start of the “crisis”.

Couldn’t “stomach“ another of my partner’s chickpea curries, Quorn lasagne or lentil dals.

We’re all playing our part taking the fight to the “virus”.

Cartman78 · 01-04-2020 1:11pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

12 cans of Guinness ??? !! In one sitting, jaysus, I'd be on the floor ...

I’d be on the floor, outside my house with a hosepipe within arm’s length

lawred2 · 01-04-2020 1:33pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

12 cans of Guinness ??? !! In one sitting, jaysus, I'd be on the floor ...

The vomiting out of me would be of exorcist proportions

What's the etiquette here??

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