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Rio Ferdinand:from love cheat to "hero"?

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Comments

  • #102
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    People, people.

    Can we not all agree one thing. That whatever about the battle over him being a good father or a bad husband, it was inevitable that the analysis would be in these terms because of the affairs.

    So for that reason alone, to hold him up as the example of a father trying to raise kids alone was possibly a mistake?


  • #103
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    neonsofa wrote: »
    Two people decided to have sex.

    Two people knew the consequences. And two people are legally obliged to contribute.

    And it's a bit late for contraception and abortion when the baby has arrived and then the father ups and leaves. Sometimes after years. After building a life together and having multiple children in some cases.

    Many single parents did not enter into parenthood alone. Many do so with a supposedly supportive partner. The fact that you assume the majority are a result of an unplanned pregnancy, or multiple unplanned pregnancies, is disappointing tbh.

    I never said the majority. I said some. And I clarified the cases you talk about too.


  • #104
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    AnneFrank wrote: »
    i really can't believe the ridiculous comments in here about rio's supposed countless affairs,
    did you not see her parents on the show and how much they love and admire Rio.
    But of course you all know his personal life better than they do and are free to judge a man
    who has lost everything and is doing his best to be there for his kids.
    You are all missing the point of this show, it's helping him grieve, and helping others in the same situation watching the show.
    Have you not read Mr Mcboatfaces heart wrenching and brave post on the previous page.
    this narrow minded view of the millennials generation is unreal, life is tough and full of mistakes

    I am far away from being a millenial and this attitude annoys me greatly. I have personally and know lots of people who have gone through bereavements similar and worse than Rio Ferdinand. Many of these people conducted themselves with dignity and respect before and after and are people I greatly admire and respect.

    They do not make a big song and dance about what happened to them and it is often only after knowing them quite a while that they tell me the absolute sh1t that happened to them. They just get on with life being a good example to everyone around them.

    I personally do NOT watch any shows related to the type of bereavement that happened to me (not going to go into details here for obvious reasons) as it doesn't help me in any way, as I think about it constantly years later, and many are similar to me in this.

    No one is going to make a TV show about me or Boaty or the thousands of others up and down the country to help us grieve. Nor would I want that. It would feel like I was making money out of someone else's death and showing what a "great man" I was.


  • #105
    murpho999
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,542 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    Theboinkmaster wrote: »
    Don't have much sympathy for him TBH, millions more men deserve it much more - cynical marketing campaign.

    A real man does not cheat on his wife.

    If you're a famous footballer with women throwing themselves at you and you want to shag them all senseless then don't get married and certainly don't have children.

    A real man doesn't watch his wife try to get pregnant, suffer miscarriages, carry a baby for 9months and all that entails (including losing their figures), giving birth (which can be traumatic), breastfeed and wake up every 2 hours for months, try to get her figure back by dieting and extreme exercise, whilst trying to bring up a baby and hold family and house together, and then shag 10 women behind her back. What a scumbag.

    And countless studies have shown the most important thing you can give your children and what's the biggest influence on them growing up, isn't to keep them safe, isn't self esteem, but a healthy relationship between mother & father. A real man demonstrates that by his actions towards his wife and Rio's kids no doubt will find out from the internet/kids at school what happened and I can't see how that won't impact them some way.

    Fvck him.

    What utter rubbish. Hope you didn't fall out of your ivory tower typing that?

    As for the last point I think thousands of single parent families would disagree with you.


  • #106
    neonsofa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    professore wrote: »
    I never said the majority. I said some. And I clarified the cases you talk about too.

    But you outlined that in most cases they choose to have sex and they know the consequences of having sex and the responsibility of contraception and option of abortion. Why bother mentioning this if you aren't implying that in most cases this is applicable. The cases I mentioned aren't just a select few, issues of contraception and abortion don't apply there as their children were planned. They weren't just an unfortunate consequence of sex.


  • #107
    __Alex__
    Closed Accounts Posts: 473 ✭✭__Alex__


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    Yes, single mother are expected to not have feral wildlings as children while very often still having a disapproving eye thrown towards them. Personally, I don't consider that preferable to how single fathers are regarded. If anything, the reason people likely express surprise at men doing traditional mother jobs is down to social conditioning, that those things are considered "women's work". I'd take that any day over fielding disapproval about putative promiscuity.


  • #108
    jackofalltrades
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,253 ✭✭✭jackofalltrades


    Thought it was an interesting program.
    Hope it helps people struggling with grief, especially men who traditionally bottle it up.
    The story about the man in the support group who lost his wife, moved on and then lost a child was heartbreaking.
    I can't imagine going through that.

    I did feel sorry for Rio after seeing the program.
    But finding out that he cheated on his wife with 10 different women, tempers that a bit.
    You might be able to argue once, but 10 times with all the publicity that comes with it.
    It can't see how someone can do that and then call his wife his "soul mate".

    That said he's going to have to explain all that to his kids one day, I'd say that punishment enough.


  • #109
    nacho libre
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,984 ✭✭✭✭nacho libre


    professore wrote: »
    No one is going to make a TV show about me or Boaty or the thousands of others up and down the country to help us grieve. Nor would I want that. It would feel like I was making money out of someone else's death and showing what a "great man" I was.

    Unfortunately, not everyone is as stoic and resilient as you are, they are not able to just get on with it.



    If having someone high profile, who in some cases the viewers look up to, do a tv documentary like this helps them with their own bereavement, then i see it as a good thing- even if he is doing it for self- serving reasons.


  • #110
    Theboinkmaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Theboinkmaster


    murpho999 wrote: »
    What utter rubbish. Hope you didn't fall out of your ivory tower typing that?

    Why? You think it's ok for husbands to cheat on their pregnant wives ?!


  • #111
    Theboinkmaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Theboinkmaster


    AnneFrank wrote: »
    Make sure you don't fall off that high horse because life is that black and white.

    Some things in life are black and white - you can't be part-pregnant.


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  • #112
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    neonsofa wrote: »
    But you outlined that in most cases they choose to have sex and they know the consequences of having sex and the responsibility of contraception and option of abortion. Why bother mentioning this if you aren't implying that in most cases this is applicable. The cases I mentioned aren't just a select few, issues of contraception and abortion don't apply there as their children were planned. They weren't just an unfortunate consequence of sex.

    Well to me a single mother is a woman who never had a long term partner. Not someone who was abandoned after years. We are talking about two different things.


  • #113
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    nacho libre wrote: »
    Unfortunately, not everyone is as stoic and resilient as you are, they are not able to just get on with it.



    If having someone high profile, who in some cases the viewers look up to, do a tv documentary like this helps them with their own bereavement, then i see it as a good thing- even if he is doing it for self- serving reasons.

    I'm not saying people who are having difficulties getting on with life are somehow flawed - not at all. Quite the opposite. Everyone deals with bereavement in different ways

    However making some self serving documentary portraying yourself as this kind sensitive soul is a bit sickening tbh. I can imagine if i was married to a serial cheater and then i die and she makes a film about how much she loved me and what a great mum she is I'd be disgusted (from heaven of course).


  • #114
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #115
    neonsofa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    professore wrote: »
    Well to me a single mother is a woman who never had a long term partner. Not someone who was abandoned after years. We are talking about two different things.

    So a woman who is raising a child alone isn't a single mother if she once had a partner? Despite the fact she is now caring for the child alone (depending on the age of the baby and how long they remain in the home/at college etc,this could be for the next 20 years ), living on only one income and has no support from the other parent? What exactly is your definition of a single parent if not the above?
    Only those who's pregnancies resulted from a one night stand or a casual relationship? In which case you were pretty much assuming in your previous posts that most single parents are in that position due to an unplanned pregnancy. Or are you suggesting they all agreed with their one night stand that they would create a baby together and she would raise it alone?

    And why then do you refer to widowed fathers as single fathers? They once had a partner.


  • #116
    nacho libre
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,984 ✭✭✭✭nacho libre


    professore wrote: »
    I'm not saying people who are having difficulties getting on with life are somehow flawed - not at all. Quite the opposite. Everyone deals with bereavement in different ways

    However making some self serving documentary portraying yourself as this kind sensitive soul is a bit sickening tbh. I can imagine if i was married to a serial cheater and then i die and she makes a film about how much she loved me and what a great mum she is I'd be disgusted (from heaven of course).

    To be clear i'm not seeking to downplay his womanising ways, however maybe she forgave him and he became a good husband to her. Although, like you i would be skeptical, but i have been known to get it wrong before, so maybe he did genuinely love her and had true remorse for what he put her through, and by making this documentary he has helped other fathers who are in this situation.


  • #117
    tomwaits48
    Registered Users Posts: 861 ✭✭✭tomwaits48


    Maybe his wife knew about the other woman and they came to an understanding?


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